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'The Challenge'-attempting to stop binging before switch to purging
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April 30, 2012 at 1:24 am #89413
Sunday April 29,
I have not wrote on this forum since Thursday. When i went home on Friday i struggled but remained okay in the end when i got back up. I had a great weekend at home with my sister, mom , and dad. me and my sister are getting along much better now a days (she is 7 years older then me and acts like my mom.) Yet on saturday my dad got into a really bad bike accident and it turned out that he fractured 3 ribs and punctured a whole in his one lung. This just set me in just an anxious state that i was constantly eating. but why does this anxiety make me much? and then i start to feel very guilty and then enter the tunnel vision of binge and purge. I cant believe this had to happen to him i feel like there is always something in my life that is going wrong at everypoint.
Tomorrow is the last day of classes, then exams, then summer.. hopefully ill have a good dayApril 30, 2012 at 7:01 am #89414
hey elizzy, so sorry to hear about your dad i am sending happy thoughts your way xxxMay 1, 2012 at 1:41 am #89415
tobe- thanks so much, he was doing okay today but he is still in critical condition. I will be seeing him tomorrow and hopefully everything at the hospital still remains going smoothly
Monday April 30, 2012
today was my 5 month anniversary with my boyfriend. Today I only had one class at 8 and then had to meet with a professor. When i got back to the apartment I was anxious and got much of my homework done because my roommates are around. I have not had much free time without them. I do no remebmer the last time i purged in my apartment which is good yet i need to work on transitioning back to my house environment which is scary to think about. TOday overall was a good day, yes filled with anxiety (but when wont it be). My dad is constantly on my mind which makes me want to binge to get away from the pain feeling, yet i know i cant. Also today was my last day at tutoring in an elementary school. I will miss my kids. Hopefully my night ends well and I have a good day tomorrow…
Does anyone have any good advice for whne i go back home (due to the fact that i frequently binge/purge there?)May 1, 2012 at 2:25 am #89416
Try to fill your cabinets back at home with healthy less “binge-worthy” foods so you aren’t tempted to binge! Try to get out more & try to think of it as a fresh start… just because your going back doesn’t mean you will binge. Be confident, You can do it!May 4, 2012 at 8:28 pm #89417
kimwhit- i appreciate you comment and the past two days i have been really good, my therapist told me not to count the days which i have not been doing and i think it works okay yet i hope when i get home I am able to control myself.Also it is tough to fill my cabinets with healthy food because there i do not have control over whatgoes in them; yes i can buy healthy food but my mom might buy junk too for the rest of the family and sometimes i will binge on the ‘healthy’ things.
Friday, May 4
I havnt wrote here in three days because i Have been at home taking care of my dad who is recovey from fractured ribs and a punctured lung. Ihave exams coming up on Monday and Wednesday of next week, and schoolis ending so i am moving out all mystuff. I am bad with transitions which I have learned in the past and now I am moving back home for the summer. Ineed to readjust my mindset and know that i should never be bored, I should keep my anxiety low and I should always take time for myself to avoid binge situations. I am aware of the types of situations in which I will binge but I also know that If i have one scary food I say fuck it and go for the full binge which completely sucks. Does anyone have any suggestions?May 7, 2012 at 1:49 am #89418
Sunday May 6-
I had a rough day yesterday with 3 batches of cookies and ate two of them. This was the first time when I ate the same food over and over and had to give it up. EVen though i want to blame it on the stress, boredom, and conflicts with my boyfriend I will take full credit and say that I brought this on myself. Unfortunately I wanted to binge and I planned this. But today I made the situation better and had all my meals equally. Tomorrow I go home after my first exam which I studied so hard for. I am so done with this semester and want to get off to a good summer. Hopeing tomorrow will be another good day.May 8, 2012 at 3:47 am #89419
Monday May 7,
Today my exam went well ! I think I did much better then anticipated… although I did not get any sleep last night I went to be at 3 am after eating and went to bed with guilt. But today I came home for the day untill Wednesday which is my last final. I did well being home and felt the anxiety rising but I took myself out of the situation. My dad will be home with me while I am here untill tomorrow because he is still recovery from his injury. maybe he is the reason I didnt full out binge today. hm…. how can I use this to help me when I am alone?May 14, 2012 at 3:29 am #89420
Sunday, May 13: Mothers Day
Wow today was acutally a really really good day. Now that I have been home, i was with my dad all this week taking care of him while he stayed home from work. Tomorrow I will be home alone all day while both my parents go to work. i will try to distract myself and keep me busy, hopeing it goes well. today I woke up and made breakfast for everyone in my family, my mom opened her gifts and then I went for a run while she gardened. Then we went to get our nails done which felt so relaxing. In the mornign I felt myself getting out of control but then i stopped and left the situation. later that niht i had a huge challenging meal with my whole family which actually turned out very well in the end.
I dont think i could have asked for a better mothers day. I hope tomorrow when I am home alone everything goes okay. goodnight and goodluck to everyoneMay 15, 2012 at 12:36 am #89421
Good luck to you & congrats about enjoy Mother’s Day with your family Stay positive & if you feel tempted in your house tomorrow to binge try to get out and go somewhere— I’ve had some troubles with not staying occupied when home alone also and getting out of the house definitely helpsMay 19, 2012 at 11:41 pm #89422
Saturday May 19,
Today is day 2 of purge free I have ate so out of conrol though that I feel so guilty. I do not understand why I am not getting any sleep? Within the past 4 nights i prob have accumulated less then 18 hours. This is not okay it is making me have a constant headache and cannot concentrate, when i try to go to bed i cannot even shut my eyes!!
Does anyone have any good suggestions for how I can get more sleep? Why do you think I am always getting up all the time. And the time when I feel the most guilty is when I get up at 2 in the morning and begin to eat, then it carries over to the next day and i binge the following day.
It is still tough being home however and I dont know how to cope with the temptations for the food and feelings of wanting to be anxious.May 20, 2012 at 12:26 am #89423
Ely I’m back, how are you doing? after some “better” months I’m totally back to my old bad behaviour:( Keep on rocking girl! We don’t have to lose hope! XX HaleyMay 20, 2012 at 10:56 am #89424
hi elizzy, i also have problems sleeping! there is a lot you can try and i am sure you have tried a lot of these, but here’s my “list” of things i do to make sure i sleep well:
- no caffeine after 2pm
- have starchy carbs & protein at dinner
- ear plugs
- melatonin cream on the backs of my legs
- comfortable bed and room temperature
- take 1g taurine before bed (not regularly as i don’t want to become reliant on it)
- go to bed at the same time every night
- no cardio in the evenings
- no electrical equipment (tv, computer etc) within an hour of bed time
- eat enough so i don’t wake up hungryMay 20, 2012 at 10:57 am #89425
lizzy! you are being so strong, honestly imagine if you were going through all of this alone, and not facing up to it! and its fantastic that you have your mum to support you liek you do! i find things tough with a mum that is very supportive and tries to help but is in the process of losing weight for our family holiday at the end of june, so its great that your mum is totally understanding!
You mentioned you read Brain Over Binge a few months ago, how about if things are still tough for you, you consider re-reading it? or did it not resonate with you? i know that different approaches work for different people, and if thats not your pathway to recovery then thats totally normal. but what did you think about the book? i feel like id really hit a brick wall, my therapy wasnt working, and then a week ago after reading that book… the penny just dropped for me. but thats just me i guess!
hoep you are doing well! sarah xxMay 20, 2012 at 10:19 pm #89426
Sarah, tobe, and haley- first I want to thank you all for reading and responding; you really put a smile on my face when I know someone out there is actually following my journey. Last night I had a sleepover with my closest friend from treatment. We both talked and tried to resolve our struggles but definitely talking with people who know and are there for u help. They know what you are going through so I suggest you all to be open and ask for help when needed. Then my friend gave me very weak sleepig meds so I wouldn’t get addicted and I slept so well and it was needed untill I had to get up for work at 6.
Today is my day 3 being binge purge free. Yes I have eaten alittle out of control and yes I have felt guilty but sometimes I need to suffer the consequences of my actions. I dont even know why and how I started this behavior it only has been within the last mOnth, so I am really trying to turn it around befOre it becomes a life habit. I NEED ALL OF YOUR HONEST OPINION!!!!
There were some days within these 3 where I would start getting out of control which could have resulted in a binge but instead : I stopPed as I was chewing, started feeling guilty and asking myself,”really? Do I really wanna be eating this. Am i really craving it? Am I hungry? Or just an opus and need a calm being”. So instead of swallowing and finishing the binge I spit out the food. Now I know people have this habit and do not eat meals but just chew and spit. Of course I know this is bad. But I do eat meals, a sufficient amount of food, yet when I feel myself BEGINNIG a binge ( which I can identify) I stop spit and get out of the situation. Even though it has happened a couple times I personally feel like this is better than if I were to purge. I feel like it is a way of weaning myself off of purgin. But I will ask more about it with my therapist tmw.
Let me know what u think I need opinions!May 21, 2012 at 7:52 am #89427
i think as long as you don’t put the food in your mouth with the initial decision that you are going to ‘chew and spit’ then its nothing to worry about. since last week and being binge free since friday, i think i did that once! where i automatically put something in my mouth when i wasnt hungry and i thought: “waaaait a minute, i didnt mean to do that!” so i just spat it out, it wouldnt have been a big deal to swallow it, but im trying to break these bad habits of eating impulsively. i dont plan on making a habit out of it, and you need to make sure you dont either.
aside from that congrats on 3 days!! im with you on that! yaaaaaay! i’m not so much into counting the days personally, because as many people have said, it just makes you think about it more and adds pressure, i’m focused at the moment at when an urge does pop up, ignoring and feeling power over it! and so far its made me waaay more positive than being scared of my urges, thinking they have control over me!
hope you have a good day! and dont worry about overeating, your focus is being BINGE FREE, and so what if you are overeating a little, if you havent bingd in three days then thats all that matters. remember that and feel good about it, i do! xx
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