How To Stop Binge Eating

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Phixion aka Kyle A's Journal

Home Binge Eating Forum Eating Accountability Journal Phixion aka Kyle A's Journal

This topic contains 8 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Amy 3 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #3428

    Phixion
    Participant

    I’ve decided to move my thread over to this one so I can keep track of my progress here and hopefully share all of my experiences. :D

    Here’s my original story:

    “My name is Kyle ‘Phixion’ A. 8)

    I’m a 20 year old male who struggles with binge eating. Let me give you a little background on my situation. I used to be the vocalist of a band which was starting to get a little bit of movement going. We were touring weeks at a time, we released a record… and we were playing dates with some of our favourite acts in the genre. During this time I was at a good weight with a decent body fat percentage for someone who wasn’t working out, just playing music. I am 5’10-11 and I was about 155-160 pounds at the time. Anyway, things changed… the band broke up and I had a problem with a friend backing out on me at the last second when we were going to get an apartment together. These two things really hurt… I’ve been trying to get over them and I keep telling myself I am, but I am really not sure if I truly have conquered this. With that and the band breaking up, all I did was work… I work at a coffee shop full time. I began to be very vain about my appearance and started eating very little. I was irritated constantly and unhappy. Then I discovered the so called ‘joy’ of over-eating whatever I pleased at home after work. I would order large pizzas with sides and pop and eat ALL of it myself. Ice cream, chocolate, chips, cookies any candy I could get would be consumed in a very short time. I can be a bottomless pit. Sometimes I would consume whole family sized bags of chips and full boxes of cookies while downing pop, energy drinks and hot chocolate. I enjoyed the feeling, obviously until I felt like exploding. I started gaining weight and then stressing out to the point where I would hit myself. Sometimes I would slam my head on the wall, other times I’d hit myself with a metal chair. I felt like the only way to counter-act this was to work out a ton, hit the treadmill and walk extreme distances and eat very little. I would do this for a while successfully, and it would lead to another binge. I find I eat a lot in front of the computer to be honest but I would fix food in my own kitchen and eat it there too. Anyway I transferred to a new area and a different coffee shop. I now live with my grandparents. I had overcome binge eating for a couple of weeks and I was eating normally at the time. Then something happened. I remembered how much I love my grandmother’s cooking and the cravings began again. Self-control went right out the window. I binged for another good 2 weeks and gained weight and body fat. I was freaking out and hitting myself yet again and the guilt would not go away. I decided this HAD to be the end. I stupidly started another ‘fad’ diet and pretty much cut fat out eating lots of tuna and protein, egg whites, vegetables and fruit. I did this with a couple cheat meals here and there successfully for almost three months. I worked out 3-4 times a week while working full time on my feet. I got myself down to 9% body fat 136 pounds. That is probably way too light. This was my weight just under 2 weeks ago. Now I am feeling horrible because I have been overeating for almost 6 days now. I told myself I had been good so I can eat whatever I want. This lead me to go absolutely insane. I am eating everything in sight. I’ve noticed my feet and legs are swelling, this may be due to extreme amounts of sodium and carbohydrates. I am very uncomfortable and upset… I need a solution. A need a permanent change. Anyway thanks for reading my story, I appreciate it.”

    #80174

    Phixion
    Participant

    Here’s my first entry to the journal… hopefully the second will be positive!

    “DAY 1 – RECOVERY

    Today is my recovery day. Yesterday, I ate a disgusting amount of food and felt extremely guilty about it. It was day 5 of my binge spree. I started the day off with a healthy smoothie which was fine, then I had a healthy fiber bar a couple hours later. I had a soup and 6 inch sub for lunch, but after that it went downhill. I started snacking on chips and candy and had a couple bowls of cereal as well on top of that. Then my Dad took me out to dinner and I ordered a burger and fries (should not have done that!). I came home and ate a piece of carrot cake as well. I found myself going nuts later and I grabbed a bunch of sugary oatmeal, a pudding and a hot chocolate. In the evening I consumed a few more sugary beverages as well. [:(] It sounds so bad, but once I get going… it’s almost like a switch goes off in my head and the eating does not cease until I’m feeling incredibly sick.

    One thing I have learned though lately… I CANNOT beat myself up for this. That’s one thing I need to eliminate. I need to just jump right back on the horse. My brother and I went for a 2 hour walk in the evening a couple hours after my binge and I sure felt revitalized. The major thing about this 5 day binge was the lack of movement/exercise. It has really made things that much worse. Since I had swelling all over my body and my reserves are probably filled to the brim I’m gonna hit the treadmill for a good while and sweat things out with some high intensity cardio. My body is retaining water and it’s very uncomfortable. I then need to have a breakfast of just a protein source (egg white omelet, chicken breast or tuna) (this is what I have read for someone who has had a carb filled binge the night before). I will eat fruits, vegetables & salads for the rest of the day to balance things out in good portions. Tomorrow (if all goes well) I can most likely return to healthy eating along with exercise.

    I have decided though that completely eliminating the ‘junk’ is what has become my constant downfall. I need to treat myself once in a while to avoid these blow-ups. I have never really had so many consecutive days of bad eating. One thing I told my brother though, I need to record a log of how I felt over the last five days and what I noticed happening to my body and mind. I need to record these things so I can open that book and remember what a bad idea it was and the NEGATIVE things that occurred in rapid succession.

    At the end of the day… all one can do is keep a level head and pray about things like this. It’s time I regained a positive attitude.

    Your friend,

    Kyle A.”

    #80175

    Amy
    Participant

    Hi Kyle

    It sounds to me like your binges are happening when your body is retaliating against your strict diet and exercise regime. Although your planned food tomorrow would be great and healthy things, it could be part of the problem if you follow each binge with then following an intensely strict and nutritious diet plan. I would say just see what you feel like eating tomorrow and have whatever you want, if you fancy the protein/veg/fruit etc then fine, but if you fancy something else instead or as well then that’s fine too! One really helpful piece of advice someone on here gave me was that after a binge you should deliberately feed yourself the extra foods you want – it is so against what we’re used to when you just want to instantly lose that extra weight, but I can say from experience that eating more and including some of the ‘less healthy’ foods every day will be so much better in the long run. After the last binge I had I deliberately then started eating more than I was used to – proper cooked meals with no idea of the calorie content, and nice snacks and treats. I think I am pretty healthy most of the time, and sometimes I crave healhty food but some days I fancy foods that I previously would consider ‘banned.’ So just wanted to reassure you that to get back to normal and lose your binge weight can just happen naturally and slowly, then it won’t all be piled back on again at the end of a week of intense training and healthy eating. If some foods are too scary, try bringing them back in very slowly and one at a time – that is what I did.

    I also noticed you said you eat a lot in front of the computer. I always used to see food as a comfort and would eat it in front of the tv, mindlessly going back for more and more. Now I eat everything sat at a table, no computer, no tv (I still have a radio on :-) ) and I see this as my meal time – time to enjoy eating food because it tastes good and only when I am hungry. I then eat until I am full, and if I am not satisfied I will have something else. I have found this has worked really well for me to see food as separate from any other distractions or comforts, and it makes you really think about what you are eating and how you are enjoying it and how full you feel.

    Not sure if any of my ramblings are helpful at all – hope so! just know you aren’t alone!

    Amy x

    #80176

    Phixion
    Participant

    Thanks for your response, Amy. I decided that is a good route to take. I can’t be depriving myself all the time. I think that was the reason I was binging, low calorie diets and deprivation. Today has been successful thus far. I took a walk, then I went to the gym and ran a bit then hit the weights on an empty stomach. Afterward my brother and I went for a walk and we grabbed a burger (without cheese) and a side salad with balsamic dressing. We ended up walking for a good hour and a half outside, it was great. Then we met with my Dad at his work and he drove us to the grocery store. I had 3/4 of a protein bar as a snack… (140cal, 2g fat, 17g protein & 10g sugar) then I grabbed ‘Tall Non-fat Caramel Macchiato’ (my treat for the day). For our dinner I made lean chicken burgers and we had salad and vegetables with it. I will probably have some fruit to finish off the day if I am still hungry. I feel quite good to be honest, I am not craving anything because I had my treat from Starbucks. Today has been a good day. Hopefully we can keep this up!

    #80177

    Amy
    Participant

    Hey Kyle

    Sounds like how you had a really great and positive day – well done!! :-)

    I would just say a little word of warning, and I may be completely wrong, but to me your days food still seems pretty restrictive and low on calories and carbs – in fact my old ‘restrcitive’ days sound quite similar to today for you – a burger without cheese or bread, and dinner without any carbs – everything lean, healthy and fat free – even your treat is fat free! However I am not sure how restrictive you were before, so anything is still progress – we have to take small steps at a time :-)

    One thing you really must remember is that when you are training and doing lots of exercise your body needs carbs – they are your energy source and they fill you up and keep the binge monster away! It was massively scary for me but I started beating this simply by adding more carbs throughout the day to all my meals – I love bread,pasta etc and can’t believe I always weighed out such small portions of the stuff – I only ate it at all to help me run. Now I ALWAYS have a proper portion of carbs :-) The other thing I managed to do was start eating more fats… cheese, butter, cooking with more oil, eating meat that isn’t necessarily ‘lean’ – I would always cook without these things, believing there were bad of had secret extra calorie stores that I didn’t need! Actually I have really enjoyed it, I love my food so much more, and I enjoy cooking it. I can add extra butter/oil/cheese to recipes without feeling in any way guilty or calorie counting. I never feel hungry after I’ve eaten, whereas before an hour later I’d be wondering what else I needed to eat. Again, it is really unhealthy to live off a diet that doesn’t incorporate some fat into it – your body actually needs it to function! So all I am trying to say with that, is that I think it’s important to be healthy, but it is important to eat all food groups in moderation, and try to move away from counting calories. Another thing is that I was once told it can be bad to do a lot of exercise on an empty stomach because your body does that clever thing of thinking it needs more energy and hasn’t been fed so will hold onto the fat stores and apparently you can actually end up burning muscle as energy instead of fat, so I always try and have a little snack before a gym session so my body is ready to go!!

    Hope this helps, you’re doing really great – keep it up :-)

    Amy x

    #80178

    Lauren
    Participant

    Sounds like you had a great day Kyle! Glad you see that the deprivation and restricting has to stop and that its a good thing to treat yourself each day so you don’t feel deprived! Hope you have a wonderful weekend! ~L

    #80179

    Phixion
    Participant

    Sad update, I binged last night and gosh do I feel awful. This was one of my worst binges in a while… I am gonna try to keep positive and move forward… but it’s getting tough. The weight is piling on…

    #80180

    Lauren
    Participant

    I’m sorry :( Do you have any idea the thought process or situation that triggered it? Hang in there…Lauren

    #80181

    Amy
    Participant

    Hey Kyle, really sorry to hear you’re still struggling, but well done for being positive and putting it behind you. To move on I really do think it would help to try not to focus on the weight right now, and make sure you are not falling into the same trap of being really health conscious and restrictive in terms of food choices, calories and exercise. It might take longer this way, but any excess weight from bingeing will drop off gradually and it will stay off, instead of an intense up and down effect of restricting/bingeing.

    Hope you are ok

    Amy x

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