Tips to stop binge eating, stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
My first post
Home › Binge Eating Forum › Binge Eating Support – General Comments, Questions, and Posts › My first post
August 28, 2010 at 4:32 pm #2469
Hi guys ,
My name’s Colin, I’m 18 and I’m from Kent in England. I decided a few minutes ago to join this forum because I could really do with some help in the form of advice and support from other sufferers of this horrendous condition.
I’ll give you some background info into how I first started eating so compulsively. Earlier this month, Thursday 12th August to be precise, I went to see my GP following a massive binge the day before. I’d literally gone through two whole Easter Eggs, Smarties, Mini Eggs, biscuits, Maoam sweets, 3 whole packets of pasta (which made me feel very sick) and other stuff. I felt so guilty at the fact that I’d consumed such a massive amount of calories that I just wanted to crawl up in a ball and die. I thought I’d put on a hell of a lot of weight and the whole purpose of me booking myself in at the health centre to see the doc was to get weighed. I sat down with him and said that I’d recently lost a a lot of weight, which I had due to the fact that I had been essentially depriving myself of food because of an intense fear of getting fat. He naturally listened to what I was saying and asked if I’d been eating normally and I said I had which was obviiously a total lie. He got the scales out and I jumped on. To my surprise, and delight, I weighed in at about 10stone 8pounds, which is actually very small for someone of my height (a little over six foot) and gender. I was so pleased with the result I decided there and then to put on some weight – I believed I deserved to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. What I didn’t understand was the effect that binge eating has on your emotional and psychological wellbeing. I started to realise that I was actually anorexic and weight gain was the enemy. Now here I am, 16 days later, feeling so consumed in a depressive state that I can’t see a way out. I’m gaining weight at a rapid pace and despite being a healthy weight at the moment, my eating habits are far from normal and I’m scared beyond belief that I’m going to end up overweight in the long-term if I don’t confront this problem. I must have put on between 3-6 kilos since that date. There’s obviously got to be a reason why I am binge eating but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t go out much and have no proper friends. Perhaps that is the reason why I do what I do. I guess food has gone from being my ultimate foe to my best friend. What makes this whole thing so embarrassing and shameful is that I’m a guy – supposedly men shouldn’t worry about issues relating to their weight – a binge eating disorder in a man would possibly be seen as a weakness and guys should perhaps be strong-willed and just ‘get over it’.
I’m so pleased that there is a forum for people that suffer from this disorder because it’s a place for members to share their experiences, advice, support and a proverbial shoulder.
I look forward to hearing from and contacting you guys in the future.
God bless ,
CJC1992August 28, 2010 at 4:43 pm #64118
hey! i was so happy to read your story, its quiet similar to mine (except in a 5foot girl!), thers so much help on here so you are definatly in the right place.
Do you know what you are feeling and thinking when you are having a binge? or why you are doing it? I have just relised that i do it to punish and hurt myself, like how some people whould slit ther rists ( i know, so rong!)
when and how many times a day do you do it?
remeber its a desease not a weakness.
im here if you need a chat
Good luckAugust 28, 2010 at 4:50 pm #64119
Hi Colin! Welcome to the site So glad you started a journal! And let me assure you that you are certainly NOT the only guy here. So don’t even worry about that! We all know this is not truly about the food/weight anyways, and we are all struggling with this just the same as you. I, too, started out with anorexic habits which eventually turned into me binging/restricting in a vicious cycle. You said you went to the doctor on August 12th after a massive binge? How long do you think you have been struggling with food (either not eating or eating too much)? The biggest thing that has helped me is to really pay attention to my hunger and eat when I’m hungry, WHATEVER I want (no good or bad foods!) It’s scary at first, because there IS that fear of gaining weight if you let yourself have anything you want. But I am already feeling slimmer and SO much better, physically and mentally. And get rid of that scale! It just makes all of us crazy.
I’m sorry you feel like you don’t have any proper friends right now. Are you in school or anything? I’ve felt like that for a couple of years now, mostly because I tend to feel bad about myself/not like how I look and then I isolate myself and stop wanting to see people. We are here to be your friends and help you get back out there
Have a good day today!!
-JillianAugust 28, 2010 at 4:57 pm #64120
Hey Colin, Welcome to the forum
I’m sorry that you have been struggling so much with food/weight. I used to have anorexia for years, and now I have binge eating disorder too. Everyone on this site understands what you are going through and how awful it feels, and everyone here has a history of dieting/food restriction. When you restrict food and/or your body drops below its natural weight, it causes physical and psychological pressures for to binge. Physically, your body wants to eat as much as it can in one go, as it thinks its going to be starved again. psychologically, if you feel you have gone off track with your diet, or that you’ve eaten too much, sometimes this can lead to a binge because you might think ‘sod it, ive already blown it, i may as well eat loads now and then get back on the diet tomorrow’…(i dont know if you’ve experienced that, but I certainly have!!) As people with binge eating problems often want to lose weight or they are scared of gaining too much weight, they tend to diet, but ironically its this dieting that triggers the binge eating. Also, its easy to slip into a pattern where you turn to food and binge to get some sense of comfort.
For onw I would siggest having a read of peoples journals perhaps.
And oh you’re from Kent, I’ve got loads of family there and I was born in Chatham, so I know the area quite well!
P.S – eating disorders may be more common in females, but its becoming more and more common in males…dont feel you are alone…throughout my different in patient stays for anorexia I met four different males with anorexia/bulimia.August 28, 2010 at 5:00 pm #64121
Thanks so much for your post. I’m glad you got in touch – you’re the first to . When I do binge, I tend to go into this mode of numbness where I just try to blot out everything. This mode of numbness kind of means I don’t think or feel anything. I eat the foods I feel compulsed to and it’s only when I feel like I should finish that the feelings of intense guilt start to kick in. You sound like me when you say you do it to “hurt myself”. It’s like I’m constantly fighting myself and food is the razor blade that cuts my wrists like you described. There must be some part of my personality that wants to rebel and eating large amounts of food or highly-calorific food in general is my way of attacking myself. Just like alcohol batters the liver, consuming a lot of food will ultimately cause weight gain.
Regarding your question about when and how many times a day I do it, I can’t really give a concrete answer. Sometimes I’ll do it in the morning, like really early (5am sometimes), sometimes at lunch time and sometimes in the late afternoon. I don’t tend to do it around dinner time as I know I’m likely to have something fairly substantial. How about you? Do you tend to binge eat at certain times or on many occasions?
Thank you – I suppose we all feel weak when we tell ourselves we’re not going to binge eat but end up doing so an hour later. Also, thanks for saying you’re there if I need a chat. I’d like to offer the same invitation and good luck to you too .
CJC1992August 28, 2010 at 5:23 pm #64122
Thank you so much for your post. It’s genuinely relieving and refreshing, although very sad, to hear that so many of you guys on here, can actually empathise with what I’m going through. I know that I am not the only person in the world suffering from this, although it seems like that when I’m all alone at home with the fridge as my only source of pleasure.
Rergarding your question about how long I’d been having problems with food, I think it all stems from months ago when I used to go for long walks. I used to exercise quite a lot – not because I felt I needed to because I was fat but because I was genuinely in need of something to fill this massive void in my life. I’d come home from one of my walks and be so hungry, probably due to the fact that I’d used up so much energy exercising, that I needed to eat lots of food in order to achieve some kind of balance in my body. However, I’d go to the extreme and end up eating far too much – even when not hungry. Perhaps I did it out of boredom. Then all of a sudden, something took place in my life that I don’t feel comfortable discussing due to the magnitude of the event, and I lost a lot of weight (well over a stone) because of the stress. The anorexia started to kick in when I became smaller and smaller and started to be proud of my shrinking waistline. It was like I had the mindset of ‘smaller is better’.
Thanks for the advice regarding paying attention to hunger. I agree that it’s imperative to ensure we, as human beings, meet our bodys needs through eating and drinking. I think I essentially want to feel physically, emotionally and mentally secure for as long as possible and obviously food deprivation and abuse is going to mess up the body’s systems.
Regarding your question about whether I’m at school or “anything”, I am yes. I go to college which I’m actually very much looking forward to returning to. I go back for the new year on September 6th which means I’ll be out of the house for many hours a day – away from the temptation of food and ultimately bingeing.
Where you talk about isolating yourself and not wanting to be around people, I can completely empathise. I think we, as sufferers of this disorder, have such low self-worth that we don’t feel like we deserve friends sometimes and cut ourselves off from the rest of the world. I certainly hope you feel you can get in contact with me if and when you ever want to chat. I really appreicate your message and hope this is the start of a friendship .
God bless you,
CJC1992August 28, 2010 at 5:42 pm #64123
Massive thanks for your post.
I know – within a few minutes of doing my first post, I received 3 messages . I’m sorry you too suffer from this disorder – how and when did yours start if you don’t mind me asking?
As I said to Jillian, who also commented on my post, it really is quite comforting although sad, to know that others can understand and empathise with what you’re going through. This kind of condition can be so isolating that sometimes you feel like you’re the only person in the world with it.
Wow, thanks for the info about how the body tends to function – the physical and psychological pressures to eat, dieting and giving up, etc. It really does make a whole lot of sense and I completely understand where you’re coming from when you talk about:
“‘sod it, ive already blown it, i may as well eat loads now and then get back on the diet tomorrow’…”
It was only yesterday that I said that about today. I did well up until late morning and then I messed everything up. I’m thinking again about it now for tomorrow, although I genuinely don’t know what will happen when I wake up tomorrow. If I’m in a bad mood, who knows what will happen? However, I am so determined to just eat normally and not ever use the word ‘diet’ again in relation to my life because it’s such a daunting word like you allude to.
I certainly will read peoples journals – I think a lot of them are a source of inspiration and encouragement.
Yeah – I don’t think Chatham’s too far from where I live. I’m in Ashford and have lived here most of my life.
I was interested to read about the part where you’re talking about being an inpatient for your anorexia and coming across four guys with bulimia and anorexia. Did you manage to talk to any of them? If so, did they share any information with you relating to what was the stem of their eating disorder starting?
Once again, thanks for your post and I look forward to a friendship blossoming in the near future .
CJC1992August 28, 2010 at 6:15 pm #64124
Hey colin, glad the info about how the body reacts to dieting etc was helpful. And yes, it is comforting to know others have the same condition, even though at the same time you wouldnt wish it on anyone, but it helps to know you aren’t ‘weired’ or alone with your problems. I’m pleased you want to stop dieting, that really is the best way to get over the binging, trying to develop a normal relationship with food. and as someone said to me on my journal….we should realise dieting isnt good coz it has the word ‘die’ in it!!
Of course I dont mind you asking about how and when my problems with food started. Basically, when i was 15 (I’m 25 now) i went on a diet, and for years and years i would diet and lose weight, then overeat/binge it back on, time and time again. Then when i was 21 i developed anorexia. From september 2006 (aged 22) until Febuary 2009, I had four admissions to an eating disorder unit. When i was last discharged (in feb 2009) i was still at a low body weight which i was trying to maintain, then i just started binge eating. Occasionally at first, then it got more and more often…until i became over weight. at its worst, i was binging about 6 nights a week. Fortunatly i managed to get it down to about twice a week. But i came on here and started to try to give up dieting and be more normal with food about 3 or 4 weeks ago.
there was one lad in the eating disorder unit i used to chat with quite often about his eating disorder (he was anorexic). He was 18/19. His basically stemmed from him developing a poor body image. He thought he needed to lose weight and it went down hill from there. Although i think he also had some issues at home, like he had a strange relationship with his mum, and i think he thought that was a bit of a trigger for him.
Loz xxxAugust 28, 2010 at 6:42 pm #64125
Thanks for getting back in touch, Loz.
It’s interesting what you say about the word “die” being in dieting. The word itself is such a scary concept – the word diet can be such a pressuring concept that so many people have the life sucked out of them when on one. At the beginning of last year, I was very close to being obese and actually went on and succeeded in getting my weight into the normal range. I found it, from what I can recollect, quite a simple thing to do – I must have lost about 3 stone in 6 months. I was happy that I’d been so successful but this year has been terrible and being on a diet has driven me manic at times. I think we all strive to just get on with life and see food as a fuel as opposed to something we should think about and obsess over all the time. A lot of us just want to eat, enjoy and then continue with normal day-to-day living. That’s certainly what I want to do.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with anorexia. You should be very proud for overcoming this – I just hope with the love and support of the people around you, you are able to completely overcome BED too. It’s great that you had the mental strength and determination to cut your bingeing down and I would be very proud of this feat if I were you. Obviously recovering from something as serious as an eating disorder is never easy – it’s like learning to walk. Baby steps are the beginning and big strides only take place when we help ourselves slowly but surely.
Right – yeah, I think there’s always underlying issues for why a person eats abnormally and obviously this guy’s mum was one of the root causes. I can’t perfectly identify with why I binge eat – sometimes I think it’s out of boredom, other times I just want to eat food so it’s not there anymore and therefore cannot tempt me in the future. That’s obviously a fundamentally screwed up way of thinking, especially when it ends up in the house again because my parents buy it. I think perhaps some sort of medical or mental professional would be able to help me understand better why I have had such a deranged relationship with food in the past. Although I’m reluctant to do this right now because I want to try and beat BED on my own, I’d like to think I would ask for and accept help in the future if need be.
xxxAugust 28, 2010 at 7:43 pm #64126
Hey Colin–Thanks for updating and giving us a little more insight into what’s going on. That makes sense about all the exercise and then trying to balance your body out. And the shrinking waistline, too! I was never fat/overweight to begin with, but once I saw that I COULD lose weight, it just became addicting. Almost like an accomplishment. I’m so glad you are ready to throw out the word “diet.” Our bodies know exactly what they need and will let us know. Just have to pay attention! I also think some sort of professional could help you understand some of the underlying causes, but you might discover some of that in time on your own. I’ve learned so much about myself from joining this forum, but I also JUST started seeing a counselor and have found that to be very helpful, as well. (Sometimes it’s just nice to have an objective person to talk through a lot of things with) But I think starting here is a great first step for you! Feel it out, see how it goes, and if you feel like you need MORE help, go for it. And this is absolutely the start of a friendship!
JillianAugust 28, 2010 at 8:16 pm #64127
Oh! And I mean to ask before–what are you studying?August 28, 2010 at 8:32 pm #64128
This is just a short post as I’m about to retire for the night.
You sound a really intelligent sensitive person. And you deserve a great life.
Did you download Andrew B’s book yet? I found it really helpful.August 28, 2010 at 9:24 pm #64129
Thanks for your post.
I haven’t no – I shall certainly look into it. Thanks for the advice. I shall get in contact with you at some point tomorrow so we can talk further.
CJC1992August 28, 2010 at 9:44 pm #64130
I can understand where you’re coming from when you said that it was addictive losing weight. I wanted to reach a certain weight and then told myself I would stop and try to maintain it. But once I reached the desired weight, I wanted to set a new lower target. I was within the normal weight range when doing this but just felt compulsed to carry on losing weight – I obviously had anorexia but convinced myself that I was just ambitious.
Hm, I’m starting to understand where you’re coming from when you said our bodies will tell us what we need and when we need it. On the days when I am calm and don’t feel the compulsion to overeat, I drink when I think I’m thirsty and eat regular meals when I think the time is right. My body, I think, likes it when I do this as my mood seems stable. I think all the body systems tend to work together and you have this state of equilibrium (I think the word is).
I agree, Jillian – I could do with getting some professional help I think. I just want to try and do this for myself and see what happens in the short-term. If things do not start to improve soon then I’m going to need to return to my GP and tell him what’s going on – no matter how scary the the thought of doing it is. I know he’s likely to refer me to a psychotherapist or counsellor (like you’re seeing) and I really would like to know the underlying factors causing me to eat compulsively. Only when I know these factors can I properly address the binge eating I think.
By the way, I’m really glad that you have found your counsellor to be a real source of help. I wish you the very best for the future – you sound really smart and certainly deserve the help you’re receiving. I really do wish you all the very best for the future.
P.S. I’m studying Psychology, Sociology and Health Studies at A-Level.August 29, 2010 at 11:29 am #64131
I think that sounds like a good plan, and you are off to a great start here! And yes, equilibrium is important. With BED, your body get used to those two extremes of starving and overeating, and it really takes a toll physically. A lot of people have trouble listening to their hunger right away, so find it easier just to eat three meals and 2 snacks a day in the beginning. And eventually you get the hang of it… In the meantime, it keeps your body a little more stable. I know a lot of people (including me) find intuitive eating really helpful, too. http://Www.intuitiveeating.com
And those sound like fun classes! What are you hoping to get your degree in?
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Forum Posts
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- Miss26 on Binge Eating Disorder Support!
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- Illuminated on Every day is a new beginning
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- FoodJunkie on I need help, don't we all?
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- JWRS on Every day is a new beginning
- sam on New to this….lifelong struggle
- Illuminated on Every day is a new beginning