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Pink's Journal

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Started 8 months ago by pinkumbrella
Latest reply from Anna

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pinkumbrella
Member

Hi, I've not started a journal till now because I've always been afraid of commitment. But I was thinking just now, "fine, i'll just abandon this if I can't stay commited to it, no harm done!" So here I am.

I'm 5'1 and 114 lbs. Before i binged, i was always skinny...9 months ago I was 84 lbs. It all started when people said I looked bony and I got self-conscious so I started eating more, and then I realised I couldn't stop. Funnily, no one has commented about my weight gain though admittedly I try to cover it up when I can (e.g. by wearing jeans).

So...I hope I'll stick to this journal. Thanks for any comments and good luck with your journey too

Posted 8 months ago #
Andrew Bolis
Forum Administrator

Thanks for sharing. I can relate a lot to your story. In fact I probably only stick to 3 out of every 10 commitments I make, and I do NOT think there is anything wrong with that.

Often I make a commitment to an activity or some kinda of plan and it gets boring or I get lazy. I fully accept that. I do NOT beat myself up about it. I move on. And in the future I might try making that same commitment again

Also I agree with you. Often if you start losing significant amounts of weight people will say things like:

"you look too skinny, you should eat more"

However often, the people who say such things are overweight themselves and are feeling really insecure because of your thin figure.

Now does that mean that one should become really skinny or anorexic? NO. However one should NOT also take everything people (including relatives) say to them without first questioning it.

Click HERE to get your FREE Report to INSTANTLY Stop Binge Eating & QUICKLY Lose Weight

Posted 8 months ago #
Emma
Member

Welcome - love the screen name.

Please please do keep us posted on your progress! I didn't want to do this at first either but it turned ouot to be unbelievably helpful. A lot of people here keep some kind of daily journal so if you do that we can give you some tips and encouragement. You don't sound overweight so I think your main priority is to put a stop to the bingeing. Take it gradually and come here whenever you need advice! We're all going through this too. Good luck!

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

Hi, I do not count calories, but i think i overate quite a lot today.
breakfast:
1 wholemeal slice + 1.5 servings of yoghurt
2 rice rolls
lunch:
2 weetbix with milk
1 serving of muesli
snacks:
1 slice of milkbread
3 servings of wholewheat cereal
dinner:
0.5 serving of white rice along with tuna, egg, veggies
1/4 of small pineapple
1 apple

Okay, so one thing to be happy about is that i don't snack on unhealthy foods anymore. But i crave loads of carbs. I'm quite disappointed with myself because i wanted to go swimming today but couldn't bring myself too. then i felt like a failure and started binging on the cereal. i was full but i ate anyway.

Sigh. anyway, thanks for the replies. yup i'm not overweight yet but i'll soon be if i don't watch out. it's kinda scary because a few months ago i was underweight with bmi of 16. and i've been that bmi or lower for my entire life (my whole family has this high metabolism). i shouldn't have been affected by my friends' "bony" comments. if they said that to get me fatter than them, well, it worked.

It's no use feeling so upset. i'll take it slow and weigh myself each day. thanks for reading, bye!

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

Hey there. today there were around 2-3 times when i wanted to binge and i really ALMOST did it, but i stopped myself in time. i told myself that i wanted to be happy at the end of today and that i could do it. well, i'm so proud of myself now!

150g tub of yoghurt
1/2 bowl of white rice, palm sized egg omelette + veggies
1 kiwi
4 pineapple slices

(may seem little, because i woke up only in time for lunch.)

i also went swimming, caught up with my friends, read chicklit etc.
hope tomorrow's well!

one thing i realised: it's SO much better to make yourself happy at the end of the day. it just requires a bit of discipline and self-control, and it'll be worth it.

Posted 8 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Good Job today Pink :). Your right about feeling wonderful after beating a binge.

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

today's a horrible, horrible day.

i started out with a breakfast buffet that my family went out too. i mean, with our sky-high metabolisms we'd go for dinner buffets and never gain weight. my whole family's underweight (dad, mum, brothers, sister) and i don't really know if that's pressurising me but perhaps that's why i binge? i haven't found out for sure yet.

okay so i wanted to eat right. but since this buffet is a one-off thing, i thought that i should enjoy it. so i ate a lot, though i stuck to healthy stuff, nothing fried. i was quite happy about it until when i was done, and i thought i overate, so i started to plan to eat less for lunch and dinner. so i got a bit upset.

but i was still in the swing of things when i got home. and well, i ate secretly. cereals, yoghurt, chips, peanut butter and all that. i practically ate 3 days' worth of meals and it's far from the end of the day. i haven't even had dinner.

it's just a habit, isn't it? sigh.

i have to take more concrete actions i guess. be stricter with myself? school's starting soon i hate to go back there 20lbs heavier than when my friends saw me. when i stopped growing taller, i thought that my bmi would never be 20 and i would never see that 100lb figure on my scale. my weight stabilised at around 90lbs for 5 years. but look where i am now. oh god. help.

oh my, what an entry...sorry if i caused any of you to be depressed!!

Posted 8 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hello Pink! Dont worry about the depressed post we all need to get out those emotions. Its had not to feel like you want to binge after you overate. I felt this way this morning. I wanted to overeat again but i told myself i could just eat again in three hours. I find that if i tell myself i am going to eat a smaller meal or skip a meal i just end up binging. So if you overeat dont be hard on yourself and just do the next right thing, eat a meal in three hours (its alot better than a binge, right?)

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

Hi all! Hope777,thanks for your encouragement! It really keeps me going.

Breakfast: Special K with low-fat milk
Snack: Yoplait non-fat yoghurt
Lunch: Wholemeal tuna sandwich
Snack: 2 wholewheat crackers with lite hummus
Dinner: Caesar chicken salad (vinegar dressing)

things are looking up!

i also practised my jazz dance moves as we're rehearsing on wednesday.
i almost binged a few times but i countered with water. another time, i went to polish my nails instead. i forced myself to take the time...so now i've just made the smoothest application ever!:D hope this continues

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

hi all, as expected, i'm too caught up with life to come online to write a journal:D

anyway, it's been all good so far. i'm happy not skinny as i hoped to be, but at least i'm in control and on my way to my old weight.

this is my revelation -
omg i wish someone told me this earlier because it worked like a gem: just do step by step and NEVER GET BACK TO THE OLD BAD HABITS. sometimes i just don't binge on chocolates because my attention's shifted to elsewhere for that day (e.g. overeat for dinner). or there's just no more chocolates left and i haven't restocked. and it's been so many days since i last ate peanut butter from the jar. the thing is, we keep seeing each day as a 'Binge day' and 'Non-binge day'. but look at it this way instead: what did you binge on today? potato chips. then well, you managed a day without binging on...icecream for example. so that's it! once you manage a few days without binging on a particular thing, keep up with it. that's progress.

i only realised this when indeed i ran out of chocolates and shifted my attention to somewhere else. then my mum comes back with a bunch of chocolates and i was like, oh my god, i have to have that!! so i ate a couple and felt a chocolate binge returning. and i thought to myself, why am i doing this? haven't i skipped chocolates for some time already? i'm only making a bad habit return. and once it returns, i've to take so much effort to wean off again!

and so i stopped. it was SO MUCH easier to stop NOW, when i've kind of got off the chocolate binge (and even that's not on purpose). i'm not touching chocs anymore haha. i really don't like it (even before i started binge-eating).

i will get back on here if i have other revelations. meanwhile, i'm enjoying my binge-free days. i progressed from no choc+no icecream, to no choc+no peanut butter+no ice cream, to no choc+no peanut butter+no ice cream+no chips. what happens is that before i overeat something, i'll ask myself, did i do this yesterday? if it's a no, i'll try not to do it today. and then it adds up. after a couple of days, the feeling GENUINELY isn't there anymore, not merely suppressed.

good luck everyone!

Posted 8 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Good for you pink! Its great that you were able to have just a couple chocolates even after you felt that binge feeling. Just remember if you do start to crave some of these binge foods it may be helpful in add them into a meal or snack. I did this with cheese and have no need to binge on it anymore.
Hope

Posted 8 months ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

great tip I really related to this thank you

Jacqui

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

hi all. the past 2 days since i last posted have been a hell lot better. i still binged but it's very little. i wouldn't call it 'overeat' because i craved for some foods and ate them. it wasn't as if i ate more of the same foods, you know what i mean?

i don't count calories at all so i shall try to write everything out here:

06/07
brunch: wholemeal tuna bun
dinner: vegetable salad with 1 apple

07/07
breakfast: half weetbix, 1 wholemeal slice with milk, oatmeal with 4 tablespoons of low-fat yoghurt
lunch: oatmeal with yoghurt again, mixed with 2 tablespoons of jam (sugar craving:( )
dinner: 1/2 cup vegetables, fish, clear soup, (was full, should have stopped - ) 1 apple, 1 pear

08/07
brunch: half weetbix, 1 wholemeal slice with milk, 1/2 bowl of muesli with milk (should have stopped here, but went on ) - 1 tablespoon of jam with 8 tablespoons of low-fat yoghurt with muesli, 1 pear

progress so far:
haven't eaten unhealthy foods and feeling really good about it. no chips, icecream, chocolates.
to progress from here:
have to cut down on sugary things like the whole spoonful of jam in my yoghurt. also have to be sure of what i want to eat by recording that down first before having my meal. that way, i won't overeat.

i'm trying to lose 25lbs. have lost 4-5lbs so far. good luck to all!

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

oh i might as well add:
i went out with my friends the other day, and some of them commented i looked like i gained weight. somehow, i was fooled that no one would notice, and everyone would be bothered with their own lives (and weight) anyway. but obviously i was very wrong. i went home and that was kind of the last straw. i'm binging a lot less than before and it's MUCH EASIER to stop now, especially thinking about our next meet-up, and how school's starting soon for me, and what everyone's comments would be. i'm even thinking of skipping school using an illness as an excuse but that's so extreme. why's weight so important??? i just can't bear the thought of wanting to hide from all my friends because i can recall how everyone looked at me in surprise that other day. it's humiliating.

Posted 8 months ago #
Anna
Member

Hi Pink,

To comment your above questions: weight is not that important at all. It only becomes so important if you decide to think so and obsess about it, making it the essence of happiness - which is totally insane. Yes weight can be crucial if you're a world champion athlete and want to achieve 2 seconds better time at running - but not in everyday life.

Don't even think about hiding from friends or skipping school!!! C'mon!
Do people around you call them friends because of your looks or because they like to talk to you and hang out with you? Or what about simply telling them you had a hard time eating a lot, but you're on the mend? Friends will understand and won't ever look at you in a strange way again! In fact they never will. They will only support you.

Posted 8 months ago #
eniarrol
Member

Dear Pink,

Good luck in your weight loss journey and be careful of falling into depression. Don't let your weight affect you too much though that's easier said than done. I suggest using stickers to track your progress. Paste a piece of paper somewhere prominent, and write the dates leading up to an important event (or whatever weight loss deadline you have in mind). Paste pretty 'Good job!' or 'Well done' stickers if you manage to get through each day following your eating plan. The best way is to pin that paper on your refridgerator which is what i did. I did something more: I got my MUM to give me the stickers. Only i didn't tell her what it was for. I told her that I was depressed and these encouragement stickers would help to get me through each day...and please could she give me one at the end of each day?

my mum was all too ready to give me those stickers because i had been moping around the house (thinking silently that i was fat). that really did it. whenever i opened the refridgerator, i reached for bottled water instead. And since i always ate in the kitchen, those stickers made me stick to my eating plan.

Hope that kind of helps. I do know what you mean by feeling humiliated...even though your friends would understand, it puts you in much discomfort with eyes on you...right? Hope it's some kind of consolation that i was once there too. Stay strong, Pink! You can do it. Never lose hope and may you find happiness each day

Posted 8 months ago #
Anna
Member

One point ref Enarriol's post. One thing that made me enter the bingeing cycle over and over again was setting "beauty deadlines". Even if I was very enthusiastic at the beginning, the closer the date was coming, the more stressed I got about "still not looking so great" or "might not be getting there" by the time I set for myself. At the end I psyched myself up so much, that I started bingeing again. And once I started, I saw this sabotage action as a predected thing to happen and continued eating more than needed once again. Or I chose some drastic measures (eating too little and doing too much sports) to reach my goal by a certain date - which had then absolutely triggered another bingeing cycle very shortly.

Now I'm going on with the changes in my life without any defined dates concerning losing weight. I'm eating well and exercising regularly, simply ensuring my body that it can rely on me. Maybe I'll reach my desired look in 2 months - maybe in a year's time, I let the process take its natural course and time and I'm happy to see it works!

Posted 8 months ago #
pinkumbrella
Member

Hi eniarrol and Anna, i've heeded the advice from both of you. thanks very much! it has worked for the first day so far, so i hope it carries on.

what i did was use the sticker idea, and got my mum to paste them for me too:D then i didn't set any deadline - the stickers were basically for 'no binge' each day.
i've one pretty sticker so far. will update you guys the next time. bye(:

thanks!!

Posted 8 months ago #
Anna
Member

As Nelson Mandela would say: It ain't no passion in settling for a life less than you are capable of living!

Keep on going girls, you can do it!!!
Cheers

Posted 8 months ago #

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