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Michelle's Journal

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Started 5 months ago by generationshelll
Latest reply from Lauren

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jent
Member

CONGRATS That is awesome! Are you happy or what? I bet you once the stress of midterms is over you will be able to accomplish what you want with eating and exercise..i'd say given the circumstances, you are doing pretty good. Your brain is working overtime right now! So...get rest and have a great day! XOX Jen

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Congrats on getting into A & M!! That is awesome!! You still leaning towards being a teacher? Sorry you were so rushed getting to your exams..I don't think you need to start intuitive eating over again. Believe me it is nothing that anyone ever does perfectly. There are some days that I totally don't eat intuitively because I'm too busy at work, so I just eat a moderate amount and don't beat myself up for not doing it perfectly. The key is flexibility and doing it when you can. The most important time is when I'm eating out at restaurants..then I make sure to do it really well. But at home when I know I'm eating a moderate amount...I don't always do it...so just go with the situation. You are doing really well Michelle!! Xoxo ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Thnak you!!

im thinking i need to make some changes. Idk how but i do. I feel my old ways creeping on. Thinking abt food more often...wanting to eat when im not hungry...wanting to eat late at night...wanting to eat when people arnt around. Its not good I think i may have lost focus. And Im becoming less strict on myself leading myself to fall right back where i was at the beginning of this process. So tomorrow is day 1 of I have no clue lol....working out...eating right. I made a promise to myslef that i wldnt go back ot how I was and Im not going to let myself fall back into old ways. No more eating in secracy unless im hungry. only eating 1300-1500 cals a day. Intuitive eating hasnt gone well...yikes!!
im beginning to feel like im loseing control lol although i havnt gne completly crazy. I high standards for myself. ;] i know i can do this...def difficult but all i can do it try and push through. Its def wworth the effort

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Michelle Sweet Michelle -

I kind of feel the same. If you read my post I screwed up yesterday bigtime. I am rethinking too. I feel like going back to counting would work better for me. I think it might be ok to do that...as long as it does not become an obsession or a failure if you go over your cals.

Maybe you are just more stressed and fatigued than usual from studying and having so much going on w your friend and all. It is worth the effort to push through and figure out what you are striving for eating wise.

Keep posting...love ya girl!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Michelle..I'm sorry things are tough right now. You are so strong and have come so far, I know you will pull things back together. If calorie counting is what you need to do right now to get back control, then do it. Stay strong girl. ~Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

so Today is
day 2 of my eating healthy and exercising
im rlly trying to lose these 8 last lbs. In a healthy way of course So it may take a few weeks.
and i have vowed to weighing myself only weekly again...since i began weighing daily again soo that has to stop. ;]
Yesterday went very well I ate about 1250 cals & wrked out.
Today I think i ate well overall. I took a nap and got hungry so i ate a lil more. so i had about 1470 cals. I also worked out today.

Im conflicted because my nutritionist wanted me to do 1500 cals a day ...so im like do i do 1500 still?
I hate how i feel like if i eat more than 1300 im doomed at losing weight. Trying to break that mentality.

So ifeel like im jsut going to eat 1300-1500 cals a day based on whether im hungrier some days then others. I think thats the right think to do.

Im trying to be optimistic. But i still feel iffy... O.o
oh well. It shall pass i hope!! i hate when i feel like this.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..I agree with your nutritionist..eating only 1250 and under 1300 calories is WAY to little, especially for someone who is working out. You will still lose weight eating at least 1500 and you could probably even go up to 2000 with working out and still lose weight. Remember this is about making a healthy relationship with food the priority over weight loss. You'll still lose weight but it needs to be sustainable..and eating under 1300 calories for life just isn't realistic, you know? You will take off those extra 8 pounds with time not bingeing, but I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to do it within a few weeks. I'm glad your going to cut the weigh ins down to once a week. You are doing really well Michelle...just don't let that binge monster make weight loss your focus. Hugs, L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Thank you Lauren!!!

I know what you mean about the calories. Im more open to eating closer to 1500 a day. Somedays it will be more but thats okay

i think whats happening is that im focusing on losing weight because I can control that. Thats one thing i have complete control over. So i think because i feel like im losing control in other aspects of my life im sorta substituting weightloss to help fill that void. grr. Not a good thing as all. But sometimes im liek working out and eating good is the only thing i got going for me. Thats how ive been feeling latley. Just blah... :/

imma try to snap outta that tho lol

ive decided to do a quote of the day..idk maybe ill get inspired :]

“The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”

Today was alright... like i said im just idk in a funk haha

i worked out.
its i believe 4 mo 2 wks ...?days of being binge free
day 3 of healthy eating &exercise

Heres what i ate today

Cereal
Luna bar
pretzels
thai noodles and a chicken & veggies ( veryy yummy)
salad
serving of ice cream
some strawberry cookies
and a lemon luna bar

I did okay today i believe.
I have stayed committed to taking my vitamins also and only 3 sodas a day. so im making some progress.

Well i hope everyone is doing good!! :DD

Much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..sounds like you did good with food today! I'm glad you are getting ok with eating a bit more calorie wise...and staying flexible with it is the most important thing. Yeah I know what you mean about wanting to keep control over the weight loss thing but really letting it go will help because first, you will lose the weight anyway, but second, it takes away that desperate/obsessive thoughts about NEEDING to lose weight. You are so smart, kind, and beautiful..that is what you have going for you friend! Sorry you are feeling in a funk right now but thing will look up soon. Hang in there Michelle! ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Aww Lauren Thank you for making me feel better! Your the greatest!

yep i pretty much ate the same as yesterday today lol
tomorrow is my off day so Im gnna go out with a friend.
I also wasnt going to workout today but i was very aggravated throughout the day so i wanted to let stress out. So i had to lol which helped alot!
Today was a sucky day. Determined to make tomorrow better. I feel like ive been slightly falling back into depression...not there yet but if i continue the way i am i will be. the past few days ive been unmotivated, witht he the id rather sleep attitude then go out. Sorta like moping lol. No more!
I also have my therapist apt 2mmrw im glad i rlly need it. So im hoping it helps.

im planning on working out 2mrw morn.
idk if working out everyday is okay.
and i reallly wanna weigh!!!! its horrible. Im resisting tho lol

i need to call my best friend.... ihavnt talked to her in a couple weeks and i think thats wats upsetting me. She called me last week and gave me a # to reach her and i jsut havnt called. My lazy i dont care attitude sorta didnt allow for that...it was like i'll call tomorrow...id rather sleep right now type of thing. so Tomorrow im def calling. i have to because i really do care and i dnt want her to think i dont. :/

Well i hope everyone has an amazing friday tomorrow!!
much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey love...no problemo..thats what I'm hear for I'm sorry you are feeling depressed lately...do you know whats causing it? I hope your therapist helps make you feel better. Pick up the phone and call your best friend...no better anti-depressent then catching up with good friends. I'd give your body at least one day off a week to rest. And stay off that scale Have a great night! xoxo L

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Hi Michelle - I like your avatar -- so cute. Sorry you are feeling like poo. I hope your appt. is helpful. Grab that phone and call your friend. I bet it will help tons. What are you planning for the weekend??? Hope your day is better today. XOX Jen

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Below is something my therapist suggested i do. To try and stop my constant dreams about my sister...and me crying.... and leaving me feeling mad at her the next day when she didnt even do anything. Read if you like

Thrusting her fist into the drywall leaving a hollow hole, a sentiment of that nights fate.
"I hate it here" She screamed... sending chills down my back.
An all too familar atmosphere of yelling, tears, and fights.
Eye witness accounts that tore at my innocence.
What was a ten year old to do watching her sister be pinned to that green carpet....being drug across the ground.
I try not to remember. Sometimes forgetting is the easiest but it has come back to haunt me.
8 yrs later i have reoccuring dreams about the memories i tired so hard to surpress...deny any remembrance.
They are erupting from my core and emotionally scarring me.
So Im going to face everything i havnt. its time i accept the truth. The dreams must end.
So here is every smell,feeling, memory having to do with my pain,anger associated with my sister.
I remember I used to stand stupified watching my sister and partents figght....but over time my guard became emaciated. I had no escape. With each fight I became more anxious..more fearful...more emotionally wounded. I tried to run to my room...plugging up my ears....my only defense.
I remember the times i hated most...when my sister argued with my parennts...then out of spite... hurting them int he worst way possible. "I'm goign to go throw up.Watch me" She wld say as though she was proving something to the world. I didnt understnad. i hated it. The sounds....the gagging...i couldnt listen ...but then to be forced to see it... that was too much i couldnt. Sometiems i made it to my room and plugged my ears blockking out the purging but other times i was stuck....absorbing in the gagging....spitting...
Even now I can picture the bathroom perfectly, the brightness of the room spilling out into the hallway when the door was open. The only room of that house that i can remember in such detail.
Even when we moved. Fighting continued.
my sister would excuse herself to her bathroom way too often. By this time I had my suspiscions. I understood what she was doing. I felt betrayed. i crouched on my stairs so many times peaking under the bathroom door.... too often seeing my sister kneeling.. I felt so furious...betrayed everytime. How can she do this to herself! why is she doing this to me too! Shes hurting me also, doesnt she know that I'm not stupid i know what shes doing. Everytime that ran through my head. Everytime tempted to runt o the door and bang on it and yell at her making a smart comment. I never did though. Oh how i wanted to.
Hearing it was the worst too.
A sound that echoed in my mind...reminding me of those days when i was 10. Setting afire a feeling of helplessness...pain.... hurt... anger. A unsettling feeling that I couldnt escape. Plugging up my ears wouldnt help. All i vould do was rememebr whatshe was doing. I couldnt take it.
Going into the bathroom that we shared and seeing marks in the toilet...
ever i began recognizing the horrid smeell of throw up lingering int he bathroom. Something similar to burnt popcorn. I was disgusted... enraged... all too often i smelt that smell just a reminder of what my sister was doing.
for six years I had been attacked from my sister in the best way possible...the biggest way she could hurt me.... left with no defense....To throw it in my face every time i heard that sound...rmember that bathroom...smelt that horrid smell. I wonder if she ever knew how much it ate at me. How much it hurt to constantly be reminded of how she was hurting herself. How I was helpless...leaving me feeling angry... hurt beyond repair..betrayed. Betrayed she had picked the best payback ever... one that i never deserved. One catalized by her fury of life....sinking into my soul...my mind...my memories.One that tainted my innocence. I saw things a 10 yr old never shld have to see. Things a child shouldnt have to deserve. My parents and older sister were suppose to keep me feeling safe int he environent which i lived....but instead the environment was hostile...threatening my emotional health. How could my parents do this to me. How could my sister do this to me? She was selfish. My parents and sister didnt think about how i was being affected. Don't i deserve to be happy too? i hate that my parents and sister cant recognize what they have done. Take responsibility for it. Never has she apologized about it...asked me. Why did i have to ask constantly for therapy? After many attempts feeling defeated. Why wasnt i ever considered? It wasnt fair. i want to forgive forget but how...? When i feel such betrayal?
I'm tired of my wounds weeping for the past years. Tears i once released in real life...now are released in my dreams. These memories are haunting me. I want to forgive. I dont want to dream any more of these memories. Its time i acknowlegde the past and move on. Some answers will never be answered and im trying to accept that. ........

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

anyways today was my off day
I went out to lucnh with friends and ate 2 pieces of pizza
i sorta ate a lot today
well... i ate w/e i wanted lol
i also worked out today. Myfeet are beginning to hurt...grrr
i was supposed to go out tonight it didnt happen though
oh well.
My therapist apt went good. I cried...ugh i hate that lol
but i really did need it.
tomorrow im back on track
all is well.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

btw Jen... no plans for the weekend :[ not good at all..

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Good morning Michelle and thank you for your above post. I know it takes a lot of courage to post about the past, especially one that hurt you so. I notice that you use the word betrayal a lot. Were you very close to your sister before these things started to happen? It seems like maybe that is the case. I am sorry that you ended up feeling this events so deeply and painfully. It is very hard because sometimes people living in pain and going through this stuff don't realize or care about the impact that they have on others. Seems like you are at the beginning of unraveling a very intense internal mental thing here. Just know that we are here to listen at any time. I hope you find something good to do this weekend. it is freezing here in NY and I just want to sleep all day! Not good either! have a good day lovee. xox Jen

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

hope you are ok.,....

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

hey Jen
thank you :]
ive been trying to be positive is orta went through like a week of semi depression...sleeping... not doing much...not rlly caring...but i decided that Im gnna be positive. However ive been overeating thepast few days... Eating my emotions im like 99.5 % sure of....blahh.... im just gnna try to do the best i can 2mrw. i rlly cant go back to the way i was :/

Posted 1 month ago #
Lena5
Member

Hi Michelle. I'm new here. I just read your post about your childhood. I'm so sorry you had to endure such pain. I think the dreams are pushing you to take the steps you need to take to heal. I remember feeling powerless in a relationship when I was younger and I used to dream about Oprah and Robin (from Batman) coming to my rescue (!), saying everything I couldn't say to the offenders. As I became stronger emotionally, I had dreams where I stood up for myself. After that I didn't dream about those people anymore. Every day is a new day. Look for the gifts. I'm sure you will see instances of kindness throughout your day that will remind you that you are loved, maybe not by the people you need to love you, but by the people who want to love you. One of the sweetest things that my husband ever said when I was stuck in cement was "Keep going. Don't give up. I love you." It meant everything to hear that. It made me cry. You may feel uncomfortable when you cry, but crying is important. It releases stress hormones and helps you relax. I don't know you, but you have been through alot and you are doing important work to heal. You are brave. Have a good night and a better tomorrow. Lena

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..sorry the last few days have been tough and you've been feeling bad. Just remember that food will never really make you feel better and will only make you feel worse in the end. Feel thru those emotions and they will turn around and get better. Maybe its getting close to cycle time? I've been feeling a bit funky today and am hoping that means the cycles around the corner. Hmm Hang in there love. ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

You are so strong -- its ok to chill on your demands of yourself a little bit...as long as you can get back to eating the way you want to. Take some time to do something fun or different. Thinking postive thoughts for you and sending a hug!

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Lena: thank you so much for the inspiring words :] its means soo much! Yea the past couple days ive been trying to acknowledge the small beautiful things in life. And it does make me feel a lot better and really blessed.

Lauren: yea even i know food doesnt make me feeling any better...maybe while eating it but afterwards not at all. I'm gnna push through all my emotions and re focus. I know its not my cycle cuz i had it last week... but oh my right before i was pissed at the world... i was pmsing badd!!! and then for a week after that I didnt go anywhere, ate w/e (not binging thank goodness) and slept....and that was my day. I could feel myself slipping back to the person I was 4 mo ago and that really worried me. So Now im snapping out of it and today have felt really happy. So i think its working. :] I hope you feel better also!!! Periods can be such a pain :O

Jen: Thank you!!! even from overeating the past few days i feel somewhat gross. i mean once everywhile is okay but.... Ive been going out with friends at lunch latley because they have been inviting me and I think its a lot better than going hope and being alone. However im not into fast food that much and ive ate out twice with them int he past week and when we went out today i just got a drink. They eat fast food everyday and im not to fond of fast food at alll....but i dnt exactly know how to tell them that... When i got home i jsut had a luna bar which was satisfying. I didnt feel deprived but it want to go with them but its jsut What do i do? I really cld use a hug i never thought id feel so socially disconnected w people. I miss the interaction. Since I jsut lost my best friend....well we had a falling out...its been hard but I tried my best to call and admit my mistakes but she doesnt want to talk. So.... Even though it hurts I'm not gnna let it get me down.

I found this quote yesterday that I liked:
"Nothing is impossible to a willing heart"

It gives me hope and reminds me of my strength to keep going. :]

Thank you Lena, Lauren, & Jen!!! I feel really blessed to have each of you here supporting me. Its means more than I cld ever express.
Have a wonderful day my friends!! and Stay strong!!!

much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
ashrose
Member

Hi Shell. I have to thank you for posting that heart wrenching story about your sister. I have a problem similar to her and never really stepped back to think about how it may be affecting others. I recently told my parents that I have that issue and they were hurt but i never thought how badly it could hurt another person. Thank you. I hope you are doing well.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Michelle...cycle time is the absolute worst..I think all we can do is just get thru it and knot it will get better! I am so happy to hear you are feeling better though now. Wonderful. Always here for you friend. xoxo ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Hey Ashrose!!! Yea my sister has caused a lot of emotional scars for me but I do forgive her. Yet i do still have some repressed anger. I understand that she was going through a very difficult tiem but at the same time im unsympathetic. Its always a internal conflict with me. Thank you though :]

Hey Lauren!! I jsut got on BC cuz i cannot stand my pms and symptoms before my period. So im hoping that will help with my mood swings. Today was a wonderful day. :]Feel better Gurlie!!!!!!!

im excited for a new day tomorrow :] nothing can stop me now!
life is beautiful

"nothings impossible to a willing heart"
and oh how my heart is willing!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

YAY! So happy to hear you are feeling great! BC sounds like a great idea...might end up doing that myself! Sleep good cutie! ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Today went quite well :]

Quote of the day:
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"
I love that quote because its so true!!

Any ways...

I worked out... ran 4 mi.. not too much
my feet are slightly bothering me which im trying to ignore lol
i ate about 1350 cals today

heres what i ate
cereal
luna bar
salad
chicken&rice&veggies
luna bar
some candy hearts
another serving or cereal
some popcorn
and a grapefruit (yummy)

i ate alright today i think
I feel so much better when i eat good... i feel unstopable
i still have that prob with going out to lunch w friends tho
they arnt rlly health consciecen and i feel so wierd being like no ill jsut eat a luna bar when they are out eating fast food. I just dont care for fast food at all. Blah :O

i also started my chart on my vanity again
i think that definatly helps motivate me to keep going
so silly but it works!!!

thanks so much Lauren!!
have a fantastic day!!!!

Much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Michelle! Four miles is great! Be careful with that foot so that you don't end up injuring it. Maybe try icing it after you run. Your food looks good for today..I'm glad you feel good! Hmm maybe there is a bit of a healthier option you can feel comfortable ordering out with your friends. Hope you have a great night! xoxo ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

So glad to see you in a better place. Yay for candy valentine hearts! Ice and stretch girlie! Have a good nite lovee!

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

even the healthy options on the menu arnt that healthy at all you know?
yay candy hearts! so yummy lol

today went well

heres what i ate:

cereal
luna bar
veggies and pasta
toast
salad
veggie chips
luna bar
popcorn
sunflower seeds
baked chips
kitkat bar (omgoodness soooo good!!!)

about 1500 cals total

i didnt workout today

ive been feeling slightly nauseous latley...its been coming in waves

i think it may be the birthcontrol
because last summer i was put on it for my acne...and its made me horribly ill...after abt 2 weeks i cldnt continue it...but that was the higheer dose

so this time around i decided to try it again the one with lower estragin hoping i wldnt have the same reaction because my pms symptoms are bad!

i really really hope my nausea passes. yikes!!! its not that bad tho so ill keep it up

no plans for the weekend!! I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!!
Thank you!

much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Hi Sweet Michelle - ucky -- sorry you are feeling nawj...that sux. I hope is passes soon. Have a good weekend. Your eating looks perfecto. Sending big hugs your way. Life is beautiful. Enjoy!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..yeah I know fast food there isn't much to eat healthy but usually there are some salad options and really its ok to not always eat super healthy. I'm sorry you are feeling nauseous...it probably is from starting the new birth control...usually that passes within the first week or two so I would say ride it out. Hope you have a nice weekend! ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

hey everyone!!!!
i sorta junked out today
oh my these past days have been so blah!!
im trying to be positive...but its like wth is happeneing!!?

heres what i ate
cereal
luna bar
some veggies & squash
pasta
toast
ice cream
some strawberry cookies
another luna bar
4 mini choco donuts
heart candies

yea not exactly my best... ive been eating my emotions latley its been rough. Im trying to think positve :/ School is very stressfull and im very much ready for it to be over.

hope everyone is doign well!!!

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Michelle sorry you have been pretty stressed out lately. Just try and feel your way thru your days and realize that food isn't going to really make you feel better. Hey its ok you are food comforting a bit, we all do that, as long as it doesn't spiral out of control, its ok. Anything in particular you are really stressed about? Get on here to vent if you are feeling overwhelmed. Hugs M~ L

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Hi Girl...hang in there. Do you get any vacay soon? We have Mid-Feb break in 2 weeks. I know you are feeling stressed. What are you doing to de-stress...We are here for you..sending much love. Jen

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

hmm i dont understand why no its so hard to stick to the plan i followed for almost 4 months. I know im capable... I just dont think ive really mentally prepared myself. Like im not as motivated as before. Today went alright. i ate prob around 1800 cals.... i know!! i ate out of boredom....i thnk that was it!!! dang lol i need to stop!! so All i can do it do beter tomorrow....no use beatingmyself up about it. Im excited for a new day tomorrow. No matter what it will be a good day. I thnk if i start having more self control it will be better. Like before when i had eaten enough i would tell myself okay you dont need any more....but now i give in. so im going to work on that. Its def not goos to fall back into habits that lead to binging. So i wont!

I dont have a beak in school till the day after V day....which is nly 1 day off. I do have a week off in March tho so im def looking forward to that.
i havnt been really doing anything to de stress.....besides well eating :O....
blah...
So im going to set a goal to lose my last 8-9 lbs by my bday on April 22nd. I thnk thats a very reasonable goal.

welll i have a headach because i had wayy too much soda today

hmmm i was considering jsut kicking the habit and quittting cold turkey...i know they say dnt but i thnk i can do it. and honeslty i thnk that may be the best way for me to sttop. hmm idk.

well i hope everyone is doing well!!!
thank you!!!!!

much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..hmm well 1800 calories does not sound bad at all. You know I think you should really work at intuitive eating. You have been binge free longer than me so technically you are the resident expert at this but I just want to make sure that you don't find yourself in a place where you feel like you are just dieting really well and not experiencing that total freedom from food obsessions/restrictions/planning and BED....intuitive eating and not calorie counting will get you there like I've seen a lot of girls on here get to. You are doing great and I support you in anything you do but I love you and want the absolute best for you. I would love for you to be able to not have to count calories and feel guilty if you eat a little extra one day or worry about still trying to lose weight. You deserve that. Just a thought..you are welcome to say 'shut up lauren' Hmm I would prob try and wean down from the sodas as cold turkey will probably give you a gigantic headache... sweet dreams M. Hugs, L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Lauren: I know Intuitive eating would be the best but I just don't know where to begin. Im afraid of losing control is all.... And Although i have been binge free longer I believe you are the one who has really made the most progress Im so thrilled its Friday!! i hope you have a wonderful relaxing weekend!!! & thank
you!!!

today went well
heres what I ate:

Cereal & milk (i usually never had milk w it)
Luna bar
broccolii
sweet and sour chicken
toast
serving of ice cream
some strawberry cookies
Luna bar.

About 1370 total.
I also worked out which i really didnt feel like doing but im glad i ended up doing it.
DAY 2 of no Diet soda is basically done with
No huge headache...just a slight one....feeling a bit drowsy.

Tommorrow is my therapist appt so im hoping that goes well.

And i knwo this is random but for the past couple months my boobs have been sooo sore constantly. AT first I assumed i was just pmsing but not 2 weeks before my period. Ive been on BC for 2 weeks and my boobs are hurting very badly. It makes it really hard to run. Im thinking i may need to see a doc idk what it could be and im tired of it!!! haha just putting that out there to see if you guys have any idea of what is causing it.

I hope everyone has a great Friday!!!

Much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Yeah I know Michelle..intuitive eating can be a scary idea...so just approach it when you feel like it is the right time for you. You could get one of those books that a lot of girls on here are getting...and if you ever have any questions you can always shoot them my way. Nope you are the binge-free rockstar Michelle!! Your day looks good...sorry your boobies are sore...it sounds like a side effect of the bc...so maybe see your MD and get it switched to a different kind that won't have that side effect. Hope your therapy session goes well tomorrow. Hugs love. ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
jent
Member

Hi Michelle -- Just checking in on you...how is everything.

Caffeine can make your boobs hurt. maybe let the soda wear off and see what happens.

Sending a big hug.

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Yay go Saints :]
okay so I just got done watching the superbowl. Today started out alright. But i did end up eating quite a bit.

2200 cals worth today..... im not gnna bet myself up at all. But i mean it def wasnt alright lol wait is 2200 cals even really that bad? i have such a bad sense of how many cals r bad and how many are normal...

i have a gameplan for this week. So its gnna go very well.
On the plus side i did workout today which was nice.
today is alos my 5th day without diet soda. All i drink is water now which i good i believe. no caffine headache anymore thank goodness. I know that if i can go 5 days without a soda i def can start eating healthy again. I dont want to adopt old bad habits.

i really hope tomorrow goes well.

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Oh how badly i just want to make it through a week of eating well.... :/

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Man I bet they are partying in Nola!! Oh honey 2200 calories is just fine, especially having had worked out!..some day I probably have upwards of 2500-3000. Its ok..you eat such low calories the majority of the time that it all balances out. Hugs, L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

Your the greatest Lauren :]
i thnk i feel so bad about eating 2200 because i ate so much in a small amount of time. Even when i knew i wasnt hungry.
Im feeling much better today

the weather seems to be aweful but besides that all is well
finally one day i feel good about
i worked out
And no sore boobies ne more!! thank goodness!! haha

heres what i ate:

cereal and milk
minestone soup
popcorn
a pickle slice lol
fish and rice
salad
serving of ice cream
luna bar
4 mini choco donuts

i think i did well today
day 6 of no diet sodas i feel bloated on water not too fond of that....and im not even drinking a ton....just about 75oz a day.

im trying to convince myself that changing to water was a good decision
im tempted to go back to diet soda!! yikes!

i jsut want to see the benefit of trading diet soda for water/ :]

oh well
I hope you have a wonderful tuesday!!!
Thank you!

much love, Michelle

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Yes its prob. good to drink H20 over diet sodas!! Yes 2200 calories is seriously perfectly fine! Wahoo to having un sore boobies now! Have a great night!! xoxo L

Posted 1 month ago #
generationshelll
Member

hmmm Michelle has fallen off the bandwagon. No binging. But verrrryyy close.
I feel so bloated ate abt 1800-1900 cals today after eating about 2100 all weekend. Too much over eating
i have no clue how im gnna get back on track.

Posted 4 weeks ago #
generationshelll
Member

I feel like Im failing miserably...
failing as a Daughter
Failing as a Friend
Failing God
Failing myself .....

Its eating at me....and i cant stand it...

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

oh honey I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. Sweetie 2100 isn't even over eating! Most people say 2000 calories is a normal amount for girls and if your exercising up to 2500! Certainly not 1800-1900... I wish for you to be rid of the calorie counting monster because it seems to be setting you up to feeling bad. Why do you feel like you are failing at all those things? You are a beautiful , sweet wonderful person Michelle. Big hugs

Posted 4 weeks ago #

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