new. want to tell BF about BE

This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by shAnOn 1 year, 4 months ago.

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January 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm #4439

shAnOn
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Any advice on talking to my boyfriend about this problem? He knows I have issues with weight, body image and eating, but not to the extent that it is. Surely he’s noticed that I gain and lose up to 15 pounds a couple times a year. We don’t talk about it though. I don’t even know if it would be helpful to talk to him about it. Any thoughts?

January 11, 2012 at 11:12 pm #89462

Lauren
Participant

I told my boyfriend when we were dating all about my past issues with eating disorders…and that while I am recovered now, issues with food/body image will likely be with me for life. I felt like I had to open up about it in order to be fully honest with my bf about who I am and so that he could support me when I was having tough moments. My bf was SUPER supportive when I told him….I’m not sure how you think your boyfriend would react, but I would say being honest is usually the best choice. But we can’t expect others, to really UNDERSTAND what we are going through with an eating disorders…its impossible for outsiders to fully understand it….but that doesn’t mean they can be supportive. Weigh out those things and see what you think is best for you two! ~L

January 13, 2012 at 11:15 pm #89463

iclimb
Participant

Hi Shanon,

I’m so glad that you are mentioning this and I have just the advice!

Right now you’re sitting on the fence: to tell him or to not. If I were you I would tell him.

I just told my boyfriend yesterday about my problem and I won’t ever regret it. I was crying and he

was holding me. (I wasn’t looking him in the face) and he said “what’s wrong” and I said

“I have an eating disorder.” He just held me so tight. After a few minutes of talking he said that he was going to

bring it up sometime this week because he had connected all the dots. We don’t think anyone else notices, but

people do. I was over joyed when he said he was planning on bringing it up. For me it meant that he cared so much.

So here is what you need to do. You need to tell him. I’m sure he wants to help and that is what we all need.

Being honest is one way to get over a BED issue. Be honest with him. I always say “you can’t be faulted for being honest.”

I hope this helped you.

January 16, 2012 at 4:38 am #89464

lynne
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I too, would recommend talking with him. I’m assuming from what you said that you’ve known him for a couple of years, or at least a year, since you implied he’s able to notice your weight fluctuating within a year’s time…I told my boyfriend, and like Lauren said, because they care about you they’ll want to help however they can, even if they can’t fully understand. It’s good to tell him you recognize that, so that he won’t feel undue pressure. If he knows you aren’t expecting him to fix it or make the problem go away, it won’t be a burden. But it’s wonderful to have someone supporting you so you’re not in the fight alone. It is difficult for me to be open and honest in talking to my boyfriend about it, since it’s an embarrassing subject, but because it’s a part of our lives and what we’re going through right now, it only makes sense for them to know about it. Let us know what you decide and how it goes.

January 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm #89465

shAnOn
Participant

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. I still haven’t told him. I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say. I’m so upset about my body though. It’s going to start to affect our relationship though

January 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm #89466

singphantom7
Participant

You should definately sit down and talk about it. I think, if the person I were dating was going through something, whatever it may be, and had a desire to talk to me about it, I would definately want them to. Just put yourself in his shoes.

As far as the actual conversation goes, I’ve had a hard time with this one myself. Some people out there (a lot of male people) tend to have no knowledge of E.D. or what it’s like to go through one. My bf had never even heard of binging as a disorder.

But if your relationship is solid and you are comfortable with each other, you need to open up about this stuff so he can be supportive and better understand you. It will make the relationship stronger in my opinion.

January 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm #89467

shAnOn
Participant

Thank you so much. I appreciate any and all feedback. I’m sure my BF will be supportive. I’m just embarrassed and worried about what kind of questions he might ask me when I finally tell him. I don’t know how much I’m ready to shareas far as details are concerned. That’s what’s keeping me from telling him, I think.
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