I am new. Not to binge eating, but to this forum. BED has been with me since I was 15, I am now 24, and whilst anorexia and bulimia took over for a few years, binge eating remains the one I am yet to shake.
Reading the forum posts has been incredibly helpful, as it has cemented a number of concepts that I am always struggling to get my head around:
1. You can’t try to stop binge eating if you are still trying to diet
2. You can’t be expecting immediate weight loss if u do stop binge eating
3. Perhaps focus on making lean muscle as opposed to losing fatty fat
4. Eat normal portions – you can actually eat a fair bit of healthy food!
5. These factors will make you feel a little better
6. Once your head space is a bit clearer – then you can work out what to do next
So this all seems fairly straight forward. Make a conscious decision to eat healthy meals and snacks at appropriate times, and don’t let the binge eating monster take you over and eat the entire contents of your kitchen. This is a great idea! Except that I am having trouble reconciling with it. I am too fat at my current weight, none of my clothes fit and I feel gross almost constantly. How can I start nourishing myself and respecting my body with good food and exercise if, at the root of the root, I still find myself repulsive and unworthy? How can I focus on healing myself if a constant wave of sadness and disapproval washes over me? I so desperately want to kick this thing, so that I don’t continue to spiral out of control, and yet I can’t seem to work out how to do it!
“Except that I am having trouble reconciling with it. I am too fat at my current weight, none of my clothes fit and I feel gross almost constantly. How can I start nourishing myself and respecting my body with good food and exercise if, at the root of the root, I still find myself repulsive and unworthy?“
I have struggled with those thoughts a lot. It’s like, even if I stopped binges and ate normally, I would still feel as undeserving of myself as I do now, right? But what seems to be the case with a lot of people, myself included, that after having not binged for a while, you actually do have more self confidence and feel better about yourself, even if you haven’t lost a lot of weight. Then, that confidence makes it easier to lose that weight you want with time. It’s like a snow ball effect: first you form healthy habits; you find you can respect yourself; and then you find you can lose that weight, being free of the guilt and anxiety that binging brings.
It’s a process that takes time and won’t happen immediately, but staying positive and believing you can is key. I have to do the same in the coming future as well. But I believe we can do it.