hi, i am shelly, an indonesian female 21 years old, came to australia for study. am here for about 9 months.
i am glad that i have found this forum to meet a lot of people who are suffering the same problem as myself. i have this bad habit since i was in year 7 where i start to binge according to my strictly diet plan to achieve my goal weight. i was a fatty since i was born. When i was in year 7, i already care about my appearance, i want to wear nice and be pretty as same as my friends. Then i started to diet. I almost eat nothing for whole day. 2 crackers in the morning; 2 small pieces of home cook in the afternoon; 2 spoon of rice with small amount of dishes for dinner. I was suffering from gastric problem since then.
During my diet, sometime my day will be followed by what is called binge eating disorder to satisfied my hunger. I will eat a lot because i thought that it was ok since i had been starving for a few days. And what i have got was not an comfortable feel rather than i felt more guilty with what i have eaten, and i can't stop to find what i can eat in the kitchen and fridge. I ate with a heavy guilty feel and SECRETLY. i dare not to share my eating habit with my family nor friends. I felt shame about that!!
just now, i just binge a lot of food!! i planned to start my day with a healthy meal. I ate a cereal with a banana for breakfast. then afterward i can't control myself anymore. I have been eaten a big bowl of fried vermicelli followed by chips; chocolate; pancake; crackers; instant noodle; ice cream. I really feel ashamed of what i did. Now i felt guilty and fat!!!! this is not a normal behaviour!! i want to get out of this hell.... i am loathing at the moment and physically feeling unwell!!
i have been thinking for losing weight everyday, as i more control for my food intake the more i get anxious and i weight even more.
i really need help from you, buddy...
shelly
