Hello Everyone! I’m suffering from binge eating just like you. I came to this forum to find help and support since I cannot get it from nowhere else. This is my first time publicly admitting this. Here is a story of my battles with all kinds of disorders
This is kind of long but here it goes.( my hands are shaking as I’m typing this)
As a young girl I was always very skinny, in fact, almost too skinny. I didn’t diet or anything I was just really active girl. When I was a child I suffered from extreme OCD (I was obsessed with cleanliness)but I was able to overcome thru therapy. I was also and still am I perfectionist and hard worker. I remember I was about 11-12 years old and had to buy tops from toddlers department. When I was 13, I began puberty. My hips, breasts grew and I was really uncomfortable with that. Since my hips widened before my height increased, to my horror, my sister and others used to tease me that when I’ll get older I’ll be as wide as J.Lopez. I started doing all kinds of exercises trying to minimize my hips. I would look in the mirror and ask God (I know it’s silly) to please stop the growth of my hips. Over the next few years, I experienced ravenous hunger so typical of almost every teenager. I did gain weight, but I looked normal; I was in a healthy weight range. The real binging started when I was 15.I found out that my mom was pregnant with my stepdad’s child. She seemed so absorbed with her pregnancy that I felt like I was left behind. My relationship with my younger sister ( She is a couple years younger than me) was also not too great. I’m not gonna even talk about the relationship with my stepdad…To cope with my loneliness and isolation, I turned to food. At midnight I would sneak buckets if ice-cream, chips, candy in my room and just gorge on those…I was depressed, I didn’t want to go out anywhere, I was ashamed and embarrassed of myself. I would look at my slender sister and just feel so jealous. At the time, I did not realize that I had a binging disorder. After the baby was born, surprisingly, I turned out to be the one that spent the most time with her. I completely fell in love with her. Over a period of a couple of months, I lost weight without even realizing it. I started eating only when I’m hungry and exercising a little bit. My world turned upside down when I found that my family had to relocate to a small, suburban town form a urban city. I was so devastated to leave friends, a loved boy behind. I became seriously depressed. Over the next year, I lost a lot of weight because I stopped being hungry…I became disinterested in food, I lost appetite not only for food but also for fun. With my 17th birthday, my anorexia started…I thought that since there is nothing I can control in my life, at least I can control my food intake. I lost and additional 10 pounds and became really frail. Still I was not happy. My anorexia lasted for about a year. Now that I look back I realize that I was able to overcome it because I haven’t been controlled by it for years like some people. So 18 was my golden age.I was in a healthy weight range, slender, fit and happy. I felt beautiful inside and out. My downfall started after the holidays; after gaining a pound or two, I decided to try to diet. However, the more I tried, the more I gained. I started binging regularly (2, 3 times per week) and over the course of 6 months I gained about 9-10ish pounds. This is the stage that I’m currently at. I just binged….again…I’m bloated, disgusted, overly full…I noticed that I usually binge stating from about 4-5 p.m. to about 9 at night. Right now my binges are about 1500 cal (plus 1700-1800 cal from eating regular food , breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner) It may seem like 10 pounds is not big…to me it is because I’m a petite person and it really shows. None of my clothes fit right. Tomorrow I have to go to work…I know I’ll feel horrible in the morning when my bloated belly will be hanging over my pants…I need help!I want to live a normal life again.I want to look fit and happy! I want to take control of my life. I cannot get support from my family. My sister is dieting (she is average size now), my mom is very skinny ( all of her life she’s been on diets and actually when I was suffering from anorexia, she would tell me how jealous she was of me.) I recovered from anorexia without their help so I know that I can do the same with binging. But I need support from people who are suffering like me with this silent, disorder that is taking control of our lives.
I thought that I should share with you what happend last night.So last night, i was already in bed when my mom returned home from party shopping. She walked into my room and saig "Look what I got, your fav chocolate" and handed me a large chocolate bar.I was really confused by it...why does she complain about how I look then hands me choclate bars? 
) I log in a few times a day and check for responces, other people's posts,etc. and feel so at peace...I even fall asleep faster at night.
