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thepurplerabbit's 2010 journal

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Started 8 months ago by thepurplerabbit
Latest reply from Louise

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thepurplerabbit
Member

After making a resolution to stop bingeing in 2010, I'm planning to write every day here so I can keep track of my progress (fingers crossed!) So far so good.. but it's only the 2nd so that's not saying much.
B: coffee, omelette w peppers, greens
L: mushroom soup, pear
D: mushroom soup, greens, veggie burger
S: cereal (Kix, Frosted mini wheats)

My problem is I get so hungry at night... and then I can't fall asleep because I'm starving. (Come to think of it, I'm actually hungry now) It's hard to decide when to eat and when not to eat! I end up lying in bed for hours battling with myself when I should have just gotten a snack in the first place. So maybe I'll have a snack now... yup. Not going to deprive myself this time.

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Yes, don't deprive yourself..as long as its physical hunger .. I am sure you can tell.. although its very blurred when we binge isn't it
I am new to this forum and have found blogging events, emotions and food really helpful.. it does keep you on track..
Mushroom soup ...yum! I make a DELICIOUS home made mushroom soup
One full day of no binge is great anyway !!
have you anything planned for today ? Are you keeping busy, not thinking about food too much ?
xx

Posted 8 months ago #
desert dude
Member

I know all about the midnight cravings, they're the worst.

What to do about? hmmm, that's hard, I've tried limiting the amount of binging I actually binge, so far so good, I've only had two slip ups so far. I try reading until I drop off, which works most of the time. or perhaps a good horror movie to take you mind off eating.

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey! Happy 2010! Glad you started a new journal to start off the new, binge free year! Hmm..are you exercising? If so, then you may not be eating enough during the day which is leading to being starving at night. But if you are finding yourself hungry at night, please have a snack! I almost always eat a little before I go to bed because I find myself hungry...last night I had a banana with some PB on it because my belly was growling..so listen to your body, its smart and knows when it needs extra fuel. Hope you have a great day! ~Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
break the cycle
Member

Welcome to the forum...you can get the support you need here, just stick with it. It'll make you stronger by opening up and venting you're binging striff.
One thing I have learned is to never let your stomach get to the point of complete emptyiness/growling. For me, I have to eat every two to three hours. Even if its something little.

Good luck with your road to a new well being

Posted 8 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Thanks for all the support guys! Today was (gasp) another good day.
B: crepe with fruit, coffee
L: tuna, pear, and...something else? I forgot
D: few tortilla chips with hummus, mushroom soup, veggie burger, green beans

I think eating often is what works for me too - I usually snack every 3 hours or so when I'm in school because breakfast is so early. It's just hard sometimes to know whether I'm actually hungry or if I just want the taste/full feeling food gives me.
I haven't run into a really strong craving yet, so I'm wary that one will come soon especially since school will be stressful after 2 weeks of break. Stress just makes me binge... a lot.

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

You are doing awesome..glad to hear its been another good day. If/when that craving comes, know we will be hear to support you through it. You are strong, you can do this! Have a great night. Hugs, Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Today was my first day back at school after break. School is tricky because it makes me tired and stressed so I really want to just binge when I get home - but things actually went well! 2 main things i'm happy about today: 1,I had a chocolate candy and I ate some but threw part of it away - it was a really small piece, but I'm never able to NOT finish a piece of food so I thought I'd practice. 2, I went to Chipotle with friends and it usually makes me feel kind of heavy and makes me feel like the day is ruined so I just eat a lot afterwards - but I just enjoyed it and I didn't binge. I'm more tempted to binge now though than I have been since I started this non-bingeing streak (on Dec. 31). It's probably the stress of school, but I have to find other ways to handle it. Do any of you have tips for handling the tiredness/stress that is the cause of so much bingeing? Like a way to escape for a little while that doesn't involve shoving food down your throat... maybe I should try to make a habit, like reading and drinking tea for half an hour after school or something. Anyway, food log:
B: coffee, HUUUUUUGE granny smith apple (it was less of a piece of fruit and more of a small planet), yogurt, granola
S: fruit/nut/seed bar, most of a small chocolate candy
L: crackers, almond cheese, pear
S/D: cookie, Chipotle vegetarian salad
D/S: oatmeal

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey there...what great successes being able to eat some chocolate and chipotle without it leading to binges!! (ps I love chipotles!). That is something to feel good about. Ok so now it is time to deal with the stresses of school. Do you like tea or coffee better? Something that I do that is a little release for me every day is to have a latte and read a good book for like an hour. It relaxes me, gives me an escape, and is something I end up looking forward too. Or maybe you could go on a walk with your ipod. Do some yoga. Take a hot bath. Get on here and journal. So the biggest thing for you will be working on that stress trigger. You can do this..stay strong! Hugs, lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
skinnybinger
Member

Wow, you're doing excellent! Keep it up! When I get the urge, I've been trying to grab a book lately. I'm an avid reader and it really helps me get obsessed with something else - the story instead of my craving to eat. Try it if you enjoy literature. Other times, I call up my best friend and ask to borrow her son. He's two years old, and really keeps me on my toes. So instead of paying attention to my food fixation, I'm chasing him around the house, fingerpainting, dressing up, etc! It's great fun.

Posted 8 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Thanks Lauren and skinnybinger - I'm trying to find a good way to relax when I get home from school so I'm testing things out... reading or writing in my journal or just internet surfing. Journaling helped today, probably because I had a lot on my mind and I was frustrated with some parts of my day. That always makes it easier to binge and while I was walking home I could just imagine stopping by the ice cream place and Subway and Jewel and Walgreens and the corner grocery store to buy bingeing food. And then when I got home the refrigerator was stocked with some of my biggest trigger foods - frozen chocolate chip cookies, these amazing Chinese dumplings, ice cream... I didn't eat any of it but I wanted to. It wasn't like I wanted to INTENSELY - I'm still waiting for that bad craving that makes me binge. I even want to get some food right now... but I won't because I want to stop this. So, food log:
B: tuna salad (ew, I know! for breakfast... I just wanted it, what can I say), 1/4 baked potato
S: granola bar
L: hard boiled egg, edamame, pear
S: cereal, banana, orange juice
D: pasta

If I don't binge tomorrow I'll have gone a week without bingeing, and I've never gone a week without bingeing before. It's sort of a milestone for me but I'm still worried I might cave in soon.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey..you are doing the perfect thing by looking for things to occupy your time when you get home from school..especially with the journaling to get things out. I am proud of your for being tempted by all those options and staying strong. I hope you make it to one week binge free..just remember how good you feel now! You can do this! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

A week without bingeing! I've NEVER gone a week without bingeing. It's so weird though, I understand that this is an accomplishment but I feel less of a sense of accomplishment than I thought I would. I think it's because I'm expecting my good streak to end soon, and inevitably I'll slip back into my usual horrible eating habits, because that's just what has to happen. I won't LET it happen this time, though. i'm going to weigh myself tomorrow (I want to keep it at once a week), but no matter what happens, even if I haven't lost weight, I won't let that be an excuse to start bingeing again. I'll just keep trying, and maybe fix some things as I go along. But a week is good! Now I'm going for two.

B: coffee, english muffin with cottage cheese spread & raisins & cinnamon
S: banana
S (I ate the lunch I packed before I usually do because I was starving - I need to pack bigger snacks I think): orange, cheese stick, english muffin with laughing cow light cheese wedges
L: instant hot chocolate
S: boca burger
D: 1/2 pb&j, mashed potatoes, brussel sprouts, 1/2 choc. covered s'more

I think this day actually shows a lot of progress, for a few reasons. First of all, I have this schedule of eating breakfast around 6:30, a snack in my 3rd period class, and lunch 5th period, and if I go off that I usually binge later because I feel like I've done something wrong. Today I ate all my lunch in 3rd period but I didn't get that urge to binge. Also, I had what usually would be trigger foods at dinner - I really wanted pb&j and I had some, but I only used 1 slice of bread instead of the two that I originally brought out (and who knows how many more I would have eaten later). Also I had very calorically dense and delicious s'mores, which probably made my dinner a little too heavy but I'm fine. I do want to binge right now but I always do - it's nothing I can't control yet. At least I was able to eat unhealthy things without throwing everything else out the window!

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Congrats on ONE week binge free!! That is great..and the fact that you were able to change up your routine today at school and not binge is progress. Try not to worry about slipping back into bingeing..just remember that you are not on a diet now that is going to fail, you are changing your life by recovering from BED..even if you do slip once, you will just pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. Stay strong! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

thanks lauren! I'm trying not to be so pessimistic about my chances of bingeing again, but it's sort of hard. Maybe the longer I go without bingeing the easier it will be to believe I can stop for good.

Really good news today though: my not bingeing goal is actually paying off! I weighed myself for the first time since I stopped bingeing exactly a week ago, and I've lost 4 pounds since then (I used to be 157 and now I'm 153). 4 seems like a lot though, so some of it is probably just the effect of not being bloated all the time. Still, it was encouraging! I think 2 pounds a week is a good goal so I want to shoot for 151 by next Thursday, but if I don't get there in time it's ok. The main thing is to stop bingeing.

Food log:
B:coffee, oatmeal
S: banana, Luna bar
L: 1/2 pb&j, boca burger, mashed potatoes, few pieces cantaloupe
D: shrimp, greens, brown rice, 1/2 chocolate covered s'more

Posted 7 months ago #
skinnybinger
Member

Mmm, sounds delicious. And you are right about your weight. It's okay!

Posted 7 months ago #
Louise
Member

1 week.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Superb... and no, you can't allow yourself to think you'll just slip back to old ways.. yuo have to be strong and positive.. 1 week done... on to the next... day by day.. xxxxx

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Yeah the longer you go, the more your confidence with grow! Great job on a week binge free and 4 pounds! Keep it up love! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

You guys are so sweet, thanks for the comments This will be short since I'm tired..

Food log:
B: coffee, strawberry yogurt with granola
S: banana, trail mix bar
L: english muffin, cheese stick, cantaloupe
S/D: Quiznos small veggie sub, baked potato chips, diet coke
D: french onion soup, 1/2 choc. covered s'more

Although I feel like I ate a little too much today, I'm very relieved I didn't binge! I thought I ate dinner out with my sister, but then I came home and my mom had cooked some amazing food. I just decided to eat it, because I wasn't really REALLY full and it was delicious. I felt too full after dinner though, and contemplated just bingeing on more s'mores because that's my mindset when I think I've done something wrong. But I didn't! Right now I feel ok - it wasn't the best day, but that's because of a misunderstanding, not because I lost control.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

No your food looks perfect today! And your right what matters is the NO BINGE! Its good that you ate a little more since you were still hungry after your first dinner, but you'll get to the point where you stop before you get totally stuffed. Keep staying strong! ~Lauren

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Thanks Lauren! And by the way you're like the most thoughtful person EVER for taking the time to comment on so many people's posts. Have a smiley face because you're awesome --->

Today's food log:
B: coffee, egg whites, broccoli, laughing cow light cheese wedge
L: trail mix bar, oatmeal, yogurt
D: low fat cheese stick, boca burger, brown rice, leftover french onion soup, 1/2 pb&j

Dinner was too much but it wasn't me losing control, it was just bad planning (again!). I always get hungry at night and I was planning to exercise sometime after dinner, so I was pretty sure I'd have to go down to the kitchen later again for a snack. I tried to take care of that by eating even after I felt full at dinner so then I could exercise and just go to bed without having to get a snack. But I ended up not exercising and now I just feel a little too full. So here's the lesson learned: just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full. Don't think you can outsmart your own stomach. I'll also exercise tomorrow since I didn't tonight - I really wasn't in the mood.

Posted 7 months ago #
Louise
Member

hey.. i don't think you are overeatinmg at all hun... especially if you are exercing... if anything yesterday you ate small amount, but if your going with what your body is telling you then its all good.. Enjoy ... you are doing so well

Posted 7 months ago #
Lottie
Member

Hi Purplerabbit!
overeating is ok, and certainly if you can learn something from it...
Learning how to listen to our bodies is a tricky thing, especially for us, (ex)binge eaters
but our body knows what it needs and I'm convinced that if we practice enough, we can learn to listen to it!!!
Congratz on the one week binge free! that's huge!
big hugs
Charlotte

Posted 7 months ago #
skinnybinger
Member

hi purplerabbit!
i think your food intake sounds just fine, especially if you are exercising.
you are going to feel more hungry than someone who doesn't exercise, and need more calories in order to work out.
i also just wanted to thank you so much for stopping by my blog and reading and commenting, it really means a lot to me to have that kind of support.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey there..thanks so much for the smile and for your sweet comment..definitely made me smile

Your food looks fine and even if you were a little bit too full, that is ok. Yes ideally we will always eat when we are hungry and stop when we are full, but that won't always be the case so just push that guilt out and move forward. You are doing just fine love! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Good day!!! I can't believe I'm having so many good days in a row. Maybe I can finally get over this. Oh I hope so I hope so I hope so. My attitude about everything is already getting better since I stopped bingeing, it's like BED was weighing me down literally AND figuratively.

B: coffee, english muffin with cottage cheese spread, raisins & cinnamon
L: chipotle vegetarian burrito bowl, diet coke, cinnamon dulce sugar free soy latte (tall, from starbucks)
D: boca burger, 1/2 sweet potato, small serving mushrooms
S: few small pieces dark chocolate, fig bar (tastes sort of like fig newtons but actually healthy), 2 long crackers with laughing cow light cheese wedge, 3 chinese dumplings

I guess my snack sounds big, but my stomach was like a black hole tonight ... I ate something and I didn't feel any less hungry than I did before! I'm still sort of confused over how much I should eat in the evenings since I tend to get hungry after dinner ... i don't know if I should make a regular evening snacktime or just eat when I'm hungry. Anyway, at least I got through the weekend without bingeing! Weekends are usually tough for me.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey so glad you have had a nice day!!! That is wonderful that you feel like your attitude towards food is changing. Your food looks good for today...I would say plan on an evening snack if you usually find yourself hungry..if for some reason one night you don't and your still full from dinner, you can always just skip it! Great job on the weekend girl! ~lauren

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

aaaaaaaaand another good day. NEVER EVER have gone this long without bingeing (well, since four years ago, anyway), and I know I keep saying it but it's hard to believe. I'm coming up on 2 weeks soon!!! And I've managed not to weigh myself since last Thursday at the 1 week point. The only thing is, I'm a little worried I might just binge out of frustration if this Thursday comes along and I haven't lost any weight. But I need to remember that the weight will come off if I stop bingeing, and I want to stop bingeing not only for physical but the psychological effects.

Food log:
B: coffee, oatmeal
S: banana, fig cereal bar
L: english muffin, cheese stick, applesauce
S: sushi (10 pieces, mix of salmon & tuna) --> I had a HUGE craving, also grande hazelnut soy sugar-free latte & low fat blueberry coffee cake at starbucks
D (very late): boca burger, bean/tomato dish, few squares chocolate

I think the good thing about today is that I let myself give in to a whole bunch of foods I wanted and I ate at odd times in odd amounts, but I still wasn't out of control and I didn't binge. Most of the time I can't do that.

Posted 7 months ago #
loveapple
Member

hey purplerabbit - good for you. Really happy for you that things are going so well. I'm approaching two weeks too! Though I'm not feeling great today for some reason.

Keep up the amazing work!

Lxx

Posted 7 months ago #
skinnybinger
Member

Oh wow, you are doing really amazing! SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Keep it up, and as you say, the weight will come off eventually but it's not the most important thing right now. You're doing the right thing by trying to control your binges first.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Congrats on 2 weeks girl...that is amazing! You should be proud of yourself..and thats wonderful that you could eat what you wanted!! Keep moving forward!! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Thanks everyone ... fingers crossed, this good streak will keep going.

Today was just a really tiring day emotionally, and I might have dealt with it by taking an unplanned Starbucks trip but I'm not sure. I didn't binge or overeat, I just got a normal drink and coffee cake, but do you think I was dealing with my stress by eating? I told myself I deserved a treat after this crapload day, but maybe I shouldn't be comforting myself with food ... maybe it was just an excuse to eat. Or is that just normal - normal people have a bad day and they're hungry so they have something with sugar and caffeine? I don't know, I don't even know what's normal anymore. I'll just say it was a choice because I could have walked away if I wanted to and I enjoyed what I ate.

Food log:
B: coffee, chinese dumplings
S: banana, fig cereal bar
L: cheese stick, red pepper, lemon yogurt, coke
S: grande sugar-free caramel soy latte, low fat banana chocolate chip coffee cake
no dinner... wasn't hungry
S: few chips with salsa --> I was really hungry and I guess that took the edge off, but sometimes I get incredibly hungry but everything I can think of to eat sounds repulsive to me. I guess that's a funny feeling for a binger and it doesn't happen to me often. Anyway, the snack took the edge off but I think I'm still hungry

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

oooh forgot... I also had a boca burger and 3 more chinese dumplings when I got home from school, maybe THAT'S why I wasn't hungry for dinner. It's not really important but I hate feeling like I've left something out on here, it's like I'm accidentally lying if that makes sense

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

B: coffee, pineapple, trail mix energy bar
S: fig cereal bar, 2 cheese sticks
L: trail mix energy bar, banana
S: tall skinny cinnamon dulce latte, boca burger, 2 chinese dumplings, 2 crackers w cheese
D: salad, beets, brussel sprouts, tortellini

I ate mostly on the run today and then I was starving when I got home from school - I think I do need to eat more earlier in the day so I won't be as hungry. And I definitely need to cut down on Starbucks, or I'll go broke - and obviously it's not super healthy anyway. I was about to buy a cupcake too because I wanted it sooo much, but then I felt like eating it was losing control a little. I don't want to deprive myself, but I also want to be able to decide NOT to eat something. So I practiced just telling myself no and didn't buy it, which I think was a good move.

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks without bingeing (!!!) Goals for week 3: only 2 starbucks trips, exercise for 20 minutes 3 times a week (I want to start really slow since I haven't been exercising and I'm afraid it'll make me stressed and I might feel like bingeing again)

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey there..about your earlier post..when it comes to treats, its always about craving it and never about hunger. Sweets should never be looked at as a filling food, but as something that you want and you let yourself have in moderation. So what you had was just fine. I never look to sweets to "make me happy" or fix how I'm feeling anymore, but its normal to want something yummy when you are having a crappy day. Nothing wrong with that (as long as you don't let it spiral into a binge..which usually only happens when you restrict or let yourself feel guilty about eating a treat). I know what you mean about going broke from Starbucks lol! Its good though today that you showed yourself you didn't have to get the cupcake, but don't let yourself get to the point where you ever feel deprived. Thats awesome tomorrow will be 2 weeks!! Congrats!

Posted 7 months ago #
Louise
Member

hey, well done on 2 weeks... so good.. feels great doesn't it.. I am def in control of food now, not the other way round..
yup, cake and sweets are treat food, best enjoyed with friends I always find.. hee hee, not to be mixed up with a meal..
I think you have the right approach with building exercise up gradually ... the stronger and fitter you get, the better you feel and the more you'll want to do
Keep up the good work xxx

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Sorry, it's been way too long!!! I haven't fallen off the wagon, so that's not the reason I abandoned this journal for a bit ... I've just had a lot of stuff to do and I was too lazy to write, to be honest. I've also been PMSing/having awful cramps so my food intake is basically whatever I want whenever I want it - reasonably within control though. I feel like maybe later I'll make an effort to eat healthy at this time of month, but at the moment I'm relatively new to not bingeing and I don't want to make myself crazy by not giving in to the bad cravings. Things are going pretty well though, and I'm still losing weight! Which is great - I'm at 151.5 as of this morning (and that's plus bloat, I'm assuming) and I started at 157.5. I'll start keeping a regular food log again soon, but I just wanted to check in for now. I hope all of you are doing really well!

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girls..no worries sounds like you've been busy! Its great that you are still doing well...and I agree trying to curb cravings during cycle time is really pointless and probably detrimental to recovery..just keep letting yourself have what you want within reason. The no bingeing is what matters!! Keep up the great work...and yay for the weight loss! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

okay, new resolution: post here EVERY SINGLE DAY, and you guys have to hold me to it because I'm lazy and I like to skip out on writing stuff down No more...

Things are going pretty well, apart from a few small overeating problems. It isn't so much bingeing as overestimating the amount of food I want. I've been addicted to Subway lately and the "6 inch or foot-long?" choice (life-changing, obviously) is sort of stressful! After today I think foot long is probably too much ... I mean that's a lot of food, isn't it? I always get the veggie since I don't eat meat, but still. They're so good and I've been craving them lately so I think I've had Subway 5 days this week. My Subway cravings are kind of weird because they feel a little like binge mentality except I'm not bingeing - like I go home from school, pick up food, and eat it at home like I used to do when I was bingeing except the amount of food is normal-sized. Do you think that's bad? I'm wondering if I should try testing myself next time I come back from school by just walking past Subway to make sure I can do it and it's really a choice. Or maybe the bingeing mentality is just because I've been getting too hungry in between meals. I want to start snacking more often, but it's really tempting to stay sort of hungry at school because there's not a lot of good food I can pack in a lunch (we don't have a microwave or anything). So I figure I might as well wait to eat the most when I get home so I can have something I actually enjoy ... but is planning like that also a BED thought? Urggghh it's very confusing.

Generally I'm doing well though -I do want to be more careful about how much I eat and exercise. I don't know how it's so hard to start exercising, even if I start slow - like 20 minutes 3 days/week should not be all that difficult. It's just cold outside 7 months of the year where I live and I haven't yet found a good exercise plan to do indoors. How do you do it, Lauren?!! I've read your journal and you're an exercise BEAST. Please lend me your beastliness ...

I'll check in again tomorrow (I promise, really!) I'm going to a music lesson that happens to be in the same neighborhood as an adorable cupcake place I love to pieces, so my taste buds are looking forward to it. I'm not even trying to deny myself a cupcake once a week, they're my favorite. Cupcakes are non-negotiable.

And with that philosophical thought, good night

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Haha...not sure if I am an exercise beast but I do love those endorphins. You know I used to hate exercising and always saw it as a chore...but then I found two things that I absolutely love doing, not for the calorie burning effect, but because I really enjoy them, and thats running and latin dance. So you need to explore maybe the classes at your gym and see if there is anything fun that you really enjoy doing. Maybe spinning? dance? weight lifting? running? hiking? Anyways..sounds like you are doing really well!! I wouldn't worry about the subway stuff..if that is what you are wanting and you aren't bingeing then I would just keep eating it. The reason it feels like a binge is because you probably still associate it as being a bad/forbidden food. So I think telling yourself that it is ok, healthy and normal a few times til you actually believe it will help. Keep posting! ~Loz

Posted 7 months ago #
Seeking_peace
Member

Hey - hope the cupcakes were yummy. Like you I am trying to get to grips with exercising ore, and I completely agree, no idea how Lauren does it! Literally can't imagine how running could be fun - BUT I decided that this year I was going to do SOMETHING like exercise three times a week, and it has actually been quite fun. This morning I went to an aqua-aerobics class with a girlfriend which was completely hysterical and actually not a bad work-out! (Although we were the only women there who weren't either over sixty or heavily pregnant...)

And even if all I can manage is a brisk walk with my iPod I don't beat myself up and say I've failed (which I've always done in the past and is quickly followed by giving up entirely!). Instead just tell myself it is still a 100 times better being on the couch or in the kitchen, and I've made the time so it definitely counts.

So anyway I agree with Lauren, try some fun classes.

Good luck!

xx

Peace

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Lauren, don't be modest - you're like ... the Hulk ... except infinitely prettier of course. And not green. I will exercise tomorrow (and hopefully a few days next week) because you're right, the endorphins are great. It's just I forget how good they are when I haven't just experienced them.

Seeking peace, aqua-aerobics sounds fun! Even though I'm not quite sure what it entails ... anyway, go show up all the pregnant women Actually didn't have a cupcake today (I know! after all that buildup) - it was getting dark and I was too lazy to walk to the place. Plus I didn't really want one. But next time I'm in the area .... no cupcake is safe from me.

So it's about 1 in the morning and I'm really not very tired. I just went and had a snack, probably throwing my eating schedule off for tomorrow, but oh well. I've learned to just give up on what I think I should be doing and eat when I'm hungry. It was a little ironic though, because I've been convinced I'm eating too much salt and I'm dehydrated, so for the past few hours I've been chugging glass upon glass of water while watching an online movie (awesome way to spend a Saturday night, I know), and I think I undid my hydration efforts with lox haha ... oh well. I wanted them. Also MORE Subway today! I'm actually scaring myself with how often I go there, the workers behind the counter know me by now. It's not like a bingeing "oh I have to go there and buy a bunch of food and stuff myself at home but I'm so embarrassed the cashier will see the amount of food I'm buying" type of feeling. It's more of a "if I could marry a meal I would choose this one in a second and it's right by my house anyway" feeling. If that makes sense. I think I will start restricting my Subway visits to 3 times a week though, because I think the sandwich is sort of high in sodium and I don't want to spend all my money buying lunch every day.

So anyway, I'm going for a low sodium day tomorrow and will continue chugging water. It's actually not that much of a drag if you slice cucumber and ginger into the water pitcher ... it's pretty refreshing actually. So I'm planning un-salty foods ... oatmeal? I haven't had it for the past week or so since when I'm on my period oatmeal isn't really on my cravings list, but I like it and it's healthy. Although Lauren, your oatmeal toppings put mine to shame. They sound insanely delicious and one day I'll copy you and it'll probably taste delicious too. Okay ... bed. Finally.

Posted 7 months ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey there ! I just read through your journal and you are making me feel better after my little binge incident because you have been doing great.

I think its important that you exercise like its best for YOU. Its so easy to compare ourselves and there is no right amount or intensity its all about personal preference and what makes you feel best and makes you happier.

I think there is nothing wrong with eating Subway very often. I go through phases with food where I will eat something alot for a long period of time but then I just get sick of it and switch. Dont be embarassed the people working there probably see other people that go there every day like for lunch time or something, its totally normal especially that you live right next to it and you are buying a normal amount so its fine. I used to eat Subway all the time actually but got sick of it and now I cant stomach it. Except for those COOKIES they are so good !

I like that you have learned not to plan or really have a schedule but just eat when you are hungry ! That is totally intuitive.

Anyways keep it up you are doing great !

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Haha I'm the non green Hulk No I think its good for you to get back into working out, just take it slowly and don't put too much pressure on yourself. I think its great that you have been throwing away the "shoulds" about what/when to eat, and just eating what you want when you are hungry. If you feel that the subway is a bit too salty and expensive, then maybe it would be a good idea to scale back to 3 days a week, but just go with it, no set rules. lol I do have to admit my oatmeal is delicious! I get frozen organic fruit from Whole foods to keep in my freezer and use in my oatmeal during winter time. Hope u have a nice day! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Anou, I'm glad you feel better! Bingeing once or twice isn't such an awful thing when you're trying to get over BED -- sometimes it's unrealistic to expect to do it cold turkey! And I read your journal and yours wasn't even a big binge ... so I'm sure you're doing fine now and back on track. And the Subway cookies ARE good! I had peanut butter the other day and it just might be my new favorite ...

So frozen fruit is your secret, Lauren? I'm telling you, my life goal is to replicate your morning oatmeal. It WILL happen hahah And yes I think I"m going with subway 3 x a week

So today was a really strange day because I feel SO bloated! I have no idea why. First I thought it was because I ate too much salt so I've been drinking huge amounts of water today and yesterday but I feel even MORE bloated. Then I thought maybe I feel bloated because I'm drinking too much water for my stomach to hold. But I don't know which it is, and it's even harder because I don't know when I'm hungry now. It's so weird and a little disheartening, because I feel like I used to an hour or so after a binge, and I haven't binged I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm also worried about trying to stick to a low sodium diet since that's restricting. Like today I said I would but I just wanted something salty so I had it ... and usually that would be a "failure" and then I'd binge but I didn't, I'm getting better at not crumbling because I made "mistakes". I don't even know if it was a mistake though ... I'm trying to eat intuitively but now I feel like maybe I'm eating TOO intuitively and not healthily enough. ughhh... maybe tomorrow I'll feel better.

Very late breakfast: strawberry yogurt with oats (I tried it! And it's really good actually, I think it might be a new breakfast staple)
Late lunch: boca burger, whole wheat english muffin with pb&j, large piece of bread with cottage cheese spread, lox, lettuce, and onion
D: small bowl cereal, 1/2 bagel with cottage cheese spread and lox

See? it's not very healthy, I didn't really have fruits and veggies, which is why I'm second-guessing this intuitive eating thing. I think I just have to find the right balance between eating what I want when I want and pushing myself to be healthy/lose weight.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..well I'm not sure about the bloating...are you getting your cycle soon maybe? I know you hate feeling that same bloating as you do post-binge but I promise its not real weight and it will go down on its own. It doesn't look like you are eating bad at all. There are some day that I have hardly any fruits/veggies because I'm not feeling for them so I wouldn't put any pressure on yourself to eat more healthy on days when you aren't really wanting them. You'll have days where u do want fruits/veggies and it will all balance out. Its ok to have days higher in carbs/sodium. Does lox have a lot of sodium in it? If so maybe scale back a tad on that just to see if the bloating goes down but try not to stress about it too much or change things up too much since you are doing really well with the intuitive eating! btw..ok so what I do with the oatmeal is I take out a hand-full of a few different types of my frozen fruits and put them in a bowl and let them defrost in warmish hot water while I cook the oatmeal...then throw them in with some tamari almonds, flax, and cinnamon on top and VOILA!! and yes oats/yogurt combo quickly became one of my staples too...Mmm! Have a good day! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
Louise
Member

Hi Rabbit
I like your journal, you are honest.. and if you want subway, have subway .. hee hee.. as long as you're not binging, thats all that matters right now..one step at a time honey xxxx

Posted 7 months ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey ! I used to worry about fruits/veggie intake too and sometimes I would force myself eating them even when I didnt feel like it and than that inevitably led to bingeing at some point or another. Besides some days you will crave them and as Lauren said it will balance it out. I also think that its way healthier to eat what you crave even if its not super healthy and perfect all the time than to binge. Bingeing must be worst for our bodies !

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Lauren, I will definitely be trying the oatmeal! Thanks for the recipe, it sounds foolproof which is good considering my cooking skills I guess you're right about fruits/veggies, I just want to feel like I'm being healthy, since when I feel like I'm unhealthy sometimes I just go ahead and binge.

Thanks Louise! I'm glad my rambling isn't too dull haha ... and your Subway advice was definitely what my stomach wanted to hear

Anou I think you're right, it's just that previously when I've tried to stop bingeing I say I'm going to be really healthy, and then whenever I mess up and eat a "bad" food I just binge because my record isn't clean anymore. I'm not doing that this time and I think it's good, but it's hard getting out of that mindset of wanting all or nothing ... either I'm bingeing or I'm being super healthy

The bloating is not as bad today .. I think it might actually be partly the water, since I felt fine a few hours ago, I drank about 4 cups of water, and now I feel bloated. Not sure whether that's a good or bad thing. I'm still a little worried because I feel like I might be gaining back some weight since I'm not always eating very healthily, but I feel like thinking about my weight is only going to stress me out and make me more prone to bingeing. I have to remind myself that I have 5 months or so to lose all the weight I want before spring comes (it's really not that much, it would just make me feel more comfortable), so I don't have to drop pounds right away. I do want to though, so maybe I'll make an effort to be more healthy but listen to my intuition and eat what I want when I feel like I'm depriving myself.

So I've been reading other people's journals and thinking about how you guys have become much more social when dealing with BED head-on, so I took initiative and went out to lunch with friends today when I usually would just have gone home. It was pretty fun but half the time I was wondering whether I'd rather be eating alone ... I think that's just the binge mentality talking because I'm so used to holing myself up to eat. It's not like eating out or going places with friends is something I have to do all the time (I like my privacy) but I think I tend to pull away from people sometimes and I don't want that.

And one more thing ... VERY stressful, frustrating school day - a teacher I used to love has been sort of aggressive toward me lately and my grade in the class is in limbo (with 1st semester ending AND with potential colleges getting my grades). That is such a classic bingeing situation for me, but it didn't affect my eating at all (I can't say the same thing for my mood, but hey.) I think I did some deep breathing actually ... who knows, maybe I'm an undiscovered yoga nut

Good night everybody

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Haha yeah it is pretty foul-proof considering my chef skills are pretty limited. Yeah I know what you mean about not wanting to be triggered by eating unhealthy, but I think a big part of this recovery is not being super perfectionistic with our diets and giving ourselves permission to have some days where we eat less healthy without feeling guilty.

Glad the bingeing has gone down! Maybe you are drinking too much water? Its good you aren't putting too much pressure on yourself to have any kind of quick weight loss..and that you are seeing that weight loss pressure just fuels the binges.

Thats great that you went to lunch with friends! You know I think its a fine line because I really enjoy my privacy and alone time too. Its about being moderate with it because I definitely enjoy spending time with people and get lonely if I'm alone with no plans for too many days in a row, but then after I've been super social for a few days I always want a day alone to veg out and do my own thing...I think thats pretty normal.

Sorry you've had a tough time with one of your teachers...hopefully your grade will work out to be what you want it to be. Great job just feeling thru the stress and finding your inner yoga to help you deal with it, instead of with food Have a lovely day friend!

Posted 7 months ago #

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