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Nat's Journal

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Started 2 months ago by Nat
Latest reply from cookiemonster

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Nat
Member

First day back at work for 2010 and what day! It's been a thumbs up day for me. One of those days where you see life as so positive and full of opportunity. I came to work bouncing with energy, happiness and a great will to be a better person to myself and to those around me.

I'm no bitch. I think I'm a kind person but we all get caught up in our own worlds that we tend to stress on the small things and let it fill our minds with negative thoughts. Sometimes I find myself nagging or drilling my opinions into other peoples heads even when I don't even believe them myself. I think it's just to create an issue or to cure my boredom, I have no idea but it's not me and this year I'm going to change.

I have realised that having a negative mind really kills my confidence and belief in myself. This has been a huge impact on my binge eating. When I binge, I feel unworthy and a failure. If I keep thinking of putting myself down, I just dig my hole deeper and can't seem to crawl out of it. These holidays have been a real change for me. I have begun to love and appreciate myself. I look in the mirror every day and I point out things that I love. I used to want to be skinny so so bad that I thought I would only lead a miserable life unless I was a twig and looked a certain way. I used to feel this deep depression in my gut when I thought what life would be like as a curvy woman. Then I found this quote:

The more you wish, the more you suffer

It made so much sense. The more I wished to be skinny, the unhappier I was becoming as a person.. when all along I thought it would make me happy?

Anyway I've taken another approach to beat my binging. It's not what I eat, how many calories, how much I exercise or how many carbs I have. I have focused on my well being and being completely content with myself and my life. I've read a few books based on Buddhism and finding true happiness in all aspects of my life and I feel like a totally new person.

In the morning I get up half an hour early, do some gentle stretching, play some quiet, motivating music and sit and clear my mind. I think of all the things I have to be grateful for. Then I begin my day with a positive attitude and feel so much happier. I notice myself being a kinder, more gentle person who I knew had been hiding for a little while.

Call me crazy, but learning to not sweat the small stuff and to find happiness in every aspect of my life has changed my way of thinking and I hardly think of food anymore. It's not the be all and end all of my life. I am just grateful to be here, have a beautiful family and friends and to have so many life opportunities.

Food is great! But my well being is better

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Aw Nat!! I am so glad you are doing so well and SO glad you are back with us..we REALLY missed you. I agree 100% on what you wrote....we have to focus on improving our lives, our well-being and all around happiness and the bingeing gets better. I lean towards Buddhism in my thinking and that the internal peace it promotes is great. I used to mediate twice a day but haven't done it in years..I need to get back into it as it always left me in a state of insane happiness and peace. Anyways WAHOO to you being back and for you doing so amazing!! xoxo ~L

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Got it! Check your PM!

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Thank you lovely I have missed you too! So glad to be back and seeing what you are all up to. I haven't been able to meditate deeply as yet but it's one of my goals this year. It doesn't surprise me that you have a Buddhist way of thinking, you're such a calm and happy person and so content with yourself and those around you. Any meditation tips that you have send 'em my way honey! xx

Posted 2 months ago #
Louise
Member

Hi Nat.. wow, I lean towards to Buddhism too.. I am not religious, but Buddism is a way of life that makes total sense to me and its nice to kinda have something to believe in. I try to meditate, i find it incredibly difficult, as my mind wanders within a minute.. but the inner peace thing is what I am searching for and hopefully Buddhism will help me find it.
what you wrote here.....'' I am just grateful to be here, have a beautiful family and friends and to have so many life opportunities.''.... is just beautiful.. i will keep that in mind.. thank you..
I too feel like I have wasted enough of my precious life being depressed and falling even further with this ED...no more wasting time.. the weight thing too.. yeah we probably all want to be thinner, but those wonderful family and friends that we are thankful for love us no matter what !! I am going to read your first post here over and over when i need to! thanks xx

Posted 2 months ago #
jent
Member

nat...i could not agree more. i think that you are so on the right track. find the good things to focus on each day...glad to see your posts again. hoorah

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Aw we are all so glad to have you back too! Hmm well it was hard to start meditating at first, but after I was doing it for a few weeks I could almost immediately shut off my thoughts and get into a really relaxed state. I've done both where you repeat a mantra to almost force yourself to stop thinking and then I've also just laid down, turned the lights off, and just focused on my breathing for 10-20 minutes. It takes practice to get there, but it is 100% worth it so keep doing it. And remember you will keep having thoughts pop into your head, but once you're aware of it, focus on your breathing and they will go back out. The goal is not to get wrapped up in your thoughts and start obsessing about something but just let them come and go out, aware but not engaged with them. Start slow though with only 5 minutes twice a day and work your way longer. xoxo

Posted 2 months ago #
Joyce
Member

Nat, welcome back! I'm so happy to see that you are finding a peaceful place for your mind. And even more happy that you have decided to love yourself for who you are. I see so many people with what appears to be a great life but they still fret and complain. They just won't be happy until they do this or change that. Life is way too short to waste time trying to acheive what you think is the perfect life. If people are waiting for everything to be perfect, they are going to miss all the good things in life completely. I always say that if there is something you want to do, then do it now, don't wait for a better time because today is the best time there is. I also try to live one day at a time (I try) and make the most of each and everyday. I'm so happy that you are beginning your journey again and taking notice of all the wonderful things about yourself and your life. That should take you a while because you are a GREAT person!

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Hey Louise, Buddhism totally makes sense to me too. Glad we're both forgiving ourselves and taking the time to be grateful for all our loveable bits

Thanks Jen! positive positive positive!

Thanks for the advice Lauren. I might try using a mantra to help me and smaller sessions to begin with until I get better at it.

Aw thanks Joyce, I am a lot happier. I don't want to miss out on life anymore and you're right, if there's something I want to do I should do it now. If I make a mistake, there's no 'shoulda coulda woulda'. Instead I can just focus on what I have learnt from it. There's no short end of this stick anymore.. if I win, go me! If I fail, I will be a stronger person because of it.

Yesterday I put my helmet on and really focused on being a better person and not sweating the small stuff. Sections of the book that I've been reading kept popping into my head about keeping my daddy-cool and seeing the up side of everything.

BUT... There were quite a few times when I voiced my unnecessary opinion or jumped down someones throat for no reason. Now that I'm focusing on it, I have noticed how many times I do this and get my knickers in big goddam knot. It's like I have a habit of creating an issue.. only small ones but they build up to a lot of stress and negativity. Now I think of it, it's probably a lot to do with boredom (my tragic trigger for a binge) that maybe I'm trying to cure?

Being the new an improved banana that I am.. when I had my outbursts yesterday, I pulled myself back and took a breath. I love the people that I was arguing with or putting my unnecessary two cents into so I stopped and chose to speak from my 'love'. It's hard when there's a lot of arguing and different opinions going around with such a big family. 99% of the time it's the smallest of issues and we laugh about it later, but I guess I've just gotten into a habit of having my say when all the person wants is for me to listen.

Last night, I cut my friend some slack

We went for a drive to the beach and got an ice cream and I let her talk about her problems and all I did was listen and let her talk. When she asked for my opinion on something I gave it to her but had her total well-being and best interest in mind. Sometimes I ramble on about what I would do different, what she should change or how I'm feeling so it was good to let her talk and it felt good just being there for her.

Food today! Just for fun, I never usually post my food.
B: poached eggs on toast with grilled tomatoes, onion and cottage cheese
S: tuna and mayo
L: beef salad
S: berries and cottage cheese, nuts and cinnamon
D: grilled chicken on a bed of roasted broccolini, capsicum and pumpkin with peanut satay sauce

You're never fully dressed without a smile

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey love! I absolutely love your attitude. It makes me happy to read. I think that we have to choose happiness and that is what you are doing right now. Also, I think criticizing or trying to make others feel wrong is a way to almost boost our self-esteem so by choosing to only say things out of love and well-being for others is a very kind, selfless thing to do..because really it is almost easier to be argumentative or give your opinion regardless of how it will affect the other person. Major kudos to you for respecting your friend and thinking about her feelings and well-being. I agree....my smile is my best accessory! Hope you have a lovely night! ~L

Posted 2 months ago #
Joyce
Member

Nat, thanks for posting your food. It all looks very good. And I love your quote, thank you for sharing. I agree with Lauren, you make me smile!

Posted 2 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hey Nat,
Your attitude towards life seems great! Do you feel different with all of the new found positivity? I try to be positive most of the time but its hard for me because I live with people who are very negative about things.. Your food looks yummy yummy!

-L

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Thanks Lauren and Joyce, it makes me feel so strange to hear that IIIII have made you happy, but it's a good strange. I'm glad to put a smile on your dial as you do to me.

Hope, yeah I definitely feel like a new person. My family niggles at each other a lot and find the negatives in a lot of situations too but I think it's just become more of a habit (which is terrible) than being bad people.
So yeah, I find it hard a lot of the time too because they're all negative, I just want to be negative back and put my opinion in all the time. But this week I've tried to talk from my heart and stop before I speak. I don't reeeaaally need to tell someone I love that 'that's such a stupid idea, why would you do that, you should do this instead...or, what the hell is your problem today?' when I would not appreciate that comment myself. I try to think that they might be just having a bad day and are used to being negative. Now, when someone is feeling that down, I've been trying to listen and show them that I care about their opinion and how they're feeling. Then we both win! I feel like I've helped which makes me happy and they feel loved and appreciated.

Last night I went for a walk with a friend and let her talk about her problems with her boyfriend. Usually I try to tell her how to fix things but this time I didn't interrupt her once. I let her speak until she asked for my opinion and I could tell she felt relived at the end to get it all out.

This morning I got up early, burned some incense and listened to some uplifting music and read a chapter of my new book. Focus for today: BE REAL! Don't make fake conversation with those around you. Speak genuinely and talk to people on a more personal level so that you both leave feeling fulfilled.

Food for today!
B: scrambled eggs, ham, spinach and parmesan on toast
S: tuna and mayo
L: chicken and capsicum salad
S: berries, cottage cheese and nuts
D: chicken stuffed with spinach and camembert with broccolini, beetroot and pumpkin

I tell you what, focusing on my well being totally takes my mind off food. I even forgot about dessert last night! No way, did that just happen? Who the hell am I!

Posted 2 months ago #
jent
Member

Great job Nat....I am glad you are not focusing on food. It is only one small part of life, right. Thank you for your recent messages...and good job being an awesome friend and listening with your heart and both ears. you are very aware of yourself. that is great.

Much love, Jen

PS

What is capsicum?

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

thanks for your support jen. you always put a smile on my face.
capsicums are the same as peppers.. im in love with them xx

Posted 2 months ago #
tellmewhy2009
Member

i'm glad you're doing so well. good job on being an awesome family member as well as friend. your way of thinking is definitely helping! great attitude! keep it up

Posted 2 months ago #
Louise
Member

ha ha, first of all i love what I think are references from 1. Sex and the city 'coulda woulda shoulda' ... and 2. 'your never fully dressed without a smile'..Annie ??? am i right ?? Made me smile non the less... oh my god, are you like in my head !!??? I too get stressed at the small stuff and a lot of negativity comes from it... I have always been like it.. It is my worst trait.. I swear most of it is hormonal. If I could conquor my temper and negative attitude, I could rule the world... ha ha ha .. when I have great days, where I am a cool cucumber, i feel so much better, and happier !!! Yep, and boredom is my BIGGEST trigger !
I wish had time to do meditation and yoga in the morning (i miss my yoga).. I am up at 6 or 6.30 am as it is, and i rarely get in before 7.30 - 8 o clock..and then its doing dinner, tidying, jobs, shower, get gym kit ready for next day, tomrrow's lunch...blah blah blah.. as every woman knows, it never bloody stops !!!. totally knackering.. i sometimes resent that i don't have more time to just chill and have a sofa day... ho hum.. sorry i was going on there like it was my journal, not yours..sorry... I guess i wanted to say I completely agree with everything you say, in think your attaitude is spondooly and I will read your journal with pleasure

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Thanks girls.

Louise, yeah those bits are out of a book Im reading on how to not sweat the small stuff. It's very uplifting That sucks you have to get up so early. Could you maybe just take 15 mins time out before you go to bed each night?

Guys! I am so bummed

Just had a great full house family dinner until about 2 minutes ago. My pa said that he thinks my job is less fulfilling than my sisters. He didn't mean it in the way that it came out.. my job is artistic and my sisters job is an occupational therapist and I guess he meant that my sister works with people on a more hands on helpful level if you know what I mean.. anyway I said that although my job is an artistic one, I still do other fulfilling things for people outside my work. My sister sat up and questioned me with an 'as if!' attitude. She goes, 'Yeah, like what Nat?' and I said, 'Helping out charities, being a supportive friend and caring for other people'. She just looked at me like I was stupid and goes 'Yeah, like when???' She gave me this look like I never do anything fulfilling and that she agrees with my Pa that my job is kind of emotionally empty I guess.

I was so angry. I blurted out, 'Well what do you do? You answer phones and approve how much money people get' sort of demeaning her job. She snapped at me and then everyone was like NAT! DO NOT INSULT HER JOB LIKE THAT. But weren't they all insulting me in the first place? I dunno, I feel guilty that I said it to her but it was just to show her what it feels like for people to think that you're job is lazy and unfulfilling. It really hurt me and I tried to not let it get to me, I tried to be calm and listen to my heart but I just had to say something.

Just wanted to get that off my chest before I go to bed. I feel horrible but I felt so insulted that I wanted her to feel bad too I guess. I really don't want to apologise but I guess that would make me feel better.. although she'll just turn it into an argument again when I try to explain where I was coming from...

Ahh geez..

Posted 2 months ago #
Louise
Member

oooh you're off to bed... so where in the world are you then .I think i will look out for taht book.... ta Nat

Posted 2 months ago #
jent
Member

Ugh - not good. I don't understand why it is up to anybody but you to judge / care about how fulfilling your job is. Is it not your life? Hmmmm. Let the steam blow off and maybe you can approach them when you feel calmer. Don't let it get ya down. You will know the right thing to say! Have a better day. Talk soon, Jen

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Yeah I agree with Jen..that is annoying. That would have ticked me off too. Its your life and if you enjoy your job, that is all that matters. Being a good supportive friend is just as honorable as working in the service industry. Its not what you do, but what kind of person you are that matters...and you are incredibly kind and caring. So try and brush off their insensitive comments as best you can. Big hugs, L

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Thank you for your words girls. It's nice to have people who see where you are coming from.

After I wrote that last post, I decided to apologise to my sister and explain where I was coming from. I saw a tiny bit of surprise in her eyes and she immediately joked about it with me in a good way. My mood did a total 180 and I felt so happy and accomplished. I realised that I can be quite a stubborn person when it comes to apologies. But I decided I would rather apologise and go to bed in a good mood and for my sister not to think that I dont appreciate her and what she does in her job. Man - I'm gonna start apologising to everyone all the time now it felt so good hahaha

Day 6 binge free!
I even had some of my nans apple crumble last night, it was heaven!

Food for today:
B: poached eggs with char grilled tomatoes, cottage cheese and ham on burgen toast
S: tuna and mayo
L: char grilled veggies with tuna and asian sauce
S: strawberries nuts and cheese
D: egg and zucchini quiche

Focus for today: Distinguish between your larger spirit and your ego.

Posted 2 months ago #
Joyce
Member

Nat, way to go, see you have changed for the better. It wasn't very nice of them to insult you choices to begin with but you didn't let it get the best of you, you turned the situation back around to a positive one. I'm proud of you. Keep up that positive attitude girl.

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl...there is nothing better than letting go of something and getting that negative energy far away from you. Letting go of all the resentment I used to have for my parents was one of the most freeing things I've ever done. Even if you know you are right, its better to just apologize and clear the air, then be part of a hostile environment. So kudos to your for being the bigger person! Mm...can I have some of Nan's apple crumble? ~L

Posted 2 months ago #
jent
Member

Hi sweets -- I am glad you feel better. I have been in these type of situations as well. Sometimes I feel regret for having apologized for something that was not at all my fault though. But I guess sometimes and in certain situations it is the best way. I would say though, if this happens frequently in your family interactions, maybe you can take some preventative measures by thinking out a response. I often use...(in a very polite, sincere way) "why do you feel that way?" or "why do you ask?"...this allows the person who has said something a little awkward to you to rethink what they have said and it could help you avoid an argument/misunderstanding. sometimes i think that is better than constantly being the apologizer. The key is also in the tone of your reaction. calm, cool, happy. it's not so easy but it works.

your eating looks good and i am so proud of your progress. yay girl.

Posted 2 months ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey Nat, it is very mature and sweet of you to apologise. Sometimes when you look at the big picture its not worth it to stay mad because of things like that. I have been feeling bad these days because of the BED I am in a bad mood and I tend to be snappy with the people around me like my bf or my mom. You seem like a very good person and I am impressed with your ability to recognize those things and actually make concrete changes. Also love the little tidbits from the book you are reading. Life is about the little stuff so in a way we could control alot of our happiness. Your eats look great too ! Take care

Posted 2 months ago #
wpf
Member

hey there nat! ive been reading through your journal and congratulations on doing so well i also loved thi thing abt "normal eating" its so true and as lauren says exactly were we should aim to be!
im just curious are u rollercoaster??

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Hey chipmunks!

Your comments make a sweet start to my day.

Thanks Joyce and Lauren. I felt so much better and it is always nice to clear the air so thanks for the support.

Jen yeah I have a big family and we have friends over most nights. We all sit around the table for hours through dinner and dessert which is so fun! But with so many different opinions it's hard not to have some conflict. I did find it hard apologising when I didn't think I was totally out of place, so I made sure that I explained to my sister where I was coming from and how she made me feel. So she understood and apologised back. That way I wasn't putting all the blame on myself. I will definitely take on your advice of speaking calmly and make them rethink what they've said instead of blurting something defensive out, so thank you!

cookiemonster yeah I had definitely become a lot snappier and moody too with binge eating. I have been conciously thinking before I speak which has helped me a lot. I feel bad being angry with the people that love me, for no reason.

hey wpf! yeah its rollercoaster shhh. I started under a new name because I had some personal info on my other posts.. so I wanted to start a fresh! Thanks for the support lovely. I will check up on your posts to see how you're going x

I went for a walk with a friend after work yesterday where again I made sure that I listened to her issues and let her speak without interrupting. We're starting a yoga class next week, I'm so excited! Man they are expensive though..

Dinner was another full house! I actively kept my unnecessary thoughts to myself and enjoyed a beautiful dinner.. fillet steaks and sweet potato salad with baby spinach, walnuts and tahini/sour cream sauce. I am getting so good with my portion sizes. I could have gone another steak but instead drank two glasses of water and was full.

It was nice to listen to everyone and not get all worked up about every issue. I have taken a piece of advice out of my little book and have accepted that MY way is not THE way, it's just MY way It has helped me to be content with my opinion but to realise that I dont have to make everyone else believe it.

Oh! I found the best book shop. I have never been into reading novels but lately it's like I have found a new discovery! I go there in my lunch break, there's mountains of books and they're all about $1-$5. I'm in heaven. It's like my little treat for the day. I think by seeing these sorts of things as 'treats' have stopped me from looking at food as the only way to treat myself. I definitely think putting yourself out of your comfort zone and trying something new is a great distraction from food.

BIG IMPROVEMENT! Boredom was definitely my main trigger for a binge. As soon as I was bored, my brain ticked over to FOOD. Every time! It seemed that i didn't know how to entertain myself without eating. I slowly started to try new things in life and put myself in different situations. Every time I feel bored, I do something that I haven't done before or that I'm discovering - like my reading, meditation, yoga, meeting someone new or catching up with someone I wouldn't usually. Now when I'm bored I can notice a HUGE difference in my thinking pattern. I think of food when I'm bored maybe 40% of the time instead of the usual 150%!!!

B: scrambles eggs, roasted tomato, and ham on toast
S: tuna and mayo
L: fillet steak salad with parmesan and sweet potato
S: berries and cheese and nuts
D: tuna and ricotta with asparagus, broccolini and roasted peppers

Posted 2 months ago #
cookiemonster
Member

I am so happy to read that part on boredom eating because that is a HUGE problem of fine as soon as I am bored I automatically think about food, so its is really re-assuring that you can actually change that since you are living proof

And trying new things is always so fullfilling and personally makes me forget all about my stupid superficial issues.

I will try to remember that next time I am bored and want to turn to food.

Posted 2 months ago #
Joyce
Member

Nat, thank you for sharing the bits and pieces from your books. They always make me smile because they are so true. You are making so much progress, congrats!

Posted 2 months ago #
tellmewhy2009
Member

good job on improving each day! ohh lucky you for the books, i wish there was a bookstore like that where i could go too I think you're coping with your boredom really well

Posted 2 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl...you are doing so awesome!! Your family dinners sound so fun..what an entertaining environment to live in! And like always, LOVE your attitude! Finding replacements for that boredom trigger is huge..that was a big one for me too. And finding other ways to keep busy, have fun like reading, yoga, meeting someone new is perfect! It gives us an excuse to get out into the world and try something new! I think my next hobby adventure will be sky-diving! Sounds fun, huh? You are awesome..I always love reading your journal...your positive vibes always rub off on me. XOXO ~L

Posted 2 months ago #
Nat
Member

Thank you cookie, joyce, lauren and tellme

Today has been not as good as usual. Started off great.. did a photo shoot. Came home at about 3pm and had lunch and theenn.... overate on chocolate biscuits. Bordering on a binge.. and I have stopped now but I have to admit that I purged I know it's terrible but I had been good all week and I think it just got to me that it was so unnecessary to eat so much so I wanted to be rid of it. DAMMIT!

I think it was the fact that I didn't eat lunch early enough so I was extra hungry and crraaaaving chocolate. I dont think I'll even eat dinner tonight because it would just be for no reason - im not hungry. But I am heading out to have a few drinks tonight with a friend so I should probably eat something nutritional hey!

I'll work on changing this little hiccup in the future and back to eating normal as of this second!

I've been a little moody today too which is silly. I dont like being a crappy person to be around.

Quote for today: Troubles are a lot like people - they grow bigger if you nurse them.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey love..I'm sorry you had a little setback but its great that you are getting back to your normal eating right away. I know that letting yourself get way too hungry for lunch may have triggered it...also maybe the moodiness of today. But regardless you are tough and will get yourself right back on track, I know it. Hope you have a nice night out with friends! ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
tellmewhy2009
Member

hey there, sorry to hear about today but it's no big deal. don't get yourself down because of this ok? we all have our ups and downs! hope you have a great night with your friends tonight

Posted 1 month ago #
Joyce
Member

No worries, you were just wanting chocolate, nothing wrong with that. Remember, no restricting. If you want chocolate, have chocolate, and no guilt. You can have the healthy food tomorrow. Have fun tonight!

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Hey sweets - It's ok...now please don't purge. That is so bad for your teeth, esophagus, etc. and most of all, your soul. I know you felt a bit guilty...but you should not. Brush yourself off and start all over again. Much Love, Jen

Posted 1 month ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey Nat...That was just a little overeat no big deal. At least you had what you were craving and it tasted good...dont feel guilty. Love the quote of the day. Have a great evening !

Posted 1 month ago #
Joyce
Member

Nat, how ya doin today?

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

Hey Lauren, thank you sweets. It's so good to get a quick response when you're feeling down and you're always here for me. I hope you know how much I appreciate it.

thanks tellmewhy, yeah im trying just to move on and put it behind me thanks for the advice.

Joyce, thank you for making me feel better and checking up on me. I know I shouldnt feel guilty by having chocolate, I'm slowly getting there.

Thanks Jen, I know it's horrible and I dont want grosse rotten teeth when I'm older.. you put that image in my head which I know will stop me next time I even think about it! yuk!

Cookie, thank you thank you. I know I shouldnt feel guilty for eating what i was craving.. I'll just try to stop after one or two pieces.

So I'm a little worse for wear today.. had a few drinks last night so bumming around at home today. A friend of ours lent us a hard drive full of music from the 80s-now so I've been busy making a kick arse playlist for my ipod. Got some seriou rnb tunage for my workouts this week haha so I'm excited! And it kept me busy..

Ate three small bowls of cereal this morning just because that's what I wanted.. but just about to eat lunch now and it's already 3pm so I havent been snacking all day. We're having party pies and dark chocolate while we watch a movie yum, I love Sundays!

Feeling a little sad lately without any love interest going on. I want the affection and someone to share all the fun times with but I keep reminding myself that I am growing so much as a person by being on my own and it's such a good feeling plenty of time for a man.. and i know Ill only find him when Im not looking so time to sit back and relax hey.

xx love you all

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey love...ekk those hangover days suck. I hate that feeling...take it easy and drink loads of water. You know what I realized last night? Because you said it was 3 pm on Sunday and it was 11 pm here Saturday..you are 16 hours ahead of me here!! Wow!! Crazy, huh?! That would be some serious jet-lag... I hope your Sunday movie day was fun!! You are right...it is hard to not have someone to share fun times and affection with..I feel the same as the minor dating I'm doing is not turning into anything serious and there are many time where I'm like I wish I just had a steady bf that could come over now and we could cuddle up in front of the TV..it is hard. But we are growing a lot as individuals on our own..and that will make for such a better relationship later. Anyways since its now 4 am for you....Hope you are sleeping good!! XOXO ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey ! Hate hangovers so I feel you.

I find it crazy how the body shows you that it is smart and knows how to balance things out. You ate 3 bowls of cereal but you didnt have the need for a snack. We need to trust our bodies more !

You are so right that you will find the right person for you when you dont expect it. And if I were you I would definitely take advantage of the freedom of beeing single. It is the best occasion to do stuff for yourself without worrying about nothing. Beeing in a relationship is good but sometimes I always crave those single moments just a little bit

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

Thanks Lauren! 16 hours in front!! Crazy.. now YOU'RE probably in bed. You're right, especially with this eating issue, I think I'll be a better girlfriend when I'm 100% sorted in myself too

You're right Cookie, our bodies are so smart, we should listen to them more often hey! Yeah, when I had a boyfriend I had those single cravings too haha but that's so normal. I guess we always want a little snippet of what we can't have.

I ate a lot yesterday and felt a little out of control. I think I needa write it all down just to get it out of my head. Don't be disgusted 3 small bowls cereal, 6 party pies drowned in sauce, 3/4 big block dark chocolate, 5 shortbread biscuits, 2 nectarines, 1 hamburger pattie with salad, 1 corn fritta, slice fruit cake with ice cream. I feel like I'm missing more. Okay, so I've done worse and it doesn't seem like THAAAT much, although still pretty bad. I guess it feel worse because it was all pretty unhealthy.

I'm back on track today and feeling better already. My jeans are lose and I've lost about 2kgs over the last week and a half so I'm feeling good despite my binge/overeating on the weekend. I have my first yoga class tonight! I'm really excited.

Food for today:
B: scrambled eggs with ham and sundried tomatoes with parmesan
S: tuna and mayo
L: roast chicken salad
S: strawberries with cottage cheese and nuts
D: tuna, pesto, sundried tomatoes, ricotta with broccolini and asparagus

** Okay this is going to sound stupid but last night before I went to bed, I put my ipod in, locked the door, got in my ghetto trackies and hip hop sports bra ( haha) and sat really close in front of the mirror and just started at myself. I can't believe it but I was happy and I focused on things that I love. I saw someone who I kind of envied and it felt wierd because it's me? I'm beautiful and it has taken me a hell long time to appreciate myself. I am so proud of myself and so done with wanting what other people have...

Thought of the day: Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own.

Posted 1 month ago #
Joyce
Member

Nat, that doesn't sound stupid at all! It is great that you have made so much progress and can see the beautiful person in the mirror. Way to go! Good job on having what you wanted to eat this weekend with no guilt. You are doing great!

Posted 1 month ago #
tellmewhy2009
Member

hey there, yes you are a beautiful girl and i'm so glad you can see that. i wish i could see that in me too!

yesterday was fine, a little overeating is so acceptable. although i know that when you're the one who overeats, you're really disappointed, but we're here to remind you that you are doing great!

and today's food looks really good

keep it up!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl...that actually sounds really cool..I may have to try it!! We are beautiful people, regardless of what we look like on the outside, but its always best to focus on the things we love about ourselves! Brilliantly done! Glad you've gotten yourself back on track..knew you would!! Hope you have a good yoga session! Hugs, L btw yes its nighttime here!

Posted 1 month ago #
Louise
Member

I might learn a thing or two from you.. the mirror thing, the quotes of the day... I NEED to make more time for meditation and yoga.. I haven't done yoga for a couple of months now and i miss it ... I am sure that would round of my edges so to speak at the moment..
Glad you're back on track..always enjoy a little of what you fancy
Are you in Oz ?

Posted 1 month ago #
Nat
Member

Thank you girls for reminding me that I'm doing okay even if I slip up a little. I'm human and thanks for making me not forget that.

Lauren, definitely try it. Get in your favourite outfit that makes you feel beautiful and confident and put on some tunes that really make you feel good. Man, I busted out to some hip hop and included hair flicks and booty rolls hahahahahaaaa ahhhhh so glad I was alone. Then I sat down and did the whole creepy staring thing.

It's hard to explain but it made me feel like I was a piece of art work that had been created. I started really appreciating every part of my face and body. It made me realise that our bodies are so amazing with what they can do and why we look the way we do.

Had yoga tonight!

It was really good to unwind and clear my mind. I feel nice and stretched. On Friday they have more of a meditation class which I'm going to try out. Louise, you should definitely try and find the time to get back into it. You deserve it!

Dad had steamed veggies and pork ready for me when I got home.

I'm feeling a binge tickle.. bit of a chochie craving but I think it's because I'm home with nothing to do. I might do what I did last night again and bust out in my room! That was fun.. much more appealing than the chocolate haha so why not!

So off I go.. back to my crib.. with my Snoop Dogg and my Beyonce` and my ghetto booty... I think I need to come up with my own gansta name...

Goodnight chipmunks!

Posted 1 month ago #
wpf
Member

hey nat! ivebeen readin over ur posts andit seems uve come a long way!i love ur quotes and i congratulations for accepting urself for someone to do tht it takes a lot of time and courage!!
i hope the rest of the days goes well

Posted 1 month ago #
wpf
Member

and btw abt the purging u gotta overcome tht feellin no matter how bad u suck up tht day, im not particulary the ideal person to tell u this sinceive been doing it too but i can say the least u do it the least tempted ull be...like it wont be an option anymore
my friend once told me "suckit up and move on" so hope u dont do it again

Posted 1 month ago #

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