Binge Eating Forum

Support to stop binge eating, stop emotional eating, and stop overeating.

Binge Eating Forum » Binge Eating Support - General Comments, Questions, and Posts

1. 

   generationshelll
   Member

   I would label myself as a "closet" binger. Its become my dirty little secret persay.
   i am honestly embarrassed to admit to my family or friends that I am plagued by this horrible relationship with food.
   I was at my breaking point a couple months ago, trying to find something to reassure me that I wasn't alone in this and that there is support out there.
   And then I came across this site.
   It was like a sigh of relief to know that there ARE people out there that are indeed struggling as I am and that can understand/relate on a personal level.
   I can seek advice from a person who has no preconcieved judgemental notions about binging.
   Sure someone can say" Just watch what you eat and eat only when your full." but as they say sometimes you have to actually experience what a person has gone through to understand where they are coming from. Its not as easy as just watching what your eating because if it were we all wouldnt be suffering as we do.

   Ever since about 6th grade I've had a bad relationship with food. I was growing up around a sister who was suffering from anorexia and someone who constantly excersised. or limited calories miticulously. I guess in a way i became a product of my environment. I started to latch on and adapt some of her tendancies. I began starving myself. and worked out almost everyday for about 3 years. However there came a point where things changed. I was less motivated to excerise. Then my sister turned bulemic. She also constantly fought with my parents, I didnt like school, or have many friends at the time. And i began slowly medicating my self with food. It wasnt bad at first. But there became a point where I gradually increased what I ate, and sneaking food at nightime or when no one was around to see. And then it got out of control and turned into binging. And here I am 2 years later...
   Its taken me about a year to relize binging doesnt make me a bad person.. but still it puts a damper on my spirits...feeling bloated and dissapointed

   Also since school began about a month ago my stress and anxiety have jsut been feeding into my problem making it worse.
   Because of my closet binge tendancies I know if i were around people at the time or not alone i wouldnt dare consume as much as I do. Sometimes i jsut wish i could go stay with a friend and experience again what normal eating feels like.
   Not only that but my main urges to binge start around 6pm.
   And its so hard to resist sweets :/
   I'm goign to try to start writing down what I eat and I'll post it here.
   In a way writing about it is theraputic.
   Getting over binging is going to be tough .its a disease with no antidote.
   It will take time and all the willpower in the world and then some.
   Everyone out there who took the time to read this.
   If you need support Feel free to comment.
   Stay motivated and know that you Can beat this.

   Posted 11 months ago #
2. 

   Nicole
   Member

   I so know what you mean, ive been in the company of great people and in my head im thinking, hurry up and go home so i can finish off the food that we had for dinner.
   Its awful isnt it.

   Your description above is spot on.

   I wonder how many people really have thsi problem.
   Because i feel so ashamed i wont tell anyone.

   In a way, people accept anorexic more, becasue they can see it, obesethey think your greedy and bulimic/binge eaters we are discuised as normal people.

   Posted 11 months ago #
3. 

   MRose
   Member

   Nicole, the first thing you said completely describes what happens to me - I desperately love my friends and being with them, but sometimes, while their talking, all I think is "I wonder when they're going so I can go get some ice cream..."

   And Generationshelll - I don't want this to sound pitying (I hate pity) but I am sorry your life has been so hard. But like you said, it doesn't make you a bad person, its just a sorry combination of circumstances and life experiences.

   I know we all can get through this!
   Lots of love to you all.

   Posted 11 months ago #
4. 

   generationshelll
   Member

   Yep EXACTLY how I am.
   If have friends around, or am at someones house or even when my fam is around all im thinking about is when the next time i can eat what I want or binge.
   Its not awful. Our sense of food is just warped. :/
   It has started affecting my social life
   I want to go out with friends and not constantly think about food.
   But its not something you can just switch off.
   I think we have to just have to re learn what normal eating is like and I think
   surrounding ourselves with people may help us.
   The fact is the more we surround ourselves with friends or fam or whomever, although at first it will be extremly hard because our mindset has been on food for so long the more we'll start enjoying the fullfillment and high of socialization than that high of food.
   We should be Eating to live. Not living to eat.

   I have the feeling that there are MANY more people living with this eating disorder than just us and those on this site.
   Binging is a eating disorder just at much as anorexia or bulemia is.
   Anorexia is more accepted and recognized because its made its way into the public eye and people are educated on it.
   However people are ignorant about what binging is, or that such a disorder even exists.
   No its not just over eating. No doubt why some people cant distinguish between over eatign and binging. Which is why people would have many misconceptions. It is just as much a mental disorder as anorexia is.
   Honestly it is physically and mentally exhausting.
   However like you and I, we are pretty ashamed to admit this to people, to our friends, to our family.

   And im sure we arnt the only ones that are afraid to admit it.

   I know how hard it is to deal with this day in and day out.
   And stopping has proved to be very difficult.

   Today my eating was okaay I almost binged...was very tempted however my dad is in the kitchen working on something and i wont dare go down there when hes already seen me eat dinner plus some
   hers what ive ate so far
   -Puffs Cereal
   -pb crackers and prunes
   -sunchips
   -salad w/ croutons
   -mini biscotti
   -lasangya
   -serving of ice cream
   -some mini dohnuts
   -1 poptart...

   I was so tempted to just gorge myself. Even though i had eaten plenty. I wanted that 2nd poptart so bad not to mention that 2nd poptart would prob trigegr a full on binge.
   Maybe my dad being in ther was a blessing. idk
   i jsut hope i dnt overeat later

   Posted 11 months ago #
5. 

   generationshelll
   Member

   Thank you Mrose!
   I think im seeing a trend in all of us being fixated on food.
   This community is really a great thing.
   Everyone deserves to have a place to blog and seek advice and support regardless of what it is.

   It is very important we all realize that we arn't bad people because we binge. It took me 2 years to fianlly accept myself and quit beating myself up.
   Also we all have to realize although we are bingers we are still intellegent, willful, and strong people. And we are all beautiful regardless. i truly believe that.
   I'll be more than willing to offer advice or motivation to anyone if needed.
   I'm not here to judge.
   There is hope to beat this.
   Hope everyone has a great day! :))

   Posted 11 months ago #
6. 

   generationshelll
   Member

   Fianlly Day one out of Gosh knows how long of not binging. i even made a point to exercise which is rare.
   I'm so tempted to eat something right now but i wont. i cant.
   I cant go on living like this and going through this endless cycle day in and day out.
   I want to feel good about myself.
   I will not starve myself I will eat healthy meals. Eat how I should
   Eating normal seems so taboo because of me having been binging for so long.
   I feel like my stomach is an endless pit.
   I have void that ive been trying to fill with food for so long. and that part of me is still empty. So Food is not my solution. No more. I will NOT medicate myself with food any longer.
   I will use every will of my being to stay stong and resist.
   I'm tired of talking about "Oh im going to do this, Oh i'm going to eat right tomorrow." Thats not gnna fly ne more. I have to quit contradicting myself. I cant wait till the day where i can say "yes i once was a binge eater" and not be ashamed.
   Im gnna beat this.

   Posted 11 months ago #
7. 

   Bingemonsterbegone
   Member

   Hey there,
   Glad you got one good day under your belt! Yeah you & way to go on the exercise. Exercise is such a great mood lifter etc. Rock on tomorrow, you can do this. The first few days are the hardest, but then you start stringing more good days together and before you know it you will be on a roll.

   Posted 11 months ago #
8. 

   generationshelll
   Member

   Thanx so much for the support!!!
   I appreciate it so much.
   I know tomorrow is going to be so hard! i'm sure my mind will be thinking about food constantly.
   But i will continue to tell myself no.
   Im just worried about relapsing after a week.

   Any advice about hanging out w my friend which is sortve a bad influence food wise. because it becomes a big struggle when she always wants to eat fast food and go out to eat and what not. i love her but Its so tempting to eat well when around her. :/
   And now since im trying to stay on a controlled healthy plan it may cause an issue.

   It seems like food has more control over me than I do about it!! HA!

   Well ne ways
   How are you doing?

   Posted 11 months ago #
9. 

   Bingemonsterbegone
   Member

   Can't you just be straight up honest with your friend, enjoy each others company and visit or go for a walk. If you have to go eat somewhere's ask/opt for some place healthier so you can stick to your plan and then order and eat something healthier, a grilled chicken sandwich or a salad, or subway, even at fast food places you can choose a healthier option yanno. If you do real well, and want a splurge get a icecream cone from Mcd's, they are only 150 calories and icemilk, a far better choice than full fat icecream, and it's a reasonable portion and will satisfy a sweet craving for minimal calories. You have a voice, use it, tell your friend you want to make better choices, maybe you can be a good influence on her bad eating habits too! Enjoy your day hanging out with your friend, you can do this and make good choices even when eating out with friends, I always do, and so can you.

   I'm doing super, today was a great binge free day for me too! Thanks for inquiring..

   Posted 11 months ago #
10. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Thanks for the advice. Yea Im definatly going to try to be honest with her I jsut dont want her to take it the wrong way.
    I hate that ive associated eating with having fun when hanging out.
    I dont want to have to have food to feel like my outing was really fun.

    Im so gald that you are doing so well!!

    Not binging for even 1 day is a major acomplishment for people who do binge.

    Today was great not feeling that all so familar bloated feeling.
    Later in the day though i started feeling like i had deprived my body. Even though i had ate a good breakfast and lunch. I know im feelign the after effects of not binging. My body is like whoa whats happening....you only ate 1300 cals yesterday and not the usual 2000 and up.
    All i could think about around 4pm was food..food...food.
    I almost didnt even workout but i told myself no i have to. And im so glad i did.
    The worst part however is that Im home alone for a few hours.
    Which normally i would see that as a great opportunity to binge..eat to my hearts desire. i honestly hate being alone for that very reason.
    It scares me because im so more tempted to binge when that opportunity is there.

    however i have ate dinner and a couple snacks and feel quite satisfied right now.

    Today is not going to be binging night all because im alone.
    Im just staying distracted.
    I have a feeling today is going to be a good day.

    Posted 11 months ago #
11. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    Hi there,

    i totally understand you when you say you're too embarassed to share it with anyone. i've been having eating problems for almost 4 years and kept it to myself. i joined this forum today. i guess i'm officially admitting that i do have a problem. i also think about food all the time. stay strong, we're all in this together

    Posted 11 months ago #
12. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    WAY TO GO ON YOUR GOOD DAY! AWESOME

    PAINT YOUR NAILS NEXT TIME A BINGE IS COMING ON, THAT WOULD BE A GOOD DISTRACTION & YOU WON'T WANT TO MESS UP YOUR PRETTY HANDS BY GRABBING FOODS & SHOVELING THINGS INTO YOUR MOUTH. FYI, I HAVE THE PRETTIEST NAILS IN TOWN.

    Posted 11 months ago #
13. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Tell me why it feels great to have a place to admit it right?
    Thanks! And You can beat this!

    Binge monster Great idea.
    I think i will just do that.

    eek im so stressed right now which makes it hard to not binge.
    I have a lot of homework!
    I hate work, which i am only doing so i dont dissapoint my rents.

    I came home at lunch to find my sister argueng with my rents cuz she ran into someone with her car...then cry about her ex.
    My sister just got admitted to a hospital because she had a breakdown at her therapists today.

    My best friend and her husband cant pay her rent, shes pregnant and about to be homeless and i cant do a darn thing to help....

    And usually i would deal with this all by gorging myself with food whihc i refuse

    grr i better get to painting those nails....

    Posted 11 months ago #
14. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hey generationshell,

    tough situation you're going through. but you're right, as hard as we might have to fight, and how many times we'll fall, we need to keep trying and believe that yes we will beat this. did you paint your nails?

    today i didn't binge, and i know i won't because i don't have anything to binge on. i was actually planning on buying smth, but they didn't have the kind i wanted (which is good). i'm just scared that i will binge tomorrow. but who knows? maybe today is the Day 1 of 'recovery' too? I want to believe that I, you, and everyone else, will get better. No not get better, but overcome this and be able to eat normally.

    Posted 11 months ago #
15. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Wow, sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, with all that is going on with your sis/friend worries lead to stress, but overreating is not going to change any of these situations unfortunately, so try and remember that. Things will work out, they always do. Big hugs. Friends and family need you to be strong right now, so just by being there for them will help them more than you think, be strong. Does your sis live with you? She is in good hands if she is hospitalized. Tomorrow will be a better day..

    What color are your nails?

    Posted 11 months ago #
16. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Good for you tellmewhy for not binge-ing today! What is smth out of curiosity? Take it one day at a time. Perhaps you should start a food journal and write in that each day what you eat and your feelings etc. It feels good to admit and write our feelings down, keep blogging.

    Posted 11 months ago #
17. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Ive realized that I've been trying to fill a void i have with food for almost 2 years and it hasnt got me anywhere...that void is still there and some extra poundage.

    I'm honestly done. I'm not going to try to fill an endless pit with food. Obviously thats not what i need. Where has binging got me or even you over the years? pshh nowhere lol

    yes we will beat this.

    I knw what you mean. how you go ina store and you know exactly what you want and that you will binge on it later.
    be glad they didnt have the kind you wanted. Think of it as a blessing.
    and think about how u saved money from not buying it.

    Tell youself,"I will no longer be a binger" i think i said that to myself like 10+ times today.

    Im having a real test of willpower here....home alone...a lot of stress...
    I have to tell myself no like every 5 mins.
    Oh how badlyy i want those cookie dough poptarts..... but
    i will resist

    all it takes is to tell yourself "no" and to walk away. I truely believe you can have another binge free day. you have the strenth you have the willpower. And if there comes a point where u just want to binge so bad. come on here. blog about it. how you feel. About maybe whats triggering your binging. anything.
    Im here to offer support along the way.

    Im about to go on a walk and then maybe paint my nails
    getting some fresh air will be nice.

    Posted 11 months ago #
18. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    smth was actually just a wrap, and maybe a cookie/muffin. but they didn't have any wraps left, so i didn't buy anything. i guess it's not that bad. it's just that i'm scared that everything will trigger me. yesterday i bought this 900g of oatmeal. finished almost all of it and ate the rest today. plus i had eaten other things too. i mean i bought it KNOWING that i wouldn't be able to eat it all. i never imagined i would be SO out of control. and that's what really scared me. i actually started a food journal last week, only did it for 1 day. it was too time consuming. i feel each time i write, i'm fighting against myself not to have binge. and i constantly think about food.

    generationshelll, how is your evening turning out?

    Posted 11 months ago #
19. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    I know what you mean about the whole being scared about what will trigger you.
    It could be something you are not even aware of.

    I think before we feel the urge to binge we shld ask ourself why. And try to find out what is triggerign that urge.
    Tonight mine was that I was home alone, the stresss of school and my sister. and possibly beacuse ive associated being alone with being able to binge.
    I know i worry way too much.

    Its wierd how much we can eat at times isnt it.

    My therapist suggested writing down what I eat.

    But i never did :/ its just like if i write it down ill have to accept that i really ate everything i did. and im not ready to accept it for some odd reason. It makes me ashamed. like wow i cant believe i ate all of that.

    My therapist is the only one besides people on this site that i binge eat.
    but i dont go to therapy for an eating disoreder btu for issues w my sister and me being depressed.

    I used dry erase markers and made a chart thing on my vanity mirror.
    its silly but i liek it better tan writing everything down on paper.

    my night is going alright. I'm happy I didnt binge but like i said theres still something empty in my life i cant seem to fill...

    how about your evening?

    Posted 11 months ago #
20. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    To my dismay I was woken up an hour and a half eary due to my sister and parents fighting.

    One thing is I cant stand yelling or fighting and there seems to be arguing everyday in my house.

    I even have post traumatic stress due to all the fighting between my sister and in my family. So much so that When i hear someone say something loudly i immediatly think "Omg whats wrong. They're fighting again" I tense up and get anxious. I hate it.
    I dont even like being around loud groups because of this problem. It makes me soo uncomfortable. All I can think about is how much i want them to lower their voices and talk softer.

    The only good thing that came out of this morning was that i used that hr and a half to get my workout in versus later which is good. But im still not in the best mood.

    I'm just going to try and take it one day at a time.
    I hope everyone has a great day! and Stay Strong!

    Posted 11 months ago #
21. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    i think it's absolutely amazing that you didn't take your stress out on food and went for a workout instead. good job!! even though things may not be the best today, don't give in ok? we're here supporting you.

    so today, i went to get my wrap first thing in the morning. they didn't have it, so i ended up buying a sandwich + 1 cookie. i happily ate them. i just hope they won't lead to a binge. i mean i said i wouldn't restrict myself so much, but i really am afraid that not restricting = binge.

    well i will try to stay strong.

    Posted 11 months ago #
22. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    its weird that even though i havnt binged i dont feel very much excitement for my progress.

    But for me binging is no longer an option.

    yea you def shouldnt restrict yourself. because if you do you may start feeling deprived and that just leads to a binge.

    Anyways How are you doing today?
    I hope all is well!!!

    Posted 11 months ago #
23. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    i'm so happy that you're confidently saying that binging so no longer an option.

    my day is ok... i have this major exam tomorrow, and usually i'm always eating when i'm studying. right now i'm managing my eating so i really don't feel like studying.

    i still had more calories than i wanted to. to be honest, i wasn't planning on eating anything else except the sandwich and cookie, because i was just craving for them and had them. but i wanted to eat at lunch so ended up having another sandwich + carrots. and i bought another big sandwich for dinner. i feel i should feel happy i actually had 3 meals and NO binge, but i also feel that i 'failed' in not restricting because i had this huge binge 2 days ago, and all those calories are in me now.

    i'm really struggling to not going out to buy a huge bag of biscuits. i'm picturing myself eating them and studying at the same time.

    Posted 11 months ago #
24. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Omg i understand what you mean about the whole no food no motivation to study.
    I have quite a bit of work to do myself but unfortunalty because im not bingeing or snacking continuously...i have no drive to do my work. I'm hoping it passes because i really need to get it done.

    Im probably going to take a nap because i feel really exhausted and normally when im tired i eat and eat and eat to try to stay awake.

    Then im going to take a walk...and attepmt to study and do some work.

    Its great you had 3 blanced meals today and not snacking around the clock.
    And you didnt fail. Restricting yourself will pretty much back fire. You do it to try and balance out those binged calories throughout the days but 3 day slate and your body is like "hmm i havent ate much latley" and then you eat something and bam a binge is triggered because you have the urge to make up for the past 3 days of restricting yourself. You eat one thing and then you arnt satisfied and u fall back into a horrible cycle.

    Even if you do binge one day ....the days following you should try to eat in moderations or 3 well balanced meals. It may even help control your next binge.

    Stay Stong, your going to have urges. but ask yourself "Am i really hungry?" or Am i jsut eating because of the stress of having to study for this test.
    You have to step out of ypu comfort zone for awhile to be able to break the cycle.
    You can do this! I know you can!

    Posted 11 months ago #
25. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Day 4 is almost over.
    I exercised and didnt binge.
    thats 2 smiley faces on my chart
    I really didnt want to exerise today but i still did and sorta glad i did.

    ha! i even uploaded a pic for this site.
    truthfully i really feel lonley right now.
    I knw that triggers binges for me.
    Since i cant eat my emotions idk how to deal with them.
    Im tryign to stay cheerful. i should be jumping for joy considering i havnt binged for 4 days and i cant recall the last time ive actually been able to do that. but im not
    Im starting to feel a really hallow empty/lonley feeling.... :/
    not feeling bloated all the time is a good thing but hmm

    Posted 11 months ago #
26. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hey, nice pic don't feel lonely. i'm here! how did your evening go yesterday?

    it must be hard right now because of all those problems. maybe that's why you feel hallow empty/lonley feeling. not because you're missing food

    i definitely think you deserve a big congratulations for not binging in 4 days. 1 day is amazing but 4 days? woowww i myself am on day 3, and really fighting to not give in.

    if you feel lonely, we're all here. you are NOT alone in this.

    Posted 11 months ago #
27. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    thanx
    I just painted my nails too lol
    going to go for a walk soon.

    YAY!! Awesme Job tellmewhy! Day 3! Thats amazing!!!
    You can do this. i know you can! Just keep telling youself no, and distracting yourself any way you can. You just have to take it one day at a time. as i am lol
    If you keep sticking with it the cravings will lessen and lessen each day.
    Its gonna be uncomfortable but not binging for 3 days just shows that you do have the willpower to beat this. keep it up! So proud. So proud.

    because of my history with binging. I never felt like doing anything with friends. I would binge and then be stuck at home the whole night because i didnt want to feel super full and go out. I hated that. It has killed my social life majorly.

    Ive disconencted myself from my family and ina way isolated my self from my friends.

    it just sucks sitting in the background and watching the people around you loving life.
    It jsut never seems fair. why im stuck living hell basically...when people around me dont focus on food 90% of the time and go out and have a social life.
    im jsut indifferent i suppose.

    Posted 11 months ago #
28. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    i was hungry. i didn't have dinner, because i didn't buy any food, knowing it will trigger me. i ended up having a plate of steamed cauliflower. it felt good. i'm just spending so much money buying individual foods instead of proper grocery. but then everytime i buy in bulk i end up having a huge binge.

    well you're at day 4, so everytime you go one day further, i'll go one day further too we can do this.

    i don't have so much of a social life too. everything revolves around food. i've cancelled so many times too with my friends because i ate so much and was bloated. i still have my family but there's miles away. i have friends. but they don't know what i go through and i certainly don't want to tell them.

    you are doing great. with all those problems in your family, you're still surviving and keeping strong. i am so proud of you too! congratulations on that

    one day you'll be one of those people who don't focus on food 90% of the time too and you'll enjoy life.

    Posted 11 months ago #
29. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    regaining our social life is just one more reason to quit binging.
    Lets start living life again.
    lets eat to live
    not live to eat haha

    Thats a great idea! We should make a pact.
    We can inspire eachother. Im always here if you need advice or motivation or what not.
    Whatever will help you to get through this. I have faith that we will succeed. idk why but i do lol

    I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a good day
    i cld be wrong tho...

    maybe you could just buy groceries that you know you wouldnt be tempted to binge on. Tons of fruits and veggies and protien like chicken or turkey, some wheat bread, milk, eggs, yougurt, frozen ice pops,cottage cheese, wraps with some lunch meat, cheese. just the basics for now. i know if i had most of that in my house i def prob wouldnt want to binge. because my main problem is sweets. i cant even down a yougurt most times cuz it grosses me out. but. you cld get some rosmary and grill your chicken in it. and make a chicken wrap or soemthing like that. You can also get some 0 cal honey mustard which would add some flavor, or light ranch.

    I hope i helped a bit. i knw i sortve went on and on.
    also you should maybe call up a friend and go out and have some fun. eat normally. and jsut know when you get home you cant have anymore food. you have the self control.

    keep up the work!!!
    & i hope all is well.

    Posted 11 months ago #
30. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    how was your walk? i hope all is well on your side.

    i'm scared tomorrow i will binge because i'm going to go get grocery. i'm really craving for bread and peanut butter. i buy these healthy kinds, but the 2 last times i bought bread and peanut butter, i ate the whole loaf and peanut butter container in 1 day.

    well when i first started binging, it was on healthy stuff. although i didn't consider them as binges back then, i just thought i still had control and i was only allowing myself because i would starve the whole day and then eat a lot at night. anyway n then it turned into unhealthy stuff when i was like what's the point of eating all this healthy stuff if i'm waaaayy over my calories anyway. like i would starve the whole day and have a pack of 6 muffins which would be less calories than binging on healthy stuff.

    i love yogurt. i buy these big containers. i used to eat one for lunch. but it's low in calorie. n then it went into, wait that's ok if i have more calories, so even if in volume i was full, i started eating more. n now it's like i can eat non-stop once i start.

    i buy loaves of bread. but i end up eating them all. i buy tons of fruits, and eat them all. food that is supposed to last for a week, i eat them all.

    i think that even if i spend more and have to go out to buy food for each meal, maybe it's worth it? except i'm going to get poorer? but maybe it will have less impact on my health after.

    for now i'm really struggling on deciding what i should buy tomorrow.

    for now, we're doing great. don't give in i'll encourage you as long as i can. tomorrow is going to be a good day right?

    Posted 11 months ago #
31. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    tellmewhy did u already go grocery shopping?
    sorry i couldnt reply faster

    I understand about the peanut butter thing cuz thats def my downfall also.
    maybe you shldnt buy it this time around.

    my advice would be after having one of something or having one serving dont have another serving or have the same thing. move on to something else if you feel your still hungry. Try buying smaller yougurts so u wont be tempted. Have one yougurt and say i cant have another one. Want soemthing else? have an apple or piece of fruit but only allow yourself to have jsut one. By denying youself only one of something you are learnign portion control as well as retraining yourself that you cant have 5 of something, you can only have one. But each time before you eat another different thing ask yourself " Am i really hungry or am i jsut eatign to be eating?" It wil help you stay aware of how much you eat.
    If say you have 2 muffins and you know ur about to binge. stop and ask yourself "Why anm i doing this? Whats going on" and hopfully takignt the time to think about why your eating something youll become more aware of how much and that you maybe dnt even want to be eatign that in the first place.

    You could try doing a calorie based diet.

    like starting at 1500 cals. You have a certian amount of cals and try to make them last throughout the day. keep track of what you eat. and it helps you manage what you can and cannot eat. Like you may only have enough caloires for one muffin at the end of the day than 3 or 4. Once youve had those amounted calories. tell yourself that you simply cant eat anymore.
    You dont have to do that though, but i have found that works for me. yous tart learnign that this is the amount of food you should be having each day instead of gorging youself.

    keep up the work. and stay motivated!!!!!
    You can do this!

    Posted 11 months ago #
32. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    eeee its almost 6pm and i just got done eating dinner.
    Im home alone and am so temtped to just gorge myself, but im really trying to resist.
    I knw there is no way i cld possibly be hungry but i think my mind is telling me no im not done.
    I think im so used to binging and overeating by habit that my body is like "wth is going on?"
    the urge for food makes me feel like im famished and my stomach is emty! eeek why is it making me feel like this.
    sigh but i know i jsut cant give in. that wld counteract the past 5 days of eating right. So i have to stay positive, tell myself no and that im not hungry.
    There will be times when i feel weak and like giving up but i simply cant. i wont allow it.

    Posted 11 months ago #
33. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hi,

    i did buy peanut butter and bread... and i think i ate too much today. but i didn't binge. i did have a lot of bread and peanut butter. at some point i thought i wouldn't be able to stop, i just kept eating. but then i didn't want to restrict. i think i did have the total amount/calories i'm supposed to be eating, except it wasn't so orderly. and i still want to lose weight, so i should eat less. but i will never be able to lose weight without first stopping the binges... so yay for today because i didn't binge? at least i didn't eat the whole loaf and all the peanut butter! really trying to stay positive because i do feel bad for not restricting, i feel i'll never be able to lose those 5-10lbs.

    i also exercised today, so i feel good. i just don't want to feel like a total failure everytime i eat something because that's what leads to a binge.

    i think your idea is great. i will try. i'm not sure if it's gonna work because i am ALWAYS counting calories. the main thing for me is to not binge. but you are so right.

    are you eating enough? do you think that's why your body is asking for more food? or is it because it's the binge that's calling? in all cases, you are doing such a great job, i'm so proud of you! you are amazing. just make sure you are not restrcting yourself too much because i know that's how i end up binging. but you're staying so strong, that's awesome.

    thanks for support

    Posted 11 months ago #
34. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Yes
    Its great that you were able to stop yourself. And Yay for not binging! Hopfully you'll be able to do that everytime you feel like a binge may be starting. Im strangly curious what would have happened if you jsut had say one pb sandwich and moved on to something else. Do you think you would have binged? i understand abotu the losing the weight. thing. Thats another reason my binging has got to stop. Gainning 26 lbs in less that 2 years whew....

    I honestly at this point tho really just want to be healthy, for myself. Binging makes you gain weight, have low self esteeem, have a bad body image, and leaves you feeling ashamed and guilty. I've been through that cycle way too many times.
    Thats why Im being strict withmyself abotu once being done w my calories being done because i dont think i could have just ONE of something else. If I allow one more thing like say when i was feeling famished earlier....bam i know i wldve triggered a binge right there.

    I've always said that my mind was like a calorie calculator. I usually dont even have to look at the label to know how many calories are in something. I honestly hate it/ I wish i cld go back to the days where i didnt knw all that. But I think its impossible to get rid of. The strange thing is that when i binged i would justify why i was allowed to eat so much and disregarded how many calories i was consuming. But afterwards it would hit me and my mind would morph straight into a calorie calculator again.

    Awesme job for exercising..supposedly it is suppose to make you less hungry. But i never understood why exercise increased my appetite.
    And dont ever feel like a failure. We all have slip ups, but dont beat yourself up about it. its not worth it. try telling yourself that your strong,beautiful,and that you have the willpower to beat this. Then see if you binge after telling yourself that.

    Im pretty sure i ate enough. It was definatly the binge that was calling...no doubt. If i would have ate jsut one mre thng i know i wld been done for. Thats sortve scary to think about. I ended up taking a nap because i was super tired...and suprisingly i woke up a feeling like i had maybe eaten too much. Now I have a slight stomach ache. O.o Ive noticed the more you resist the urge...most times within an hour or 2 it will pass. Its compeltly wierd.

    yw I think in a way supporting someone else helps me stay strong and not give up.
    Im more than willing to give support and advice or w/e. I knwo i wouldnt want to feel alone in this battle. Helping or not. Sometimes talking to someone makes everything jsut a little bit better

    now im about to go on a walk. Thanks for everything also!! Stay strong and be proud of yourself!

    Posted 11 months ago #
35. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    right now i'm not sure what's the best strategy. before i used to buy a lot of different things, but would eat them all. so right now, i don't buy a lot of variety. i didn't have anything to move on to after the peanut butter sandwiches. i actually had rice+ celery+ sardines (very healthy) first. n then i had the peanut butter sandwiches. i know if i had started with them i would have eaten everything maybe.

    but usually i would eat the whole loaf and all the peaunut butter in one go, but this time, i actually had them at separate times, and did not eat everything. so i'm really trying to focus on that and see that as an achievement, but it's hard when you always aim for perfection.

    i am a calorie calculator too!!! i share the exact thought as you do. everything that goes in my mouth it's like oh here goes x number of calories. like you, i would like it to be the days when calories didn't matter so much. when i binge i'm like i will starve for x number of days so that it evens out to x number of calories per day. but then i'm never able to do it, and feel guilty and like a failure, leading to another binge (because i probably ate very little for 1-2 days after the binge).

    i have to face the truth... unless i first solve the ED, i won't be able to lose weight. those 4 years of gaining weight when i was trying to LOSE weight must mean something. that SHOULD be enough proof... i gained a lot of weight but people still tell me i'm skinny. but it's because they don't know how much skinnier i used to be before. i'm definitely not skinny now. i feel folds of fat everywhere. and even the last time i went back home, people were like oh you gained weight and how my cheeks got fatter. so annoying. i go back to see my family and instead of asking how life has been, they just comment on my weight.

    i don't always have time for exercise because of school, but for me exercise really makes me feel good about myself and i wish i could just exercise more.

    good job on not binging after dinner. you are definitely becoming stronger each day and having more self-control, and that's a great achievement. i don't know what else to tell you other than keep it up. if you ever feel that you need to share smth, like when you posted to say that you felt a binge was coming after dinner, do it because it really helps. well i will do my best to help you. you are definitely not alone in this battle

    hope you have a good walk

    Posted 11 months ago #
36. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Yea throughout this process you have to lookat the positive. And not eating the whole loaf and such really is an achievement. Think about how maybe a week or 2 ago you wouldnt have been able to stop. Something inside of you hesitated and recognized in a sense than you shouldnt be doing that. And thats what we want.

    I know i keep throwing ideas at you but i think what would really help you is each time you eat something, write it down along with why you arre eating it. That means you have rice+sardines+celery..write down why you ate it and how hungry you were...then the same with the sandwich. have 1 sandwich write down why your eating it. If you want to have another one before youe at it write down why. I think taking the time to really think about what your eating and why will help you realize maybe you really dnt even want that other sandwich. I know its tedious but i think it will really help you.

    I have a feeling were not the only ones who feel like we are a calorie calculator. Its so wierd, Ive noticed most of us binge eaters are the people who knwo how to eat well, know how to diet and know how to exercise. But for some reason binging has interupted this and become a priority.

    I knw what you mean when you cant really diet until you hav the disorder under control. Ive spent a majority of my binge eating days...starting off on a diet. I kept saying oh ill start eating good tomorrow..but then id binge...and then the next day become day one....over and over...I wouldnt go out to eat w fam cuz i wanted to eat healthy but in allr eality i would stay home alone...eat dinner but then binge. I rememebr the days when i was skinny, i guess you could say. i wish i could go back to those days, but even then i thought i wasnt skinny. if only i relized that then and not now. But ive learned i cant focus on how i used to be and just move on. Im not going to lie im unhappy about my weight also. i have bad stretch marks on my thighs whch i hate....and i wouldnt dare wear a swimsuit. But that wasnt ever even enough motivation to stop binging. I remember talking to friends about how i was unhappy with my weight and htey would jsut say "Its your fault. Do something about it." and i remember being so angry because it wasnt that easy. I wanted to soo bad but i would still binge because of my emotions i presume. Even when my mom or sister makes comments about how much i would eat. It would hurt so bad because they didnt know what iwas goign through. Which is why i hate to eat a lot in front of them. im scared about what comment will be next.

    You could try making a schedule of when you can workout and do it like 3 times a week. It doesnt have to be everyday.

    i wanted to binge really bad tonight. I walked for about 20 mins and it was really nice. but a couple hours later i really truly felt hungry. However since it was 12am my dad was like "drink a glass of water." I didnt feel the courage to grab something to eat, cuz i didnt want my dad to be like"why are you eating" at 12am. So i jsut took some water and am currently trying to distract myself by watching Zoolander lol

    Yea everytime i feel a binge coming on i am going to make a post about it. I think that will help me. Do you realize that you will have gone a week with no binging in another 3 days!? Thats pretty awesme. YOu should be proud of yourself. And Thank you for all the support and advice!!

    Posted 11 months ago #
37. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hello generationshelll,
    congratulations for yesterday night. awesome job of not giving in. you ARE beating this. however don't be too hard on yourself also as it can backfire. but for now, it's amazing that you're able to say no to those binges so strongly

    as you said it's not easy 'to do something about it'. you've struggled so much in the past, and people said things to you that honestly could only make you feel worse. but here you are today, with nearly a week of not binging. you can do it! well you ARE doing it.

    i'm kind of happy winter is coming. i actually hate winter because i just feel like hibernating, but i can wear all these clothes and hide my pregnant stomach. the only thing i can't hide is my fat cheeks. i too have cancelled going out because i wanted to eat healthy but ended up binging

    i want binging to no longer be an option for me, but at the same time i'm thinking maybe it will happen again. and the only reason i think like that is because if it does happen, i don't want to feel like a total failure, saying that i promised it won't happen but it did.

    i know what you mean by saying that we know what healthy eating/exercising is, but it's so hard to achieve it. it's probably because we feel so guilty when we're not healthy whereas other people wouldn't even care because they wouldn't even realise their unhealthy habits. it's so bad to be constantly thinking about food

    so today i woke up and had peanut butter sandwich . ugh i definitely ate more than i should (i think 1 sandwich should be enough, but i had 3-4!!!!). however, it was a brunch, i did not eat anything else and i didn't eat the whole thing also. and it wasn't a binge. i can't believe that the loaf of bread is going to last me for 4 times of eating, instead of one! i actually only have 2 slices of bread left, and i was just about to eat them, thinking i already had so much already and 2 more slices wouldn't matter. but i stopped. i can't believe i actually left 2 slices of bread. i can't remember the last time i left that small amount of food behind. usually if there is some leftover, i would just finish it all.

    even if calorie-wise it's not the best thing, i just don't want to eat/binge up to the point that i feel so full and bloated. i do feel slightly bad for not stopping earlier, but i'm not recovered yet, so i'm still trying to accept that things like that will happen... but yay 5 days without binging, and today WILL BE the 6th.

    anyway i hope your weekend is going to be a great one. i'm sure we will go through it without binging.

    Posted 11 months ago #
38. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    I have a feeling today and tomorrow are going to be the hardest not to binge. Today i work which im not exactly fond of. And usually i come home around 10pm and am starving cuz i havnt ate ne thing for 6 hours. Ill then eat my dinner and then binge. Its become a habit definatly. And as for tomorrow. I will have to study almost all day. And usually when I study i eat a lot! I have to outline chapters for two tests whicvh are on monday. eek Not to mention the stress. Which I usually relieve with food.

    Dont think about well will i binge tomorrow or will i binge next week. Focus on today. One day at a time. Thats what i do. Because I am just as vunerable at binging tomorrow as you are. But i try to make it through the day and then not worry about tomorrow until its really here. I may seem strong but really I am weak. I know i could easily binge at any time and thats really a bit scary. I'm tryign to convince myself im srtong because if i dont my weak mindset will convince me that binging or not binging...it wont matter either way. You can make binging not an option at anytime. If you dont feel strong enough or willful enough. Fake it! I honestly am faking it. because maybe if i convince myself that i am I can beat this once and for all. i jsut need to get out of this negative mindset that ive been in for so long.

    Yea I'm happy winter is coming too. Winter for me means...I can wear clothes that somewhat hide my flaws and not have people wondering why i am wearing it. So I can blend in. I've used a jacket as a comfort thing for so long. I wear a jacket to make myself feel better and in the winter that is easier to pull off and more comfortable. Are you really pregnant or do u just mean like hiding your stomach?

    I always wondered if I hadnt been so worried about eating right and counting calories/exercising in the beginning if I would be this way. Or if I would still be eating normal. I hate thinking about it. I think living with an anorexic/bulemic sister for so long warped my sense of food and my view on it. i dont blame her but at the same time... i wonder what would have happened if i never grew up w a sister w an eating disorder. I'm lucky i didnt become anorexic...or bulemic. But at the same time...am I that lucky? After all Im still a binger which is an eating disorder all in its own. I remember days where i starved myself but i was never anorexic i still like food. And as for bulemic....I honestly am scared to throw up. So many times of hearing my sister do it....It really killed me. It hurt. i have post truamtic stress apprently about throwing up. If someone says they dont feel good or that they are goign to throw up i tense up and feel so anxious...i feel like i want to cry and just want that person to leave. Also when I hear someone talking loud in my hosue i immediatly get anxous...like "omg are they argueing again" being around loud people jsut makes me so uncomfortable and I never understood why until about 2 weeks ago. Its weied. Idk if ill ever get over it. Binging is just one of the few of my many problems unfortunalty. :/

    I'm so glad you were able to stop yourself
    Hopfully the more you stop yourself the easier it will be not to binge.

    I'm so determined to make it a week. Ill prob have some withdrawls but we can do it.
    Have an awesome weekend too!! and Stay Strong!

    Posted 11 months ago #
39. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    i think it does help to fake it. it's like sometimes you feel low, but you put a smile on your face, and go out in the world and actually have a nice day. but sometimes, you have to give in to your feelings also, because you just don't want to pretend to be happy or strong without actually being it.

    it's definitely very hard to not binge. and i know each day is a struggle. you've come from very far. and even if each day you are struggling, it does not mean you are weak. we all have strong and weak moments and in this battle, we have to be strong. yes you should be confident in yourself, that you can make it, even if it means faking it. if try being strong, we can either win or fail. but if we are weak, we fail for sure. so i guess there are more chances of us failing? but so far we've been 'winning' and that must mean something.

    i am so scared of binging too. even yesterday and today weren't perfect days. i was like 'stop eating stop eating'. i eventually stopped, but it could have been 1-2 sandwiches earlier. but that's ok, i ate to a good level of fullness and that's what i'm trying to take away from it.

    i just had a week of studying/exams and i do know the feeling of wanting to eat after work as you've starved for so many hours. i survived that week, so maybe i can help you. i don't really know how i did it, but i just told myself that usually after i binge, i just feel SO horrible that i don't feel like studying. also, theoretically, you don't need to be constantly eating to be able to study. i mean i know some students who do really well actually lose weight during exams because they spend all their time studying and don't eat enough. of course you need a good meal, but that should be enough. i convinced myself that snacking while studying would not help me.

    and as for work, do you think you can have a snack so that you're not starving?

    you have a lot of problems in your family, and it's understandable how you feel. someday all of this will be over but i have faith in you. you are doing well, even if each day is a struggle, you can make it

    and no, i'm not pregnant, i just think i lood pregnant

    Posted 11 months ago #
40. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Can you believe i dont feel like binging tonight? I got home from work ate dinner as usual and now im just here feelign somewhat satisfied. I can still sense a small part of myself wanting to binge tho. But its not overwhelming like usual.

    See its great to have the thought of "Stop eating, stop eating" because honestly would you have done that before? It means that your becoming more aware of when your about to binge and have the will to stop it. and say "What am i doing?" We want that. Before you know it youl have 2 sandwiches and then the thought will come. Which is what we want!!! So yay! It takes time but theres def hope and progress here

    I read something a while back about if you fake your confidence then you eventually start to really believe in yourself. But first you have to step out of your comfort zone. Im going to fake my will and strength and before i know it I wont even have to fake it. You should to. Yep if you give into your weakness then theres no hope beating this. It makes you more vulnerable. If you body feels weak, you have cravings, and you feel like giving in. Tell youself your strong and you can resist.

    Your right, when i mix studying and eating/binging i would feel so uncomfortable i wouldnt even study at all. Its jst like "Ehh i'd rather be doign something else and not studying...and i guess that other thing is eating? hahah how wierd. makes no sense.

    Im going to try really hard to focus and not eat eat eat while i study

    Yep i will admit my fam has A LOT of problems and im not ashamed of tell ppl. Somethimes i feel selfish talking about it tho cuz compared to some ppl i dont have it bad at all. Its just im scarred mentally and you cant jsut get rid of it. That wil stay with you the rest of your life. Just like us and food. We will never be able to go back to the days where we didnt even think about food, its always going to be there.

    I really like being able to blog daily abotu this. It keeps me motivated and it gives me hope. And its feels great to know you have someone who is literally in ur shoes and knws how hard it is when you are a binger. The physical, the emotional part...everything. Thank you so much for the support! Really.

    Posted 11 months ago #
41. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hey good to hear from you. as you can see i'm almost always online. studying too right now, with no wish to eat at the same time! and guess what, i actually had 3 slices of bread left, not 2 so for dinner i had steamed vegetables. and my health conscious side was like you can't jsut have that, you need some carbs and protein. and i thought about peaunut butter sandwich. and i was like nooo that will lead to me eating everything. so i was kind of struggling. eventually i gave in, but i only had 1 slice of bread. and that was enough to satisfy me! i cannot believe it. i can't remember the last time 1 slice of bread satisfied me! which means that i will actually eat the loaf of bread in 5 times. yay.

    i'm glad you don't feel like binging. sometimes we're scared of what might happen, but when the moment actually comes, things go better than we thought. i think we are definitely getting used to not binging. HOWEVER, i still do think that we will struggle and doubt ourselves and be scared, but you're right, we should fake it and believe in ourselves. it's been working so far

    you know you can talk about anything, even if it's not about eating, but about your family. you go through a lot and i am definitely here for you. and it won't seem to me that you're going on forever or complaining about life. you say your situation is so much better than others. but i have nothing to complain about. great family, great friends, great school. and yet i have ED i have nothing to justify my ED except that it's my stupid own fault. ugh. that doesn't mean that you're justifying yours with your family problems, but being in your situation makes it harder.

    so you got through work without binging. so now you're going to get through studying without binging too. eat well but don't binge/snack on junk. it won't help in studying.
    keep it up. it's a hard battle, and i know every second is a struggle, i know food is on your (and my) mind every second, but we can control it, and you know there will be THE day when we'll have total control

    Posted 11 months ago #
42. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Ha Yea I'm online a lot also.

    Eeee! I'm so happy for you!!!! It's amazing how you were satisfied with just one slice. You doing so well.

    I just cant believe we've gone almsot a week without binging. Thats HUGEE!!
    I've noticed when i don't binge. i actually feel a lot better about myself, even though in reality im still the same weight and nothing has changed. I feel happier.
    Lets be living proof that you an beat this. And inspire others to succeed. Because I doubt i could have done this without blogging here and getting support and advice and jst talkign with you. It has made that much more of a difference. And everyone deserves to have someone to support and motivate them throughout this journey. So thank you x's a million. Ha.

    Our work and journey is far from over but we are makign progress and as long as we take it day by day, as well as stay motivated I have complete faith that you and i will get through this. I really do.

    So how are you?

    Latley I've felt really alone. Over the past year my best friend of 10 years have fell apart. And it hurts. i feel like its partly my fault because I disconnected myself from her. Shes tall and beautiful and has tons of friends. She always goes out and she enjoys life and I feel like she has jsut left me behind which is why i isolated myself from her. I guess a part of me is mad. Unfortunatly I've always had an issue communicating the way i feel to people.

    I never allow myself cry in front of my parents, or friends. I bottle up the way i feel until i eventually jsut cry. i wish i wernt like that. :/

    Also my other friend just found out shes pregnant, which is great but shes not in the best situation right now. Shes young, she didnt go to college, her and her husband live paycheck to paycheck and can barely support themselves. And a part of me feels angry that she didnt go to school when seh cld have gotten a free ride and now shes havng a baby. i love her, and will support and accept her but i just dont agree with it. i knw it sounds so bad feeling like that but i cant help it.

    Also im going on antidepressants in less than a week. I feel so indifferent about it. I dont really like taking medicine that much. I wanted it, but i'm always questioning whether i really need it or not. I dont want to gain weight from it or be tired or nauseated 24/7. I had surgery a couple weeks ago and they gave me vicadin(sp.?). I took it once and said no more. I couldnt stand not being able to focus and feel dizzy. I'm scared the antidepressant is going to make me feel like that. :O

    So where are you studying medicine?
    I feel so inferior only being a senior in high school :/
    I dont want people to think im too young and shnt be on this forum because Ive lived with this i believe the past four years. i cant anymore. i haev got to fix this before college comes around.
    I cant wait to go to college. I already knw where I am going and everything. I wish i could just fast forward to graduation. I've spent a majority of high school unhappy, depressed and gaining weight. Ive never enjoyed it one bit.
    I want to go to Texas A&M at College Station. I know I'm getting in because im ranked # 20 in my class and am gauranteed admission. And i want to major in Elementary Education. i feel liek im sortve wasting my intellegence doing tht tho because its not a very difficult major. But its my passion. ive wanted to do it for years. So i will. im considering double majoring but idk waht else to major in so...
    I give u props to beign a doctor because honestly i wouldn't have the drive to go to school that long. i knwo i could do that but I would be unhappy.

    GL studying and i hope all is well!!!!

    Posted 11 months ago #
43. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hey generationshelll, i hope you are well. thank you so much for your support. it does feel good to have someone with whom you can share you daily (or every second) struggle, isn't it? i'm glad i'm able to help you, and you are helping me too big time

    i woke up today and had 2 slices of bread and peanut butter. well i finished everything this morning, so i can't have more. i still have some peanut butter left, 1 tablespoon, but don't feel like eating it. it's weird, i finished the bread and feel satisfied, but why is it that when there is still some, i can't have only 2 slices and have to eat a whole lot? that's the binge calling. but i'm quite happy that the bread actually lasted 5 times. it's such a huge thing for me, i can't explain it.

    don't think you're too young to be here. the reason why we're all here is because we have a problem with eating and that justifies why we're here. i'm sorry about your friends and family. however i understand why you would disconnect from your best friend. i've done that too, because they bring a sense of insecurity in us. and a lot of times you have to pretend to be happy when you're not when you're around them. i'm sure she is a good person, but sometimes it doesn't click, so it's no one's fault. of course you can still be friends with her, but best friend is different.and about your other friend, you have the right to disagree. actually any person right in their mind would think that the best option would have been for her to go to college. but she also has the right to do what she wants, and what will make her happier. don't feel bad about how you feel, ok?

    antidepressants can make you gain weight, but it depends which one you're taking. do you know yet? if they do make you gain weight, you'll have to eat more balanced/less calories and exercise will help too. that might just add to a little bit more fighting. i would avoid them if they are not necessary, but then it depends on what the doctor said too anyway whatever happens, we'll keep fighting and even harder if we need to

    i don't know what i said, it might not have been clear. but i'm not studying medecine (i agree too long!). however, i am in health sciences, and i will be a qualified clinician when i graduate. sometimes i think i should have gone into medecine because it's as hard anyway, but i'm happy where i am. there are some differences with being a doctor, but i will probably work in a hospital, have consults with patients. that's what i want. i want to be able to help others, but sometimes i think whether that wouldn't be lying to people when i'm the one with the hidden secret that's why i HAVE to beat this before i start working. i don't want to feel like a liar everyday.

    i'm sure you can beat this before college and make college an awesome experience. my college has not been great because of this and i want it to be different after i'm done with college and have a fresh new start. but you have the opportunity to start over when you go to college. and you will meet new people, make new friends yes i have great hopes for you and don't think you're wasting your intelligence, because all those kids will be learning from you!

    i hope your day is going well. study well and if you're struggling, you know where to come

    Posted 11 months ago #
44. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Today was an okay day. It started off really well.
    I worked out and then started on studying. I ended up spending 2 hrs on a outline for jsut one out of my two chapters and didnt even finish. After that i felt really stressed. Way too much info and not enough time. All i could think about how much i jsut wanted to stop studying and eat. So I took an hr off then ate dinner and went straight back to studying. I threw out the idea of outlining the chapters because i wasnt about to spend 3 hrs finishing it, so i gave up. I jsut studied my studyguides and read the chapters. That will have to do. I honestly cant stand to study any longer.

    Right now I want to binge so badly. The urge is so stong. I already gave in a bit. and instead of eating 1300 cals today i ate 1600. i could easily go binge right now but that would basically make this whole week of not binging pointless. I think the stress and me being completly exhausted is triggering a binge.

    Tomorrow is goign to prove difficult also. I will probably not exercise because I am on the golf team and we are goign to play 9 holes walking. Which will take almsot 2 and a half hours. I assumed you jsut burn 300 cals doing that but i looked it up on many sites and you can burn well over 700 cals jsut playing for 2 hours which im happy about. But I usually get home around 7pm and havnt ate since 2pm. And Ive made a habit of binging after golfing. so eeek. lol
    But for right now i need to focus on getting through today

    How are you doing?

    Posted 11 months ago #
45. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    hey 1600cal is ok. don't think you gave in! actually 1300cal is weight loss diet, you'd have to be fairly small to survive on 1300cal maybe that's why you feel like eating more

    however, don't give in to a binge. if you feel like eating something more, it's ok. and you can say no to binges, you've done it for a week already! stay strong!

    2.5hrs of golfing would probably burn definitely more than 300cals, but 700cal is a lot. and it depends on how much you walk and move around. the amount you burn also depends on your size, smaller people burn less, bigger people burn more.

    anyway don't let stress get to you, you are bright and smart. you will get through today.

    i had a pretty good weekend. nearly gave in to binging coz i was eating too much yogurt and oats. last time i almost finished the whole pack in 1 day (it was my binge day when i had to finally admit that i had a problem). i bought another pack today, but although i ate a lot (coz i had other things too), i think i only had 1/8th of the pack, which is victory for me. i also have a tiny bit of yogurt left, which as you know almost NEVER happens. leftovers are usually nonexistent with me. i have also been exercizing everyday.

    still each time i eat, it's a struggle to stop.

    i hope you have a nice day. you've gone through a week without binging! yay

    Posted 11 months ago #
46. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Yea I know. I'm trying to tell myself that it really wasn't bad. Because honestly i felt really bad just eating over by 300 cals. It was wierd... i felt the guilt like i had binged even though that def isnt binging. When I should haave been jumpign for joy that i didnt end up binging.

    Yea I'm trying to tackle the whole weight issue as well as binging. Which I know probably isnt a very good plan. Its sorta working tho. I've made it a week. I've even lost 2 pounds which sorta made me disappointed considering i went from eating 2500+ cals a day to 1300-1400 a day for 7 days. Even tho i should be really happy cuz they say you shldnt lose more than 2 lbs a week. So I am determined to stay motivated. I think I really will be jumping for joy if i can make it another week.

    I dont buy the whole 700 cals either I say 500-600 tops. But Im glad to be able to get the exercise.
    What was prety bad was I was on golf for 2 years...but then took off a year...and durign that year not only did my eating get outta control....i gained 15lbs!!!1 in a year. O.o
    I like that golf keeps me active which is partly why I do it.

    even though Each day is still a struggle. I think its GREAT you are gaing some self control!! Its pretty awesme i think. You made it a week too right?!
    YAY!!
    now for week 2 lol
    we can do this!!!

    Posted 11 months ago #
47. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    yes, today is one week without binging. i do think i ate a lot today, but no binge, so i'll keep going. i think the most important thing for me right now is to not binge. now i'm working on having normal portion size meals. like calories do matter, but i don't want to eat 10 apples just because they're healthy and low in cal, and i know i can 'afford' eating them. i'm still having trouble controlling my portion sizes and always think i could have stopped earlier and then start feeling guilty and almost give in to a binge. but i've been stopping myself before i gets to the binge point so far.

    it's awesome you lost 2 lbs this week. congratulations, the hard work paid off. and you're right, 1-2 lbs loss/week is what's recommended. so good job and losing weight and healthily and you're plan is working so far, that's great i think you're handling your issue very well

    i am terrified of weighing myself although 1 week without binging does make me feel like i'm lighter because i'm don't have this huge volume of food in me anymore. however, i haven't focused so much on calories. although i've been exercising well, i'm scared of weighing myself. but i shouldn't make my weight a priority right now. i know i've gained weight, like 10lbs in 2 months (after losing 5). that's really bad, but i still have a normal weight, so i'm really trying to not focus on that although the guilt of eating is always there. actually i really wanna weigh myself, but i'm convincing myself not too. i'm so scared. i know i will be disappointed if i didn't lose weight.

    how was golf? i hope you had a good day. how is this week looking like?

    Posted 11 months ago #
48. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Day 8 almost done. Today was an okay day. I was very stressed because my gov't test which was...okay. I'm not going to stress about what i got tho. Then I had to go out and practice in the hot sun for 2 and a hlf hours for golf. It was very hot and tiring but im glad i got the exercise.

    I'm feelign pretty hopeful. I ate dinner as usual and a couple snacks and i cant believ it i have no urge to binge. This is monumental. Usually i will eat my snacks btu still want some donuts or poptarts and most times by this time i wld have been devising a plan to sneak food. But nope not today. I feel full and satisfied for once in my life. lol

    I have a headache right now and still have to walk.
    Not binging is proving to be a big mood booster.
    ahh four days and im gnna be prescribed antidepressants...eek :/
    I have my therapist appt wednesday. which im sorta happy for. i cant wait to tell ehr my progress and share with her my worries concerning antidepressants.
    who knows mayeb they will help. but i dont want to feel like a walking zombie. O.o

    How are you doing tellmewhy??
    I hope your having a great day!!!
    Stay strong and I hope to hear from you soon.

    Posted 11 months ago #
49. 

    generationshelll
    Member

    Congratulations you made it a week without binging!!!! Yay!
    Would you have even thought you cld make it this far a couple weeks ago? I know i def wouldnt have.
    Yep keep going and stay motivated. We all will have downfalls but thats no reason to give up. Plus there is nothing to feel guilty about. Give yourself some credit, you have done awesme this week.
    Oh how manipulative guilt is. Im glad you didnt give in tho. Dont guilt trip youself into binging. Then you will really have soemthing to feel guilty about. :/

    Yea the scale is somewhat of my enemy.
    I think you would be surprised if you weighed yourself. (in a good way) but yea i think you need to aim your focus on not binging ratehr then what the scale says.
    I way myself 2 times aday...and have been for the past years...:O
    I know i need to stop. Its horrible how a number will determine how im goign to feel about myself that day. Its silly. yet its addictive. Dont let that numebr ont he scale be your trigger that yull give in to. So keep doing what your doing. Its the right thing

    My day was stressful and tiring, but this week is looking very hopeful.
    what about you?
    Stay strong and keep it up! Your makign amazing progress!!

    Posted 11 months ago #
50. 

    tellmewhy
    Member

    i had an ok day too. i had a good workout. however i still feel guilty about eating, like i will never lose weight because i'm not restricting. it's like each time i eat i feel guilty and then don't stop early enough because i'm like i screw it up already. u know the feeling that you have when you go and have a binge.

    anyway since i've met my goal and haven't binged for 7 days, i think i will step it up this week and really try to stop when i want to. i tried to do it this week and i would call it an improvement, but not a 100% success for sure. i think it's a reasonable goal for this week.

    you are awesome, after 2 and a half hrs of golf, and going out for a walk also. it's SO great that you didn't have the urge to binge. maybe our body is getting used to it. i long for the day where we'll have a normal life.

    btw sorry about the typos earlier. i meant "so good job ON losing weight and healthily and YOUR plan is working so far. " i hate when people mix up 'your' and 'you're' and i just did it haha.

    i hope your headache goes away. don't be too anxious about your meds, i'm sure it is in your best interest. we'll see what happens and we'll work from there

    i think us talking to each other is really helping. thanks so much.

    Posted 11 months ago #

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