Sarahs Binge Eating Journal begins 2010...

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Sarahs Binge Eating Journal begins 2010...

(273 posts)

Started 1 month ago by Sez
Latest reply from El

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Sez
Member

Hey Guys,
I'm new here and I have just been reading some of your blogs and journals.
I was really impressed with how some of you guys have now been months without binging and it has inspired me to start a journal of my own.

My name is Sarah and I have been regularly binge eating for about 2 years now. It started after I lost a significant amount of weight on a crash diet when my parents went overseas. I was working full time and taking care of a messy younger brother and also keeping up a mammoth running/gym regime (about 30miles a week + walking everyday, weights and other gym exercises).Anyway I kept my weight loss up for about a year while I lived away from home and then as soon as I moved back I gained 15 pounds in 3 months I have always been on a diet or hard core exercise program but, as most of you guys know, when you binge diets don't really help you at all, they really just seem to make things worse no matter how good the intentions...

So here I am its a Monday evening and I am starting fresh today. Not starting fresh on a strict diet, not on a grueling exercise regime but just hoping that I can develop a healthy attitude towards food and leave all this binging behind. (maybe lose a few pounds along the way :P)

One day so far binge free...
B- 3 weetbix with milk and sugar
L- Peanut butter & banana on toast + an orange
S- 1 slice of bread w/ peanut butter + fruit bar
D- Chicken enchilada w/ salad & fries
S- Small bowl of ice cream

Wish me luck people... As I wish you all luck too!!

Cheers
Sarah

Posted 1 month ago #
Colleen
Member

Good luck Sarah! Take comfort in knowing that everyone on this forum is here for you, and hoping that you can beat this day after day. Sometimes it just helps to know that if you slip up, there's people who you have to "report back" to; but these people are also extremely compassionate and can help you get back on track. Have a great day!

Colleen

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! Glad you have joined us and have started a journal! It sounds like you have a great attitude and know that you need to get away from those strict diet/exercise plans to really beat this BED. Your food looks great for today! Keep posting and GOOD LUCK!! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Omgosh thanks guys!! I didn't even think anyone to reply to my post! I have been reading a bit of your journal Lauren and it sounds like you have been doing really well :D.
I have never written about my problem... I guess its cause I find it so embarrassing, but it looks like all the people here know what it's like so that makes me feel heaps better!
And yes Colleen it kinda does feel good having people to report back to and to know that other people are doing well and beating this.
I'll probably report back again tonight again haha so far today has been good, so hoping for a good rest of the day too.

Posted 1 month ago #
Bingemonsterbegone
Member

HI sarah,
Welcome aboard. So far so good, your menu looks good. Atta girl, keep it up, one day at a time is how we all do it. ~ Megan

Posted 1 month ago #
Lena5
Member

I'm new too Sarah. It does make a big difference knowing that others are there for you. I feel so much better just knowing that I can come here when I get home. Glad you are here. Lena (My first post is I want to break up with ED)

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Hey Lena I just commented on one of your posts too, I'm going to read the other now

Posted 1 month ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey Sarah just wanted to say welcome !

I think most of us can relate with the dieting/exercising that led to bingeing. You seem to have the perfect attitude by wanting to eat intuitively though, I believe its the solution. Its so hard to get back in touch with your hunger cues and tastes when you are used to eating by external cues like a diet plan or whatnot. But your food allready looks great and I am sure with the support here you are going to see progress in no time !

Take care xox

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl...your welcome! Keep posting...I'm looking forward to keeping up with all your progress. And no you are not alone! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
break the cycle
Member

Yes, welcome. This forum has been wonderful for me. I, like yourself, went through a stressful situation that caused me to lose 30lbs so I was 5'5 and 93lbs. It was stress induced not eating disorder induced until I was so sick of my skeleton body, I went to the store and bought ice cream and binged on it and more stuf and more stuff just to put weight back on...well, that started a nice little eating disorder called BED. It has gotten so much better once I put the weight back on but it turned into a habit for 2years I have had this and struggled with it until a month ago when I found this forum. I haven't had a full out binge for a month and feel like I'm gaining back control if I can do this so can you..I still have urges to binge and over eat here and there but I feel like I can handle this and so can you so be strong : )

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Wow, Im really happy to hear that you are breaking the cycle now!!!! Your story sounds so similar to mine!
Thanks Lauren, I read that you are a nurse. I too am off to nursing school in a few weeks, I'm really excited and I think having lots of study to keep me busy, plus a bunch of new friends, a new job and living in a new place will be a big help in overcoming this.
And also thanks for the welcomes everyone!!

So today I have been for a 5km run (just over 3miles) this is the first time I have done a solid 5km in a few months, considering I used to run a 45min 10km and did a few half marathons, 5km seems like nothing, but still im feeling pretty pleased with myself that I managed to do it as I didnt feel like it at first!

A goal that I really would like to achieve by the end of the year is to be able to overcome food issues and binging! That is my number one goal and it would be awesome to achieve! As I also have Type One Diabetes it makes things a bit harder for me, as I still have to have a bit more control over my diet than others to keep my blood sugars levels within normal range, but I really believe that I CAN do it!!

I also have a few other goals
1. To get through my 1st year of nursing school with passes!
Im going to put alot of effort into my nursing this year and study hard for exams and assignments. I am also going to ask for help if I need it.
2. To increase my fitness. Lets say perhaps 50minute 10k by end of the year.
To do this I will keep up my running through out the year, trying to run atleast 4x p/w, slowly increasing my speed and distance.
3. To make lots of new friends and really enjoy myself this year.
I will make an effort to be really friendly and social this year, I will also try to get involved in a social sports team or something similar.

I know all of these goals will take a bit of effort, but I think it will be really rewarding to achieve them.

Do you guys have goals for 2010? If so I love to hear about them.
What are your goals for 2010? and How will you go about achieveing them?

Love Sarah xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Wow nearly had a binge eating episode earlier tonight, but I managed to hold off and had an extra serving of macaroni cheese, but still not an all out binge. Invited my mate over to watch movies so that I wouldn't be able to binge anymore this evening and it worked!! I did eat a bit of popcorn, but hey pop corn never killed anyone (unless you get it stuck up your nose like I once did hahaha) Feeling pretty proud of myself. Thats 2 days binge free now.. hoping I won't wake up at like 3am to binge as this is one of the worst times for me as even if I reaaaally don't want to do it I sometimes then do it in my sleep... quite screwed up really lol. Oh well I have a major headache and feel sick and not like eating so hopefully I'll sleep well. Goodnight xoxo

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! Aw that is awesome you are about to start nursing school!! Yeah I work in Pediatrics and love it! Its a demanding job emotionally and physically but it is extremely rewarding. Do you have any idea what area you want to go into?

Wow I am impressed with 7.5 minute miles! I feel like I'm booking it when I go 8:45/9:00 pace but I'm a slow endurance runner, speed has never been my thing

Thats interesting you have Type 1 diabetes..I used to volunteer at a summer camp for kids with diabetes..I loved it! One of my ex-bfs ( a guy I just dated for 3 months in college) was a semi-pro cyclist and he had had diabetes since he was a baby. He was really good about checking his blood sugar..usually did it 10-12 times a day..but he had to especially with his physical activity. Just curious when you were diagnosed?

Sounds like you have great goals for 2010! You will do fine in nursing school-just study hard and I'm sure you'll make tons of new friends! Hmm..I think my goals are to continue on binge-free and to continue to not be fearful to live my dream doing travel nursing and seeing the world! Also continuing to build my friendships and being open to new experiences and meeting new people.

Great job tonight fending off that binge monster with an extra serving and then getting together with a friend. Well done! Hope you slept thru the night and wake up feeling proud of yourself! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
ashrose
Member

Welcome Sez, and congrats on stopping with that second helping of Mac and Cheese. Thats a great idea - to invite a friend over to prevent a binge. I will have to make some friends near my place so I can do the same :\

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Hey Guys,
Lauren- Oh that's really awesome working with the kids would be a lot of fun! I'm not to sure what area I want to go into yet, maybe something to do with diabetes or children.
Well done on the running 8.45-9min pace is prob better than 95percent of people who are just sitting on the couch
I was diagnosed when I was 11 or 12 so I have had it for 8 or so years. I use to test 10-12 times a day too when I was really into my sports and running, so I can see why he did with being a semi-pro cyclist. Its really funny me and my bro both got diabetes at the same age and no one else in the family has it.
You must be looking forward to traveling!! I guess that's a really good thing about nursing as you will be employable pretty much everywhere around the world!
And yeah being binge free is always the best goal, well done on a whole year and its great to hear that your not even getting the urges anymore!! (I was reading your journal)

Ashrose-Thanks for the welcome!!! I'm so amazed that everyone here is so friendly and nice!! And yeah having friends to come around is really good, cause I find that even if your not really in the mood to see people, if you just get talking to someone its usually the best thing you can do to get over the binging urge, because its really hard distracting yourself in others ways (I find anyway) as you sometimes still keep thinking about the food.

Anyway, I had a good night I didn't even get up during the night, so I am really proud of myself for that!! So far 2 binge free days and onto my 3rd morning. I had a split muffin with peanut butter for breakkie so that will hopefully keep me going until lunch. I'll probably post again later today.

Have a great day guys xxx
Sez

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Update for today, okay so so far so good and it 5pm nearly 3 days binge free
I've been for a 45minute walk with the dog today, so that was my exercise and my food for the day not to bad either..

B- English muffin w/peanut butter
S- Apple
L- 1.5 English muffins w/ cheese, tomato and ham on top
S- Vegetable sticks w/hummus

Planning on pizza for dinner with a salad mmmmm yummmy!!
Asked my mate round to watch the rest of the movies again tomorrow, and off to Wellington next Tuesdays as well, I'm excited for that as I've got a job interview and I'm paying my bond and 1st weeks rent for the flat I'm moving into on 16th feb!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl...wow that is interesting you and your bro were diagnosed at the same age. Yeah I always thought working for a pediatric endocrinologist would be really interesting. They need to come up with a way to check your blood sugar frequently throughout the day without having to prick your finger each time.....do you have a pump or do shots? Yeah nursing is the perfect job if you love traveling! Oh no I've only been binge free for almost 4 1/2 months...I did almost a year binge free when I was living in Honduras 2 years ago (but that was just dieting really well..not recovery)

congrats on 3 days!! Sounds like you are doing great...keep it up!! Xoxo ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Lauren: Haha, yeah I reckon, my fingers are all yuck from the pricking! I guess I don't really mind it though. I do shots atm, I've been told I should go on a pump, I think it would probably be better, but I'm kinda skeptical to because I think it would be annoying if I went swimming, night clubbing and also at the gym/running. And there's the small issue that they cost about $10,000 and are not funded in NZ.
Oh sorry, I must have got confused lol, 4 1/2 months is pretty good though!
Just curios, what is the difference between dieting really well and recovering for you? I just wondered because I don't want to fall in the same trap.. I don't think I am as I'm not counting calories anymore and not obsessing over exercise.. I find it easy to start doing that all over again thought! Also thanks for replying to my posts its really nice of you, I see that you do it for everyone, you must be a real caring person. Means alot! Thanks Heaps xx

Ok, so to add to my food for the day I have

another snack: bagel crisps (like chips but they are healthier lol)
dinner: 3 small slices of homemade Hawaiian pizza and large green salad |
desert: muesli bar w/ chocolate

I feel pretty good about that, I kinda feel a bit like going and eating now, but If I do i'll just have something like vege sticks or some more bagel crisps. I'm pretty tired to so i'll probably head off to bed soon anyway.

Goodnight xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Haha another update...
I did got back for some more food.
-1st of all I had 2 sticks of celery 1 of them with peanut butter,
-then I also had a few more spoons of peanut butter and
-another slice of pizza with tomato sauce..
My stomach feels fine like I could still eat more, don't feel sick or anything.. So I don't think I'll call this one a binge as I stopped myself just in time. Wish I didn't do it, but I'm pretty happy that I stopped which means tomorrow I can still wake up feeling hungry for breakfast and not like I want to sleep all day and be sick!!!
I think around the 3-4 day mark is prob my hardest time, I haven't often got past this mark so I really hope I'll be able to do it this time. Things are looking positive! I think overeating a bit is kind of good in a way too, because it means I'm less likely to feel hungry and completely blow it tomorrow.
Coming on here and reading some peoples journals etc has also helped me to feel better, I might try that each time I feel like binging.. well I'll attempt to because I know I have attempted many other things to stop binges that don't work lol.

My main triggers seem to be
-Peanut butter and ANYTHING lol just so damn good!!
-White bread and lots of butter

When I move away next month I'll prob try to avoid buying them, atleast for awhile anyway!!

Okay, so I binge on really weird foods, not the stuff most people would binge on I assume, but correct me if I wrong people. It generally starts of with the above foods I named and then I just start eating really random stuff such as..
-Big glasses of cold milo
-Huge amounts of margarine/butter/peanut butter on bread like more of the spread than the bread. lmao.
-Cheese, cheese and more cheese, generally with tomato sauce piled on it.
-Sometimes even butter by itself haha, weiiiird I know!!
-Lattes, cappuccinos etc with HEAPS of sugar and not to hot so I drink them super fast

Its like mainly food I actually don't really want to eat at usual times, with out even having to restrict myself..
Sometimes the normal stuff such as ice cream, biscuits, cake, salted nuts (but we usually dont have them in the house, maybe thats why I have weird stuff?)

Haha ohwell now I really should be off to bed I suppose!!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! Your welcome! Hm yeah I can see how the pump would get tricky with swimming and running...most people I've talked to how have one LOVE it though. That sucks that they cost so much and aren't funded where you live! So you live in New Zealand? Well when I was binge free for that period I was eating basically the same thing every meal every day of the week (1600 calories) and I was obsessive about running 6 miles/5 days a week, and I did NOTHING social ever during that year but stay home alone reading and watching TV because I was so obsessed with keeping my diet/exercise plan perfect. Now I eat what I want, when I want without counting calories and without forbidden foods...plus I finally have a social life again! So thats the difference....

I think you did fine food wise...just an over eat and what matters is you stopped it before it turned into a binge! Interesting the foods that you tend to binge on but to be honest I don't believe in trigger foods. I believe in our minds telling us those foods are "bad" or "forbidden" which induces guilt, which makes us feel like when we do "cave" and eat them, we need to binge on them. So changing the way you think about those types of foods and showing yourself you can eat them in moderation would be great for you! It sounds like you are doing well though...you can make it thru today too! Stay strong! ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Haha wow I never really thought about it like that, but yeah Ive been having pb on toast for breakfast and stuff so hopefully that will help.
I see, wow yeah I guess having no social life and being on a real strict exercise regime is not really what you would call recovery, cause I mean you can't keep that up forever and plus even if you could it wouldn't be very enjoyable!!
I see that you are planning on doing a marathon!! Wooow! Thats amazing haha I admire you, I don't know that I want to run a marathon, but I def like to get back up to speed in 10k and half marathon.
Yep, Im from NZ. Where are you from? American somewhere?

So I didn't sleep to well last night, but since I couldn't sleep I finally got around to downloading itunes and putting all my music on to it. I'm going to up date my ipod tonight I think as I haven't done it in almost a year. I actually haven't used it in nearly that long. So some new music will be good as I'm getting a bit sick of all the boring songs they play on the gym music channel.
Anyway this morning is going well so far, breakkie was split muffin with peanut butter again plus an orange.. I seem to always have the same thing for a few days in a row, I'm going to make an effort to switch it round a bit though because although I'm not consciously counting the cal's, its something that I use to do as I was afraid to have new things for the fear that there would be more cal's than I usually ate for breakfast/luch etc.
Well I'm planning to go off to the gym now for a 4.5mile/7km run, if I achieve the whole thing it will be the 1st time I have run this far in a couple of months. So I hope I can.. I'm just going to take it slow though!!

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Ok, so I am back again lol, I'm finding this forum really helpful... I'm on holiday atm so that's why I have the time to write so much before I'm off to uni in a few weeks.

Well my 7km run went pretty well, I am extremely slow compared to how I use to be, but I actually don't really care. I was just happy I did it. And I had a couple of break thrus as well!
1. I didn't enter my weight into the treadmill so it couldn't calculate my calories. I was going to as I have always done it, but then I was like "Sarah what is your goal here?" and I figured my goal is to not binge and feel good about myself, not to burn calories and lose weight so I didn't type the weight in I just went for a run and felt good!
2. When I got home I ripped up the sheet of paper that I had worked out a week or so ago about how I was going to lose weight. Since I've been coming to this page I have realized that my goal should not be to lose weight, being skinny doesn't make people happy! I admit that I would be pleased if I do a few kilos, but it's not going to be about that, at the moment it needs to be about feeling good and not binging! I know I'm not super skinny, but I'm not overweight either and I'd like it to stay that way lol so definitely going to try hard to not focus on the cal's etc.

I had spaghetti and cheese for lunch today, as I was making it I was thinking ooh but this isn't healthy! And I thought I need to have something healthy for lunch so I got out the carrots and celery from the fridge and started cutting them up. I was like I'll eat these with my spaghetti to make it healthier. But then I actually put them back. I said to myself if you are still hungry after the spaghetti then have them but just wait and see. So I ate my lunch and after I was like hmm am I still hungry and I figured that I wasn't so I thought well if I get hungry later i'll have a healthy snack, not everything has to have veges in it lol. Spaghetti is much better than 4 bowls of ice cream and 5 cupcakes I felt pretty good for doing that because it was eating because I was hungry, not because I thought I should eat a certain food.

Catchya Later Guys, Have a good afternoon! xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
kate
Member

Hey Sez, hows it going?
I skimmed through your posts and I must say your doing REALLY well.
I can totally relate to four bowls of icecream and muffins YUMMO!!! Icecream is my fav weakness. and I do the whole sweet drinks thing to. I love to have those nescafe cappucino sachet drink...mmmm.lol.and same thing.. not to hot.I slurp too.hehe.
Its super awesome how you said in your last post you decided to worry less about getting skinny.
That was a huge step for me last year and I hope its the same for you .:-)
As long as your actions are directed at being healthy and not at lookin a certain way I tend to find you can make better descisions for your body.which in the end results in a better looking(and feeling!!) you anyways!!lol.
Love the running idea!! do you use your ipod? I always get bored unless I have a funky beat to run to lol.
Oh and when I started training for cross-country I found that I started out slower than I had been previously.. but it weres off pretty quick.glad to see you dont sweat the small stuff lol
Anyways... Ill shoo.
your doing fantastic.dnt forget!!jks. chow.love kate.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! Yeah having a really strict rigid eating plan is just not compatible with life. You have to be able to roll with situations, eat out with friends, ENJOY life! So thats what I consider recovery! yeah so as you saw in my post..I don't think marathon running is for me either. I think max should be 1/2. Really I think I'll just focus on 10K distance and maybe try and work more on speed work then real long distances..but we'll see. Just need to go with my body, intuitive exercise, and be smart about it! I live in Georgia (in southern USA) Ahh I hear NZ is BEAUTIFUL! Its on my must-travel-to list!

Great job on the run! I think that is great you didn't put in your weight to calculate calories burned during your run and ripped up your weight loss plan. You will loss the weight, but right now its about getting your life back from that stupid binge monster! And you were so right about the veggies..you should eat what you want and not stuff down veggies/fruits when you aren't hungry just to get them in. You'll get them in another meal when thats what you are wanting but no more "shoulds" with food! Eat what you want! Thats my rule at least! Your doing awesome! XOXO ~Loz

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Hey Guys!
Kate- Yeah I just updated my ipod today, I had been listening to this old music channel they have at the gym (it was the most boring music ever!!!!) so YAH!! Now I have some good beats to run to which makes it much more enjoyable.
Great to hear that it was a big step, that means at least I know I'm on to a good thing lol!!

Lauren- Oh if you come to NZ definitely go to the South Island, I just did a tour of it with the fam and I though it was AMAZING and I live here haha.
Surprisingly, I don't think I have heard of Georgia, but I really want to go over to the US and like do a road trip through all the states and see all the beautiful places there is to see over there, It's like my dream after I get my degree! Yeah a marathon is such a long way, I'm like so impressed by you! To be able to put in so much training as well as work and deciding to fight the binge thing head on and you seem to be doing excellent with that!! As well as the fact you come on here and make an effort to give everyone really good feedback! You must be soooo busy!!

I've had a pretty good day today so far, I'll write out my food its pretty boring but I might try out some new recipes soon...
B- English muffin w/pb + an orange
S- Le snack
L- spaghetti w/grated cheese & split muffin
S- an apple & 1 afghan biscuit (bloody good cookies :P)
D- Spag bol w/broccoli & carrots (haha spaghetti 2 times in one day YUMMY!!)
D- and maybe later I'll have ice cream or popcorn or something...

I also walked the dog with mum this arvo and we had a good chat so that was nice!
My mate is coming round soon and we are going to watch movies again, hopefully we get some scary ones!! I love scary movies at night, I think it comes from back in the day at school me and my mates would always do sleep overs with scary movies and it reminds me of that.
So far I'm going pretty well with the binge free days I have made it through 3 days and if I get through the rest of today that makes 4 so here's hoping the binge monster stays away!!!!!!!!!! lol if he dose attempt to attack me I'll punch him in the balls!!!

Ciao Everyone!
Have a good day/night xox

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

I will definitely have to go there one day!! What are you getting your degree in? A road trip around the States is great..I did it with my family when I was 12. I live on the East coast in the South...one state above Florida (if that helps with the visual ) Thanks girl...yeah life is busy but its been great. I love my job and I love getting on here to support all my friends so I just find a way to make it work! Your food looks nice for today! Hope you enjoy your movie night with you mate tonight! Here's to FOUR days!! Hugs, Loz

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Good Morning
Lauren- I'm doing a Bachelor of Nursing lol same as yoou. And oh yeah I might have to get the map out. Really good that your life's going well. And I like hearing that you love your job as it will be my job too in a few years :P.

Well last night I had a bit of a disappointment, I got up during the night to eat food again! Aggggrh. It really pisses me off when I do it! It was so funny the whole time I was eating I was thinking "Oh man, I'm gonna have to report this in my journal now". In total I ate:
2 afgan biscuits, a few spoons of peanutbutter & marg, few spoons of mayo & a bit of ham...
lol weird stuff as usual, It wasn't a huge binge and I think I stopped myself cause I was thinking about how I'm going to have to face up to it in the morning on here. I was considering weather I should start from day 1 again or keep going from day 5, because during the day time I have been fine and haven't binged yet, The nighttime thing for me seems to be something I do sometimes rather unconsciously. I think I will start from day one again though, as I don't want the night time eating to become a habit again (I used to do it every night, and it is getting rarer as sometimes I get my parents to lock my door that way I can't get to the kitchen) and also because I obviously new what I was doing last night.
So day one again today, but at least I feel really good about this day one as I know I haven't had a binge in four days (except my night time eating, which was hardly binge size- I am only calling it a binge because I don't think I was acting in a very controlled way about what I was eating, and because I shouldn't really be eating at 4.30am).
So I'm looking forward to a new day!
Will post again later
Sarah

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

So this morning I was thinking should I have breakfast or not (because of eating at 4.30am) I decided after a while that although I know I should eat meals regularly, despite having a binge that I wasn't really hungry at all. So I got to work sanding the deck and water blasting, at about 12 I realised I was getting a little bit hungry so I stopped and had a shower etc and decided I better have lunch.

L- 1.5 English muffins w/ peanut butter and banana

So that was all right, I'm still feeling like I could eat something else now, so I might have a snack and then take the dog for a walk....

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

Hey Sarah, just read through your journal and you have such a great attitude. You've been really listening to your body and giving the intuitive eating a really good go I too became a binger from being on a really restrictive diet.. I think a lot of people have come about it this way.. I hate all those diet ads on tv now they make me so angry that people dont know what they're getting themselves into and how you actually lose touch with your hunger cues. It took me so long to actually think about what I 'felt' like eating, not just what I 'should' eat and what I had planned out for each meal.

I think you're little midnight snack was fine, especially since you have been doing so well. I dont think you need to start at Day One personally. I used to do that when I slipped up but now I try to see it as a minor bump in the road to recovery. You're going to have these times and overall you are moving forward so just keep that in mind. I think letting yourself feel guilty and starting over again can be a big trigger for another binge because you let yourself feel like you're failing each time - but you're NOT! Overeating a little is all part of the process I think. Congrats on getting back into it today and listening to your body! Enjoy your walk xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
Julia
Member

Don't feel like you've failed!! We're in this together! I just had a bit of a binge too, but I think I'm past it, usually afterwards I feel so guilty all I wanna do is binge more, but this time I think I got out of that auto-pilot eating mode, and it seems like you did too which is good!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lena5
Member

I think the best thing is that you stopped and when you thought about it, you didn't want to binge! Awareness is awesome! Good for you! I think you are doing great! I went through a peanut butter and jelly on a toasted english muffin phase over the summer. I convinced myself that if I ate that every morning that I wouldn't get dizzy during the day (it was a side effect of the hormone fluctuations). Obviously, they weren't related, but the peanut butter was a great comfort to me. The nutritionist gave me a look when I told her of this scientific breakthrough that I discovered! I had to stop doing it so often because the scale wasn't moving. I have to consider the scale because I was sixty pounds overweight for my frame. I'm glad that you are feeling more comfortable with yourself. Have a great day! Lena

Glad you're off auto-pilot Julia! You have a great day too!

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Hey Thanks for all the support guys!!!
Nat- Thanks so much for that, you have made me think about it in a different way, and I realized is is better to keep on going because I will have slip up's I know that and at least the last 5 days have been much better than the last 4 year or so lol. I think restrictive diets must be a really common cause of binge eating and a thing that a lot of people (especially young woman) tend to try. And I too get SOOO angry when I see those diet ads/ab king pro etc on TV because they make people go on crazy diets to strive for bodies that are soo unrealistic. I also don't really like celeb magazines either because those celebs are under so much pressure to be skinny and they blast them if they gain a few pounds and then other people start to feel pressure they they need to be like that too. And that I see is the main cause for eating disorders (other things too, but they are definitely a big factor) GRRRR!! lol sorry for the rant!

Julia- Thanks for the encouragement. Sorry to hear you had a binge too, but great that you're off auto pilot!!

Lena5- Yep, that PB has to be the most yummiest food ever!!! Especially with jelly or honey or banana or chocolate hahaha the list goes on.... It's interesting to hear that your hormone fluctuations caused dizzy spells, because I also suffer from these dizzy spells (especially when standing up) and I too have a hormone imbalance, maybe they are related?

My afternoon has gone well so far, after lunch I had..

S- Small bag of bagel crisp & apple
Walked my dog, went to the supermarket and also got some new shoes!! Then I came home and I felt rather hungry (I know because my stomach was rumbling rather loud :P)
S#2- 2 crackers w/peanut butter, brunch bar & lite yoghurt
Hopefully I should be fine till dinner now.
I'm excited for dinner to because I'm making a recipe that I found on the Rachel Ray website, I love her show so much and she always makes really tasty looking food, so I'm hoping this one tastes as good as it sounds!!

I am actually feeling quite a bit happier since I have quit trying to lose weight and have stopped excessively exercising, I'm really proud of myself for doing that because if I look back on myself 6-7 months ago it would have been something that I would have never even considered. I have been on some type of diet constantly for at least the last 3 years I think (even thought I generally could only stick to them for 2 or 3 weeks and then I would start a new one lol), so it just feels really good. It also feels great to not be binging!!!
I'm going out to the pub tonight with a mate, I'm going to try and not drink to much (last time I went out I had a very sore head the next day). I think I will try to only have a few drinks and practice acting confident without having half a bottle of vodka to help me.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! Just catching up on your journal...it sounds like that late night eat really wasn't too bad. So do you actually wake up in the middle of the night hungry? do you think its related at all to the diabetes? If your actually hungry in the middle of the night maybe a pre-bedtime snack would help with that. It sounds like you have gotten yourself right back on track today and have been doing great! Thats so cool you are getting a BSN too! I'm sure you will be a wonderful nurse! It is so nice to not be doing some diet constantly or pressuring yourself to work out like crazy!! You are now in normal person world...doesn't it feel great?!? ANyways hope you have fun at the pub!! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

hey sarah, no i totally agree with your rant! i try to warn everyone I know that tries to diet now haha... in a nice caring way. I just dont want them to end up like this I'm so glad you've done so well today, it's great to not be so obsessive isn't it and just to enjoy life - thats how its meant to be all along. Enjoy the pub tonight.. I'm guilty of having a few too many drinks too.. I try to avoid it because I usually binge the next day. Show me that you're stronger than that! xx

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Hey guys its 3am lol I just got home from the pub and can't sleep at the moment, I had a great time though and I only had about 4-5 drinks over the whole night, so I don't think I'll be waking up in hangover land. YUS!!

Lauren- Yeah it is related partly to my diabetes, my blood sugar levels used to often go low in the middle of the night and I would wake up sweaty, shaking and need to get sugar into me right away. When I was about 12-13 I thought it was kinda cool. I would be like excited that I got to eat chocolate in the middle of the night when I usually wouldn't be allowed to. It happened at least 2-3 times a week for a year or 2, and then one day I decided I didn't like doing it anymore and my medication changed so I was able to prevent the lows, but the habit still remained. And then the more I tired to stop doing it, the worse it got, to a point where I would unconsciously do it and only know in the moring when I felt so sick and my mouth tasted yuck. Mum suggested I do cognitive behavioral therapy as she thought it might help because it seems to be something that I can't really help, its really weird because it only happens if I am at my parents house. We went on holiday for 3 weeks and I didn't do it once, nor while I was away flatting this year.

haha I will post again later i'm starting to get sleepy xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
kate
Member

Hey sarah.. Its looks lilke your doing really well.
Dont stress about your slip up... being binge free is about learning from your mistakes. dot expect yourself to get it right the first time. It takes a HEAP of practice. your doing great!!
And I love that your ditching the diets!.
Its such a Fanatastic feeling when you can finally say goodbye to restrictions..
Anywho.. I hope you have a awesome, resulting-in-only-good-laughs-in-the-morning-and-excluding-all-headache/bodyache-feelings, evening at the pub.lol.jks.
love, kat.NIGHT!!!:-)

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! Glad you had a nice night out last night and won't be waking up with that horrendous hung over feeling!! Ok that mid morning hunger thing makes total sense since that is when a lot of diabetic blood sugars bottom out..so you waking up needing to eat makes sense...and then how that would become a habit and an almost unconscious thing. How interesting it only happens at your parents house...Maybe you should try CBT for that. Interesting girl! Hope you are having a good day/night! ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Haha yeah, Its seriously weird mum and me laugh about it because it is the most random habit ever!! And there's no point me getting angry about it as it just gets worse then lol

I'm feeling pretty good this morning! Five days binge free now, I'm really happy about that!! It's the longest I've been in probably I'm guessing at least 15 or so months. So thanks so much guys for all the support as that MUST have had something to do with it...
Its Saturday today and weekends are usually a binging time for me too as they seem to be for many people on the forum, I'm honestly not feeling to nervous about the weekend at the moment but we shall see how things go.

This morning I had
B- English muffin w/PB

Oh and BTW guys the recipe I tried last night of Rachael Ray's Website was amazing it was a hit with everyone, so now I'm thinking about trying some more!!
It was a chicken dish with potato, apple, pear, lots of herbs YUMMY!
Anyway i'm off to the gym to attempt at 8km/5mile run, longest run of the week at the moment and I haven't done that long in ages so i'm hoping for the best.
xxx Have a great day/night guys

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Yeah it is really interesting and def. something that you shouldn't feel bad about since it really came about medically in origin. I'm glad you are feeling good this morning! And 5 days is great...you can get thru this weekend and if you are finding you need extra support, get on here as you know we will all be here for you! Have a great run!! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

Hey Sarah, 5 DAYS! Hooray! thats such an acheivement, you should be so proud of yourself. That midnight snacking is strange hey, especially when it's just at your mums house haha. I think it would be interesting to give Cognitive BT a go. I was thinking of doing that myself to stop my immediate response to eat out of boredom. Let me know if you decide to go ahead with it. Goodluck over the weekend, I know you can do this. There is no need to binge, the food will be there the next day and the next.. so enjoy your weekend and you're food

Have fun on your run! xx

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Thanks for the responses guys

Lauren- Thanks for the support!!

Nat- I'll let you know if I do decide to go ahead, I'm moving away soon to go to University so I'm hoping it won't be such a problem then, but if it does continue I think I will def have to give it a try.

Its nearly 4.30pm on Saturday and I haven't binged yet, so so far so good for the weekend. My run went pretty well this morning. My muscles are a little sore and I was very slow haha. I pushed through and made it to the 8k mark though and that was the goal. I've been for a walk round the lake with mum and the dog which was nice, I'm really trying to enjoy the next couple of weeks before uni starts. So far today I have had..

B- Split muffin w/PB (lol the usual)
L- Split muffin again w/cheese, tomato, bacon & mustard + an apple
S- Packet of bagel crisps

I think I'm off to have another snack in a few moments as my stomach is growling at me rather loudly.
xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Oh you can make it thru the rest of Saturday! Your stronger than you know! Haha your slow run pace is probably my sprinting pace! The walk around the lake with your mom and doggie sounds lovely. Definitely take advantage of your down time before you start nursing school! Have a great rest of your Saturday...its my sleep time xoxo ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Saturday night at 9pm and still no binging!!

The rest of my food went like this...
S- brunch bar and 2 vita wheat crackers w/PB
D- Healthy style nachos mmmmm yuuuuuummy!! =D
D- Frozen yoghurt ice cream also frickn' great

Going out to the pubs again tonight with some other mates, one of them's moving away soon so kinda his farewell. Really can't wait cause my crazy mate that I have known since year 9 at school is coming... this could be a drunkin' night lol

Best be off to have a shower!!!
xxx

Posted 1 month ago #
El
Member

Hey Sez,
Just been reading your journal and it looks like you are doing great!
I am a student as well, and I find the holiday period and also the times that I am writing or studying so hard - it is a major binge potential for me as I used to distract myself with food.
I think it is fantastic that you have non-food related goals as it is so easy to be so consumed by food - I still am, but am trying to shift my focus.
Do you find that if you have had a few drinks the night before, the next day you binge - I used to be terrible for that.
If you don't mind my asking, what will you be studying at university?

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Gooooood morning people, lol oh make that afternoon, wow I didn't realize it was lunch time already hahaha!

Hey El, I'm going to be beginning a bachelor of nursing this year, I'm really excited about it because it means moving to the big city!!! And you have now made me curious as too what you are studying?
Yes, I used to come home from a night out and pig out on peanut butter and white bread etc till I pretty much was sick, alcohol must be like a trigger for a lot of people.

Ok, so I hit a wee speed bump last night, not to bad though it wasn't what I consider a binge... when I got home from the pub after faar to many drinks me and my mate talked until 5am and everything was sweet. After he went home however, I heard the afgan cookies calling me from the kitchen...
In total though all I had was:
-1 afgan biscuit
-about 2 corn chips
-piece of bread w/PB and marg + a few spoonfuls of PB
So not really a binge, plus we had been dancing all night and alcohol makes me more hungry anyway.
I don't feel to flash at the moment. I did manage to get in a 3mile/5km run this morning, using a lot of will power to make it through. Haven't eaten anything today yet as I haven't felt to flash, I think after a shower I should be ready for lunch though.
Hope everyone else had a great night last night too!
Will post again later,
xxx Sarah
P.S what is the drinking age in America? I'm just curious... lol

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Sarah! You know last night really doesn't sound bad at all, especially after a night of drinking and DANCING..I bet you were hungry! and it was til 5 am!! Nothing to worry about...everyone loses a tad bit of control with alcohol. Just curious what is an Afgan cookie? Also what does "feeling flash" mean..just curious! It must be New Zealander talk Great job pushing thru a 3 mile run hung over! Impressive! Enjoy your lunch..hope you don't feel too cruddy today after last night! Hugs, Lauren ps drinking age is 21

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Lauren- Ohh do you guys not have Afgans in American???????! Its like a chocolate cookie with chocolate icing on top and then a couple of walnuts sprinkled on top of that.
Hahaha!! "Not feeling to flash" is like "not feeling to well", I'm not sure if other New Zealander's say it or if I just made that one up as I was writing... I'm sure I've heard it being used before? hmmmmm. Oh interesting that the drinking age is 21, I think it used to be 21 here as well, but then they changed it to 18, kinda good for me though or I'd still be waiting another year.

6.5 days binge free so far!!!! WOOP WOOP!! Half a day to go and I can call it a week

B/L- english muffin w/PB + muesli bar
S- Orange + 2 crackers w/cheese

Today the weather is crap! Not much of a summer we are getting here in NZ. Actually the weather has been sooo crazy, for the last few weeks it has actually been like monsoon season (and NZ is not a tropical island) we had the heaviest rain I have ever seen in my life the other afternoon!!!! Lasted 15minutes and then it was fine again... and now today it's bloody cold, wet and gray. Grrrr for this shitty weather.

Hence the weather being so crap, I have had a very boring afternoon. So far my activities have included facebook, tetris and watching a doco on Britney Spears life. I was a bit worried ealier that I might binge because of being so bored all day, but I seem to have coped well so far without any urges. Lets hope the rest of the afternoon goes as well.

xx Sarah

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

No I've never seen/heard of those! They sound quite amazing though! I've never met a cookie I didn't like So you guys call cookies biscuits right? Haha I like that..I don't feel flash..I think I'll start using that Yeah its 21..they may drop it to 18 one day but who knows...its a pretty conservative country over all so it will probably stay 21. Sorry the weather is crappy lately. Today was a rainy cold day too. Good job dealing with your boredom! Hope you find something nice to do for the rest of your afternoon! Soon to be my sleep time. Talk tomorrow! Nite S

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

Hey sarah, Im so happy that you've been doing so well and you've been binge free for nearly a week. Do you think it's the intuitive eating that has been the main help? Haha, we also say 'not too flash' here too. Definitely heard it before! xx

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Lauren- Yeah, we call cookies biscuits here, I personally think cookie sounds yummier than biscuit lol. We also call ketchup tomato sauce. Its funny how different places have different ways of saying things.

Nat- Yeah slowing down and noticing what I'm eating has been a big factor in helping me this week. I think the biggest thing though was just dropping the constant dieting/I need to lose weight/restricting mentality. What country are you from?

Well over all I think I have had a pretty good past week. I have achieved a few things this week which I am proud of, I'll list these below in bold so I can come back and reflect on them in the future weeks, so I will be able to see how far I have come...

-I have made a big effort towards stopping trying to lose weight. I admit that I would still like to lose a few pounds, but it has not been a big thing on my mind in the past seven days. I have made a conscious effort to think about other things if I start thinking about it. Screwing up my weight loss regime was a big thing.

-I have stopped counting calories of all the foods I eat. I have thought about it a couple of times, but in the last seven days I would not be able to tell you how many calories I ate on any of the days.

-I have begun a sensible exercise regime, running for the moment only 25km/15miles p/w. This is set to slowly increase every 2 weeks as I hopefully begin to gain back my running fitness.

-I HAVE NOT BINGED IN SEVEN DAYS!! =D This is such a big thing for me. I cannot remember the last time this has happened!!! I am so proud of myself for this.

The rest of my food for today went like this...
S- 2 crackers w/PB & honey + handful of corn chips + some celery sticks
D- 2 chicken sausages w/ a big green salad and home made beer battered wedges (and of course tomato sauce)
D- A banana w/ peanut butter + 2 spoons of PB

Since it has finally stopped raining I'm considering taking the dog for a quick walk, cause he hasn't been walked today yet. So i'll be off now.
xxx Hope everyone is doing well, have a good night/day guys!

Posted 1 month ago #

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