HELLO ALL!!!
So today is the start of my 3rd week binge free (or day 15).
Thanks again for all the great support!!!
Keepushin- Yeah I reckon coming on here is prob one of the best and easiest ways to avoid a binge cause you just like start reading other peoples experiences and stuff and realize that no-one feels great, awesome and energetic after they just ate 2000cals in one go. 
Cookiemonster- Don't get me wrong, I do not find it easy in any way and in the past more times than not I have tired to avoid a binge and come crawling right back to the kitchen... I guess it just takes a lot of will power. Which I know you have!!! (cause if I have enough will power to stop my self from a binge I def know that everyone else must) I used to think I had none at all and I couldn't resist once it started, but you gotta start believing that you CAN resist it and you CAN take your mind off it! And hell yeah Dancing has got to be the most fun workout a girl can do!!! =D
Lauren- Hey Girl!!! Lol thanks for that I just really had to be honest with myself about it. Cause I used to do that and then think well if I go for a 8mile run now I'll just not record the run or the extra food and it'll be like it never happened (and I think sometimes the guilt made me binge). So no more lying to myself, or my good buddies on here! Yeah I had a day off exercise today, my legs are starting to feel a bit better now which is good 
I'm having a few of those avoid the binge moments lately. They are pretty annoying, but I'm glad they are AVOID the binge moments lol and not just binge moments. And I know that in time they will soon fade away.. well i damn well hope so
Nat- Oh yeah, I saw on Laurens journal she has a latte or something pretty much daily That's prob a good idea to stay away from the alky if it makes you feel depressed. It doesn't really make me depressed, I'd like to cut down a bit I think, but I'm not going to be to strict on it cause I'm off to uni next week, and I know that most people will be drinking every week. I do want to be able to be comfortable enough will myself to be able to go out and not even need to drink, I think I'm better than I used to be, so hopefully I'll get there sometime soon.
PR- I don't think I'd be a pro just yet, but it's prob a good idea if I tell myself I am, cause then I'll start to believe and then I will be So maybe yes I AM A PRO lol. It's all about believing in yourself, believing you got the power to be able to stop yourself I guess. And noway do I find it easy, trust me!!! But I think I'm getting better at it, which is something. And I like your little personification of the binge monster!!!!! Made me laugh!!
Today to be honest was not the best of days, although it did get better as it went on, which I guess is a positive. I started out getting up and my blood sugar level was through the roof (I have diabetes for those who didn't know yet). Sugar levels are meant to read between 4-8 mm/per liter mine was 24.5!!! Anyway the effect of having high sugar levels means that I feel like absolute crap, really tired, dehydrated, like I have no energy. So i felt pretty shitty all morning and was craving high energy foods (cause having high sugar levels makes your body not be able to burn your food for energy, so whatever you eat doesn't give you energy, hence the cravings for energy dence food). Anyway I gave in to my cravings and had a choc muselibar. Well that was a dumb idea, at lunchtime I was still feeling crap so I tested my sugars again, this time they were even higher 25.5. Arrrgh!! So I gave a big shot of medication to try bring them down and went on as usual having lunch. After lunch till about 3pm I was getting major cravings for sweet food again, and just felt like giving up and binging. I ended up snacking on a oatmeal cookie and a small handful of lollies. After this I was really ready to give up then I remembered a great idea that I'd used before. It was to cut up heaps of vege sticks and eat them with hummus to fill my stomach up and end my cravings without a big binge. So I did just that. Then after I finally had enough energy to go for a walk, was planning on 10mins, but ended up going 35 so that was great. Lol but when I got home my blood sugar started to go low! OMG THE ANNOYANCE OF DIABETES!!!! Another big binge trigger. I grabbed a small packet of scrogen (trail mix) and slowly ate it well my sugar came but up. Felt much better after that. The rest of the evening went okay, I cooked a nice meal, watched some telly and now i'm just typing this up. Oh-well I guess I'm getting a lot of avoid the binge practice And I know that I really need to make a big effort to get my sugars under control.
I'm writing this part in another paragraph cause people don't have to read it I'm just writing it to get it out cause I'm really frustrated with diabetes at the moment. The thing with it is, the only time in my life that I have been able to have good control of my diabetes is when I've been pretty strict about what I eat, that's a no go zone for me at the moment (and hopefully forever). I don't want to restrict at all as I know this is a big trigger for ED to come back. Binging mainly, but anorexia too. I just don't know what to do!!! I know I need to increase my medication, but I'm scared to do that to much, because I have a big fear of my blood sugars going to low. 1. because this has been a big cause of binging in the past. 2. because even if I don't binge it means eating when I'm not hungry sometimes and 3. because it generally just feels horrible. I can't go see a doc either because I pretty much know as much about diabetes as they do, they are not going to tell me any thing new. Arrrg!!!! I know I can figure this out, as many people with type one diabetes live fine and do not develop eating disorders. It's just another obstacle that I guess I just have to stand up to!!! Hmmm :/
Ohwell, I didn't binge so that's a pretty good day all n' all!!
Exercise- 35min walk
b- English muffin w/pb + apple
s- choc coated muselibar
l- 1.5 English muffins w/cheese, bacon, avocado, tomato
s- 1 oatmeal biscuit,small handful of lollies & nuts + plate of vege sticks w/hummus
s- small bag of trail mix
d- marinated chicken breast w/guacamole, 1/2 a burger bun & salad
I ate a lot, but I didn't binge. So well done to me! =)
Hope you guys all have a binge free night too!
xxx Sarah
Then I was like "Sarah, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT BEING FUCKING SKINNY" (I said this inside my head of course haha) and I tried on a bigger size and it actually looked okay. I wasn't feeling damn sexy or anything though. So I decided tonight I'm just gonna act real confident and feel good about myself even if I did have to buy bigger sizes than I used to. And I'm going to try and have an enjoyable night.
Catchya later!! xxx
