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'The Challenge'-attempting to stop binging before switch to purging
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May 23, 2012 at 12:27 am #89428
thanks sarah, this is still so challenging to me today i binged and purged and i dont know what got into me. I wish i could chnage to chewing and spitting but i had my internship and i just have not had much time alone and much free time. i need time to myself i need a breakMay 23, 2012 at 7:15 am #89429
oh im sorry to hear you had a tough day lizzy, chewing and splitting is not that much better than bingeing and purging if it becomes a habit you rely on. focus on not binging in the first place and then go from there. its been tough for me as recently ive had to make stopping the binges my only (food / weight related) goal at the moment as apposed tryign to lose weight all while eating a healthy diet and eating regularly. its so easy to want a quick fix but thats not how recovery works, you have to take baby steps!
let me give you an example while the DO IT ALL NOW example didnt work, i dont hink you need me to but ill do it anyway. ok well i would wake up and start well, and then if at any point in the day i ate too much at a sitting, didnt have healthy food on me, ate impulsively and regretted it, but the WHOLE THING was shot, and i dont know about you, but my stupid brain tells me to binge when that is the case!! so bad!
well now, if im just focused on not binging, i may not eat relly really healthily (i struggle with this when im not bingeing but i know a few biscuits when im eating normally is one helluva lot better than the whole pack if depriving myself causes a binge!) so i just relax and focus on not bingeing. and let me tell you, the week i have been doing that, just eating what i fancy, i’ve gained more perspective than the months and months and months (probably years!) that i’d been having hyper control and being really diligent.
i dont know if that help? what do you normally eat on a non-binge day? enough? sometimes writing it down can make you realise that what you thought was enough in your mind really really isnt in real life, thats what i find!
hope you are well lizzy! sarah xxxMay 25, 2012 at 12:06 am #89430
thanks sarah again for your post- and i have the same mindset it is called ‘black and white thinking’ whnen you have a little bit of something and then you begin to regret it then you decide, screw it all and go for it.. thinking it will make the situation better? yet it neveer does.
also on my non binge days i usually eat foods like veggies, fruit, cereal, eggs, yogurt, peanut butter, crackers, ice cream… pretty well balanced i just dont know how to get more protein in there. it is hard to find since i am a college student and i know that would help my case much much more..
after two or three days of doing alright today was a major struggle because i didnt have work and i was stressing about this weekend. also part of the black and white thinking is that if i dont do it now i will never be able to, for example i know i wont have the opportunity this weekend so i took full advantage of it today when i totally could have avoided itMay 25, 2012 at 11:58 am #89431
“also part of the black and white thinking is that if i dont do it now i will never be able to, for example i know i wont have the opportunity this weekend so i took full advantage of it today when i totally could have avoided it”
….so lizzy, what do you mean by that? im not sure i 100% get what you mean there? xxxMay 25, 2012 at 11:39 pm #89432
for example i really crave me time and when i finally get the chance to be alone i do not think that i will have that time again. I crave to binge like everyone else but because my mind thinks it will be the last time i willbe alone, with that particular food, in that situation i take full advantage of it. yet every time i am alone i think is the last time, but why cant i just keep pushing it off?
Friday May 25
Today was a great day at work, and being a teaching I really feel like I made a difference to some students. Today Felt like a good day and I avoided a binge in the morning and one in the after noon. Once i got done work, I went to the gym and then came home. I knew i was hungry when I came home and I was all alone, I had alittle bit of food which I began to regret anf then this turned into a binge. But right after I had a balanced meal and kept on going, i got back up took a shower relaxed and now soon i iwll be going to the shore. This weekend I am nervous because I will be with my whole family, a couple friends, and my boyfriend. It is th first time my boyfriend is seeing me in a bathing suit and that we are spending multiple days together. Hope all goes well and the society anxiety of constantly being around people remains low.June 5, 2012 at 1:05 am #89433
Monday June 4,
So i have not written in a while yet I have not gotten any responses from the readers. But I have had my ups and downs. Last week I usually tallied 1 purge per day, then i went into memorial day weekend with my boyfriend down the shore meeting my fmily for the first time and wearing a bathing suit. everyhting went much better then i expected though and i enjoyed the time i had. Then coming into the month of june I have started ativan .5 mg when needed and i really think it is helping the binge urges because i have not acted on symtptoms in 4 days. So i am trying to decide is it the medicine that is helping me or is my brain and will power to stop the actions.
does anyone have any recommendations on anxiety relievers associated with eating? right now ativan seems to be working. does anyone have any feedback on that?June 12, 2012 at 1:51 am #89434
June 11 Monday:
FUCK THIS. i have been so bsy latley that i have not had much time for myself. i need to relax take time for me, be selfish, and do not give into ed. that las two days i was in a horrible binge purge cycle which i could not get out of i would nap and then get right back into it. work and right back into it. i really need some help getting me back on track and now i will be writing more.
i have a hectic schedule going from and internship 30 min away with highly autistic kids then to the jersey shore to be a waitress..
as a waitress i am okay with being surrounded by food yet when i get home my legs are all swollen from standing so much which makes me self concious and want to binge and purge. i have spent so much money on this hobby and need to get rid of it. does anyone have any good advice. they perscribed me ativan yet i dont know when is the apporopriate time to take it. let me know your thoguhs!!!!!!!!!!!! pleaseeeeJune 21, 2012 at 7:35 am #89435
I’ve been following your posts, even from Bangkok! I haven’t heard from you in awhile and I am worried about you. How are you doing? I really hope everything is okay! Keep on posting!
~highjumperJune 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm #89436
Saturday June 30
That is crazy I know someone else who is in bangkok too! Also I know i have not written in a while and I hope everyone is still along side of me with this journey but I am having my ups and downs. and latley it has been up. Basically what has been happening is that me and my mom are creating a bette relationship because we both realize we case anxiety to the other. I moved out for like 4 days and they started off bad but now they are good again and things seem better. Everything is good with my boyfriend, we have been going out for 7 months. Things have been good latley I just need to stop focusing on the sturggles that I may have and look back on all the successesJuly 4, 2012 at 8:48 am #89437
that’s so great to hear! and you know someone in Bangkok? Are they teaching as well? It is definitely a struggle getting used to the foods here. But I think not being able to read most food labels and having no idea what I’m eating half the time sort of helps. It forces me to not be so obsessed. But anyway I’m really happy you’re doing well. What are your plans for the summer?July 7, 2012 at 1:17 am #89438
Highjumper, I am glad you are having a good time and enjoying the food without the labels. I think that would really help me as well
Up untill this point I usually do like 2/3 good days and a slip up which has been very good for the summmer. I have been running myself ragged this summer I have an internship with autistic children, waitressing 5 days a week, and driving to and from the beach. I barley get any rest so my anxiety level is constantly up .
Does anyone know of anyway to lower this anxiety and slow my roll during the day?
Also, my therapist told me about ‘online binge shopping’ what she means by this is she will go on a store website, add a bunch of stuff to her cart and then just not get any of it. Like binging and purging. ? has anyone ever tried this or heard of something like itJuly 7, 2012 at 5:26 am #89439
Hi Lizzie, it’s alway worth a try! I think the best thing you have going for is that you’re a fighter. I always look forward to your posts because you have proved that even though you may fall, you always get back up again. You don’t give up! It’s inspiring and it only shows that you’re going to get a handle on this. Just start believing for yourself that it will happen and you’ll see. Just keep doing the things you’re doing. Go to your therapist, live your life and do your best to stay positive. You really are on the right track and it’s good to see that.July 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm #89440
I really can relate. Stress and fear, and binging seems like the most immediate way to bring about relief sometimes. Here’s something that you may find helpful – I find it really effective to reduce cravings and need to binge…and you can use it for anxiety also. It’s called 3PT. Here’s the free video that shows you how to do it – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS_-No_BkTg&feature=plcp
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