Hello all! I thought I would use this to write out my progress. I have been doing really well this week. I have stayed mostly in my calorie range eating about every three hours and allowing myself to indulge a little. I have noticed by allowing myself to have about 200 calories worth of chocolate a day my craving for it totally went away. I didnt even want any last night! I am also stopping myself and asking myself if i want food as medication or if i am truly hungry. While i consider this a huge leap in progress I have had some disturbing thoughts. Since I dont weigh myself or measure my fat loss lately I have been questioning if i am gaining or loosing weight. Sometimes i feel skinny, others days I feel chubby. I know this is probably just the eating disorder in me coming out but sometimes i get scared that i am just gaining weight by allowing myself to have 1900 calories a day. Is this too many calories, i do exercise just about everyday. However, the other day I was in my swim suit and i felt a little bloated, the next day aunt flow came to visit (lol). I was talking to my boyfriend about it and i said "no wonder i felt bloated yesterday". His response was "yeah i noticed you looked bloated :((. This made me really sad and made me feel fat, for my own boyfriend to notice that:((. It made me question if i bloated or just gaining weight? The good part is that i didnt turn to food after he said this, i just went home and cried (at least i actually allowed myself to feel sad. I just wish i could get rid of this negative thinking that i am fat and just love my body. I just miss the days when everyone was like WOW you are SO skinny. Is this bad to think? Am i over reacting? Sorry for the Debbie downer post today, i am feeling a little depressed.
<3L
Binge Eating Forum » Binge Eating Support - General Comments, Questions, and Posts
L's Journal
(451 posts)-
Hope777
MemberPosted 8 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHey Hope: that's real progress to not binge over feeling big. It's very common to retain water right before a period and for me, my guts also like to hang onto gas. It's not fat. Even if you're very thin this often happens with aunt flow. Drinking more water during this time might help.
Your intake of around 2000 cals/day is just right, even more if you swim all the time.
HelenPosted 8 months ago # -
Anna
MemberHey guys, don't ever weigh yourself on a scale! For a very simple reason:
WEIGHT always = WATER + FAT + MUSCLE/BonesThe total figure for an average person (+/- 10 kg) would never tell, whether it's a bit more muscle over the months, a bit more fat through the past weeks or a bit more water on certain days....
Posted 8 months ago # -
pinkumbrella
Memberhi hope777, thanks for sharing your story. it makes me determined to fight the disorder. i just binged again today, though i tried being more aware of my feelings.
i'll keep trying. keep up with your progress!Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberThanks everyone for the support! I am feeling so much better today! I realize that some days i am going to feel down and now instead of turning to food on those days i turn to you all :)). Thanks so much. I am starting not to think about food so much. Yesterday i didnt even count calories after every meal. (Usally i write them down once i am done eating.) However yesterday i just kept count in my head and just ate every three hours. I find myself thinking about food less and being more care free. It is an amazing feeling. My nighttime cravings are lessoning and last night i wasnt really craving anything sweet so i just popped popcorn and was very satisfied after. Once you start beating those triggers for reaching for food when you are not hungry it gets easier and easier i swear. Also, the extra bloat must have just been from aunt flow (like you all said) because today i feel extra thin and can actually stuck in my stomach (aka no more bloat). I am feeling healthier than ever. I am also being less strict on myself. I used to do hard core exercise everyday no matter what but now on some days when i feel a little more tired than usuall ill go for a walk or rollerblade or take my dogs on a hike. I used to get stressed about exercise which would lead to a binge which would lead to more stress and the cycle goes on. Allowing myself some lean room has made a big difference! Something else i found really helpful is not focusing on my body and to do this i started volunteering at the animal shelter, it takes you away from your own problems and feels great to be helping out. Something else i have found useful is to only eat at the table with forks and plates, even if you are binging. I did this once when i first started on this journey to become normal around food, i was about to binge and instead of eating out of the box, i put it on a dish and MADE myself use a fork and take one bite at a time. I promised myself as long i sat down and ate like normal person i could eat as much as i wanted. This forced me to think about what i was doing and after one plate i didnt want anymore. Just a little tip for anyone out there :)))
-LPosted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberYesterday was a pretty good day. I have been thinking about food less and less and because i this i find myself with more time to fill. Sometimes i dont know what to do with that time. I decided to take a long bath and read a little bit which was relaxing. I find myself really craving something sweet after dinner. I didnt have anything sweet in the house so i experimented with fruit and a bowl of cereal. My stomach must have shrunk a little because i was really full after. (this isnt such a bad thing :)) lol. my craving went away a little but i still kind of wanted something sweet. My boyfriend went to the store later and i picked up a mini chocolate bar even though i wasnt really that hungry this did the trick. I stayed within my calorie range so i was very happy. I sometimes question weather 1900 calories is too much. It seems likes its okay since i exercise daily. I would like to tone up a little more.
I went out to eat with my mom today and was very satisfied after. I had a veggie burger and a pickle on the side. Usually when i go out to eat i only get a salad and am never satisfied and want more to eat once i get home. This time i was totally satisfied. Although it wasnt the healthiest thing on the menu it was something i wanted.
my boyfriend and i got into a bif fight last night. We often fight. I am someone who had always had a boyfriend. When my boyfriend and i took a break earlier this year i binged all the time. I guess i was lonely. I feel like when i have a boyfriend i feel safe and sucessful.I feel like if i dont have him i will never find anyone else. I dont really know if i want to be with him, just because we never agree on anything and never really get along. I am scared if i am without him i will fall into a depression and start binging again. ugh i just dont know what to do. If anyone has any advice on this situation let me know :)) thanks!
XO -L
Posted 8 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHey Hope: you handled that sweet craving really well.
It's true being without a bf can make you feel depressed, but so can being with one you fight with all the time. Frustration can also drive you to overeat. Couples counselling might be helpful if you and bf really want to try to make it work. However, being married for over 10 years, I realize there are other men I would be equally or more compatibile with. I do love my hubby and the majority of our interactions are positive, so it still works.
If you've never been without a bf, then learning to withstand tough emotions and enjoy life as a single woman is also invaluable. Even if we are attached, we don't know when in life our partner might die or shockingly, leave us for another one.
I'm sure you know what the best thing to do will be,
HelenPosted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberThanks Helen, I will keep that in mind, i have a lot of thinking to do. Lately i am just trying to spend more time with my girl friends instead of depending on him.
I had a breakthrough yesterday. For some reason i was CRAVING something to eat around 9:00, but i had just eaten and i knew i wasnt really hungry. If this was 3 weeks ago this would have drove me to go binge crazy. However i was able to talk myself through it, i told myself if i was really hungry i would still be hungry in an hour and promised myself i would have something to eat then. Guess what, i started doing something else and totally didnt want anything after about 10 mins. :)) This just goes to show if you hold out a little bit that craving really will go away.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
Member[b]June 7
Not such a great day today but not a binge either so that is good. I went to a concert last night with my friends and drank a little more than i intended to. I used to have a problem with hard core binges whenever i drank but have gotten better. Today was a yucky day for me though. I felt bad all day and for some reason whenever i am hung over i eat greesy foods. I just feel gross and bloated today. When i feel this way i just want to binge. I almost had a binge today but made myself eat at the table slowly and i eventually realized i didnt want to be doing this and went outside. I still am craving bad foods. I think i am almost feeling guilty for drinking. i really dont even like drinking but its so hard to avoid when your 20 and thats all your friends do every other day.
i also got a little sad looking bad at my pictures from last year and seeing how skinny i was. I miss those days.. Just feeling a little down today...
Posted 8 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHi dear: You did really well yesterday.
It's hard not to get upset looking at pictures of yourself when you were smaller. The thing is you will shrink again. But ask yourself...were you so much happier last year or were you just as satisfied/miserable about life as this year? Also consider, what will you be doing so differently in the future when you are smaller again? Are they things/thoughts you can give yourself permission to do NOW?
HelenPosted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberThanks Helen that really gave me something to think about. Looking at it in a different perspective i was not happy when i was that thin. I thought i was over weight even though i was not at all. I was not happy. Now that i am healthier i can find other ways to entertain myself rather than the next diet or deciding ways to make myself smaller. I am trying to accept my body and love it for the things it can do and not because its rail thin. I do feel yucky at the weight i am but the up side is the slower i loose weight in a healthy way the more likely i am not to gain it back right?
I was still feeling kind of yucky and depressed today not sure why but i was. I really think drinking messes everything up, yesterday i didnt binge at all but i was so hungover i just wanted greasy food. Its a huge step that i didnt binge however. I think i am going to try to go out and not drink or drink very little and get used to it. Last school year i hardly drank because i didnt want the calories but i also never went out. I felt that if i wasnt drinking like everyone else when i went out it would be super awkward. (i go to a big party school and everyone just goes out to get hammered everynight! :((). However this summer i have started going out and not drinking and its really not bad at all. Its actually kind of funny watching everyone.
Back to today, so i was still feeling a little depressed and bad about my body. I went outside to read for a little bit then decided to go to a core exercise class. It was hard making myself get up and go at first but i was SO HAPPY i went after. I felt SO MUCH BETTER and feel extra happy now. :)) However i just ate dinner and i am still craving something sweet
so i am going to have some fruit and go to my friends house to forget about it. Ill let you know how it goes! L
Posted 8 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberHey hope!...I just searched binge eating in google and this came up so I decided to sign up, mostly because you sound exactly like me. Like everything, I have been trying really hard to stop binging. I have actually had binge eating for a few years. I used to exercise ALL the time and I was really skinny but now I keep gaining weight. I am really uncomfortable with my body right now. Also, just like you, my friends drink all the time, and I seem to always binge the day after I drink, which is kind of a lot! haha. Recently, I have been going to parties and just grabbing a beer and kind of walking around with it. I take a few sips here and there but since you are walking around with a drink, everyone expects that your drinking. Noone notices, you can still act crazy, while being healthy. I sometimes have a shot to loosen up before also, plain vodka doesnt give me a hangover and its only like 70 cals per shot. It sounds like you are starting to do better and better with your eating and I hope I can do that soon too. Just like you I was looking at old facebook pictures of me from last year, and I looked so happy in them but i know back then I was just as worried about my weight as I am now. I don't know. I just can't take this disorder anymore and I am ready to quit. I thought maybe it might be helpful for both of us if we keep eachother updated on our progess. I feel like knowing someone is watching me who really understands how horrible this ED is would be helpful...sooo If you wanna keep updating eachother...let me know! I can't believe how much your story sounds like mine!
Posted 8 months ago # -
kate
MemberHey hope.I just wanted to tell you youre progress is amazing, and that I think right now, for you, this would be a great moment to spend a moment focusing on the amazing positive achievments you've made.
It seems to me you are still nervous about your progress and worried you may fail, which would be a shame after all your hard work.
I went through the same thing when I was getting over my binge eating the first time around, and I know how easy it is to doubt yourself.
I just wanted to tell you that you are doing an amazing job and you should be proud.
your dealing with cravings and learning to understand emotions and I bet your starting to enjoy life a whole bunch more.
I only wanted to caution you to not get caught up in a bubble of doubt.I know its really hard to do, but I found that after I hard started to deal with my issues, the next objective that I had to overcome was my own selfdoubt.
Im not sure if this applies to you, but I know the feelings of being unsure of my own abilities.
When you take a step back I guess you realise that its being insecure about yourself, and its all a part of the binge-eatng process.
Now that you have made progress,and are finally slipping free of you self doubt, its the perfect oppurtunity to look at all the awesome things you have managed to pull through and how much of a better person you've become by doing this for yourself.
Try and stop rewinding to the past.Instead look at fufilling the dreams you have for the future.
Take some time out for yourself and think about what you might like to achieve and how you can achieve it.Have a go.
You said you werent happy before and it seems like now that you are coming to terms with these thing you have alot to deal with.
I think you should ensure your happiness for the future.
Everytime you feel down, I want you to turn to your dream, and think about how great it will feel when you finally make it there. Then do something that will help you to achieve it.
knowing you are caring about yourself is the most liberating feeling.
Everytime you find yourself reaching for that little bit extra, instead think of what you want to achieve and how you can achieve it.
this is constructive thinking, and trust me, it helps.
Just remember that by taking the steps you have, to address your eating problems, you are already ensuring that your future is better and brighter.
Keep it up hope.Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberWow thanks girls! Seeing your support is so uplifting and really gives me that boost i need!
:) Alannah, i love LOVE to keep eachother updated share tips and so on! I also have done the walking around with a beer thing, lol. After i while i feel kinda drunk even though i am not drinking just because everyone around me is. Ive noticed i kind of like being the sober one and sometimes helping others who may have had a little too much to drink. Something i am doing right now is just trying to get comfortable in my body again. I mean i know i am not overweight or anything but i just dont like the little extra pudge i have now. I am just trying to allow myself to eat as much as my body needs. In the past i would never eat over 1700 calories but not i allow myself 1900 or more if i really want it. Even if i go a little over i dont beat myself up. I am trying to get my body back into shape just by exercising but still not trying to overdue it. I find i really like the strength core classes that are offerd at my gym although it is not REALLY hard, it is helping me tone.
Hey Kate! You are right on the dot when you say i am still nervous about failing, i am so scared that i am just going to fail and that because i am allowing myself to actually eat i will end up gaining weight or something. Then i think about how happy i am just to be living normally again. I am also a VERY insecure person, i always doubt myself and have little self confidence. I dont even know why this is, i mean many people think i am pretty and i get good grades and stuff but still. I also find myself alot of the time trying to please others and getting worried that i am letting people down and such. I wish i could let go of all of my insecurities and doubt but i really dont know how. Something i have figured out is that i feel that people will only like my if i am skinny and pretty and that i dont have a good enough personality for someone to like me otherwise.:( Focusing on the future is something i really need to do. In fact i am going think of some goals for the future. Because i know even once i am okay with my body i will still not be okay with who i am. However i think if i start working on other aspects of my life i will not have to depend on my weight for happiness. Does this sound right? Thanks for your help!
Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. I stayed within my calorie range. I am trying to do more things with my friends and not being SO strick on my eating. However yesterday my boyfriend had a pool party type thing, i kind of didnt want to go because i felt fat. I went anyways for a little bit, then it got cloudy so i went home. I felt kind of depressed about feeling ugly. I was feeling down and decided to go to a strength core class. I felt really happy and good after i went!
i guess i really am making progress because in the past i probably just would have turned to food when feeling depressed. Later i went roller blading with my friends and it was alot of fun! :). I went to go see "the hangover"--a movie with my boyfriend later, it was really funny. We always bring snacks to the movies but this time he bought popcorn. Instead of saying i couldnt have any i just let myself have some. In the past sometimes all i could think about during the movie was my boyfriends popcorn (crazy, i know right?!?! lol) this time i just wasnt hard on myself and i pretty much forgot about the popcorn! YAY! I know i went over my calories for the day but i ended up working out 3 times yesterday with my morning run, core class, and rollerblading with my friends. So i guess my body probably used those extra calories. If not who cares its alot better than a binge right!? I am feeling kind of down today because i dont think my boyfriend likes me that much and i just really dont know if we get along. blah--maybe this is just my self doubt kicking in. I just feel like i always have to make him happy and if i dont he might break up with me or somthing. He dosnt really do anything nice for me anymore :(. Maybe i am just being selfish and i should not focus on what he does for me but being nicer to him? idk im kinda lost on the whole deal and i figured i would talk about it a little bit. Sorry for the longest post ever! haha 
-hope
Posted 8 months ago # -
alannah09
Memberhey hope...i think your doing fantastic!! One of the things I am really trying to learn to do is to just have a little..just like you did the popcorn. I feel like your really getting somewhere with that. I am sure the bf thing is just self doubt..it sounds like you two hang out all the time! Mine came home from college a few days ago and I have only seen him once since he got home. He has a lot of family stuff going on but still..haha. I think your better than me on bf front. AND OMG I totally understand the pool party thing. I feel so uncomfortable going to the pool with friends, especially guy friends and i know im not fat..im just bigger than I am used to..ughhhh. Those core classes sound great too. I have been lacking in the exercise department a bit recently but i know ill be running FOREVER as soon as my college coach send me summer workouts. I am running D1 cross country next year so i am not too worried about getting my exercise in once my coach sends me those! haha.. well i am glad to see everything is well in atleast some departments. I should really start a journal. I probly will tomorrow. Hopr youll following along when i figure out how to do it. Good luck today girl!
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberHey Alannah..thats great that you are running D1 cross country! Running is my passion, haha i love it! I play a sport at my school too (kinda) we have this huge bike race thing that i ride in. I also get workouts for that, but we practice more during the year not in the summer. This year the stress from the race caused me to binge a little bit :-/.. People were like wow, your going to get such a good body from biking and i actually just got a little bigger. BUT thats all in the past now right and i am starting out fresh & new. Oh, and yes my boyfriend and i hang out quit a bit but he still dosnt know anything about my "problem" with food. Weird right?!
Yesterday was actually a great day! It was a day when i really wasnt thinking about food at all since i was so busy. I went out to eat with my mom and ordered something semi healthy but something i still wanted.It was a veggie burger on a wheat bun with lettuce, onion, pickles and ketchup. (In the past i would just order a salad and still be super hungry after) I felt satisfied. After i went to my friends house to rollerblade, lol its kind of a joke that we rollerblade because we are really bad and spend the whole time laughing and crashing into stuff when we are trying to stop. Then my boyfriend wanted to have another pool party (ugh!i just went out to eat and felt super fat). I went anyways and had a BLAST! Plus it was nighttime so i figured no one could see me that much haha) Some people were drinking but i didnt, we played lots of volleyball and people stayed until about 12:30. After i went home to shower. My stomach was growling since i hadnt eaten in 6 hours so i had a little cheese and an apple and was able to stop at that and go to sleep. Sometimes when i want to eat before bed i tell myself if i just go to sleep now ill be really hungry in the morning and can have a big breakfast ( i love breakfast). So that what i did. I didnt wake up until about 12 today so i was really hungry when i woke up and had a good breakfast. I actually ended up under eating yesterday, which was okay because i think i overate in calories the day before. I think i am really making progress. I noticed however i felt a little depressed this morning for no reason. I dont know if it because i actually able to feel my emotions because i am not eating them away or what. Maybe i am just depressed. I dont think i would be able to tell anyone about it though, i would be too embarassed. Its not too bad though and it goes away most of the time i just feel a little down. Is it possible to just grow out of this?
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberHey Alannah..thats great that you are running D1 cross country! Running is my passion, haha i love it! I play a sport at my school too (kinda) we have this huge bike race thing that i ride in. I also get workouts for that, but we practice more during the year not in the summer. This year the stress from the race caused me to binge a little bit :-/.. People were like wow, your going to get such a good body from biking and i actually just got a little bigger. BUT thats all in the past now right and i am starting out fresh & new. Oh, and yes my boyfriend and i hang out quit a bit but he still dosnt know anything about my "problem" with food. Weird right?!
Yesterday was actually a great day! It was a day when i really wasnt thinking about food at all since i was so busy. I went out to eat with my mom and ordered something semi healthy but something i still wanted.It was a veggie burger on a wheat bun with lettuce, onion, pickles and ketchup. (In the past i would just order a salad and still be super hungry after) I felt satisfied. After i went to my friends house to rollerblade, lol its kind of a joke that we rollerblade because we are really bad and spend the whole time laughing and crashing into stuff when we are trying to stop. Then my boyfriend wanted to have another pool party (ugh!i just went out to eat and felt super fat). I went anyways and had a BLAST! Plus it was nighttime so i figured no one could see me that much haha) Some people were drinking but i didnt, we played lots of volleyball and people stayed until about 12:30. After i went home to shower. My stomach was growling since i hadnt eaten in 6 hours so i had a little cheese and an apple and was able to stop at that and go to sleep. Sometimes when i want to eat before bed i tell myself if i just go to sleep now ill be really hungry in the morning and can have a big breakfast ( i love breakfast). So that what i did. I didnt wake up until about 12 today so i was really hungry when i woke up and had a good breakfast. I actually ended up under eating yesterday, which was okay because i think i overate in calories the day before. I think i am really making progress. I noticed however i felt a little depressed this morning for no reason. I dont know if it because i actually able to feel my emotions because i am not eating them away or what. Maybe i am just depressed. I dont think i would be able to tell anyone about it though, i would be too embarassed. Its not too bad though and it goes away most of the time i just feel a little down. Is it possible to just grow out of this?
Posted 8 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberThe depression thing is kind of weird. It doesn't really sound too serious though. Do you see a therapist for any food related stuff? cause they might know whats going on since they know about all things mental and not just food things. Besides that it seems like you are doing really well. I definitely have trouble figuring out what to order in restaurants cause there is never that good middle ground like the veggie burger...it usually feels like I either get salad or something really heavy. Roller blading sounds like a lot of fun too...i should probly do something like that with my friends cause were always sitting around watching CSI and complaining that there is nothing to do except go to the pool or something. How many days has it been since you have had a bad day? If today is good for me this will be three in a row! I think I have talking to you to thank for that or something because I honestly honestly cannot remember the last time I went three days in a row. Thats how bad it has gotten recently.
About bf stuff...ive been with mine (on and off cause hes at school 5 hrs away) for about a year and he doesn't know anything about the binging. A few years ago I was diagnosed..or whatever they do..with anorexia which was clearly obvious to anyone who knew me so he knows about that...but I think once I gained the weight back everyone just kind of was like ..ok shes recovered!! even though I am still so messed up about food.
But 2..hopefully 3 no binge days for me in a row. It feels good! haha
Posted 8 months ago # -
kate
MemberHey hope its great to hear your keeping on track.
And I think your right.. your probably finding that now that your not blocking your emotions through eating your starting to become more aware of them.
Depression is like haveing an overwhleming feeling of hoplessness or worthlessness.. but can also be any kind of negative thinking that prevents you from doing an activity or living your life to the fullest, and it doesnt have to be severe to afffect you.
If you have any enotions that are negative or that you think aren't normal confident and happy thoughts.. no matter how slight, its best to talk about them with someone or confront them yourself and reason through how these emotions effect you and why they occur.
If your having a downer day thats fine.. talk about it here if you like.. Im sure you'll find ppl who can relate and advice you.
i myself have been depressed.. and it does go away.so dont stress.
If your finding that its really a problem, keep a journal to help express yourself and tell yourself to get out there and do things.
Like you said that in the morning you found yourself really down.
Why was that?
Were you tired or hadnt eaten for a while? Where you bored or alone?
Maybe you should plan some 'YOU' activites for your spare time.. like shopping or going for a walk or reading a magazine and listening to music.. anything that makes you feel good.
And dont forget that the only person who says you CAN'T do something is yourself.
Once you can 'let' yourself do things you'll find that everything seems to work in harmony.. its only fear and you can overcome it.
I hope this is helpful.
Good luck.Posted 8 months ago # -
kate
MemberHey allanah your doing awesome too!
Its great to hear how ppl are starting to tackle the hard stuff!lol.
Do you have a journal?
It would be great to hear how the last few days have been for you and how you got through them.
you said you think you should be doing more activities.. i just wanted to suggest that you try team sports becoz theyre are heaps of fun and you dont have to be good to play them.Also when you have a team to support your less likely to skip on practices and stuff.
I think its amazing that you are keeping things together and you really deserve it.
Try to chill out about the fact that things werent so good before.. now isnt then, and your are already getting better.
I hope things keep heading down the right track for you.
keep at it.Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberHey Allanah! It is hard to figure out what to order when going out to eat. Sometimes before i go out to eat i will look on the website for something semi healthy that i still want. If it dosnt give any information or i havnt looked i just look for something like a chicken sandwich or salad with chicken just making sure i get enough protein to fill me up. Although sometimes i will have pizza if i am craving it and just have a slice or two and not overdue it. I try to make sure that i am allowing myself to have a little of whatever i crave so my body knows it can have it without having to binge. So when i think in my head "i cant have that pizza because ill get fat" i push that thought aside and allow myself to have a slice and still try to stay within my calories range.
Congratulations on having 3 good days!!! Thats really amazing. Its been about a month since i last had a binge. Since i found this forum i have not binged. Thats not to say that i have eaten perfectly everyday. Just like the other night with the popcorn sometimes i do overeat on my calories but i find when i allow myself to overeat a little and dont get stressed out about it i wont binge. It gets a little better everyday. I am so greatfull for my progress but if i do decide to binge i will be ready to forgive myself. I think the biggest way to get over this thing is to accept that we are not perfect and check in with ourselves everyday. Just like you, i started out being anorexic, then turned bulemic, then just started bingeing, and now i am just trying to be normal with food. Its hard when everyone thinks your magically healed and thats why i love writing here! It keeps me in check with myself everyday and i love talking to everyone who is going through the same thing.
Yesterday was another good day.:) After i ate dinner i stilled wanted something more but i knew i wasnt really hungry. I thought about it and decided i was just bored. I went to my friends house again and hung out and it was a lot of fun, we ended up going swimming in her pool for a bit. Later i went to my boyfriends house and watched a movie. Last year i was so focused on not eating that i would avoid hanging out with my friends or going out. I have found however that feeling lonely just contributes to my binge eating. Now everytime someone asks me to do something i try to go for at least a little bit and i end up having fun! I still need to work on my feeling like i cant let people down. My dad is out of town right now and when i was at my friends house i felt kind of guilty for being there because i knew my mom was probably board at home. I think yesterday i just felt a little down not really depressed because i was still able to go on with my day and stuff. Oh yeah , i also still felt a little chubby in my suit yesterday but this may be because my friends are STICKS, naturally lol they have always been this way and are also really short. However overall i think my stomach is shrinking and i am getting more toned. This just goes to show by eating what you crave and having an some overeating you can loose weight!
Posted 8 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberKate, do you know I can start my own journal? I write one...just like in a notebook in my house and I would definitely love to share it and have other people give me input about everything. You seem to have good ideas with the little I put here!
Hope...A month is absolutely amazing! I would be the happiest person in the world if i could go for a month. I think it must be something about the website...i mean it has only been 3 days but i have not binged since I found it. All the other websites I looked at didn't help because people never answered anything I said and then it just made me feel worse and even more alone. I have the same problem with my friends, they are all really skinny. It just makes me feel awkward, especially since I was skinnier than them a couple years ago and now im not. It is just weird sometimes.
It is also great that you can let yourself eat whatever. I have been eating lots of fruits and veggies and protein the last few days and not much else because I am so worried that if I eat something not perfectly healthy it will cause a binge. Like, I can't imagine eating pizza without it causing a binge. I think it is just cause I am not really recovered at all. I am hoping that the longer I go without a binge, maybe eventually i will be able to eat only a slice or 2 of pizza or just a cookie. As soon as I eat one dessert I always keep going. Its like all or nothing kind of feel which doesnt make any sense because one cookie is wayyyy better than the whole package! I think I am stuck in the thing you said about like "i can't eat that it'll make me fat" so as soon as I do im like well...im going to get fat anyway so i might as well eat a TON which makes NO SENSE!! im trying to get better.
I also avoid social things sometimes because I feel fat or bloated or don't want to drink or eat or something too. ugh...well..im on day 4 now without a binge...which is the best for me in a long time...a few months ago i had 5 days in a row but if i get to 6 that will be like unheardddd of for me so thanks both of you!!
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberHm. so i just found something interesting. For some reason later in the night its harder to keep my normal eating under control. While eating my after dinner snack i found it really hard for me to just eat sitting down and not doing something else. My body really wanted me to watch tv or go on the computer while eating. I forced myself to sit at the table and enjoy each bite.I also kinda wanted more but i focused my attention to something else and came here :). Now the craving has passed and i feel better. I think i am wanted to do something else while i eat because my body is used to relaxing that way. Watching tv also meant eating. Now i am finding different ways to relax and it feels good.
Alannah, i also feel weird because i used to be skinnier than my friends lol! I almost put that in my last post haha. Something that really helped me allow myself to eat "unhealthy" foods is having a calorie range that i stay in. 1900 calories a day which seemed like alot for me at first but for my height and how i workout i could even eat more and be fine. But i allow myself to eat whatever i want as long as i try to stay in this range, this way i know i wont go overboard. It also helps me make sure i am not eating too much or too little because my sense of fullness is way off. However if i slip up and go over 1900 calories im not too hard on myself bc i know this will just lead me to binge more. I just say its okay and move on, a little screw up is 100000 times better than a binge haha. It is hard to allow yourself these treats at first but just aim for little steps each day. I found that when i allowed myself more fat in my diet after the first week i didnt crave it anymore which was a nice feeling. DAY 4 CONGRATS! keep up the good work but if you dont thats okay too we will get you back on track!! :))
ps to start a new forum just go to the top of the regular binge eating forum and click start new post.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberCorrection: it says add new at the top sorry!
Posted 8 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberNight is the worst time for me and potentially binging too. One thing I never thought about before is where I eat my meals. I probably only eat about 50% of them at the actual table, and I cannot imagine having a snack at the table. I always eat in the family room while I am talking to my fam or watching tv or on the computer. hmmm...
Also, does 1900 cals seem to be working? like you are not putting on weight or anything? I really do not know how many to eat and I am really worried about choosing the wrong calorie range and thinking I am doing myself good by not binging but that I am actually eating too many calories and gaining weight in that way. Silly question..but if it is working..how tall are you and stuff? because I think that is supposed to make a difference in how many calories to eat each day. I think my sense of fullness if way off too so I feel like being in control and simply eating the right number of calories would be helpful but I feel like that is so hard to figure out. It is also hard because deep down I want to lose weight..even though I know that it is almost impossible to stop binging if you restrict calories enough to lose weight...ugh the confusion
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
Memberhi alannah, i was so scared about eating too many calories at first too, but i just decided that i wanted to let my body know it could have any food it craved without bingeing ( i think the primary cause of binges is just not getting enough food from articals and books i've read). But anyways i was scared i was going to gain weight but i went online and plugged in how many calories i would need to eat to maintain my weight WITHOUT exercise ( i am about 5'5''). I think it was around 1900-2000 so i eat that many calories and then DO exercise, so that i will loose weight very slowly maybe about 1/2 per week. So far i have def lost weight. I dont allow myself to weigh myself but, my shorts i bought just before i found this website are too big now. I think part of it is drinking more water and not having the all the salt from bingeing, this creates water weight. With that said i am trying to just get my body back to where i want it and not obsess about being rail thin skinny. However, i think you have to eat more at first and get your body used to being able to eat whatever then the binges will stop and your brain will stop obsessing about food and you will become naturally thinner. I still eat pretty healthy, just because i like too, i want my body to be healthy. However i do make sure when my body does want something i little more fatty i eat it, i was scared to do this at first but then found that the craving went away when i did this. Now a days i find myself being so normal around food that i am not even eating all my calories for the days. For the last couple days i have had about 100-300 left over. This is because i am hangingout with my friends at night and stuff and am not around food to eat, i get home so late that i just want to go to sleep. So i think just really trying to allow yourself to have the right amount of calories will lead you to have less binges which will = natural healthy weight loss!
Hope this helps! ps yay to starting a post i will keep checking it everyday!Yesterday was another great day! as i said i avoided some nighttime overeating by recognizing why i wanted that extra food and stopping myself. yay for me! alot of the time i think i want food because i am lonely. I ended up going to a party last night and not drinking. I actually had alot of fun! i didnt get home until about 2. I intended to have a nightime snack later of about 200 calories but since i got home so late i just decided to go to bed (never would have happened in the past). However i hope i am not eating too little of calories. When i went to bed last night my stomach was growling but when i woke up i wasnt really that hungry. I am a little tired today and its so cloudy here. Maybe ill just take a nap or something.
Posted 8 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHey Hope: you're doing great and being a really good role model here for teens to start eating more normally. You are choosing really good higher-fat foods like fried veggie burger or soymilk icecream. (Even regular icecream is not bad b/c it has calcium). A lot of my vegetarian friends enjoy things like falafel, veggie patties, nachos, full-fat yogurts...and they are in great shape!
You are very fortunate to have good friends to hang with at night..hope you keep paying it forward like you do here.Helen
Posted 8 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberHey! it sounds like you are still doing really well. You are enjoying friends and everything and being healthy. Getting home late is def. usually bad for me because there is nothing left but bed so once you start a snack you have to pull yourself away from it and flop into bed. I think I will probably start trying to aim for about the number you do since I am the same height and gender and everything. Hopefully it will work for me too. Do you usually try and split it up into specifically timed meals or just try to get near that mark everyday?
It might just be because of my obsessive nature but I cannot imagine not weighing myself. I usually say that I am going to once a week but I always just get curious and step on it at random times. haha like even if I know I ate recently or something..who knows why. But I can't imagine never weighing myself. Props! hahPosted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberThanks guys!
I am so happy to have such wonderful friends. Tonight i am staying in tonight so i may be a little board than usual, but we will see how it goes. I am a little bit more stressed out today with some family visiting and i didnt want to stop eating at dinner 
. Im telling you the more cravings you fight the easier it is and the easier it is to recognize. So i came on here instead of continuing to eat.
At night when i get home instead of going to the kitchen i just go straight to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face and get ready for bed. Sometimes i think i avoid getting ready for bed by eating lol. Also, i eat every three hours starting from when i have breakfast. It is just easier for me this way saying to myself, its okay i can eat in another three hours. When i try to break it up into specific meals i would end up eating when i wasnt suppost to. Sometimes i end up eating 6 different times a day but always try to aim for my calorie intake. It was super hard not weighting myself at first but i got rid of every scale and i am sort of scared of it now, lol weird i know but i really dont want to get addicted to that thing again and wont get near one. I kinda just judge it on how my clothes are fitting.Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberHello! I found myself to be a little bit more stressed out yesterday which i found lead me to want to eat more. Its funny now that i can pin point when i have cravings and why, i could never do that in the past. I really wanted to stuff away those stressed out feelings of family visiting with ice cream. I dont even know why i get so stressed out when people come over, i guess its just because i am really shy or something. I think my eating disorder contributed to my being so shy.I just have very little confidence. Instead of running to the kitchen i forced myself to leave the house and went to my boyfriends. I went a little over my calorie intake with a brownie. At first my thoughts in my head were- "dont have that brownie you already finished your caloiries for the day" however i realized this was my past thinking that lead to too much resitriction and therefore a binge. Also i have been going a little under my calories the last couple days. So i had the brownie and it was so tasty and the perfect amount. I didnt feel like i wanted to binge after i was perfectly happy. Since going this long without a binge i would say the three things that have helped me not binge is eating enough calories, eating what i actually want to eat at every meal, and allowing myself a little wiggle room (aka-not getting upset at messing up)
I am so happy i found this forum, it has helped me loads. I have never joined anything like this before and was still a little questionable when i started out. However this writing about everything and getting all the support has helped me so much. Thank you to everyone You are my angles!
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberHm. Feeling a bit down. Wondering if i am going to have to count calories the rest of my life, or will i eventually forget about food and just eat normally? When i dont count calories i usually end up bingeing, not really sure why. Sometimes i just guestimate on how many calories something has and this scares me that i am really eating alot more calories than i need. I have been feeling less hungry lately but still eating every three hours. Should i be eating if i am not that hungry, i just want the food if nothing else. I wish i could just like my body the way it is. i Just liked it so much more when i was super thin :(. Doing well on not overeating on yummy type foods- just ate an Amys organic oven pizza and a bread stick, i made my own dipping sause with 2 tbsp of spray butter (this has calories just not as much as regular butter) and garlic, then i had a cookie. I wanted another one but decided not to. My friends want me to go out tonight, but i dont know if i am really feeling up to it. Perhaps i just need a nap. Maybe i just need to put my focus on something else in life other than my body and food. I am going to start volunteering soon. Maybe that will help me a bit.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Hope777
Memberhm so i guess i had a semi binge last night. I was able to stop myself before it got too bad. I kinda figured out what lead me to it. My friends wanted me to go out last night but i was super tired from working all day so i felt guilty for not going out. Then i felt really tired but for some reason could not sleep a wink. hmm so i guess the guilt and tiredness just lead me to binge a little bit. Gr im mad that i did but i understand that sometimes i have slip ups so i am just going to get back on the bandwagon and start eating normally today. I was not very hungry at all when i woke up so maybe i will just have a little breakfast. Next time i am super tired and cant fall asleep i think i will take advil pm or something. I need to stop feeling so guilty about not going out if my friends ask me though, not really sure how to do that.
Posted 7 months ago # -
jacquirsw1
MemberHey I think it is great that yo uhave been able to not only walk away so that it was only a small slip but also to look and really think about what led up to it in the first place which os great.
you are doing well
JacquiPosted 7 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHI Hope: you did well in just overeating a bit which is what tired people tend to do. It's called giving yourself "quiet time" when you turn down invitations to go out constantly. It's actually worse for your mental health when you end up automatically doing stuff you really don't want to. So give yourself a pat on the back for saying a gracious 'Thanks but not tonight' and please don't feel guilty.
HelenPosted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberWow, is it ever hard not to binge the day after you have a little screw up! Right when i woke up i felt kind of sick. I actually didnt eat that much compared to my past binges but i think my body just wasnt used to all of the milk i had. ( I am lactoast intolerant) Anyways, my stomach hurt and the first think i thought of was i need food to hide this unwelcoming feeling. However, i had a little medicine and waited an hour to eat breakfast. I was full from the night before so i didnt eat as much as usual. The rest of the day when fine but was awful hard to stop myself from eating extra food after each meal. I used LOTS of my tips from this website because i felt like i wanted to binge ALL DAY. But i didnt :)!! i actually ate pretty healthy all day, less than i usually do but this is because i really wasnt hungry. So overall i am really proud of myself and back on track! I took a tip from you guys and made a huge jug of unsweetend caffeine green tea. I drink it all day. I am trying to up my water intake and was wondering if this tea counts as water? Thanks!
Posted 7 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHI dear: you did really well the next day. I understand the business about wanting to eating to cover up stomach discomforts which is irrational but I used to do this.
Green tea has a bit of caffeine (less than half of black tea or cola). Because caffeine does cause your body to excrete a bit more water, it's also a good idea to maybe alternate every 2 cups of cold green tea with 1 cup of cold water. If you don't want this fussiness, then cold herbal tea is a better alternative. This water balance issue is especially relevant if you live in a hot locale and lose lots of water in sweating.Helen
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberThanks Helen, now i am just alternating between a water bottle of tea and a bottle of water.
Yesterday i didnt keep track of my calories at all, but i feel like i am getting better at just knowing how many calories i should be eating. This lack of keeping track was due to the fact that i was out on the lake all day with my friends. I had a little bit to drink, but was able to still control my eating.:) My boyfriend and i went out to eat after and although it was a little difficult doing this, i took half of my dinner home! (never would have happened in the past). Before i was wondering if i would always have to deal with stopping myself when i was full and dealing with cravings for the rest of my life, but i think every person has to deal with this weather they have had issues with food or not. I feel like i am making some great progress. I am still not 100% in love with my body shape right now, I just feel like i could afford to loose a little in my waist area. I have been exercising, but do not want to go lower on my calories. I do not want my body to go back into to binge mode.I guess i will just work on loving myself the way i am. I can accept a less than perfect body if it means i am free from bingeing.
Tip i found useful: When you want something to eat but know your not hungry/ it is just a craving- Leave the room, do something to get your mind off of it for 5 mins. Making your brain switch to thinking about something else will kill the craving. yay!
Posted 7 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHI Hope: that's great to be at stage where you could stop monitoring calories and not get panicky. You can always resume it if it feels like you're starting to overeat regularly.
I think you will still continue to lose fat off the belly area but it will be slower. When your body has only about 5 or less pounds to drop, it is really slow about it but it will happen if you don't panic and go back into the diet-binge cycle again. Do you do any ab crunches to tone that area?Helen
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberI have been lacking in the crunches department. I love to run and do cardio but hate weights and abs! Somedays i just can get myself to do them. I did however go to a core class yesterday and i plan to go to one today as well. For some reason i love these classes but cant stand doing these types of exercises on my own! I always seem to feel better about my body after these classes i instantly feel more toned hehe :). I just keep telling myself the slower and healthier i loose weight the more likely i will make a lifestyle change and not gain weight back by bingeing.
Yesterday was a gloomy day here and i felt extra tired. I usually get up every morning and exercise but decided to do a late jog and get more things i have been putting off done during the day. I REALLY have trouble with putting things off and eating instead of thinking about them. For example i have been putting off paying this parking ticket and it was really stressing me out. While my body was telling me to go eat instead of deal with it i pushed that thought aside and got out my checkbook, paid for it and got in my car to mail it. It felt good to be done with that task. On my way home I saw a homeless man standing outside a Mcdonalds asking for money. I went through the drive through to get him a meal and got him a healthy chicken sandwich lol. It felt really good to help him out. I really think focusing on something else other than your body helps you get over becoming obsessed over weight, eating, ect. Helping a homeless man was only a small deed but i have been volunteering and such and it really helps and makes you feel great! Anyways i am proud of myself for not eating during little stressful situation lately and actually figuring them out instead of turning to food. Even writting a simple email used to make me turn to food. Dealing with these situations will be good practice for when classes start again and i have LOTS of little stresses. Hopefully i will be able to deal with them then. College really stresses me out so i just hope i can keep up the good work.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberYesterday was a great day. All day i felt like i just wanted to eat, even when i wasnt hungry. I tried andrews breathing exercises, read, and watch tv whenever a craving appeared and it really worked. I new i wasnt going to give in but it was awful hard not to. I made myself wait every three hours to eat. Later in the night i had about 300 calories left over. I was going to have ice cream but realized i waesnt really hungry and it was really late. My friends called me at 11:00 to go to the bars. I was SUPER tired from working all day and declined. I felt the guilt forming inside me, and then remembered what Helen said about not feeling guilty. My body craved that ice cream but i put that craving aside got ready for bed and did some breathing exercises. I felt AMAZING in the morning ;). Everytime i beat a craving i feel amazing. oh ya &This morning i put on a pair of jeans that i couldnt button a month ago :). I think my core classes are paying off!
Posted 7 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberHey! Sorry I was on vacation for a few days and I actually leave again next weekend. I missed commenting back and forth. I actually do much much better with my own eating when I read the small little things that are doing better with yours and then try to put them into practice myself. I just spent like 15 mins reading all the entries I missed and except for that one day it seems like your doing soooo well. I def. know what you mean about the next day thing. I can literally go days without binging and then the minute I have one little slip up one day, the next day is alllways awful. Its not good at all. I met with my therapist today though...a food one I guess although I talk about life too and she was helpful as always but I think this website is actually equally helpful. I did not have such a good day today, but I always see appts. as fresh starts so starting tmrw Im hoping to start doing better.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberI am starting to see more definition in my stomach and feeling much better about my body :). I went a little over my calorie intake yesterday because i went to the bars with my friends. it was SO much fun and i didnt go overboard with the drinking. The best part is that i didnt even thinking about food when i got back home. Usually all i want is food when i drink haha. Does anyone know the benifits of taking fish oil? My dad wants me to start taking them.
Posted 7 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHi hon:
here's a cute article I found to fill you in on fish oil benefits for people who don't want to get it from eating fish:http://www.intense-workout.com/fish_oil.html
There's plenty of other articles you can find online as well.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberYesterday was another day where i just felt like i wanted to eat ALL DAY. I think this was due to the fact that i was a little hungover. However i stuck to the three hour eating. I finished my book so i was kinda bored all day but i found some other things to do. It is alot easier to stick to the three hour eating because even though i really want to eat i just tell myself i can eat again in three hours which isnt that long. However at the end of the night i still just wanted something a little more so i had some cheese and crackers. I went over in my calories but i didnt really feel bad about it because i was able to stop, not a binge at all. But still i know i must have eating at least 2200 calories yesterday or more. Is this normal. I do excercise everyday but i guess this just seems like alot. Maybe its not maybe i am just used to eating low calories and bingeing. Well anyways i am glade i was able to go a little over my calories and not binge. I was super tired after work again so i didnt go out with my friends. Also i went out the night before so i didnt really feel like going out. I think i am getting better at this saying no stuff lol.
Posted 7 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHi Hope: that's very very normal. Some days in the last while you had 200-300 'leftover' calories by bedtime. Some days your body will use those leftovers and you'll eat 200-300 above 2000. This is because in any science-based guidelines, they give an AVERAGE rather than a single absolute number.
Good job in giving yourself rest and quiet time as needed.
HelenPosted 7 months ago # -
alannah09
MemberHey. It sounds like you are doing really well. 2200 is probably not that much especially if you are exercising. Its definitely not a big deal for one day and it is of course SOOOO much better than a binge, as long as you were hungry for breakfast the next morning you probably didn't even too much at all. Thats how I usually know because I feel tired and full when I wake up the next morning even if I had a good nights sleep. You body would have let you know if it was too much. Good job with the friends too! and especially coming home from the bars...you overcame the munchies! ha
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberStill steady with my eating. I am going out more without the fear that i will overeat or overdrink or something so i know i have more control over my body. I am getting used to this eating normally thing but i still want to check in everyday and still make sure i am not eating for emotional reasons and such. I still have cravings but they are not as bad as they used to be, so thats a great thing. No binging or overeating this weekend so that something to cheer about
Posted 7 months ago # -
jacquirsw1
MemberWhat a positive post. I really needed this today. the knowledge that it can be done!!!!
thank you
Posted 7 months ago # -
Hope777
MemberWell last night wasnt the best night ive ever had. We cant be perfect all the time can we? I still felt hungry after the 1900 calories and extra tired. Im not sure if i was really hungry or just tired but i decided to indulge a little. I wouldnt call it a binge but i just really wanted to taste some good food. Maybe i was not having enough fat lately. Anywho, i am not upset about going over my calories because i didnt binge and everyone has to indulge a little bit sometimes. I feel perfectly fine today and am extra hungry because i didnt wake up until 11. I've been really tired lately, i am not sure if it is because i am not getting enough sleep or what. I got 12 hours last night so we will see if that is the problem
Posted 7 months ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHi Hope: I don't know if it's the case with your body, but with mine I notice that after I ovulate I tend to eat slightly more calories until my period appears (the two week period). Biologically, this is because our bodies do need to build up the endometrium in our uterus. Then after auntie flow, I eat a bit less until ovulation again. So the energy balance still happens but on a monthly basis.
Again, I don't know if you eat more carbs when you eat a little more...this is what I do. What happens with the extra carbs is our muscle cells store it away as glycogen. This make more body water surround our cells and give us that slightly puffier look to our muscles.
HelenPosted 7 months ago #
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