Tips to stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
The Journal in Germany
Home › Binge Eating Forum › Binge Eating Support – General Comments, Questions, and Posts › The Journal in Germany
October 17, 2010 at 10:30 am #2710
I’m struggling with binge eating.
Perhaps that is nothing new–its the reason we are all here–but here I am, I’m struggling.
I’ve had a cycle much like the rest of yours; I got down to a low weight, I felt gorgeous, looked gorgeous, was gorgeous…and then I wasn’t anymore. I started binging and I gained 20 pounds in 3 months!
I’m been struggling. I’ve seen a therapist and a nutritionist. Ive tried dieting, restricting, intuitive eating. I’ve even been diagnosed with gluten, wheat and yeast allergies which self restrict, but somehow I keep coming back to binging!
I want to be done with this..I’m only 21 and too young to give up on myself. My boyfriend decided he was going to quit smoking from one day to the next, and somehow his strong will keeps him from picking up a cigarette despite the fact that he wants one soo badly. Where is my strong will?
A few days ago I baked a huge Raspberry Austrian Torte, a pecan pie, and 25 white chocolate chip cranberry cookies for a birthday party. About half were brought and the other half remained in the cellar of the house I’m living in now (with a host family). They LOVED them. Well I cant eat them because of my food allergies, but yesterday we came home from a party and I pretended to go down to the cellar for some hazelnuts to put in a soy yogurt (which I really did get and eat–alot of) but I also snuck a square (I cut all the desserts into bite size squares) of each dessert. I wasn’t able to binge because my boyfriend was waiting for me…but I had already eaten dinner and I felt gross…and I wanted more.
Then this morning my boyfriend slept very late but everyone else was awake. I came down for breakfast and got alot of soy yogurt and went down for some “hazelnuts” but ended up getting a square of the torte and two small squares of cookies. Then I went back down and got another square of the torte and three small squares of cookies, then I went BACK down and got a pecan pie square 3 cookies squares and a torte. I feel disgusting. We are all about to eat a lunch of a huge salad and chicken and I don’t want to eat because im stuffed but I dont want them to know and I feel like I need some vitamins and healthy food too so I’m going to eat–if not only to avoid another binge tonight.
I need to stop not only for my sanity but because of my food intolerances that make me even more sick than the binging sick feelings.
I want to lose weight.
I’ve been trying a carbfree/low carb diet and lost about 1 kilo in 3 days…I gained it all back plus some today. I just started the birth control pill last month and it will propel fast weight gain so i really need to be careful!
These carb free diets allow for one free day where they actually say eat eat eat whatever you want..but that just propels binges for me. I need to cut out sugar and grains all together..its the only time my cravings don’t overpower me.
I’m going for 1 week binge free.
Day one can’t start today because i already binged, but I will start it as a pre day…the rest of the day binge free. here we go!October 18, 2010 at 3:41 am #68993
I just wanted to say welcome to the forum!
There are many of us here who also have food sensitivities/allergies. This can make it even more difficult to fight BED, as we really cannot enjoy everything in moderation, and cutting foods out of our diets can make us crave them even more. Do you have a health food store where you live? You can buy gluten free flours like brown rice flour, amaranth, tapioca flour, garbanzo, etc., and flax seeds and bananas make a great substitute for eggs and make foods fluffy. It’s really important to try to not diet or restrict, and allow all the foods (that you can tolerate) in moderation. Completely cutting carbs out of the diet will usually end up with binging on them, maybe just cut down a bit? Anyway, I hope you are enjoying a great day today, and decide to keep posting!
~SwayOctober 19, 2010 at 6:18 pm #68994
Hey welcome! Hmm well you do have the same cycle as most of us have gone through, but I would say that continuing to strive for carb/sugar free will only continue to throw you into the binge monsters arms. Seriously, its the temptation of forbidden foods that leaves us with that massive urge, and then the guilt of eating something “bad” that makes us binge on them. But if you can start to see that foods don’t need to be classified as good/bad, and all foods are fine in moderation, then the bingeing will get better. I know you want to lose weight, but that can’t be your focus if you want to recover and get past BED. Hope you keep posting! ~LaurenNovember 8, 2010 at 12:58 pm #68995
I have been MIA for a while…but unfortnately my BED has not.
I’ve decided to take your advice and stop worrying about dieting or losing weight. Instead I want to focus on not binging that is my new goal. I’ve told myself I can eat as much as I need throughout the day every 2 to 3 hours if I am really hungry, but I will not binge at any given meal. It worked for 4 days. Today I binged again.
2 bowls of oatmeal
1 bowl of soy yogurt with sugar free fat free jello pudding mix mixed in
a couple handful hazelnuts
some cheese (bad I’m lactose intolerant)
veggie burger and edamame on a tortilla (bad Im gluten and wheat intolerant)
2 bread rolls with butter and honey
a square of dark baking chocolate
a couple rice cakes with goat cheese
I dont know what came over me. I had been doing so well. This is well over 5,000 calories and its only 2 in the afternoon.
I was so proud and its all undone. I even threw up..not on purpose but because I felt so sick. I’ve noticed my stomach is protesting now and binging is becoming less and less attractive.
I’m going to try to post every day from now on i think it will helpNovember 8, 2010 at 4:45 pm #68996
It’s NOT all undone. Recovery is a process. Your body and mind rebel against your attempt to change your habits and behaviours. You found something that worked for 4 days! That’s amazing! Try to reflect on what triggered this last binge and it will help you moving forward.November 8, 2010 at 6:49 pm #68997
Thank you! Yea I’ve trying to figure out what has been keeping me in this cycle for a little over one year.
I woke up this morning and found that I had missed an assignment (I’m taking classes online this semester) and am late on a couple others. As soon as I realized this I felt bingey coming over the terminator (which is the named I’ve settled on for my stomach which seems to be so picky and doesn’t allow me to eat so many foods).
As soon as my boyfriend left the house I went all out.
For the past few days I’ve felt really good about my work load, and I’ve noticed that I put so much stress on myself to do well in everything I do. Stress seems to be a big factor for me.
Anyway I slept this whole afternoon as I said before my stomach now has been hurting so much that I can do little else.
Then I had a banana and some steamed carrots, sweet potato and zuchinni with a little salt and some fresh herbs.
Thats all for tonight. I really wasn’t hungry but i felt I needed some vitamins and I didn’t want to go from 2 until tomorrow without eating.
Tomorrow will mark day 1…looking forward to it!
Going for a walk nowNovember 9, 2010 at 9:01 am #68998
So I just woke up, but I’m feeling ok so far today. I actually expect that to be ok for the next 2 to 3 days, since I’ve been able to go 4 consecutive days without the terminator
consumingterminating everything set before him. I’m always great when other people are around…I suppose thats the nature of this disorder, but the problem is that going to school online makes it so that I’m home alone quite a bit of the time. I need to start going somewhere else to work.
Ok. Tangent aside. Last night I went for a small 20 minute walk with my boyfriend after dinner. I would have loved to walk longer but it was cold and he doesn’t like walking at night–he wanted to watch a movie. I was thankful he was so supportive to go on a walk with me, and we’re going to try to make it a nightly ritual on the nights we don’t go for runs (3 x’s a week). The funny thing is that despite how terrible I feel about my body and how fat I feel, I am the strongest I’ve ever been. I’ve been able to run 5k continuously without stopping for a few weeks, and even when I was about 10kg lighter and working out every day I could never do that. So there are positives.
My boyfriend asked me last night if I still “feel fat”. I’ve been complaining about it for a while now and he’s been so patient and supportive. I said yes and he said “i hope some day you don’t feel fat anymore because I think you’re beautiful”. Having someone so supportive is so helpful. I need to stop worrying about my image–because its distorted–and recognize that when he finds me beautiful i feel more beautiful.
Last night after our walk my boyfriend wanted an ice cream so we went to the store and got a big carton. He asked if I wanted anything (since ice cream is off limits due to lactose allergies) and I almost bought a diet coke but realized I was still uber full. We came home and he proceeded to eat half the carton the way only guys in their 20s can, and I wasn’t hungry at all. Usually I’d want something to nosh on too..but I was totally ok watching him enjoy. Then I had a small organic apple and we watched a movie and went to bed.
This morning I woke up not hungry but wanting to get on track for the day so I’m not starved later in the afternoon. I had 1/2 cup oats in 1 cup soymilk with a 1 banana mashed in and cinnamon on top. Yummy. Then my boyfriend left the house and I started feeling the slightest bit snacky so I made myself a coffee with another ~1/3 cup soymilk, came upstairs, and am watching the newest gossip girl ! Then I’m going to pick up my room a bit, shower, get ready and the boyfriend will come back home. We’ll go grocery shopping (tofu stir fry on the menu tonight) I’ll do my homework, we’ll go for a small walk, I’ll go to my lanugage course and tonight we’ll run! I’ll be back to talk about lunch, snacks and dinner!
Hope everyone’s day is also off to a good startNovember 9, 2010 at 1:52 pm #68999
So when the boyfriend came home we compared schedules and realized cooking and running tonight would be difficult. Instead, we opted to cook our big meal for the day at 1:00 ish and then when we come home at 9 we can run directly and have something small afterwards if necessary.
Our lunch was delish! The stirfry included
Chicken breast sauteed in olive oil with soy sauce and onions
2 bell peppers
all steamed in veggie broth
Then we mixed all of it into the wok together and covered it in a soy, broth, garlic sauce with chili powder and a bit of ginger. Mixed it all up and done!
I had a huge plate of the veggie mix with a serving of quinoa underneath, and the boyfriend opted to have glass noodles under his. The great thing is that we had enough left over for another serving for both of us tomorrow night, and one small serving for his mother too (she doesn’t eat much).
Thinking ahead, I decided to mix up a small snack for my language course since we were finished eating around 2:30, and I thought I’d be hungry again before 9 when we got home.
I mixed maybe a half a cup of plain soy alpro yogurt with a small spoonful of fat free sugar free white chocolate jello pudding mix. Then I added in a handful of chopped grapes. I can’t wait to eat it later!
I think I will probably have a small coffee with a ~1/3 cup soymilk before going to my class.
After the run tonight I might cook up some popcorn in a brown paper bag with a spray of nonstick olive oil. Homemade popcorn!
So is that a normal amount of food for the day? Its so crazy, but I’ve lost internal signals and all perception of what “normal” eating is. I don’t want to focus on my weight anymore, but I definitely don’t want to be gaining any and I don’t want to switch Binge eating for excessive/overeating. I’d love to find a norm. I know that some days I’ll eat more, and some days less as is the nature of hunger, but I until I start noticing my own hunger cues, I feel like I need some markers for what is acceptable.
Also, I lead a very sedentary lifestyle right now (isn’t normal for me). But going to school full time online makes me sit basically allllll day. So I shouldn’t be consuming the caloric load of someone who is lucky enough to move all day.
Ok with that said here is a recap of today’s eats. (I’m posting this before knowing how tonight will go, but I’m confident I can make it through day 1 and I’ll report back tomorrow).
1 cup soymilk
~ 1/3 cup soymilk
BIG chicken/veggie stirfry
~ 1/3 quinoa
Language class sleep diverter
~ 1/3 cup soymilk
Language class snack
~ 1/3 cup soy yogurt
1 spoon sf/ff jello pudding mix
4 TBS popcorn kernels
Your comments, thoughts, suggestions are much appreciated! I can already tell posting here will help me!November 9, 2010 at 6:15 pm #69000
It sounds like you’ve picked yourself back up and are doing great since your disappointment over that last binging. I think that’s the key. We need to keep at it, learning what works and doesn’t work for us, no matter how many times it takes.
I don’t know if what you’re eating is a “normal” amount. It doesn’t look at all like you’re overeating, and as long as you’re feeling that you are getting the energy you need, you should be ok. I’m sure you’ll get better at reading hunger cues as time goes on in recovery. I notice that even after just a couple of days of BF-eating, my body is much better as sending me those signals.November 9, 2010 at 9:08 pm #69001
i realllllllllllllllllllly don’t want to write this post. I was thinking about just not writing it..but accountability is the only way I’ll beat this thing. I know that.
So today didn’t go as planned.
After leaving to my language course I realized I had too much work for my online classes so I went to the common area and worked. I bought a coke zero (no cals) a yogurt chocolate bar (97 cals) and a small pear. I ate those. Then I bought a little chocolate pastry and a twix bar. I ate those.
Then I came home and at the 2nd half of my stir fry and some peanut butter.
Now I’m sipping on some tea.
So I guess I didn’t make it through the 1st day binge free. I’ll try again tomorrow. I’m trying to think about what started this and I think it was calorie counting….I don’t really know . I wanted to see how many calories I consumed for the day in my previous post when I asked for everyones opinions. I put it all in thedailyplate and saw it was about 1,150 calories or so and so I thought…oh yea I have some wiggle room….then I ate and ate and ate.
Tomorrow no calorie counting. I need to rid myself of that…I don’t weigh myself much anymore because Im too scared to see the number.November 9, 2010 at 9:09 pm #69002
It also could have been brought on by the guilt of not going to my class and also for being behind in my online courses…stress is a big trigger but i dont know how to eliminate it right now..I need to learn how to deal with it insteadNovember 10, 2010 at 9:56 am #69003
So today isn’t off to a great start either….I woke up this morning upset because I was supposed to run last night but it didn’t happen so this morning was the new designated running time. Guess what? Didn’t happen.
The truth is my boyfriend’s a bit ill and can’t breathe through his nose, so I don’t blame him for not wanting to run..but I just can’t run alone. I’m not a great running..I was a dancer for 13 years, and I find running monotonous. This is the thought process in my head:
Brain: “How long have I been running”
Me: “1 minute”
Brain: “One minute! But I’m so tired. I’ll never be able to run 5k. I’m so slow and fat and there is no way I can run for 30 minutes. Even if I do it won’t matter because you’ll go home and eat enough to cancel out all my hard work. Forget it I want to stop now.
And then I stop. But when I run with my boyfriend I keep running. 5k. I feel strong.
So I was upset and disappointed this morning. And I have so much to do for my online classes I could cry..this is without the 30 page thesis I’m supposed to be working on but haven’t really started.
So I went to the kitchen and 3 babyspoonfuls of peanut butter, 3 dates, 1oz of pistachios, and soyyogurt mixed with pumpkin and sf/ff jello cheesecake pudding later I was finished eating.
But I’m not letting it ruin the rest of my day. I will work hard..as hard as I can. Not be too hard on myself and keep going. I will beat this thing!November 10, 2010 at 12:54 pm #69004
So I’m really just not hungry today after my smallish binge this morning. Its nearly 2 in the afternoon and I’ve just been in the house today (something that usually triggers the terminator to expose himself) but I’m not hungry.
I found some meditation and mindfulness albums on Itunes and downloaded them..I want to try meditation for 20 minutes a day. I also updated my running playlist and asked my boyfriends father if I could start going to the fitness studio with him because he goes at least 4-5 times a week. That way I know I’ll be working out that much and when my boyfriend and I can get our schedules to match we can run together too…but I can’t rely on that I have to be proactive. We will see what his father says! It would be so convenient because I wouldn’t have to ride the bus/tram into town for up to 45 minutes (with wait time), work out for 1 hour+ and then ride back home..if I went with his father we would just drive which would make things a lot easier. I hope it works out.
I vacuumed our room, switched the sheet and put in a load of dark laundry. Now I’m going to do some homework, maybe walk to the grocery store–we need some TP and I don’t have much fruit in the house–but maybe not. Maybe I’ll do a yoga podcast and then run around 5 pm. It hasn’t been an active day..but I have to recognize that this semester isn’t active since I’m doing online classes….remind me never to do this again!
So far I’ve set a small goal for today and thats to drink 8 mugs of water. I’m up to 3.
I’d love to get introduced to many of you! I know I’m new, but support from others would be great. I’m a loving person and have tons of support to give in return! Don’t worry it wouldn’t be a one-way street. I know the time difference makes it strange for communication, but it would be a small present to wake up to responses from everyone who has tips to give or just something to say!
xxNovember 10, 2010 at 2:28 pm #69005
Ok so I know I’m posting alot and I don’t expect everyone to comment on everything I’m posting–but this is a really good way to keep myself honest and accountable..and I’m feeling the need to write this often so (for once) I’m going to listen to my needs!
I just did a 20 minute pilates video that was really nice and am planning on going on a run later. I started to do a dance/abs 30 minute workout after the pilates one but I wasn’t into it, I was thinking about food about homework about everything else so I decided if I wasn’t present in my activity I shouldn’t do it.
Instead I came and drank another glass of water, 5 for the day so far. Its 3:30 and I’m still not very hungry, but I think I will have a small lunch now. I have some leftover vegetarian chili that I think would do nicely and some quinoa. I will have a cup of tea afterwards and not succumb to the terminator, should he appear.November 10, 2010 at 3:11 pm #69006
So I ate a bowl of chili with a bit of quinoa and had some more water. Halfway through my meal my boyfriends roommate +1 came over and initially I was disappointed to see them because I haven’t showered and am generally feeling a little down, but then I realized it was nice to chat. I got up after it was over and washed my dishes and put on the kettle for tea and noticed that I was feeling quite full. It was nice to notice that feeling. So I poured myself some tea, talked to them a while longer and then came to post.
I’ve gotten in the habit of eating while looking at the computer and for this meal I didn’t. I think it helped and I’ve added a new long term goal now I have two.
1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
2. Eat without distractions..unless those distractions be other people who are keeping you company.
My boyfriend and I are planning on cooking a pasta tonight with a dried tomato/tomato/pine nut sauce. Normally if I had a binge I would make myself only eat fruit or a salad or nothing for the rest of the day to “make up for it”. But instead, I’m focusing on my hunger cues. After my binge this morning (which didn’t involve any “unhealthy foods” just a lot of fats) I focused on my full feeling and then decided to eat at 3:30 so I wouldn’t be ravenous for dinner. I’m quite full now, and though we are going running around 5 I don’t expect to have a *huge* appetite, but that also doesn’t mean I can’t have some yummy food. Pasta has been an off limits food for the past 2 years (or longer) and recently I’ve had an excuse not to eat it because I’m wheat/gluten sensitive. But I just found some quinoa pasta (overseas its much harder to find substitutes) so there is no excuse not to add a bit into my diet.
I’m looking forward to cooking with my boyfriend. Its one of my favorite things to do because we get to destress and spend time together. I’ll enjoy this meal, have some tea afterwards and then move on with my day. If I get hungry later I’ll deal with it then and move on again. I’m sick of food controlling my life and all my thoughts. I don’t need to know what I’m going to eat after dinner because who knows if I’ll be hungry for an evening snack.
I’m also going to listen to my mindfulness podcast today. I hope it helps!
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Forum Posts
- sciencfreak on Starting over
- Starfighter on Back again, but with new goals
- Starfighter on Back again, but with new goals
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- HeartRunner on Runner's journal
- sciencfreak on Starting over
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over