my oh so annoying journal « Binge Eating Forum

Binge Eating Forum » Binge Eating Support - General Comments, Questions, and Posts

my oh so annoying journal

(20 posts)

Started 6 months ago by eugenia
Latest reply from eugenia

No tags yet.

eugenia
Member

well i think evry1 understands me here so thats just a great releife. wen i try to talk to it to my friends or any1 else i noe, they look at me like im crazy i mean hu cant control their eating? well i cant.. i really want to last all my life healthy and not even worried that someday il have a food attack. i want to be able to look in the mirror and not feel disgusted at wut i see
anyone with me??

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

We are all with you! Welcome and best of luck to you on this journey! Keep posting! ~Lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
eugenia
Member

today i went to the gym woooo!!!so happy i left my house right before another binge came.. like i overate in my snack but,, i ddnt eaat until i cudnt breath i was actually still pretty hungry so im giving myself a pat in the back xD i hope evry1 is doing great and if ur not, dont worry! if i can get close to getting better, yu can too
love,
eugenia <3

Posted 6 months ago #
wondercat
Member

Great job!!! Working out is such a good stress reliever and I'm learning you can't stop one bad habit without replacing it with a good one. Otherwise, what are you going to do with all that pent up stuff? Keep it up, we're cheering you on!

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Great job with the workout and not losing control with that snack! You are doing great....keep it up! ~Lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
eugenia
Member

today not so great..
ugh.
oh one question
if u overeat but exercise everyday do u still gain weight??

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

hmm well I'm not sure..I guess it depends on how much you overeat, exercise, and your metabolism. But keep in mind that a lot of us have skewed ideas of what over eating is since we restricted for so long. You may actually be eating a normal amount! It probably balances out so I doubt you'll gain weight. Hang in there friend.

Posted 6 months ago #
eugenia
Member

thanks for all the advice
well i dont overeat all day but evrytime im home alone, i do over eat until i cant breath.. i have to find a way to not stay home alone since that triggers is but idk wut to do to stay away from home from 3-6 lol...
do u overeat as well?

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Well it sounds like you are eating out of boredom so maybe finding things to keep you occupied during that 3-6 pm time period would help. Even if you use that time to go to the gym, get coffee, see friends, go do yoga, study at a bookstore...something to get out of the house. Well I would say I probably do still over eat on occasion or eat emotionally but I don't analyze my eating anymore...most of the time I go with my hunger, and the times I don't, I just don't worry about. Its the guilt and the trying so hard to control what/how much I ate that led to the bingeing so now I just try and roll with my day, the situation, my hunger and my mood. But in the beginning it is especially hard to let go of the over eating because your body isn't sure if you are going to start restricting again.

Posted 6 months ago #
eugenia
Member

yea your right..
well somehow i gained 5 pounds this week and idk wut i did wrong..

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Don't get discouraged by a number. Weight fluctuates SO much on a daily basis from water weight, muscle growth, scale difference, etc so don't let a number get you down. Just stay on track and keep focusing on recovery, not weight. Hang in there..Lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
eugenia
Member

after i saww that i gained 5 pounds, ive been out of control.. i cant eat healthy anymore its like impossible to me now which is sorta funny to me since last yr i cudnt even eat junkfood without feeling gross. but its really affecting me. today i had a big state test called the FCAT since i live in florida and i cudnt even stay awake.. ever since ive been eating junkfood and binging i havnt been doing good in dance class, my grades keep dropping and im just so lazy.. my social life hasnt really been affected which iss kinda surprising since most ppl i noe just stay home alone because they dont want their friends to see them and that makes sense. but i do feeel lazier than usual and cant do any physical activity if i just binged.. ive been doing everything possible to stop binging but i cant find a way that will help me not focus so much on food.. im still not giving up but i always take 1 step foward and 20 steps back and that just keeps repeating itself..pretty frustrated with myself since none of my pants fit me now and for the first time in my life ppl dont tell me that i shudnt diet bcuz im alrdy skinny. even my dad thats always been so oblivious keeps watching what i eat and restricting me and i hate it! they make me feel like i dont have any self control.. well i guess i dont -_- i wanna change before my sophomore year starts!!!

Posted 5 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Oh honey I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I know its a hard time right now but really its ok to have junk food in your diet, its the trying to restrict it and feeling guilty about eating it that is making you binge on it. Since you said gaining that 5 pounds triggered you to start bingeing, maybe staying off the scale for a while will help. Take the focus off weight loss so you can focus on reining in the binge monster and getting yourself back on track. Hang in there. ~lauren

Posted 5 months ago #
mjaysifu
Member

Im going through this exact same thing

I have been trying to eat healthy in the day then at night i have been overeating ..this results in guolt the neext day and exercise in the gym..I sued to exercise and only overeat once a week..which ment i was looking quite good ..now tho ive been bingeing pretty much ever night, still exercising but i have put on at least a stone and a half which i feel disgusitng for...

Keep up the social activities cos they do help keep the mind distracted...

me persoanlly im trying to put the ''get back in shape'' thoughts out of my mind and just concentrate on not bingeing..hopefull this plus the exercise i do will in its own time return my body to what it used to be

Keep going..Ive not been posting on here long but it does help..just being able to get all your thoughts, feelings, problems accross to non-judgmental people all going through the same does wonders for curbinbg appetite

Posted 5 months ago #
eugenia
Member

i finallly changed my password to something easier so im planning to go on here more often.. well journal, im still the same. im no better or worse but i guess the silver lining in this situation is that im still having fun with my friends and im glad that im technically not overweight im just not in the shape ive always had. i went to the beach this weekend and even tho i had a blast, i cudnt take pictures in my bathing suit. i used to be a ccomplete camera hog and now i noe wut it feels like to be behind the camera. i ddnt really mind taking pics cuz i was pretty good ad it but wen i was in the pictures, i wanted to cry. my friends hav gorgeous figures and my best friend has a complete barbie body with a really small waist but toned thighs and a butt wich made all my guy friends drool and i was just there. i mean i love her to death but i just hated knowing that i dont lok good in a bikini anymore. im so lost idk where to start recovering idk the steps im supposd to go thru because i alwys feel like im jumping steps and making me fail. my moms taking me to a psyciatrist but i rly dont wanna go i just feel like im a crazy person that needs help. i noe thats prolly not true but yea i hope i ddnt hurt any1s feelings im just venting out here

Posted 5 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey there...glad you are going to start posting more regularly. Girl pictures in a bikini would be hard for anyone! But try not to compare yourself to your best friend..comparing ourselves to others never turns out well. Just remember that you are beautiful in your own way...how boring would the world be if we all looked alike? It may be a good thing to talk to someone...and everyone who goes to psych aren't crazy. EDs is a disorder not a sign of craziness Hope you have a nice night! ~Lauren

Posted 5 months ago #
eugenia
Member

how do u stop binging? probably sounds like an obvious question and the funny thing is i know the answer is to stop thinking bout food, not stay at home alone, do exercise, eat healthy, dont restrict urself im pretty sure i noe all the important tools to stop but i dont know how to do any of them.

Posted 5 months ago #
discoveryhelp
Member

Hi Eugenia~

OMG I totally get it and hear ya on the "I know what to do, but why can't I do it?" I struggle with the same thing ans it progressively got worse until you look in the morror and are horrified and it starts over. I write ALOT and it does help and can be very calming. Sometimes after a long day and I sense a binge is coming I will play some really relaxing music, light a candle, and just write. It makes me feel safe and for that moment knowing that I won't binge. Hope that helps a lil:)

Posted 5 months ago #
eugenia
Member

hmm i can try that but im so hardheaded lol but writing does make me feel better
ugh im just so scared of gaining more weight idk y but i am

Posted 5 months ago #
eugenia
Member

ok journal i have something important to share for today
- Cellulite sucks.
- i have a beach party in a few weeks, so i NEEED to lose weight! ugh
-im always pissy wen i write in here ppl will probably think im always mad wen the funny thing is, im nvr mad unless im all by myself like right now
-sometimes i feel like i need to throw up or il nvr be skinny but throwing up is a scary thought. i hate doing it wen i have a virus imagine doing it cuz i want to.. gross.
-the days are getting hotter finally so short shorts and tank top season is approaching.. great
- i wish evry1 just had an amazing body and there was no succh thing as junkfood. and doughnuts wud be like eating an apple
oh i love that dream lol
-im not cut out to be anorexic. tried to stop eating for an hour.. ddnt work out so well xD
-well thats it for now journal, now for my math hmk
-algebra sucks as bad as cellulite

Posted 5 months ago #

RSS feed for this topic

Reply

You must log in to post.