Tips to stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
Home › Binge Eating Forum › Binge Eating Support – General Comments, Questions, and Posts › Monika Journal
November 22, 2009 at 7:52 am #1266
Hello Everyone.(this is basically for me to vent but you are more than welcome to read this:) )
I have realized that even though the binge eating might seems like it is controling my life, I need to remember that it is ME that is letting it control me.I have the power to change, it within me.Nobody else can do it for me.The biggest mistake that I do is when I binge I mentally check out.I need to be conscious of what I’m doing or what I’m about to do.All of my life I have experienced periods of depresson/suicidal thoughts/and incredible sadness and self loath.This keeps going on and off.I cannot let the negetive thoughts get to me.Even when I was in good shape, had good friends,etc I would still feel like I’m not good enough.So I guess my s#*^^y mood depends not on my physical (it greatly contributes to it though) but on how I feel inside.When I feel overwhelmed I binge, when I feel sad or/and frustruated I binge but when I feel happy and content with myself I DON’t!The power to change is within me I just need to believe it.Now that I can focus more on myself (as you have read what happend in my previous post) I can use this time wisely to think and reflect on what is bothering me.I remember last year my new years resolution was to get in even better shape.How ironic is that? Oh how I wish I appreciated what I had then.
so right now I have i choice to make: i can either continue binging (you know the oh, I have eaten so much already,I might as well continue stuffing myself) or I can put the f-in jar of peanut butter down, get a drink of water, take a big breathe and continue living-not constnanly eating.And you know , i might as well choose the latter one.and those 18-20 pounds that i have put one? they will melt themselves if i just treat my body right.November 22, 2009 at 4:29 pm #26115
Hey Monika…glad you started a journal..its definitely good to vent! So what I was thinking when I was reading this was that I think something that is key for you is learning to sit with your emotions, feel them, and realize that they will pass and not kill you. I have struggled for as long as I can remember also with depression, anxiety, low-self esteem, and at times suicidal thoughts…so I know where you are coming from. The one thing I have noticed is that while I am still an extremely moody person, up and down many times throughout the day, I can handle my emotions now. I used to have to fix them or numb out with food..it felt like they were going to kill me. Now I have realized that no matter how shitty I am feeling, it will get better on its own and I don’t need food to fix them. I think that has gone a long way for me…and while I’m still a very emotional person, the severe moods have gotten better from not binging. So maybe try and focus on sitting through those awful feelings and just taking them on, refusing to kill them or numb them with food. Hope that helps some. Hugs, LaurenNovember 23, 2009 at 12:28 pm #26116
lauren, you’re such a sweet person.You really motivate me to do better.Ever thouh about career in motivational speaking?
This morning I woke up and since I didnt think that i was hungry i wasnt plannin on havin breakfast.However, about an hour or so later, I started gagging, (you know the bitter saliva that comes up before throwing up?)I was so close to throwin up that I decided to have a small breakfast (many times I experience nausea if i dont eat in the mornigns, hugnry or not)
-kashi cereal+milk,cinnamon(smallish bowl)
-Bean burger on toast,slice of muenster cheese,cut up tomatoes and onions
-10 almonds,1 small container of organic yogurt for dessert+a sheet of cinnamon graham crakcers+tea.(i guess you noticed that I love cinnamon)
- 1/2 of tall skim latte+1 cheese cracker
-apple,no sugar hot chocolate made with milk
I didnt restrict or even try to restict myself.As you can see I didnt have proper dinner because Im usually not hungry in the evenings.(it might be bacause I sually go to the gym in the evenings)
Today I spent most of the time on my feet , working (I work with kids and am part time personal assistant)running errands.By the time I got home it was past 6:30 and i was pooped but I decided to go to the gym anyway and i’m glad i did.I had an excellent workout.Today was mostly cardio on th elleptical plus a little bit of ab work.Tommorrow I plan to do some weight training.I didnt have any negetive thoughts all day becuase i was busy which works i guess.:)Also I got you this excelent book by Mark Templeton.It’s really an exceleltn book-a lot of valuable life lessons in there.
ok, I’m off to bed
monikaNovember 23, 2009 at 3:32 pm #26117
Thanks Monika :oops: hehe Maybe I should make a video of me kicking the crap out of that binge jerk! :lol:
Yeah if I don’t eat breakfast, I find myself w/ nausea too. I always, always now eat a really good breakfast because I find if I don’t, it sets me up to be starving all day…which is never good for a binger. Great job on not restricting and major kudos for find the energy to go workout after an exhausting day at work!!
So glad you had a good day!! Hope you sleep good! Hugs, LaurenNovember 24, 2009 at 10:13 am #26118
Glad to hear you had such a great day, well done!! Working with kids must be exhausting, lol! I think its really good to have breakfast and your normal meals even if you are not that hungry. Its always better to eat before you get too hungry than afterwards.
Good luck for today (or yesterday!! I have no idea what time zones we are all in here, hehe). Talk soon xxNovember 24, 2009 at 11:38 am #26119
Thank you dear Lauren and aussiegirl.You guys inspire me!!!
Today was another super busy day.(I got blisters from wearing heels) I made it tp the gym again.Today at the gym I saw more than I wanted to see :a guy in super short shorts who looked very excited down there…. its was very unpleasant especially since he was working out behind me.
-patty,two boiled eggs+with some canola mayonaise,salad
-Two sheets or cinnamon graham crackers
-banana,small yogurt,6 cheese crackers with tea
tomorrow i have an early morning doctors appointment (i hope it goes well,i’m really nervous)but i should have 2-3 hours off during lunch hour which will be nice.
off to do some reading before bed
monikaNovember 24, 2009 at 12:11 pm #26120
Well done for today!! EWWWWWW that guy from the gym sounds really gross!!! Have you tried “Party Feet” from the Scholls range of foot accessories? They’re like little gel pads you stick in your heels… I actually bought some today for some heels that I’m wearing to a ball this Saturday. It might solve the blister problems!!
Best of luck for tomorrow!!November 24, 2009 at 2:02 pm #26121
Hey Monika..glad you got through your super busy day…sorry it was w/ blisters though..dumb, cute heels!!! Sorry about your experience at the gym..gross! Your food looks great for the day!! I hope your MD appointment goes ok. I’ll be thinking about you. Big hugs, LaurenNovember 25, 2009 at 12:15 am #26122
inge-thanks for the idea about the gel pads,i’ll definetely get those for the holiday season
Lauren-you’re such a caring person! Thank you!!!!
I just got back from my doctors appointment.My doctor suspects i might have a sinus problem plus an bleeding disorder so in a few days I’ll be sent to a specialist…i’m not stressed about it anymore , i just want to get it over with… I needed to go to the lab to get some test done and it was so nerve wrecking since blood makes me feel weak.(i have fainted in the past) but it all went well even though the nurse looked kida mean, maybe she was having a bad day?
Today is such a cold,rainy,sad-looking day.I wish i could stay home and cuddle up with a good book but i have to work.November 25, 2009 at 4:40 am #26123
Thanks Monika for the kind words! :oops:
Being a nurse, I’m sorry that a fellow nurse was mean to you today..she probably was having a stressful day but she shouldnt’ have taken it out on you. Glad though they were able to draw your blood with no problems. Hmm I wonder what kind of bleeding disorder? Have you been feeling sick lately?
I love cold rainy days in that they are perfect for snuggling in bed w/ a book..sorry you had to work instead Hope work went well though! Hugs, LaurenNovember 25, 2009 at 9:57 am #26124
Hi Monika, glad you have had a few good days and that the doctors appointment went well for you. Hope it goes well at the specialist too.
Hope you are not too scared to go back to the gym – how freaky that must have been for you!! I agree with Inge….EWWWWW!! Lol
Look forward to hearing about your day!November 25, 2009 at 11:11 am #26125
Lauren-I’ve been havin nosebleeds almost everyday for a year now plus some other complications.I really how it all works out.
Lauren and aussieirl, im sorry to dissapoint you guys (and myself) but today i binged.i ate too much in the morning that at lunch (im stayin with my parents for thanksgiving tonight and tomorrow)and it just been so stressful.I ot off work early but then went to my parents house to help prepare for tomorrow feast.I dont really care about thnaksiving that much but somehow i end up doing most of the work.(nobody likes to cook in our fam but everyone wants to eat )The stress from loads of cooking that ive been doing today combined with feeling anxious about thanksgiving made me binge.I didnt even enjoy it…i feel quite down both physically and mentally and i still got loads of work to do!!!
sorry for this negetive post.I just needed to get my frustruation out.November 25, 2009 at 11:25 am #26126
Dont apologise!! Thats what this site is here for, to get out all of your negative thoughts and issues. If none of us had them, we wouldnt have so much to talk about!! And you are certainly no disappointment either! You had a stressful day, and binged as a result. The good thing is, you came on here to admit it (mainly to yourself than us) and are still working towards a solution. And thats great!
When is thanksgiving? I dont even know!! What about it is making you so anxious? Do you often get stressed staying with the parents? I know I do! Maybe if you can identify the main thing that is stressing you out, it might help
Hope you are feeling better soon, we are always here for you xxNovember 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm #26127
Hey Monika..I agree with Aussiegirl..you have nothing to apologize for. This journal is for you to vent and discuss things that are going on in your life. Also you didn’t dissapoint us. This is a step by step process that is never perfect. A little slip up today does not erase all the progress that you made. You just need to figure out what exactly your triggers were so you can use that knowledge to prevent a binge next time. It sounds like all the stress of cooking and being in your parents house triggered it (believe I have been there and done that..so i understand!) Try not to get too down on yourself, just get back on track and move forward. We are all here cheering you on. ps hm nose bleeds for a year..i hope they figure out whats going on!
Hugs, LaurenNovember 25, 2009 at 4:47 pm #26128
aussiegirl,lauren, I don’t know what I would do without you guys.
You guys are both right-staying with my family causes me binge.I love them to death but many times they get on my nerves.its not actually them, but he environment.Imagine a housefull of people,little kids running around,mess everywhere,plus tv blasting.
Ive been cooking all night (stuffing,eggplant parmesan,etc) plus my mother asked me to make sugar cookies for a kids birthday party coming up this Saturday.So i was stuck doing that till 1:30 am.(first i tried to reaosn with her that it was too early to make them but she said that friday will be too busy…)
tomorrow I’ll try to enjoy the thanksgiving dinner without binging but also without restricitng.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Forum Posts
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- MrLonely on Introducing myself
- lil4038 on Introducing myself
- MrLonely on Back after a long hiatus
- JWRS on Back after a long hiatus
- Just Like You on Back after a long hiatus
- MrLonely on Back after a long hiatus
- Just Like You on Introducing myself
- Just Like You on Back after a long hiatus
- MrLonely on Introducing myself