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Binge Eating Forum » Eating Accountability Journal

51. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Yesterday and today I had some good days. Yesterday I was out with some friends and today I visited my grandpa. Didn't really struggle with eating.
    I'm feeling a bit down though as I have one of my I-don't-like-the way-I-look-phases. Won't let that make me eat though

    Posted 1 year ago #
52. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Hey glad to hear you had a good time with the visits.

    Don't let that feeling get to you.

    Jacqui

    Posted 1 year ago #
53. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    I know I shouldn't but sometimes it's very hard.
    Today I had another good day. It seems to get easier day after day to do the right thing. That's a very strange feeling. I'm so used to binges that I sometimes want to turn back to the routine because I'm afraid of this new development.
    I always have to remind myself that I have to stay careful, that I have to keep writing into my journal...things like that.

    Posted 1 year ago #
54. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    It is understandable that this new phase scares at times. But it is so much better than the old ways.
    It does get easier the thing to remember is to keep doing what you learn works even when you think everything is going right, this is where I have fammen down so often as I go for a while without binging and gradually things drop off then some sort of stress will come along and I end up resorting straight back to binging, whereas if I kept doing everything like journalling I would do that to the same extent I don't think.

    Well done for having another good day.

    Jacqui

    Posted 1 year ago #
55. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Thanks!

    I'll try to keep doing the things I've learned

    Posted 1 year ago #
56. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Ah I forgot.

    I had another good day...foodwise...emotionally I nearly had a breakdown but I didn't turn to food...that is a positive.

    Posted 1 year ago #
57. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Sorry to hear that emotionally it has been difficult today, but that makes the fact that you have had a good food day even more impressive well done.

    Posted 1 year ago #
58. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    I have the strong feeling that it has to do with my relationship. We hurt each other way too much and I start to believe that it would be better to break up.
    It just seems like all we do is fighting and there is this wall between us....it hurts so much but if we end it then at some point the pain would go away. Now it seems never ending. I really don't know what to do. With my eating disorder I totally isolated myself and I got no real friends left. My boyfriend is the only one who really KNOWS ME. But on the other hand he is also the reason I hurt so terribly and I cry so often. I'm just afraid that he will let me go easily and I will feel that I've made a mistake and then I'll be all alone.
    I hate this situation.

    Posted 1 year ago #
59. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Waaaaah! I'm alone at home! I'm afraid! I'm afraid! Will I make it????

    Posted 1 year ago #
60. 

    ivierose
    Member

    You will make it, just keep thinking postively! It may sound hard to do right now, but you CAN do it!! Take this alone time to do something positive for yourself ... listen to some music, take a bath, just do something that you will enjoy! You can get through this time by yourself ... and maybe even learn a thing or two about it. If it gets too hard jump on here and write about it! We're all here to support you. And we know that you can do it

    Posted 1 year ago #
61. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Of course you can make it. We know you can, I hope you have.

    Jacqui

    Posted 1 year ago #
62. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Hi there!
    Thanks for your words!
    Well, I have to admit, that I kind of overate but it could have been worse and actually half of it happened in the evening when my parents were home again so I can say that I did ok while I was alone (trying to see the positives :oops:)
    Still I thought a bit about my slip and I realized that I stopped doing some things that I know I should do, like not eating in my room or in front of the laptop, so I have to be careful about that...
    I also realized that I'm back to thinking black or white cause I overate in the evening thinking: What the hell?! You did it this afternoon why be careful now.
    It's really sad to go back to bad habits but at least I noticed, so I am going to fight agains it all over.
    This development makes me a bit sad and frightened because i really want to put this disorder behind me but I'm going to try. I'm also down because the day after I overate or binged is always very hard on me as I doubt myself the most then.

    Posted 1 year ago #
63. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Ok....So till now everything went alright, but I'm having a bit trouble right now as I'm fighting with my boyfriend again...Hope I will get through this

    Posted 1 year ago #
64. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Right so you know that this is a big trigger for you.

    What can you do.

    You can binge.......... you can give in and let him make you feel vunerable and bad. But do you really want to do that. NO you don't, but you may still do it and if you do that is not the end of the world. When we binge it is often the feelings after the binge that are more distructive than the actual binge. If you haven't managed to keep control (and I know that you can do it even if you haven't this time) then let it go, you have coped with the emotions in the way that you can at the moment. That doesn't mean you have to do that forever.

    I hope that you have got through this, I really think you are able to but I am also realistic that ability and actually managing it don't always manage to be right at the right time.

    I hope this made some sense, bit rambly today I know what I want to say but can't seem to write it down properly.

    Jacqui

    Posted 1 year ago #
65. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Thank you soooo much! Your words are always so...right...I don't know mybe it sounds stupid but you are very wise.

    Yesterday I made it (Yay!) I just thought this isn't worth it and went to bed

    Posted 1 year ago #
66. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    I am sooooo glad that you got through that. It was a big thing for you and definitely something for you to remember in the future and be proud of.

    Posted 1 year ago #
67. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    Since my last post everything went ok. I really had no problems with food and ate mostly healthy stuff. I'm still a bit down but I'm trying to work that out without eating. When I felt bad I just took a walk, listened to some music and though about my situation. I realized that I'm eating because I'm feeling empty and bored most of the time, so with this knowledge I'm trying to stop that as it is a bad habit.
    Sometimes it's good to show feelings and to let yourself really feel them even though it hurts. I decided that I will not try to numb the pain with food. I'm sure I am going to binge again but I have hope as I know what's wrong with me and that's the first step to being happy again.

    Posted 1 year ago #
68. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    You are so right, I am glad that you are working these things through and being realistic with yourself.

    Hope you enjoyed your walk.

    Posted 1 year ago #
69. 

    Rainbow
    Member

    I did. Felt very thoughtful though.
    Now I'm back in the town where I study and I feel a bit homesick.
    Think I'm going to study now, maybe that can put my mind at ease.
    Ah... I had a good day and ate mostly healthy stuff.

    Posted 1 year ago #
70. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Glad you had a good day.

    remember it is ok and normal to feel homesick especially when you first return so let yourself feel those feelings, it is ok.

    Hope today has been as good for you

    Jacqui

    Posted 1 year ago #

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