Tips to stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
my daily battle
August 8, 2010 at 8:35 am #2376
for the millionth time i’ve had enough. i’m fed up. i feel suicidal so many times after a binge. these horrible feelings are getting the better of me.
I am starting this journal to let you all in to my private life, the struggles , the battle, the self ,loathing the secrets that dictate my life all to do with a four letter word – food.
my young teenage years i was a normal weight, happy, ate quite alot of junk but i was happy. i was happy with my life.
until it all began.
thinking back to it now, i never admitted it but i developed anorexia. it started with a sheer obsession with being healthy, i counted calories down to the bone. i would weigh out every piece of fruit i ate so i could not go over my daily 1700 cal allowance. i started becoming obsessive and never leaving the house because i couldn’t eat anything outside of the house because i wouldnt know how many calories were in foods. i ate in private for 6 months, not one meal shared with family or friends. luckily i was able to escape this destructiveness and am very proud of myself for it, as many ppl struggle 4 years with anorexia. i couldnt handle the comments about my weight loss anymore, ppl saying i was ano and need to it, and me convincing them i DO eat, but i just liked healthy good. i then swung on the opposite pendulum and began bingeing in attempt to gain weight (mind u i was not underweight, at my lowest i was 50 kg). i gained 6 kg over 6 mnths which is healthy weight and i am still at that weight today. i went on CRAZY binges and still do. i ate 15 weetbix and 4 bananas for breakfast. 8 pieces of toast, half a block of cheese and half a whole jar of peanut butter. my stomach would explode i just wanted to escape the world and just be in peace. some weeks would be better then others. for a month i started doing well again but thats because i was counting calories therefore my allotment was set, i knew what i would be eating. but i’m back to the bingeing now. i never go to bed at night or wake up without thinking about the days meals, always trying to get the maximum amount of nutrients in, when i have a good day i’m fine. i feel strong and accomplished. but when something does not go to plan, i binge and binge and binge. the remorse is ruining me, i’ve lost all hope and i’m here as a last resort. i’ve tried everything , i envy all my friends, even though i may eat healthier foods then them, stress is never escaping me, i can never just sit in peace because food and weight and health is always on my mind. i get anxious to leave the house for the whole day without snacks because when hunger strikes, i may have to give in to a slightly less healthy meal, and when i do i feel guilty and will trigger a binge. i’m going to blog here daily and share my life with you guys.
any support is appreciate entirely. you guys sound fantastic so i’m excited to start this journey of recovery. its not going to be easy but i think in due time, with sharing my emotions here i will be able to lead a normal life, does anyone have faith in me?
xxxxAugust 8, 2010 at 8:57 am #60484
welcolme. you have come to the right place. ervyone here is amazing.
we share your struggles and pain…we all have similar backgrounds and traits. read through everyone’s journals to get yourslef on track to health and freedom. share and write like we all do.
everyone is here for you
xAugust 8, 2010 at 9:09 am #60485
thanks a million ev, that means alot to me <3August 8, 2010 at 10:00 am #60486
i’m feeling really alone on this battle, but i have hope that others will support and guide me along the way, and as i read other posts i know i will relate to othersAugust 8, 2010 at 2:46 pm #60487
There’s no need to feel alone anymore, this forum is really supportive and understanding. I’m sure reading through other’s journals you will find that so many have stories just like yours, and know exactly what you’re going through.
I’m happy you’re ready to start recovering, that’s a big step! The next step is putting all thoughts of weight loss and diets out of your head and focusing completely on beating this eating disorder and taking your life back.
I know you can do it
xx oliviaAugust 8, 2010 at 6:13 pm #60488
I definitely have faith in you!! In all of us really. It takes a lot to come here and take this step. So many of us started out at good weights and just became “health” obsessed. That is such a binge trigger. I’m sure you will learn a lot here- starting with- you are definitely not alone.August 8, 2010 at 6:47 pm #60489
Hey Lina! Of course we all have faith in you. I really could hear myself in all that you wrote in your post. I was often so suicidal and hopeless after my massive binges and I just wanted my life back. I was in that same areas of extreme PERFECT healthy meals counted to the T, or mad-wild binges. Here the thing that I learned was that I HAD to get out of diet mode…the more I dieted, obsessed about trying to eat healthy, counted calories, the more I binged. I HAD to stop. So what I did was I forced myself to stop counting calories….at the beginning because that sounded too radical to me, I gave myself a range for each meal (300-500) and then a couple snacks a day so that I knew that my calories were decent but I never added them up for a grand total at the end of the day. And then eventually I felt comfortable enough to start intuitive eating where I listened to my body and ate what I wanted when I was hungry. Something else that was really important for me was making myself eat “forbidden” foods (like PB, chocolate, cookies) on occasion in moderate amounts so I could see that they would always be available to me, I didn’t need to binge on them because they weren’t bad and wouldn’t be restricted again, and to show myself I really could handle them. So those are a few things that helped me to get my life back from BED. Glad you are here! ~LaurenAugust 8, 2010 at 8:39 pm #60490
wow thankyou for replying, lauren that was great advice <3
the weird thing is i never really binge on unhealthy food because they have been ruled out of my book. the worst ive binged on is half a block of chocolate and 4 muesli bars, but otherwise its always nuts, weetbix, toast, bananas for me.
it is this drive to be the healthiest i can be that is fuelling this BED, and also the weight i suppose because im scared that if i go out and get hungry ill have to eat junk and then i will gain weight. does anyone have any advice to this issue? or can relate to it, i understand it is a bit unusual :S
so anyway after my horrendous binge last night, i’m hoping to kick start this week well. i’m about to go have breakfast , and then listen to my body all day. if i dont crave junk food ever should i still incorporate treats?
and shoould i leave the house with healthy snacks for the day ( i rarely binge when i do this), or should i leave the house and open myself up to vulnerability and see what happens for the day?
xoxAugust 8, 2010 at 10:17 pm #60491
Welcome to the site and thank you for opening up to us! Like you, I am health food obsessed!!! I would much rather binge on a basket of apples than a chocolate bar any day of the week…but unfortunately your right..this does just provide fuel for BED because even though we don’t always crave junk food during our binges, we still restrict ourselves from the option. I think Lauren’s advice to start by just paying attention to the calorie range of each meal you have is a great place to start… I’m actually going to start there right along with yoU! I hope you have a very successful first day binge free and am excited to hear all about it . I definitely think you should pack some healthy snacks for your day to stay fueled if you do get hungry! But that’s the trick..have them with you but listen to your body regarding if you even need to eat them, or if maybe you only need to have a little bit of them. You can do thisAugust 8, 2010 at 10:24 pm #60492
great advice, i’m so glad you and everyone else are in this journey together. i’m leaving now and packed a sandwich , orange and can of tuna and if i need more food when i’m genuinely hungry i will allow myself to buy something.
i used to have a strict eating time so that was 3 meals , 2 snacks. but never listened to my body. i feel like i really am ready to change as i have found support from people that understand.
when i am on a binge i can eat 6 large bananas easily, then a massive packet of nuts and 12 weetbix, and i will only go for the chocolate when theres nothing else there for me to keep going with, i don’t even enjoy it. but i am going to allow myself to have some daily so that i don’t have this restriction mentality.
thanks for the support <3August 9, 2010 at 5:05 am #60493
Glad to see you getting rid of that restriction mentality, nobody needs that!
Hope you had a good weekend
-oliviaAugust 9, 2010 at 8:59 pm #60494
so i had a binge-free day yesterday to make up for the disaster sunday on the weekend. i still felt very bloated and heavy all day yesterday but managed not to eat much to make up for it.
i felt pretty calm yesterday, i listened to my body and ate when i was hungry.
this morning i had 2 pieces of toast and some yogurt for breakfast but i feel like i need something more.
this is when it gets dangerous….August 9, 2010 at 9:48 pm #60495
Well done on having a binge-free day yesterday! If I were you, I would try to leave a gap of, say, two to three hours between each meal or snack (this assumes that you are eating enough at each meal to tide you over for that length of time).
If you are really hungry before the next meal or snack is due, try the “15 minute” rule – distract yourself for 15 minutes (maybe come on to this forum?) and then see if you are still hungry. The idea of this is that it should hopefully distinguish real hunger pangs from fantasy hunger pangs.
Hope this is helpful – and hope you have a good day today!
Carmilla xxAugust 9, 2010 at 9:55 pm #60496
that was really helpful carmilla, thankyou.
because i have never opened up to anyone, coming on here and having someone say good work for the binge free day and motivating me, really helps me to work toward progress.
xxxxAugust 10, 2010 at 8:49 am #60497
i had another good day today, tried very hard to listen to my body. ive mentioned that i have this fear of being hungry so i bought lunch and kept it in my bag, so it was available when i got hungry.
does anyone have advice for this fear of hunger?
i used to binge before i’d go out so that i wouldn’t be hungry when i was out
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