HI MY DEAR FRIENDS, HI ANDREW. MY NAME IS VANESSA AND I'M FROM ITALY (PLEASE FORGIVE MY MISTAKES EVENTUALLY!).IT IS QUITE STRANGE...I'M NOW WRITING TO PEOPLE IN OTHER PART OF THE WORLD..BUT I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I'M REALLY DESPERATE, AND I KNOW YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME AND MAYBE HELP ME. I CAN'T STOP EATING JUNK FODD,...I CAN'T STOP BINGE EATING!EVERYTHING STARTED ONE YEAR AGO, WHEN I ENTERED A "REHAB PLAN" IN ORDER TI STOP DRINKING AND DOING DRUGS. I WAS A JUNKIE AND I WAS ALWAYS DRUNK. BUT I WAS 53 KGS FOR 157 CM. NOW, A YEAR LATER, I'M CLEAN..I'M ON METHADONE, I STOPPED ANTIDEPRESSANT, BUT I AM 73 KGS, AND I'M REALLY DEPRESSED. I FELL BAD, I SAID TO ME THAT I'MA GARBAGE CAN...I CAN'T STOP EATING CHOCOLATE, AND BISCUITS AND ICE CREAM...I START EVERYDAY IN A GOOD WAY, BUT ALWAYS, WHEN I GO OUT AT 6.00 PM FROM OFFICE, I CAN'T RESIST, AND STOP AT THE STORES, WHERE I BUY EVERYTHING I CAN TO EAT AT HOME. I START EAT IN FRONT OF TV EVERYTHING I CAN: BISCUITS, CEREALS IN A CUP OF MILK, ICE CREAM, CHOCOLATES BARS...I SAY TO MYSELF: OK VANESSA, THIS IS THE LAST TIME, YOU ONLY NEED TO READ ALL THE TIPS YOU PRINTED IN OFFICE REGARDING STOP EATING JUNK FOOD, AND STOP BINGE EATING...AND YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR HANDS THE CARDS TO STOP DOING THIS WAY. BUT AT THE END OF THE EVNING I FELL BAD...I HAVE TO THROW EVERYTHING OR I COULD EXPLODE, AND EVERYTIME I GO TO BED, FEELING DESTROYED ANOTHER TIME: I NEVER READ THE TIPS, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BATTLE THIS, I FEEL A STUPIND AND A SHIT, BECAUSE EVERYTIME I CAN'T SAY NO....AND ALL THE DAYS ARE THE SAME. I DON'T KNOW HOW DRESS IN ORDER TO HIDE MY HUGLY LARGE BODY, I DON'T WANT TO SEE PEOPLE...I ONLY WANT TO HIDE MYSWELF, AND I REALLY WOULD STOP DOING THIS...BUT I CAN'T. I EXPLAINED TO MY PSIC. THE MATTER AND SHE SAYD THE THERE IS A HIDDEN PROBLEM, BUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT I CAN'T FIND IT.
PLEASE MY FRIEND, HELP ME...I FEEL DESTROYED! TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS HABBIT, FROM FOOD...I AM AT THE POINT THAT I WOULD PREFER DRINKING MUCH AS I DID, BUT RETURN THE PERSON I WAS...
EVERYDAY I SAY TO ME THAT THIS IS THE DAY I AM GOING NOT TO BINGE, NOT TO EAT JUNK FOOD...AND AS THE EVENING ARRIVES...I USUALLY SAID TO ME: COME ON VANESSA, YOU ARE 72 KGS, EVEN IF YOU EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM CAN YOU WILL NOT ENCREASE BY TOMORROW, SO YOU CAN EAT ALL THIS JUNK FOOD FOR THE LAST TIME, AND TOMORROW START GOING ON THE GOOD WAY.
BUT TOMORROW NEVER ARRIVES..I NEVER READ THE TIPS THAT COULD HELP ME...ALL THOSE PAPER SHEETS ARE ONE ON ANOTHER IN MY BED ROOM,...WAITING FOR ME...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANUMORE...I'M CRYING NOW...I FEEL SO DESPERATE AND SO STUPID...I DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE!!IT IS MY FAULT...I DON'T HAVE THE WILL TO RESIST...AND EVERYTHIME I GO AND BUY FOOD AND EAT IT,,AND IF SOMETHING REMAIN, THE DAY AFTER, I GO AND SEARCH FOR THE FOOD THAT I LEAVED THE NIGHT BEFORE, AND INSTEAD OF PUT IT INTO GARBAGE, I START AAIN...AND "TOMORROW" NEVER COMES...
PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!
ALL MY LOVE, VANESSA.
