This is my first time talking about this to anyone…ever. I feel so embarrassed to confess I have this problem, for binge eating shows a sign of weakness. I have been battling with binging on and off since October. I will go through periods where I binge every day, and when I say binge, boy do I mean binge. I’m talking the mega feel-like-you-are-about-to-explode-like-a-nuclear-bomb binge, like probably around 4,000-10,000 calories. I don’t have a completely accurate number because 1.) I am to embarrassed to add up all the calories. and 2.) I eat so fast and so much I don’t even remember what I shoved in my mouth. But when I am not binging, I am extreme dieting, trying to lose all the weight that I gained during my binging period. During these times I’ll average around 0-1,000 calories per day.
For some reason, I must have the metabolism of a Olympic athlete crossed with a puma because I still have a low bmi (17.2 as of yesterday, but I binged today so it probably went up). Still, I am not happy with how I look. But mainly, I am not happy with how I act. I would like to just be healthy, put plain and simple. I would like to not know the caloric content of every single item I put in my mouth. I would like to be like I used to be, eat when I was hungry stop when I was full. Sounds simple, right? (As all you other people struggling with this problem on here know, it’s not some simple linear math equation to solve.)
And finally, what we have all been waiting for! I would like to start a journal, so that other people will also hold me accountable for what I do eat. I would definitely find it extremely helpful if you guys could give me some tips on what has worked for you and what I should do to help get of out this cyclical hell. Thanks!
P.S. Best of luck to everybody else! I truly do believe in you! And remember, always remember, we always have a choice. When it gets down to it, only we can hold ourselves responsible for our falls and our triumphs!
Well, today was a regular after-a-binging-period day. I fasted today partially because I felt so guilty about eating so much and partially because I feel like it atones a little bit for what I had been doing to myself. All in all, it was a good day, I only felt like binging once, but I didn’t even eat then.
Question, does anybody else find that they don’t have problems with binging if they just never open the door to eating?
Controlfreak, hi. Yes. Once I start eating, I open myself up to not being able to stop. I am not really able, or most likely not willing to fast all day. However, I will have 1200 calorie days. If I keep this up for a day or two I can get a little grumpy or shaky… I find it hard to be full after meals too. I am trying to unstretch my stomach so it can be satisfied will far smaller quantities. I overeat and binge I think but it rarely goes into the 1000s because I do eat normally along with binging so I am not usually doing it out of starvation. My BMI is on the line of normal and overweight. I dare not reevaluate because I have not have many 1200 calorie days to make up for all of this damage that I have been doing! If you’re interested, you can browse some of my journals to see what I am talking about…
But you aren’t alone and I am reading your journey.