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My Journal to be Binge Free
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May 6, 2012 at 5:14 am #5055
I was looking through some posts and decided to start a journal here. Whenever I want to binge, I try to come on here instead, so I figured a journal would be a good way for me to continuously post to keep myself from bingeing and track my progress. So here it goes…
This morning was good and I successfully avoided a binge, hence my earlier post. I still ate more than I wanted/needed to for breakfast, but it didn’t cross the line into binge territory. Yay! I was good all day and even had a nice, healthy, well portioned dinner and didn’t feel the urge to binge afterward.
I am trying to lose weight right now so I have a rule where I don’t let myself eat after 8pm. That way by the time I go to bed I will be burning fat instead of the food I just ate. Recently, however, that rule has flown out the window with my constant binges. With my mind made up not to eat after 8, I thought I was done for the night. I sat down to write a paper that was due weeks ago (that I didn’t turn in because I was eating instead of writing) and have been working for about an hour now. All of a sudden, I was overcome with an urge to binge. I stopped working and tried to distract myself with the internet since I could no longer focus on my paper. I am still fighting this urge as I write this post. I hope that if I hold out long enough, this compulsion to eat will subside. I refuse to let myself wander, aimlessly into the kitchen and undo my good day.
I just went through all of my old photos on Facebook and saw how skinny and fit I used to be and I want to get back to that. I’m tired of looking big and puffy in photos and I’m tired of the constant, visible weight gain and weight loss documented by them. I want to be small and in shape and stay that way. No more yo-yo dieting to get there and no more bingeing to sabotage myself. I’m taking this one day at a time. So F you binge!!!! You’re not getting the better of me tonight! :xMay 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm #94065
How are you now? Did you manage to reisist bingeing today?
For about 2 years i have been bingeing and for the past year i have been trying to get rid of it with the aim to lose weight. Im not over weight but i’d just like to be thinner to feel better. (for my full story read my journal i just started yesterday too!)
But ive finally realised that the ONLY way im ever going to ever get rid of this is to just stop thinking about losing weight. I know, that if i go a week without bingeing then i will lose weight naturally because the only reason im heavier than i would like to be is from bingeing. So with that in mind, you just have to stop thinking about losing weight. Stop thinking about ‘right, how much shall i weigh in a month?’ Because whats more important out of how much your going to weigh in a month (but then possibly have a huge binge and be back to square one) or focusing on putting an end to bingeing. The only thing i can put it down to is that everytime you say ‘right, this time im going on a diet and im going to lose weight’ is that your body says ‘S#@!, fill me up with food, i dont know when ill get any more’ and you end up having a binge.
I really really hope you did ok and didn’t binge but let me know xMay 6, 2012 at 1:05 pm #94066
Bravo fixthis!!! I’ve seen pictures of myself when I was thinner and the amazing thing is that I wasn’t happy there either…I wanted to lose more. Does that apply to you?
I think we need to look in the mirror and be a love finder not a fault finder. Embrace where you are right now and concentrate on each day being BF.
Wishing you a loving and sane day.May 7, 2012 at 7:59 am #94067
Yes! I did manage to resist bingeing for the rest of the night!…for yesterday at least. I think you may be right about the weight loss thing. I don’t usually go on crazy diets when I do try to lose weight, unless I’m compensating for a binge, but I’ve tried to stop that as well. But I do still have weight loss as my ultimate goal instead of just stopping the binge. I think the weight loss obsession is unhealthy so I’m trying to just focus on stopping the binges now rather than losing the pounds. I’ll go check out your journal as well!May 7, 2012 at 8:09 am #94068
And no actually, when I was smaller I really thought I had the perfect body and was extremely self confident. If I gained a little bit I would freak out and eat less the next day and was obsessed with staying that small. My goal then was just to be lean tho because I really wanted a six pack, but I never resorted to any crazy eating or exercise habits. But then again, it was much easier to maintain my size because I was dancing and running track every day back then. Now I struggle to find time to get a workout in during the day so it’s much harder to work off everything I eat…especially with these bingesMay 7, 2012 at 8:32 am #94069
I felt really good after last night and decided to weigh myself this morning, not because I’m obsessed with the number, but just to get a measure of where I’m starting. I was happy with this weight because the last time I had weighed myself, it was in the 140s.
I was good through breakfast, and through lunch. No over eating. No bingeing. No fatty foods. Just healthy satisfying meals like I used to eat. I was determined to keep this going through the day, but I broke and binged after dinner. I had a mini binge at first and managed to stop myself and get out of the kitchen. But a few hours later I was back in the fridge toasting bagels, eating poptarts, and whatever else. The binge itself wasn’t nearly as bad as my usual binges but this in combination with the mini binge I had earlier probably added up to be about the same as a normal binge…maybe a little lighter. Even though I can still breathe and am not passed out on the floor, I’m still pissed at myself. I was doing so well!! I wasn’t even thinking about bingeing earlier and then I let it get the best of me.
A part of me just wants to give up and start over after I go home for summer on Wednesday. I’m still kind of sick and have a lot of studying to do, both of which are preventing me from working out, and BED aside, I have a hard time eating right when I’m not working out for some reason. Once I get home, however, I know I will be over my cold by then and will be working out and think I may have more success there. It’s only three days but I don’t want to wait that long. Eating 7,000+ calories a day for three days is enough to put on plenty of weight that I really don’t need. Especially when my friends are graduating on Thursday and I will be in plenty of photos with them. I don’t need to be documented in my chubby state with them. Uggghhh I just want to be healthy!!!May 7, 2012 at 10:57 am #94070
hey thanks for posting. I have just joined…feeling very hopeless about ever conquering this binging…and of course want to loose weight. and actually just reading the idea about focusing on not binging rather then the weight loss…thanks. hope it is going wellMay 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm #94071
Fix this, i can totally relate to you! I too am tired of the addiction to binge & feeling so disgusted with myself after, with the guilt & shame… I always look back at older FB pics of myself & i Wish that i could just go back to how my lifestyle used to be, but it’s sooo hard to break the addiction of BED. I don’t know what triggered the behavior to get worse over the last couple of years, but i want to figure out the key formula to stopping for good! I want to be healthy again & figure out what i need to do to NEVER emotionally eat/binge. Maybe blogging will help, but i know that in those times of temptation, i definetly am in an “out of body” experience where im just consumed with thinking about food & only food. Also i usually binge late at night, when i’m home alone… It’s hard to not have accountability:/ For all of you on this site, Has anyone figured out how to really overcome the temptation or found a good outlet for wanting to emotionally eat?May 8, 2012 at 5:46 am #94072
Glad I could help. I just joined as well and so far the posting has been helping me. As you can see, I still binge, but it feels good to talk about it and it has gotten a little better since I joined. Keep posting and I wish you luck!May 8, 2012 at 5:54 am #94073
The only outlet I’ve really found is this site. I told one friend about this problem and he tries to help by checking in but it’s not really effective for me at all. I’m finding my journal to be a good outlet and even though I just started this 3 days ago, knowing I’m going to journal about how I ate that day helps prevent some binges. My binges are the same sort of “out of body experience”, but since the journal even when I binge, I am much more aware of what I’m doing, even if I still can’t stop. Have you opened a journal yet? Also, another member on this site recommended the book “Brain Over Binge” by Kathryn Hansen. I have read a preview up into the 5th chapter online and it seems helpful. I plan to purchase it this week. I’ll post when I do to let everyone know if I found it helpful or not.May 8, 2012 at 10:54 am #94074
Only had a mini binge tonight. I feel a little bit guilty but I didn’t eat much all day as I still felt full from my binge the previous night so it wasn’t too bad. Plus I didn’t have a real dinner, just a bunch of junk (I have a night class where people bring random food for the class so I tend not to eat before I go, and just have whatever the class brings) so the mini binge wasn’t really that bad at all. I think it just felt worse because tonight it consisted of things such as coffee cake and donuts when it usually consists of healthier items such as bagels and pretzels.May 9, 2012 at 2:41 am #94075
Fixthis, Thanks for the info on the book! Let me know, if you do get it, how you like it? And yeah i also confided in a good friend & she has helped a little to text me frequently to ask how i’m doing & to remind me to “make good food choices”. It helps alot when she does, but i need it almost evryday.. and since she has a job, a bf, & a life too i dont expect her to have to check in on me as often as i would like. But i am glad i told her about my eating disorder. It was like a dark secret that was hurting me to struggle with alone. I literally felt so alone. Now i can be more transparent with her & at least i have that!May 10, 2012 at 8:24 am #94076
I’m glad you have someone you are able to confide in! And I will be sure to let you know about the bookMay 10, 2012 at 8:27 am #94077
Binge free! I ate really well all day and hit the treadmill/elliptical while studying for my exams. By the time I finished I had been in there for three hours! I don’t think I’ve ever done cardio that long. Well, it wasn’t really cardio considering I was walking the whole time, but it still felt good to be active at night instead of eating.May 10, 2012 at 8:33 am #94078
The guy I like hit me up last night and is coming home for summer soon so now I am even more motivated to kick this habit and get back in shape. I was binge free again today as well and ate healthy all day
I’m home now and finals are over so all of my stress is gone! I thought this would automatically end my bingeing, but after dinner I was overcome with a HUGE urge to binge that persisted for hours. Luckily, my house has no food in it so I was forced to just sit back and wait for it to pass. Looks like this is going to be more difficult than I thought. I’m hopeful though. I’m taking my change of surroundings and changing my habits with it. No more bingeing.
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