Sometimes I feel ok, sometimes I feel so low that I can’t even look at my body! I’m disgusted with it. I’ll go on to youtube and look at anorexia videos and want to be just like that, the videos make me jealous but when Im feeling ok I feel silly and feel bad because these people who have suffered from anorexia couldnt help it and prob wished it had never happened to them, or theres people that were to late and never got help. I know you can’t choose to be anorexic and don’t think I would ever be. But in the past I’ve tried purging and if I didnt live with my parents i’d prob still do it. I’ve tried to stop eating but couldnt do it as my mood changed, I felt fine after a couple of days! I hate my body!! And I don’t know whats wrong with me?
Hi Dee. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you man. Almost everyone who has BED has felt the feelings you’re going through-that self hatred that comes from a body abused and the desperation that makes you want to do absolutely anything to change it. Trial and error leads most of us to discover that the way to get out of this for any period of time is to take it slow. If there are weight loss goals they have to be reasonable, with a healthy amount of exercise and steps towards self acceptance. Staying away from foods you know will trigger you helps too. I know when you look in the mirror and aren’t happy you want to swallow a pill and look like a Victoria’s Secret model, but the truth is-it will take time and most of all consistency. Accepting yourself as you are now will help you take the first step. Start exploring your emotions and taking small steps toward a healthy relationship with food and I guarantee the results will come faster than you think. Just keep trying my friend. The only true failure is giving up. We’re all here for you and you will always find support. And eventually one day you will wake up and look in the mirror and say “I have arrived” and then you never need look back again. (: Peace friend. Keep posting.