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'The Challenge'-attempting to stop binging before switch to purging
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January 8, 2012 at 4:07 am #4429
Hi I’m Liz. I’m 20, a student. It has been a year since I have ‘graduated’ from treatment for anorexia. But my whole disorder has changed over the past couple months, from restricting to binging, not purging. There have been good days and day days. Usually my binges happen in twos, or I get stuck in the cycle. Although this past week has been incredibly difficult for me and had been a constant binge over 7 days. I do not know how to start over, but all of this binging has lead me to want to purge and self- harm. Even though I do have a history of self-harm I do not want to start traveling down the path of purging.
HELP! / QUESTIONS:
- I have high anxiety: Does anyone know some good tactile ways to keep my hands busy
- During binges I usually eat all the sweets and carbs I can find, so I will crash: Does anyone know any good methods for weening off of these sweet foods?
I have heard of the 8 day challenge that many people are talking about on this forum. I know that after 8 days your brain makes an action a routine. Even though I would love to make it 8 days binge free, I think that I am going to try off for 3 first. (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday). USually I struggle during the week days since I am home alone. So here we go, Lets see if I can stand up to my biggest fears and know that all the binging is only within my head, it is all emotional.! Wish me luck xox LIZJanuary 9, 2012 at 2:35 am #89279
Sunday, January 8-
Today was BINGE-FREE!!
The day started at midnight, when I found out my friend from treatment died of a car accident. I cannot believe this happened and I was in such shock because she was doing much better. I feel like I should succeed and devote my binge free days to her and keep fighting like I know she would have.
Today was a binge-free day. I still feel really good. I think the key to my success today is that I was constantly around people and kept myself busy and out of the house. I did not focus on food but went with my intuitions. My mom was very helpful with me today and gave me a ‘Tiffany Key necklace’ for the key to recovery. This is such a big gift for her to give to me and means so much, aftergetting that we got massages and went out to dinner. Going to bed feeling good and successful!
Need to stay strong for tomorrow.. for sarahJanuary 9, 2012 at 6:05 am #89280
well done Lizzy. Especially after hearing that shocking news. Things like that usually send me off on a binge. How sweet of your Mum too. Hang in there!January 10, 2012 at 3:25 am #89281
Monday January 9-
Hopeful, I appreciate you reading and please offer any advice that you may have.
Last night after I wrote my post i screwed myself over because my parents went to bed and I stayed downstairs. When I stayed downstairs I could feel the anxiety rising and went right into the kitchen. Even though I did not binge I ate out of control and alot of ice cream which set me off and made me feeling shitty.
When I woke up this morning breakfast and the gym went well and during lunch it got alittle crazy with ice cream but then I threw out the rest after one cup because I was feeling so guilty. For dinner, I think my blood sugar dropped low that I did not enjoy my meal but I felt like I had more starches then I should.
Also today I saw my weight and Im hoping it is off since I have my period because it is waaaay up and I dont know how it could have went up this much!!
Overall today was a productive day and I felt like I got alot accomplished without binging. Life without binging is awesome!! I need to do this everyday!January 11, 2012 at 11:08 pm #89282
Don’t stress about your weight…especially since you have your period now. Weight fluctuates so much each day due to water retention from hormones, working out etc…..I recommend taking a step back from weighing yourself as I think it sets you up for feeling really good or really bad for the day…and there is no reason for a stupid number to have that much power over our happiness! Glad you overall had a good day and congrats on not bingeing!! ~LJanuary 13, 2012 at 5:47 am #89283
I thank you guys for reading I know I have not been updating this. Im not sure who is actually looking at this but I have been having a tough week and have not had the time to get on here and write. One of my close friends from treatment committed suicide and got hit by a car and I went to the funeral today. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. Seeing her struggle and knowing hat all I could do was gave her my time, I wish I could have done more THe funeral was packed with all of her friends wishing that she was still here with us.
As for the binging and my recovery, it has been a rough past couple days and at this point I am not sure what constitutes a binge anymore. I have found myself in a cycle of bingeing to eat around 11:30 and eating so much that I make myself sick and dont eat much for the rest of the day. Sometimes it is just the sweets that make me sick but I dont know if i am actually binging. I always begin my eating in control and then it goes absolutely out of control.
I do not know how to contain this anxiety and urge.
Alsom my therapist says I need to break up with one of my friends who is now coming to my college. I donot like her very much and she causes alot of anxiety in my life and always wants to know my detail. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!January 15, 2012 at 11:07 am #89284
Hey, I read your journal…I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard, if you want someone to talk to I’m here! We’re in the same situation about binge, 5 day binge free an than binge again, twice! Maybe supporting each other we’ll help. Writing is an help, but to know that someone will read our journal is better.
About your friend…if you feel that your friend is not positive for you, you should break up with her maybe…overall during the not easy period you’re leaving. It’s not an easy or a fast stuff, but you should start to be cold (don’t show her you’re the person she can count on…stop to call her or talk her about your life, don’t ask her about her life…step by step she’ll understand that there’s a distance between you and her, and that your friendship belongs to past. Everyone in the future will have different lifes and both of you will find other persons to count on.January 15, 2012 at 10:30 pm #89285
Thanks for you help you are great at giving advice! Maybe we can do this together day by day? I need to be accountable to somone but it is just very embarassing. As for my friend goes, I am trying to break up with her and I am already distant from her but I still dont thiink she is getting the message. I am half way done the book Brain over Binge and am finding it very helpful and it is relating alot of my urges and brain thought to the reason I binge. Have you ever read it.
Today has been a great day so far and binge free. I think this is day 2? Who knows but im starting over. I dont htink I will be keeping count though because that adds alot of pressure I think I ma just going to eat intuitively and listen to my body and see what it does for me.January 16, 2012 at 10:26 pm #89286
How was your day? My day has been bad, tomorrow will be better;) For myself, and because I believe in this journal, we can do it together, I want to go on fighting and support too! You need patience for you’re friend, it will take a long time…but little by little you’ll be free!January 17, 2012 at 4:04 am #89287
Thanks Haley, I appreciate your support on the friend issue. And i believe that together we can get through this. Last night I spent the night with my boyfriend at the shore and we had sex for the first time. Today was a good day in my apartment where I usually binge but I remained calm. I did get alittle out of control with eating and did snack alittle on their stuff but I tried to keep composure and got right out of the kitchen and accomplished alot today. Tomorrow starts classes. Please haley keep me updated throughout the day on how you are doing. I know for me with my anxiety typing helps me out alot!January 17, 2012 at 9:06 am #89288
Wish you good luck for today! You’re doing well, keep on like this and don’t worry about little episodes, they don’t matter, the important thing is not lose control! Last but not least, I’m happy for your relationship, I’m sure love will be a grat help, focus on your relationship will help you for sure! XXJanuary 18, 2012 at 4:33 am #89289
Today I broke up with my ‘girlfriend’ or atleast I attempted to. I let her know that she causes alot of anxiety and that I binge when I think about having to come up with an excuse to get out of hanging out with her. I told her even though she is coming to my school I dont know if I will want to hang out all the time and that I dont know how close we can be, at first she was very pissed but then understood and still asked to hang out alittle?
before i met up with her I ate practically all of my roommies trail mix which she keeps int he room (DANGER) and then i Met up with my friend and replaced the mix. But then when I finished breaking up with her I practically ate all of which I replaced. The rest of the night was alright I went out to my boyfriends, and went to a party and I was getting ancy to get home and be alone and when I got home (alone) I started in my roomies cabinets, yet tried to control myself and stop before it got out of control. I need to know what to do with my anxiety when I am all alone. I knew I was tired and needed sleep but again I was also very hungry for some reason. Was this a binge? Please help i need more things to do to keep me going!January 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm #89290
You did the first step with your friend, from now on it will be easier:)
For the binge stuff…I think we must go on trying, maybe when you feel that you can lose control write here! It could help you in rationalizing your instinct, it makes you stop and think…impulse must not guide our actions, mind must do it. I’m giving you an advice good also for me…I wish I did it an hour ago, instead of coming here I overate after lunch:(I’m starting again with good purposes, so I’ll write here in case of need! I wait for your news;) Wish you a good day! XX HaleyJanuary 19, 2012 at 4:02 am #89291
Haley & readers, I hope you all had a good day and thanks for your feedback.
The friend who I though i broke up with yesterday is continueing to text me, even though not asking to hang out. I wish it would stop
Today was a anxiety filled day. I had alot of education classing in the morning and I never have the time to sit down with a meal I just eat so much junk and in a rush and never get fully satisfied with what I have. I eat out of anxiety and Have eaten so much of m roomies cereal and honey, sugar, and so many sweets that it makes me sick. I do not know how to control my anxieties when I am alone. Now I am getting to the point where I am scared to eat anything because I feel like it turns into a binge. If i think I will onl have one bowl of cereal or something alone those lines. I never wait the 20 min for my stomach to communicate with my brain, and go straight for the binge. I do not want to keep eating my roomies food and want to stop this right away!!!January 19, 2012 at 10:18 am #89292
Hi Lizzy, how are you doing? x
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