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Sunny's journals! =]

(66 posts)

Started 1 month ago by specialk_sunnylee
Latest reply from jacquirsw1

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specialk_sunnylee
Member

3rd day! i've been good ive been using jacqui's recording form thingy for the last two days; it's actually kinda fun lol.

well.. i have a story from today

so, my 2nd period went to braum's today(the braum's is right in front of my school --private school-- and it's our school thing to walk to braums all the time; yes, weird ,but its like a little tradition lol). anyway, i usaully get up really early and i had my breakfast at 5:30 this morning and it was around 9am when we went there so i was pretty hungry. at first, i wasnt sure if i should get a small breakfast burrito or a cookies&cream shake that i havent had for awhile. then i thought i'd binge on ice cream later in the afternoon if i dont get the shake, so i got a small shake.. the problem was.. my stomach didnt feel good around lunch time. i guess my stomach isnt very good with dairy stuff. so at lunch, i had baby carrots, some goldfish, and a chicken sandwich (i pack my own lunch) but i only ate carrots and goldfish cuz i thought i should eat something but didnt feel quite hungry. my stomach calmed down and i got hungry eventually around 3 and had my sandwich. and i ran a mile and did my regular work out around 4:30 and 5pm.

(i usually have a breakfast, snack around 9-10am, lunch, small snack before 3, work out between 4 and 6, dinner around 6-7pm, protein water, light snack at night. and i believe my meals are relatively small; between 300-400calories)

well the point is.. i didnt eat when i wasnt hungry and i ate when i was hungry today. and im proud of me thank you andrew for your emotional eating video!

(sorry that i alway ramble;)

Posted 1 month ago #
MsAnonymous
Member

Yay that's great! Your eating habits sound a lot like mine (well when I'm not binging.) I hope you have a day four and a five, and a six and. .. you get the picture. I think that remembering about how great it felt on the days that I didn't binge and remembering it in situations that I want to binge is a good preventative method.

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

yikes. terrible mood swing came tonight. listened to gloomy sunday--almost suicidal; well. i had a hot cup of coffee to calm myself down which didnt work..and my tears just started falling without absolutely no reason. i had a pretty good day and everything. i think it's a...kind of ... homesick. ... i dont know. anyway, i just had a grapefruit with all the skins off cuz it's 11 at night and i didnt want all that fiber that will not be so digestable. i didnt get any homeworks done after that mood swing came. starting now . whew... it's gonna be a long day tomorrow. hopefully, it'll be a good one.

question; does coffee/caffeine affect your appetite? i usually drink a cup of morning coffee but sometimes i drink another cup at night. i love coffee and i wanna have more but i try not to drink more than 2 cups/day. should i try de-caf? (im only a teenager by the way)

Sunny <<333

Posted 1 month ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

I would say that decaf would be better for you.

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

not a very good day--- i didnt get any of my homework done last night cuz i was like depressed and i didnt get much sleep either. anddddd! i have a test and a quiz that i really need to study for. whew. at least i didnt binge last night!

anyway, i got up at 4:15am this morning to finish up my homework which i didnt really get it done
but i had my breakfast at 5 and i got so hungry by the time school started. so i had my snacks that i had brought from home. still, i was soooooooooo hungry when it got to lunch time. i think i'd have binged if i were at home. well,the point is , i didnt binge! then i got home around 5 and had some grapes and pineapple cuz i was starving--again-- then i had some turkey and turkey stuffing. i had a little piece of candy cane for desert, i guess and i am very very full right now. im so glad i didnt eat the whole candyy cane =] im so tired tho. im gonna go brush my teeth now and take a nap before i begin studying.

life is good!

Sunny <<<333

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

i really wanted ice cream later at night and i only had one scoop of it!plus i actually was hungry. that whole "controlled moderation" thing seems to be working :))))) thank you andrew!

Sunny <<333

Posted 1 month ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

That was really positive.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

Jacqui

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

i just had my dinner. i ate a little more than i planned to but eventually i realized that i was full and didnt overeat or binge. there were beans, sweet corn, sweet potato casserole, dinner rolls, and ham on the table. i love all these food and i would have eaten so much several months ago. especially when i have variety, it's bad.

if i had not joined this group to do this journals...
either i would have..
eaten small at the dinner table and binged at night
or eaten a bunch straight at the table, thinking that i dont get to eat this kind of food everyday .
or sometimes eat a lot at the table AND binge at night.

even right now, i could have been binging if i werent writing this.
this is so good.
i feel good and proud of myself.

now i can study for my test tomorrow :))

thank your everyone for your support.

Posted 1 month ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

I am sooo glad that you are finding the ways that help.

I hope everything goes well with your test and that you get a good grade for it.

remember though that things don't have to be perfect to still be good.

Jacqui

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

yikes. i think i did ok on my test. i'm having really hard times to get focused tho. whew.. it's a weekend finally, even tho i have a ton of stuff to do along with SAT tomorrow morning.. i need to get lots of sleep tonight:)

i think ... everytime when my stomach feels funky, i have a binge. like today.. i had a little piece of chocolate in 3rd period and i knew my stomach felt weird but wanted to eat more chocolate, which i didnt. and... everything was fine all day, pretty much. my brother took me to a vietnamese restaurant for dinner and i had a small pho(vietnamese noodle) and a springroll. the only thing is i was full when there was some noodle left but i finished it anyway. and.. i havent been working out for three days because of school stuff. im hoping i'll have time to work out this weekend, or i'll just make some time. other than that, i did real well this whole week. im quite full right now and really , really, really tired.

im gonna get my stuff organized for tomorrow morning---big day! and go to bed once the food in my stomach settles down. good night everyone =]

Sunny <<3333

Posted 1 month ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

You are doing so well.

This time last week did you think that you would have had all these days without binging and actually be at a point where you could have a small piece of chocolate without binging............... probably not.

We will all have times that are better ..... and worse... than others but all of the things that you are learning now are the tools that will help you if you do find yourself binging again.

Having been binge free for long periods in the past I know the biggest mistake I made then was not understanding that because it is a technique my brain has used in times of stress even if I get it sorted at times of new stress it is still often the first thing I do to try and cope. But now I understand that I am starting to be able to put the things in place earlier, so my binge episodes are much shorter, and sometimes I manage not to have them at all and use the other ways I have learnt.

I hope you have a really good weekend

Jacqui

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

thank you jacqui

although, i had to admit that i did kind of overeat tonight, kind of.

so i took SAT today ... i thought i needed some protein in the morning ...so i had an apple, 2eggs and a chunk of ham for breakfast. i know ham is really random but it was actually good cuz i usually start getting hungry after 9am but never felt hungry til 11. i did get hungry eventually and was gonna have some almonds in between sections when i had a break. but i only got to have like ten of them because breaks last only for 5 minutes.

then for lunch , i had a small hamburger with swiss cheese, mushrooms and i added on lettuce, tomate, onion, and some ketchup. i never really liked burgers & fries but that was actually pretty good (i didnt have fries tho)

i came home around 2 and made this cookie cake with friends for a school project. and i had tiny little pieces just to taste. i usually have terrible binges when i get in that kinda situation and i used to end up binging. and today, i was totally fine! thank god. then i thought about working out afterwards but i was tired so i was gonna take a nap which i didnt;. i got real hungry around 6:30. i had some leftover food --little piece of ham, corn, turkey stuffing, sweet potato casserole--. i didnt put much food on my plate at first and wasnt satisfied when i finished it. i had some more stuffing and the casserole-- still wasnt satisfied and wanted more food and i wanted some of that cookie stuff. finally i had leftover pieces of cookie cake --i'd say those little pieces probably add up to a size of one cookie. i did have a binge but i immediately brushed my teeth after i had that cookie pieces cuz i knew it was coming.

(would you say that i did overeat?? i ate more than usaully, obviously, and i am quite full but i didnt eat enough to hurt my stomach.. )

anyway... im thinking that the problem was ..
- i didnt consume enough calories during the daytime--which i need when doing all that brain works lol
- didnt have afternoon snack either so i was really hungry by the time when i had my dinner
- ate my dinner in tv room --which is where i used to binge sometimes and it's right by the kitchen;
- i was all around cookies
- didnt work out, again!! 4 days in a row.

so, i HAVE TO work out tomorrow. other wise, i'll probably end up binging.
gosh i should have taken a nap earlier. i am soooo tired but it's only 7:20pm right now.

plus next two weeks are gonna be a little hectic
because i'll have semester exams going on. but it shouldnt be too bad and im planning to work out everyday, hopefully.

well, im glad i stopped eating now. and i hope i did ok on that SAT..:]..

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

(one more problem that i had : i was home alone.)

mood swing. again.
i just dont get why my brain does this to me.
i guess it's a homesick thing.
everything i see or read about mom, dad, brother, or family makes me cry.
just everything makes me cry!

sometimes i dont wanna cry,
sometimes i want to cry hard out loud but im not in a situation where i cant cry out loud,
or i just crash and come to my room and start screaming yelling and crying with my radio on so loud so my host family wont hear me.

at least, i dont binge on food anymore to cover this whole mood swing thing.

i dont get it.
i just don't.

i dont understand this world.
i try to tell myself "why does it matter if i dont understand this world? just have fun. do your best. have some damn life!"
but when i crash, i just fall. i have to cry.

ughh.
im no fun.

Posted 1 month ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

To me you sound perfectly normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are away from home at a time when your brain and body are going through loads of adjustments anyway, and sorry for saying this but although age wise you are basically an adult emotionally there is still a long way for everyone to go then, I don't think that we should be counted as proper adults till at least 25.

Going back to your original post, I personally don't think that you over ate. You did exactly what we should do and did small portions thought about your hunger and didn't get out of control because you stopped. If you put all of the food that you ate yesterday down then you ate a normal amount for a day, but like you said because you didn't eat lots through the day you had it more towards the end of the day.

Don't beat yourself up about not exercising either you can only do so much and at the moment you need to study which is fine. Not exercising for a few days is not going to hurt you in the long run.

I hope that you managed to have a good rest and remember feeling like you are is ok.

Jacqui

Posted 1 month ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

aww... i totally got that hug.<3
and you shouldnt be sorry ! because..
1-you're an adult who has way more knowledge and wisdom than i do
2-i AM a kid--teenager, more exacly.
= which means you're right!

i just havent been living with my parents for several years and feel kinda independent but really, i know i cant/shouldnt be.

you know,
you've been helping me sooooo much on this thing.
i really admire you

Posted 4 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

ok. i definitely overate this time.

i had a cup of coffee, an apple, 2 hardboiled eggs, activia light yogurt for breakfast between 9-10am. then i found out that i dont have a ride to church. so i've been home alone all day.

then for lunch, i started out with half bowl of pumpkin soup , and had a sweet potato with little bit of cinnamon powder. there was a little bit of sweet potato casserole left in the fridge but i thought it was a bit too sweet so i had a small sweet potato out of 3 of them that i baked.

i was supposed to stop right here but.. obviously i wanted that sweet potato casserole but tried to get away from it --didnt work lol. so i had that casserole eventually, a cookie, one more sweet potato (you realize.... i love sweet potatoes!), and about 2TBSP of choc. chips(180cal) and a reeses fast break bar(90cal.)
oh, another little piece of minty choc.

then i put another cookie in my mouth and all the sudden realized that i didnt need more food, that i cant let myself go, and that i really needed to stop. so i spat it out and i was about to have another sweet potato but i put it in the fridge and brushed my teeth.

problems..
- again! i ate in the tv room ; wasnt very smart cuz i almost did it in there yesterday too.
- well, before i went to bed late last night, i was a little hungry but i had to sleep. and i got a call from korea at 6 in the morning-- i was starving but i needed to sleep more. then when i totally got up, i was STARVING. all this made me to have a constant hunger until i started eating lunch.
- again, home alone.
- i should've let myself to have that sweet potato casserole instead of baking 3 sweet potatoes for myself.

so.. here i am writing.i didnt think it was that much of food when i was eating but i wrote down what i ate and realized everything adds up to about 900calories. dang. but that's ok. im not freaking out and stressed at all. i mean, that WAS bad but i ate them all and cant get them back out of my stomach. i am going to take a walk before i start eating again. when i get back, maybe my stomach will be settled. and i can do some work out i have lots of things to get done and i havent started doing any of my homeworks. plus i have a big college english final exam tomorrow --write a paper with 1000words in two and a half hours. yikes.

but!!! i know im gonna be ok =]..

Sunny <<333

Posted 4 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Ok so you have over eaten.

That certainly isn't the worst thing you could have done especially since most of the stuff you ate was actually really healthy, and a bit of chocolate every now and then isn't going to hurt.

You also have some real positives to look on here,
1. you didn't end up having a complete out and out binge which is brilliant.
2. You are writing things down and starting to find the proper reasons that you over eat and binge.
3. you are doing all of this while on your own with lots of other stresses going on.

All in all I think you are doing really well. At the end of the day we are not going to become perfect over night it is about learning and that is what you are doing.

Jacqui

Posted 4 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

overall, i didnt do that bad today. i didnt really eat more than usual, calorie wise. but im really happy that i didnt binge eat earlier. i cant believe i was able to stop and control myself. i took a nap til about 7:30 or so and had a little bit of lasagna and green beans for dinner. then at about 10, i got hungry and had a clementine, a piece of pineapple, and the sweet potato that i didnt eat earlier lol. im already kind of getting hungry. im gonna go brush my teeth and get ready to go to bad :)) nite

Sunny <<33

Posted 4 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

so, today...
i have not been sure if i was hungry or not all day.

i had a small turkey sandwich, a piece of cheese, and some yogurt raisins at 6pm.
i got kinda got hungry soon around 8. so i had honey &oats cereal bar thingy but still felt hungry afterwards. i got home by 9 and looked for something that would make me feel full. i didnt have any grapefruit but remembered that i felt real full after having a grapefruit and some endamame. so i just now had some endamame and finally feel full now.

plus, i had some real work out today it felt good.
i love working out =]]]]

Sunny <<333

Posted 4 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Hey another good day

Posted 3 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

i feel like i should not have had the whole bowl of endamame last night. i know if i eat in a couple hours before i go to bed, my stomach feels weird in the morning. but i ate it anyway. i guess i ate it even tho i wasnt THAT hungry.

well. i have not been quite as hungry as i used to be but i feel like i should eat something by this time --between 4-5pm. but im writing right now because i know im not really that hungry but i usually am around 4.

i ran about 2.5miles at 3:30 and ... im gonna go take a shower now.

oh yea! i did really good on my english final
and i cant find something that belongs to me but i cant find it and it's driving me crazy.:(

Posted 3 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

girr..
the past two nights, i had snacks around 10pm and got up in the morning later than usual.
i shouldve gone to bed earlier and waken up earlier
cuz i eat a small dinner , i get hungry by 9/10pm or so, i eat some snack, my stomach feels bloated, it doesnt feel great in the morning, i eat breakfast late, then again, i'll have to eat a snack at night... goes on.
it's a bad cycle!
i had endamame last night and baby carrots with light ranch tonight
and i know these snacks were healthy but eating late just hurts my stomach (i have a very sensitive stomach too;)

other than that, still doing good...
i still think about binging sometimes when i see a bunch of cookies or something like that but i get over eat really quickly& easily.
it's been 10 days since i started these journals and havent binged.
(thanks for jacqui's recording sheet& every comment on my journals & andrew's video on emotional eating---major helps)

before i started this, i think longest period without binging was about ten days but 10days felt sooooooooo long and i felt like im holding the binge down in my mind and i'd end up binging eventually.(weekends were killers)
however, the last ten days ... i dont feel like im pushing myself not to binge.
it just feels good. =]]]

anyway..
gotta go to bed now.
im gonna try to get up early. nite!

Sunny <333

Posted 3 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Hi hon

You have done so well as although there are times when you have struggled you are going through these times and looking at why they are happening and making changes which is the really important part of all of this.
You say that you have a little evening meal which I why you get hungry later, why not try to increase this slightly so that the snack you have at night is smaller, don't know if it would work but maybe worth a try.

Well done for the result in your english.

Jacqui

Posted 3 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

thank you jacqui:)

like you suggested me to, i ate a little more for dinner today, i think.
some beef stew stuff and a piece of bread with jam. (sometimes, i feel weird to see me eating all these american food) . i was full just with the stew but i wanted a piece of bread and i thought i should just go ahead and eat it so i ate it anyway ;

i'll still probably get hungry later on but im gonna go to bed early and get up early cuz im a good kid =]]]

i keep counting calories when its not quite necessary.
i count it and if i know i had a small amount of food one day, i tend to binge. (hopefully not anymore)
should i still keep up with the calories or forget it?

Sunny <<333

Posted 3 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

definitely give up on counting calories. That will end up being the thing that keeps the binging going. Learn to trust your body that it knows what it needs. You have an internal awareness of the stuff that is more nutritious and the less nutritious stuff so you know which foods you can eat lots of and which you should limit a bit so there is no reason to be so strict as to count calories.

You are doing sooo well though really proud of the things that you are learning

Jacqui

Posted 3 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

omg it's 6am here in texas
i had like three different dreams last night
and one of them was terrible!
cuz i gave up on me and binged so badly

but i didnt ! i wont!

Posted 3 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Glad you didn't give up on yourself.

YOU KNOW you will get through this even if you slip along the way you will get to where you want to be,

Jacqui

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Rainbow
Member

You're doing really well!
I agree that you should stop counting calories. I'm also trying to lose that habit.
It's a bit difficult as I know most of them by heart but I'm trying not to think about them too much.

Stay strong!

Posted 3 weeks ago #
specialk_sunnylee
Member

ughhhhhhhhhhhh
i've been a little stressed this afternoon
most of the time, one particular friend irritates me so much because she's such a smart ass.
i get frustrated by smart asses because im one too!
(i know that sounds selfish and terrible but... )

i kind of had a bad binge after lunch.
i got up at 4:30 this morning and had my breakfast(an egg, two pieces of breakfast type bread with jam) at 5.
so i was hungry by 8 and had an apple
i was hungry again by 9:30 but couldnt really eat cuz my 2nd period teacher doesnt really let her students to eat in her classes.
so around 10, i had honey&oats cereal bar or whatever you wanna call it and a little piece of candy cane.

i guess i was hungry by lunch time(that might have been emotional hunger) i started eating around 12:15 and ate all my food by ...somewhere around 12:35.
(lunch: my regular sandwich--a small one with chicken breast &sliced cheese, some baby carrots, 8 triscuits, 4 prunes)

then there was some cake in my next period and my teacher let several of us to have some cake. at this point, i was getting stressed because i had so many things going on but couldnt focus so well. as a result, i was having a binge. i didnt have time to write down things with everything else going on so i just wrote me a note to get on here to write when i get home. anyway. so i had a little piece of cake (controlled moderation!) which made me totally satisfied. usually, if i have something like cake when im having a binge, i get worse. but for some reason, my binge today basically went away after having that cake. although i felt bloated later on...

god it feels soooo much better i write stuff down on here!

now im gotta go get my stuff organized and start doing my homeworks.
im tired;

Sunny <<333

Posted 3 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Wow what a difference to how things could have been.

ou have done really well today, I know that you won't be thinking that at the moment as you may well be focussing just on the fact that you had a binge but that is only such a tiny part of this.
You did really well to come on and write all of this down. You have learnt a big thing today which is that there are going to be times when you can't journal straight away but you have learnt a skill today to help you get through that, just by writing down that you were going to come and journal as soon as you could is a good thing and will have given you a focus point to help you.

I hope you are not beating yourself up as you have done really well

Jacqui

Posted 3 weeks ago #

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