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Trying to Take Back Control

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  framedinteraction 1 year, 12 months ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #4948

    framedinteraction
    Participant

    I never wanted to believe that I was overweight because I ate too much. And for many periods of my life, I’ve eaten healthier than most of the people around people, people much thinner than I.

    But, when I really start to be honest with myself, I know that my eating habits are anything but healthy. And despite the fact that my refrigerator is full of vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, I still find myself going to the liquor store for a bag of chips and a pint of ice cream.

    These last few months, it has seemed to get out of control. I am constantly craving food. I am constantly wanting to eat. I make a delicious, healthy, well sized meal, and as soon as I am finished I’m ready for something else. Even if I give myself 20 minutes, I want more. I am never satisfied, I am never full.

    To make it worse, I work at a coffee shop. Constantly surrounded by sugar and fat. It’s always reminded me, tempting me. Just like the commercials and the internet and the everything else (since it’s all about fat).

    Even typing out the word: fat. I am fat. I don’t know if I’ve ever written it down like that before. I’m so embarrassed that I can’t even say it. I tell it to myself what feels like daily (almost subconsciously), but I can’t even utter the words to my closest friends. I treat it like it’s some secret, like people don’t know. But it’s one of the few vices that you can’t hide.

    I know that I eat because of emotional reasons. I feel like I’ve struggled my whole life with depression, sadness, stress. I’ve never felt like I was good enough for myself or for others. And, even despite the antidepressants and the stints in therapy, the meditation and the life improvements, I still don’t know how to figure it out. I don’t know how to deal with my emotions. I don’t know how to be happy.

    I hope that this is the first step. I hope that at least getting to write down these thoughts and feelings I’ve held inside me since I was a little girl, in a public place where others can see and understand them, that I can maybe start to let them go. I can start to understand why I hurt, and therefore why I eat. I can begin to make myself healthy and therefore happy.

    #93236

    VarSal_2012
    Participant

    Hello framedinaction, welcome!

    I relate to your story very much because in the eyes of everyone I am the healthiest person alive who doesn’t eat any junk food or carbs, and only eats healthy protein fruits and veggies…. yet they must wonder why my body doesn’t reflect the way I eat… no one knows how much food I can eat when my hidden binges occur. I have found that I fell into binges because I restricted my diet so much to be healthy … we need to understand that it is ok to have not so healthy food in small amounts every once in a while – this will help our body be satisfied and the urges will decrease … I am working on trying to make myself understand this right now.

    We all have issues that have led us to this … issues that we need to work on. These issues are usually from a long time ago and are buried deep inside of us…. identifying them and facing them is the hardest thing to do… especially when we feel like we are so weak. But most issues have led to or root from not loving ourselves….. please don’t be so hard on yourself, we are humans and we are vulnerable; this is just something you are going through that will make you stronger – please know that many people are able to overcome this and YOU WILL TOO.

    This is a process that will take time, try not to focus on your weight so much, let yourself know that you want to overcome this to bring peace to your life. Remember that whatever we repeat we will eventually become or believe. Do not use the word fat, don’t tell yourself that you are fat because this will only focus your mind on it negatively. I know how hard it is – trust me, I struggle with it every day. Convince yourself that you Accept yourself the way you are, and that because you love yourself you want to work on improving yourself. It may sound silly, but this is something I do and it feels like it helps…. Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself in the eye -then say this to yourself out loud: “I love you and you are wonderful. I accept you just as you are” — say it as many times as you can, if possible every time you see a mirror.

    Remember that we are all made different and what we see in magazines, TV, etcetera is most of the time not reality – don’t compare yourself to others – you are the only you there is that is why you love yourself so much and why you are working to improve yourself.

    Try to keep busy at work so that you don’t have so much time to focus on the temptations all around you. Maybe try to take some healthy snacks to work… Whenever there is an urge to binge coming on, try to talk to your mind and say “I am in control of my life, and I choose to move past this”. Say it 50 times in a row if you need to, little by little this will help you take control and you will be able to overcome these urges. It is a process and it will take time, don’t be so hard on yourself when you fail and pat yourself in the back every time you succeed.

    By coming onto this forum you are seeking help and that is a GREAT sign! It shows that you love yourself and you want to take control back – please pat yourself on the back for that!

    You are not alone, we are all here supporting each other through this :)

    Sorry my post got so long … I got a little inspired!

    Take one day at a time …

    xoxo

    #93237

    Nulth
    Participant

    hi and welcome, framedinteraction.

    #93238

    framedinteraction
    Participant

    The long post is much appreciated.

    I definitely feel like I’m getting the point where I can begin to work through my issues. I’ve known since I was young that I had issues and that I wouldn’t lose weight or be healthy until I was able to sort through them. And while I have done some work and I have be able to do that somewhat, I still have a lot of work.

    For now, I know that I’m going to have to really start reflecting on what is it that makes me overeat and binge. I need to delve more into those emotions while there happened instead of simply reflecting on them after. It’s an exciting prospect.

    Thank you.

    #93239

    VarSal_2012
    Participant

    Hey framedinaction …

    I recently found this book (2 days ago… lol) that I feel is helping me… it is called You Can Heal Your Life by Louis L Hay…. I have only been reading it for 2 days and I feel motivated and stronger that usual.

    It is a very short book and it has a lot of exercises to understand why one has certain issues and habits and how to change them.

    Maybe you can give it a try.

    Keep us posted on how you are doing.

    Hang in there :)

    #93240

    framedinteraction
    Participant

    Thank you very much for the recommendation, I will check it out.

    I’ve been doing a great in terms of my eating, actually! I am able to realize that my urges to binge are not powerful and that I have control. And so when I have one, I am able to recognize it and move on from it. It’s been amazing.

    Even at work, which was somewhere I always had troubles, especially with pastries at my fingertips all day, I’ve kept it normal. Even when they’re available, I am resisting with ease.

    Today, I went to the liquor store and bought only water. No ice cream, no macaroni and cheese, no chips!

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