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'The Challenge'-attempting to stop binging before switch to purging
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January 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm #89293
Aw i love to see that people care and even if they arnt reading my logs that there are people out there hoping for the best in me. Thanks girls for listening to me and hope all is well with you. If you are sturggling let me know and I will do my best to help you because I know it is hard, and I think we are all going through tough times and all have similiar struggles. an today I was having a good day, I slept in and then went to the gym and went to class when i got back though I was very anxious, and not have eaten much I began to eat around 2 and went crazy on my roomies cereal. My roomie is always saying how she is so hungry and how she works out all the time and such. This is such a trigger for me because I do not see them eating I only see myself eating and consuming SO MUCH.January 20, 2012 at 12:23 am #89294
fuck i just screwed up real bad you guys. I prob had 7 bowls of my roomies cereal and 5 crackers and sugar and uuuuugh!!! peanut butter… idk why i was feeling anxiousJanuary 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm #89295
keep on trying, you can be strong, we all can be strong, we can do it! We want to get out of binge, we’ll do it! Think before eating and write here, it will make you focus on your goal (the impulse obscures our goal, we need to stop and think). XXJanuary 20, 2012 at 6:52 pm #89296
Elizzy, dont give up, keep on going girl!! xxJanuary 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm #89297
Haley and Ariana-
I want to thank you guys for following me, I love to have someone and a place I can be accountable to. Last night was the worst night ever. I started out of control and just totally binged big big big time. I ate so much of my roomies food: Sugar, cereal, crackers, peanut butter, another kind of cereal, honey, turkey. Nothing healthy. It just makes me sick to think about. I went out with my friend to replace the food and then when I got back I binged even more on the food I just got which makes me feel like tottttallll SHIT. This was right before my boyfriend was going to come over because he knew I was having a rough day. When he came over we were lying in bed and I didn’t want to be touched even on my head, I did not want to kiss him or talk to him. I was in such shame from all the binging that I just did and I felt like I was absolutely GROSS. I felt so bad for him because lately I have been considering telling him about these binges but it is just ridiculous and decided to start all over again. I attempt to get back up, but lets see how long this lasts….
Today it has been okay and it is 6:30 and i am doing alright very anxious and I dont know how to control it .. I am trying to stick on with meals and dont let them get out of control. So far today i think I have restricted and not done all my meals or exchanges. I know i am setting myself up for a binge but I just couldnt handle it from last night. It scares me even to eat because I feel like it will get out of control.
PLEASE I NEED SUPPORT AND HELP!
i love you all and hope everyone is doing wellJanuary 20, 2012 at 11:51 pm #89298
Good day today, well done Eli! It’s the same for me, I’ve never told anyone about binge…I feel like no one could understand it, and yes I fell ahame of it. Never told to my ex bf and friends, they just see me like a girl who likes eating, I gain weight during winter and than lose it,although it’s visible this change in me people see me always skinny and when I gain weight they say to me I look better. Lately my mum and sister are understanding something’s wrong, I feel the temptation to tell them something, I don’t know…Enjoy your week-end! And go on like this;)January 23, 2012 at 3:08 am #89299
I think it is very important to tell people about your problem, especially your family. I have learned that by voicing your issues and problems they can help you in the ent. Maybe they wont put those binge foods in the house and keep you under control. Try branching out to one person at a time, and see how they react and how they can help you. But if you still do not fell ready I am always here to talk to.
This weeekend was a mess I had ups and downs. Yesterday, Saturda was very difficult because in the morning I binged so hard that I felt like complete shit and could not get it off my mind. For the first time in my life I think i purged, or atleast what I would consider a purge which makes me really upset. Yes it did realive some of the pain but I do not want to go down this slippery path. I am upset because I do not want to gain the mindset that I can keep binging because I can always purge. It took me about 20 min to try to get it. I dont know what possessed me to keep going with this horrible act but it wore me out.
I have a double date fancy dinner with my boyfriend that night which I was very anxious about but in the end turned out alright. Whenever I binge and eat my roomies food and have to replace it, it always causes so much anxiety to replace it before they notice, let alone that it costs so much money. Which makes me feel guilty.
Today, Sunday. — it was a better day. I keep trying to get back up but something keeps pushing me down. My day: Woke up, breakfast, foodshopping, little lunch, gym, study, friends, little dinner. I kow that i prob did not eat enough today but it was only because my roommates were always around and I get anxious when i have to eat around other people. Does anyone have any ways to solve this social anxiety.
Please keep reading !! I really need help right now!!! how to stop bigign?!!January 23, 2012 at 9:15 am #89300
Thank you for your advice Eli, I’ll think about it…however, things keep on disappering from kitchen, I think my mum and sister see it but they don’t want me to notice it.
I’m sorry for saturday, it’s just an episode, put it behind and go on fighting. In fact is what you did on sunday! Well done Eli! We’re all in the same situation, I can understand the feelings that drive us to have this wrong behaviour and the feelings after that…It won’t be like this forever, we’ll win, I’m sure! XX Haley
Write whenever you want, I’m here! (I understand I’m not in a good period and it’s difficult to give good advice when I’m down, I don’t not what to do to fix my life, but for sure I’m here to listen)January 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm #89301
Just do your best not to let guilt get you down right now. Slip ups are bound to happen in recovery, you just can’t let them get you stuck in a bad pattern. As for the purging, please please please be careful love! Such an unhealthy habit to fall into.
Keep your chin up and keep posting!
xx oliviaJanuary 24, 2012 at 3:00 am #89302
Thanks olivia and haley,
I defiantly do not want to get into the bad habit and know that I will not make it down that slippery slope but I cannot keep binging the way I do because it takes a toll on me mentally physically and emotionally. After a typical day of binging, my day is shot I want to stay in bed and not see anyone. I do not accomplish anything that I need to get done and just feel like a complete failure. With this in mind I must remember that it is my bodies natural instinct that I will want to binge, but My body might need food but it does not NEED to binge. It is telling me that I need to but I have to go against my natural instinct and fight the urge.
Today, Monday- Way a good day overall. Woke up, had three classes, came home at 11:20 had lunch out of control. It is hard for me to eat breakfast so early in the morning which sets me up. Even though I ate out of control this was not a binge and I picked myself up. I went to the gym and decided to stay out of the house because the anxiety would get to me. I went to the library and was very productive, came home and made dinner and hung out with some of my friends. Overall this was a good day. I still struggle with eating in front of peple and keeping the anxiety down before I binge. Also, just since i have upped my anixety meds I have not been able to take a deep breath and think properly. I have been lacking major sleep because of this problem too. Tomorrow starts big day for my student teaching, hopefully the anxiety wont get to me.
Keep following, I really keep doing well because of you girls! I apreciate all your feedbackJanuary 24, 2012 at 9:50 am #89303
Hi Eli! How are you today? You know what you want and you’re doing good,good job for yesterday! sometimes you fall but you are able to go on again, keep on like this! As you know food is not the right way to cope with your anxiety…I don’t understand the part about the meds? did you stop meds? I think you could contact a good psychologist in order to work on your anxiety, there are a lot of ways to face it, also without meds. Good luck for the student teaching!
XX HaleyJanuary 25, 2012 at 2:57 am #89304
My meds have recently been upped and I cant seem to sleep or catch my breath because my heart is pounding so hard but i guess it is just my body getting used to the new dosage and will see my phchologist next week; just wanted your thoughts in the mean time.
It was a pretty good day overall. I woke up for student teaching at 6:30 and has a slice of apple and little bowl of cereal even though I was not hungry. I was getting alittle ancy when lunch time was coming because I was hungry. Around 11:30 when I got home I ate out of control (knowing that my roomie was sleeping). When there is something to do and i am on a time line i decide to get in the binging then. For example, I knew that i had class and would only be home for an hour, so I ate out of control. This was not a binge but I did go into my roomies food which I felt bad and replaced. I though I overhead my two roomies talking about me in the bathroom, but I could be wrong so I will ask one of them.
Hopefully tomorrow will be another successful day. I think my challenges throughout the day are anxiety related and how I deal with them. I know food is not the way out but it gives me the numbing sensation that I crave.January 26, 2012 at 11:27 pm #89305
Hi Eli! Sorry if I answer so late…How are you? How are you doing? XXJanuary 27, 2012 at 3:37 am #89306
Thanks and response works,
Today was a good day even though it was filled with much anxiety. I woke up late and then went to class and the gym. And then I returned home I wish i was home alone but all my roommates were home. I feel awkward being in the apartment now because my two roommates have noticed that food has been missing and I though i was being sneaky by replacing it but I guess im not so sneaky so now i just feel awkward. This is the same roommate where her dad told her yesterday that she needs to lose weight and she is getting diet pills.. This makes me so competitive and want to lose weight. And i have so much anxiety when my roommates are home now I just want them all to leave.
Tomorrow starts the weekend hopefully i will be able to control myself and have a set schedule.January 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm #89307
I think competition is not the right way, you should do the best just for your wellness:) Eli we can make a deal, we will live this weekend withouth thinking about food, just enjoy this 2 days without ruin them with food! What do you think about it?
If your worried about your roomates’ thoughts try to remind this feeling when you feel the urge to take their food. I’m doing the same here, my mum and sister have to stop to seeing food disappear so fast, so I’m trying to stop behaving like this. XX Haley
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