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Louise's Journal

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Started 8 months ago by Louise
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Louise
Member

So, here we go, after being inspired by Lauren... Had a great day today, no binges, feeling strong and determined.... wrote on this site, did dinner and BAM ! BINGE !! I don't know what happened ?????
Start a fresh straight away... spent ages reading lauren's journal, which has totally inspired me and reminded me of the life and freedom that one can have without this noose around my neck... I might not write everyday as leaving for the airport shortly to go home to England for Christmas, so my time won't be my own as usual..
I think I have always eaten more than I should. I always eat the whole plate rather than stop when full. I guess I just LOVE to eat ! I now realise that I have binged many times before without being aware of it, as it was so infrequent that I thought of it as just pigging out. I moved out to The Middle east in April with my husband. Gave up a life that I loved, my job, my family and friends. I became so homesick and depressed, and so turned to food for comfort and to ease boredom. I became a bored housewife in the middle east... How did that happen ??!!
Despite making friends with a great group of fellow expat girls, i have continued to binge, now more and more and more !! The weight gain in the last 2 montsh alone is worrying me like mad !! I started a new job coming up to 3 months ago. I thought I would be so busy and not think about food, the weight would fall off... the suit I wore for my interview i can't even get on !!!!! So that theory didn't work. I think the penny really dropped when there was birthday cake at work, a HUGE cake... when everyone gathered and had a piece, I declined trying to be good, but then later, when no one was looking found myself literally eating it from the fridge!!!! Stuffing it down....barely tasting it ! Depressing !! So, this is kinda where i am at right now... I have binged everyday for the past week...i feel gross.
I am doing the 3 week no binge with Polly Going to try anyway.
Right, finished work... all packed, waiting to go to the airport.. I think we all need extra luck and support with Chritsmas treats all around us !
Soooooooo glad I have found this site ! Will try to write everyday and log my food and feelings ....

I can't wait to see my mum

Posted 8 months ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Good luck
look forward to seeing your journey.

It is very winterery here in the uk at the mo.

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl. I am so glad you started your own journal! I look forward to reading how you are doing and watching you progress. It makes me happy that you found inspiration in my journal (and god bless you for reading thru all my jabbering ). So just out of curiosity where in the middle east do you live? Is your hubby middle eastern or did you guys move there for his job? That has got to be really tough to move from England to the middle east...talk about culture shock. I am glad that you have found some friends there but it sounds like you need to come up with some stuff to do during the day to keep you occupied and not using food to cure your boredom. I used to do that all the time, I never did anything on the weekends, so I binged for fun! So building up other areas of your life should help that. I have always loved food too so I feel you there..and that is ok..I still love food and eating, but theres a difference between that and being obsessed. I think the obsession starts when we put so many rules around food. Don't worry you will begin to figure out what is triggering your binges and start getting binge free days behind you. This is a day by day process that is never perfect...but its all about progress. You can and will have a life free from bingeing! Have fun back home for christmas and enjoy your time with you mom!! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Thank you jacquirsw1 and lauren..
Very tired today after a night flight..has about 3 hours sleep... yes, isn't it wintery Finished Christmas shopping and having a great time.. Have been thinking about coming on here all day ! I need it..
So, not a bad day... breakfast on the plane was wolfed down, but after that only had a turkey salad... I think had i been on my own I would have wanted chocolate, but we were straight out shopping and barely had chance to think about it. Now we are back, wine is being poured, the nibbles are out and this is definitely a time when I would be diving in... I have had a few nibbles as i was genuinely hungry and then i came upstairs and logged onto here ! It was so nice to see a response..
We are having dinner later, with desert, which i guess i will eat even if I am not hungry anymore... I don't know.. I have a very sweet tooth. I feel so much more in control when with people.. it is def when on my own that i binge like a crazy woman..
Lauren, my husband is English and we moved to Qatar with his job. Culture Shock !!! Oh my, it has taken until now to to get used to it and feel settled.. I have a job now, in my 3rd month with it, but still gained more weight through binging !
I think I am obsessed with food.. I am obsessed about getting all the nutrients and, and eliminating cows milk etc etc... hubby says its cause I am a control freak... which I am which makes the after binge efect even harder, cause as you know you are totally out of control when binging! I think about food in some way shape or form ALL the time... I am planning dinner while still eating lunch. Apparently all i talk about is food, lecturing people what they should eat that is nutritious, what is bad, what is good, and frankly the only person who has a problem with food is myself ! People look at me with a bored glazed look when i am lectruing them !
On a positive, I was doing the 3 week challenge with Polly.. so far so good Almost 1 whole day, and have just avoided a potential binge ... woohoo
I shall write in tomorrow and log how dinner this eveing goes.. last time desert was on the table here at my dad's, everyone had eaten 1 portion, the remaining pud was left on the table, which i demolished bit by bit, harldy aware of what I was doing... lets see if I can just have 1 portion like a 'normal'perosn...
Thanks for the support...this is amazing ! xx

Posted 8 months ago #
polly
Member

hey darling,well done for not bingeing today! the first day is always the hardest , meaning it can only get easier! woooooo! i totally get the thing about being a controll freek and this making it even harder when one binges. i am one myself, less so than i use to be and also less of a perfectionist as i used to be but hey thats probs a good thing. i really hate thinking about food all day long and sittin sown with normal people and talking about normal inspiring things and realising im really not that intrested and find myself pretending to listen whilst actually thinking aboout food , calories and weight. loise were you ever anorexic or nearly so? and the same question to everyone if they dont mind sharing! i think that is where my binge eating started adn stemmed from as i had starved myself for so long. i hate the way food is blown out of preporion in our world and al the media telling us wrong imformation about certain foods all the time. food is here for us to live , we need it , yet so many people and all of us have trouble controlling ourselves when we are around it. silly really. but we can do , i have already done three binge free days and we only need to do three weeks, we will be fucking proud if we sucseed, so keep thinking that .... when u feel the urge just remember how amazed you will feel if you dont binge. shall we not count cals and not weigh ouurselves till then , as i have said in my journa thing weighing mysef is my biggest prob as my metaboism is shit and i gain weight on 1500 cals.. maybe this is a good idea??? anyway huni , so nice to have people here who understand and i hope i can be a help and i really know we can do this with a lot of hard work but its so damn worth it!!!! your life sounds amazing, i would love to and have always wanted to travel to the middle east.anyway good luck and 20 binge free days ahead!!! xxx

Posted 8 months ago #
porschegirl
Member

hello there,
i hope you dont mind me joining your conversation,my journal is 33 days binge free,if you wanna read it..but i am far away from that,i just binged again,and it is so bad lately,pretty much every damn day and my pants are all too tight,so i gsained a lot of weight..polly, i ahve been anorexic for 3 long years,after that still restricted and so forth,and then slipped into bingeing,and i feel like making up for all those years of starving,how sad it sounds,and honestly i wish i could be restricting like that agian,cause i could at least control one thing in my life as i am a horrible control freak..and also i am exactly obsessed about being healthy,telling everyone how good certain foods are,exercise etc.and having the worst problem myself,what a fuckin joke..i am actually starting to study health/exercise science next semester and later want to get a bachelor in dietics,so its really ridiculuos....well,you guys are doing great,i wish i didnt binge,but theres some hope tomorrow to start,i need to get over this,so maybe i can join you?

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Louise..glad to hear you made it safe and sound back to the UK. I hope you are able to get some rest..I'm sure you are exhausted. That is interesting that you guys moved to Quatar..wow that would be difficult. Was it a permanent move or is it for just a few years? Lol I know what you mean, I think most of us are obsessive about nutrition when we aren't going in the polar opposite direction bingeing! Are you trying to eat perfectly when you aren't bingeing? I'm glad you are feeling good and happy and have gotten thru your first day well!! Keep trucking along and stay strong!! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Hey porschegirl, of course you can join us.. I am brand new to this site anyway...
porschegirl and Polly, i have never been anorexic, so I can't relate to it to be honest. I have alwsys had a 'healthy' appetite
I have always worked out... i genuinely love it though.... and thank god as i would have gained so much more weight if not. Although the last 6 montsh I have been excessively working out to try and work off a binge !!! Not good ! I am trying to get that balance back in my life. Actualy hubby and i are training for a huge physical challenge at the moment in the UAE, 75k walk from one coast to another and 75k bACK the next day bike ride through mountains... I love stuff like this and it is with a really inspiring group of people, so hopefully being invloved with this will help me to feel part of something great, and achieving something fantastic ! Although so far it hasn't stopped me binging.. Except til now... Yesterday one whole binge free....alomst did, but stopped it ! But like i said, it is easy as i am with family and occupied...the real test is when we return to Qatar.
Lauren, here for another 2 and half years. I am settling down but will use this forum as my toolbox
Hee hee i would love to study nutrition and excercise science ... bizarre isn't it..
Anyway.. its lunch time here in this winter wonderland.... time to eat FOOD !! I am HUNGRY ..;-)
Have a great day everyone... thank you for your responses... porschegirl, good luck for today... stay focused on yourself.
Still can't believe you people are real ! Its fab xx

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Louise..We seem to have a lot in common as I have never been anorexic either (I love food too much ) and I over-exercised at times to make up for the bingeing. I think its important to make sure you lower you exercise to a moderate amount that is healthy for your body and sustainable for the long-term. Also giving yourself a challenge to do something moderately is always a good thing...

That walk across the UAE sounds amazing!! Very cool. Oh so 2.5 years..not bad, at least you know in the future you get to return to your friends and family! Well I hope you are having a great time with them now!

ps yes we are real

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Merry christmas ! Would love to write more but time is limited as with family and stuff... so far having a fantastic time with family... so good to be home
i have been eating loads, but so has everyone I am with, you know eating out, so 3 courses meals.. but NO BINGES !!!!!!!!!
I had a pud last night but only had fish and veg for main.. anyway enough of that.. I am going with the no restrictions, no calories counting approach.. someone's blog said you can't do calorie counting and control binges at the same time.. so for now I can allow myself whatever is put infront of me, I can enjoy it and that seems to be working so far. I was next to a box of maltesers this morning..I had one, then another and then rather a few actually. I stopped myself, but I worry that i had i been on my own, would that box have gone down in one go ?????....Probably unfortunately.. I thought it at the time of eating it and had a sinking feeling, which made me want more, of course. I am, dreading going back to Qatar as that is my real test ! My intention is to come on here every time i feel a binge coming on... i hate the word binge !
Anyway, i have to get back to the fun of Christmas.

Hope you everyone is having a great time xx

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Glad you are having a great time with the family and have managed to keep the binges away!! Good job!! Merry Christmas!

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

I was the first to wake this morning so i had a coffee downstairs all by myself.. it was still dark out, snow still on the ground.. I snuggled in my PJ's and enjoyed the peace and quiet..... then i was aware of all the chocolates around me... I put off making any breakfast I know only too well its once you start eating that is when it can spiral. And this was my first alone moment so far this Christmas.. So, i was unable to get on the internet and come on here as my sister in law is sleeping in this room for a few days... plan B... Read...so I read my book... kind reading bewtween the lines I was constantly thinking about the chocolates and how well it would taste with my coffee... so i read some more, and some more when eventually I got up and made some toast. just one slice. Walking back to the living room where all the chocolates are I stopped and looked at them all.... I had one, then another , and then another 4, trying out the different types.. strawberry, orange, caramel.... and then feeling VERY aware of what I was doing, I STOPPED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoooooo!! They were yummy. And I haven't had one since. I felt bad as there are 65 calories in each chocolate. But hey... like i have to keep reminding myself.. take the pressure off myself, stop calorie counting, no food restrictions, just get through each day without binging.
I believe i am on day 5 of no binges
What have i had today:
i slice toast
6 chocolates
Millet porridge made with water and soya milk with blueberries and groud flax
Bacon Butty (would not normally eat that but away from home.... tsk)
kiwi fruit
1 Arabic sweet from Qatar as a gift with a coffee
Waiting on dinner now... don't even know what we are having but I am worried that i won't get my usual veggies and low fat and nutriious food ! I am still obessed with what I eat.. I still talk about it a lot.. i think people are just bored with me going on about it.. I have actually been out today to buy a brocilli to make sure i get to eat some ! Jesus ...
Just read that back.. i would normally eat so much more than that (non binge food) but i guess not working and not working out I am not using same energy, so not that hungry. I normally feel hungry all the time
Well, that is probably it for today... another bin gfe free day, but I am witrh company... does it count ????????
Bye x

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Yes a binge free day with company still counts silly! And 5 days is wonderful. I am proud of you for stopping with the sweets and not letting yourself turn it into a binge. It sounds like you know what you need to do, eat when your hungry, not count calories, not have forbidden foods but it sounds like deep down you are still telling yourself that chocolate is "bad" and broccoli is "good" so I think allowing yourself to have these things in moderation and letting go of the guilt should be your goal.. Once you are able to fully accept the idea that you can have whatever you want when you are hungry, and no food is bad, your constant thinking about food and obsessing about it, will get better. Your food looks great for the day! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Just had another 4 chocolates although not hungry in the slighest... goes rather well with my red wine... the problem is I know for a fact that I would have continued to eat chocs if i was sat at home and not sat with my inlaws !! I have decided to leave all my chocolate gifts behind. Unfortunately 5 binge free days does not mean i am binge free... i know only to well... One day I will be able to have chocolates in the house and eat them occasionally and not stuff them down in one frenzy, but for now I am going to help myself and not have my main trigger food around me at home..
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh
I want to go back to Qatar now and get my routine,, get back to work, get down the gym..do my laundry, catch up with my expat friends. I want to face my REAL binge test. I miss my classes so much. I love them..I few days without excercise and i feel groggy. Food obsession or not excercise is good and makes you feel great ! For everybody. It is not just for burning off a binge ! It would take more than a half hour to run off one of my binges anyway ! Yuk...
I know Lauren... sounds easy doesn't it.. eat when hungrey, stop when full... that is my biggest challenge.. to stop when I am full ! I would just keep eating and eating given the chance... well i do when i am home alone.. I HATE this... While I am here having binge free days it is all i can think about ! Its 9pm here now, no more food... I am full !
Dinner - buffet type dinner - the worst type... started good... smoked salmon, prawns, cherry toms, beetroot, one seeded bread roll, brocilli, then i have a few 'party food' things like spring rolls and sunblushed muffins (bite size) ... stuff i would never buy in , but as its on the table, i eat it.. then chocolate.. I wouldn't have stopped if i had been alone.. I can 'feel' it. GULP.. I am scared to go back to Qatar but want to aswell.. ???!!! my belly feels huge, and i didn't even binge
This has to end

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Just worked out I have had around 1000 calories in chocolate alone today, with very little activity ! Although I didn't eat them all in one go, i still had them over the duration of the day. Everytime I walk to and from the living room, the tins of chocolates are just there. Feeling gross..
I am taking my bed book to bed now while the rest are still watching tv and drinking..
I need fresh air and good walk tomorrow. Sick of sitting around doing so little .
Goodnight.. fresh start tomorrow..
... ha ha ha and clearly i now have 2 additions.. food and this website Can't get enough of it

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Oh Louise I am sorry you are struggling with the chocolates. I know it is hard to be out of town and out of your routine. Just remember that its holiday time so everyone over does it a bit during this time. I know what I said is easier said then done, and you will eventually get there...just take baby steps and you'll keep seeing more progress each day. Try not to feel too guilty about the chocolate. Addiction to a recovery forum sounds like the perfect balance for you addiction to food. Stay strong and hang in there friend.

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

There goes another day of more food than needed...,no binge as such... just too much over the day..
I am SICK of deserts and wine everynight now.. I want my normal diet back and I can't wait to get down the gym..
Went for a coastal walk this morning with hubby and father in law... it was brisk and bracing to say the least.. loved it
Breakfast I had oat porride with blueberries, grapes, ground flax and 5 chocolates
snack had banana
lunch had another sort of breakfast as no one else had had brekki, so had scrambled eggs (with an unbelieveable amount of butter!!tsk) on wholmeal toast, with smoked salmon and 2 rashes of bacon..
took myself into the village this afternoon for a walk.. about an hour..
Dinner, slices of xmas day beef, potatoes, veg and eton mess, with red wine..
more chocolates ! That is LOADS of food.. i am STUFFED. I was so full after dinner, but still stuffed down the 4 chocs ! Why why why can't i think to myself.,..you are full now, you don't need to eat anymore... the chocolates will be there tomorrow..
When I get back and do my food shop, I am not buying any chocolate.. despite trying the no food restrictions approach, i actually think a week without all this refined sugar and saturated fats will do me good.. right now I am totally addicted to the sugar rush.. need to ween myself off then I will get some 85% dark choc in. I am leaving all my xmas chocolate gifts here as i will only stuff it down if i take it back with me.. having my main trigger food around me when i return to Qatar is def not a good idea.. I am not going to be stupid though and cut everything out, cause that will probably lead to a binge, especially when i go back to work and its kinda like the post holiday blues .. boo
My aim is to be able to take home chocolate gifts and eat in moderation next year
So, last day tomorrow... driving from The Wirral from the inlaws back down to mum's in Worcester for lunch, then onto Abingdon to visit hubbys best man, then down to maidstone to dads to settle for the night...4am start the next day to get to Gatwick to fly back. So, tomorrow will drive me mad as that is a lot of sitting in the car not doing anything, then the following day is a 7 hour flight back to Qatar.. Great ! oh well.. there will def not be any binging opportunities ..
I like getting myself sorted when I have been away so I will run all my erends, like dry cleaners, food shop, call in on friends, laundry... get back to cooking my food ! I love cooking
Hubby going back to work day after we land, so I will be ALONE !! Bring on the real no binge test !!! Got to be an adult and accept that I am upset because i have left mum behind...its ok to feel upset.. food will not help, will only make me feel worse ! food will not help it will only make me feel worse...food will not help it will only make me feel worse....food will not help it will only make me feel worse...food will not help it will only make me feel worse
I am not going to eat anymore today. I know I won't. Its 8.30, time for PJ's a cup of tea and my book me thinks
My little challenge tomorrow is no chocolate... just one day, to give my teeth a rest if anything !
I am on day 6 of no BINGE !

Posted 8 months ago #
alannah09
Member

Hey Louise!! Just found your journal, you always make such nice comments on mine I though I would start keeping up with yours as well. 6 days no binges is great. It is the Christmas season and we all tend to eat more sweets than usual. The important part is that it does not seem as though you have that binge mind set. You weren't sneaking chocolates into your room to eat while no one else was watching!! well that may be a little extreme but it seems like just a little holiday overeat, nothing to be too concerned about. 6 days binge free is truly a great accomplishment though I cannot even think of the last time I had 6 days in a row!

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Louise...It sounds like you did just fine today. Its ok to have 4 chocolates..and what I do with no food restrictions is that instead of saying I'm full I shouldn't have it (because then you feel guilty if you do)..I say well I'm full but I really want it, so I will have a little and savor the few bites I have. That seems to help me but if you need to keep the trigger chocolate out of your house when you get back, go with that. Do what works best for you. Going with the 85% dark chocolate sounds like a good plan too. I'm glad you've had a nice visit with your family and a good beach walk! I know its always nice to get home and get back into the swing of things. You will be fine when you get home, and if you find yourself struggling..you know where to find us Hope you have a great nite!

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Thanks alannah and lauren !! Keeping me going...
Have to be quick as soooooooo tired and up at 5 am for the airport..no binge...day 7 woohooooo! Although no opportunity to binge..
today had
porrige with blueberries grapes and ground flax
Salmon with new potatos and veg
1 choc.....yep, just 1 !!!!! se i can do it
1 orange
1 banana
butternut squash, spinach and lentil curry with rice
2 slices of turkey
handful of nuts
Feel good... will land in Qatar tomorrow nihgt...let the REAL no binge test begin !
Going bed x \hope anyone reading this is feeling strong

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Louise!! Hope you have a nice trip back to Qatar! Congrats on 1 week...that is great!! And wahoo on the 1 chocolate..you right, you can do this!! Stay strong! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Arrived back in Qatar, and apart from wanting to be with my mum again I feel ok... very tired..
No opportunity to binge, so another good day.. although something has made me feel very sick ... my cleaner who has a key has obviously been in our house with a girl and been using our bed !!! Long black hairs everywhere... think I'll be getting that key back tomorrow. !!! GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
breakfast at 5 am porridge with ground flax, dried figs and goji berries
At the airport, tomatoes on 2 slice bloomer bread, with 1 egg
on the plane (very pleased to say i left food when i was full) Tofu masala with rice and ocra, small apple and cinnamon pud, 2 chocs - I left a pasta dish, cheese and biscuits ands some sort of bread thing-
Kept plane snack and just eaten now I am hungry, a vegetarian pastie thing... 260 cals !!
I small bowl of gluten free mueslie, oats, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, millet flakes with soya milk..
All in all not bad, but very little activity..Can't wait to get in the gym tomorrow !!Missed it
Can't believe Christmas trip home has ended... It went so quickly. Had a great time. Won't be back in UK until Aug for my brother's wedding ! Now that is a great reason to lose weight
So far, this no restrictions approach is working !! Day 8 no binge !!
I am ready to face my real challenge tomorrow !! Bring it on, lets see if i can't handle it !!!
I am so determined to beat this. must keep myself busy
It is 10pm here ... huge time difference with most people on here now, so going to bed....knackered

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Louise..glad you made it back safe!! And that you had another good day..8 days in great! Your food looks lovely and I'm sure you will show yourself how strong you can be tomorrow. And I know it will feel great to be back in the gym! Have a great night!

Posted 8 months ago #
alannah09
Member

8 days and still going strong! great job louise..i wish I could say the same for myself!

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

HOMESICK!!!!!!!!!!!! I was prepared for this, but no this much.. I have been very tearful all day. I want to go back home !! This is what I was dreading... i have feared that feeling like this I would turn to food.. I did a food shop earlier, and all the cakes on display actually looked revolting ! In the weeks up to Chritsmas I would walk by very slowly and my mouth would water at the sight of them... they had no appeal at all ! I honestly think that it is down to telling myself that I am not restricting any food... I know now if I wanted to one I can, i just choose not to at the moment. I am not worrying about my weight, or counting calories or weight watchers points...I am simply focusing on not binging, hour by hour, day by day... dealing with my emotions, and wow are they erratic today, and just accept that I feel low and homesick..its ok to feel low and homesick. I'll cheer up when i get back in the work routine and catch up with my friends.
Yes allanh I am feeling strong with food thing at the moment... i have to maintain it! Writing the days food is also helpful...This has been huge for me..
Haven't made it to the gym Lauren, as woke up late, as a bit jet lagged, and had so much to do with unpacking, laundry and my food shop seemed to take hours ! I can't believe it is dark here now.. Going for a walk on The Corniche after dinner with hubby.
I am off to make dinner..
so today
Breakfast - Millet porridge with soy milk, goji berries, pumpkin seeds, ground flax
lunch - spinach & veg tortilla wrap with spinach, turkey and cherry toms.. a NAKD bar
Dinner - About to make a tuna hash, with sweet potaoe and veg
See, when I am busy I don't even think about food ! Proves it !! BOREDOM is my trigger !
Off to the kitchen to cook..
Bye for today xxxxxxx

Posted 8 months ago #
alannah09
Member

Louise--it is great that you are letting yourself feel your feelings rather than eating them away--this is extremely important and very helpful for maintain your mental and your physical health. Also--I think I missed something--are you away for a long time? on a trip? just away? I didn't realize I guess...that could definitely be a reason to feel the way you feel. Stay strong like I know you can. Good luck!

-alannah

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Lovely photo alannah
We live in Qatar in the middle east... for a total of 3 years.. been here since April.. since april i have gained almost 2 stone through binge eating My hubby's job is here at the moment.
yep, dealing with my emotions rather than eating them away.. best advise ever... and its working..
I was thinking of puting a photo up... felt scared at first, but now feel like a kinda regular on here, so just need to find one now.. I can only think of my Facebook profile photo !I'll have a look..

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

I am pleased to say, I am feeling rather proud of myself today... today would normally be one of those days when I would eat and eat and eat. Back in Qatar, feeling homesick, hubby back at work... (i go back on Sunday), not much to do, a few jobs, otherwise I big chill... Because I have been accepting how i feel and dealing with my emotions, I haven't even wanted to eat, other than when necessary.. strange isn't it.. just one change in my approach to how I think about my feelings and food and I don't want to eat. I have kept myself busy enough.... got some food bits in that I forgot yesterday, went for a walk, more laundry, watched SATC and just had bath in preperation for tonight's festivities .... party party
So, today
breakfast - 4 slice beef bacon, grilled tomatoe, 1 large slice rye bread and 1 egg
lunch - turkey on spinach and veg tortilla wrap with cherry toms and spinach and mustard, lgass of choc alond milk, apple
Out tonight, but have chosed avacado and hallumi salad to start, poacheed salmon for main and a choc praline for pud... plus lots to drink too
I am off to get a snack now of almond butter on oat cakes and 2 pineapple rings.. fresh not tinned..My belly is rumbling
I am hours ahead of most, so anyone reading this, Happy New Year... may we all have the year we are fighting for
Thanks to everyone for so much inspiration, advise and laughter !!
This forum is fabulous xxxxx

Posted 8 months ago #
mandy
Member

hey louise! my first time reading your journal your meals sound fabulous!

happy new year to you too. and yeah i agree this forum is great and the support really keeps me going

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Louise! Oh it sounds like you are having a wonderful day. What progress that you are expressing and dealing with your emotions rather than eating to numb them! That is something that has helped me is knowing that some days I will feel shitty or moody but if I just hang in there..it will get better without me trying to fix it or numb it with food. And of course coming on here to vent ALWAYS helps I hope you have a wonderful time partying tonight for NYE!! Hugs, L

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Thanks Mandy and laureen as always... yep, I feel like a different person since comiong on here

I am kinda down down today... i can't quite put my finger on it...I think I just want to go home and be with my mum !
Anyway, tomorow is a whole new day and a busy day I have too.. been a bit bored today and hubby has been like a bear with a sore head from NYE celebrations....
I HAVE NOT binged though, or even come close to it !!!
On waking - banana
Brunch - Bacon butty
snack - blackberries, raspberries and strawberries with diary alternative to cream and a drizzle of honey
Went for a half hour run
Dinner - home made pumpkin, cauliflower and lentil curry
2 glasses of wine
I swear I will feel happier tomorrow.

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Aw feel better Louise. Is there something today that you can treat yourself to to help you feel better? Do they do mani/pedis there? Just allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and remember that it will pass and tomorrow will be better. Big hugs, Lauren

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Yes, there are so many plush hotels with the most palatial spas and salons... I think I will actually Thanks....god, i feel better already !!! Super star !

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Wahoo!! Can I come?

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

ha ha of course... save up your money for the spas here... hee hee

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

done! Hope you're having a great day today! Best 2010 for you! xoxo L

Posted 8 months ago #
mandy
Member

hey louise! go you, for that half-hour run yeah treat yourself to something nice when you're feeling down! how's today going? i can never drink 2 glasses of wine btw! that's how low my threshold is. i get laughed at ALL the time

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

2 glasses is prob my limit too Mandy... I feel quesy after that... but boy do I enjoy my 2 glasses..:-) Its a strange concept.. when I drink alcohol I enjoy it, then after 2 or 3 I have had enough and I stop drinking ..... Why why why have i struggled to use this concept when it comes to food..??? I am adopting that approach now, now that I have tweaked my mind to think differently..thanks to everyone on this forum
Lauren, I need a pedi now.. back from our 21k walk this morning training for this UAE coast to coast challenge...I have blisters on my toes... I wonder how we are going to do 75K, when 21k this morning was hard work... good fun though. We are off to buy mountain bikes on Monday to train for the 75k bike ride return leg,..
I will catch up with everyones journals later... right now I am off to meet a friend for a coffee and a bit of shopping.. She is trying to lift me out of my homesickness.. bless her..
Still no binge... not even close... don't even want to eat all that much.. I am NOT restricting !!!!! def no way !! Just eating what i need when i need to..
So far today
Breakfast - oat porridge with crushed brazil nuts, ground flax and chopped unsulphured apricots, with soya milk.
Then 21k walk..
Lunch - Turkey salad sandwich on rye bread (I roasted a whole turkey the other day ! we'll be eating it for a month, ha ha ha )
For dinner this evening I am defrosting tuna steak, and will make caramelised onion and chickpea mash with veg. I'll also finish my bottle of wine...
BACK TO WORK TOMORROW!!!!!! Holidays are def over now

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Just had a NAKD bar... starving !
Had a soy cappacino with friend at the mall
Bought myself some flowers to cheer me up....can't afford a pedi this month.

Posted 8 months ago #
alannah09
Member

I was just reading your posting thinking about what you said about why you cant treat food like you do wine, when you stop after 2 or 3 and have had enough...I was laughing to myself thinking about the post I just wrote because mine was the opposite. I have been doing very well with food and not binge EATING the last couple days but in the last 48 hours between new years and the party I went to last night I have probably consumed about 25 "drinks" On new years I drank at least 11 different types that I can count. So I was just laughing to myself thinking how happy I am that I can treat food differently than alcohol haha.. sounds like you are doing well for the most part though!! happy new year!

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Wow that sounds like quite the walk!! You could us a pedi after that...too bad you couldn't get one today! I'm glad you have had a nice day and you have good friends to take you out for coffee and shopping to cheer you up!! I couldn't find any NAKD bars today at store but maybe in Atlanta next weekend! Hope you have a great night! Stay strong lovely girl! Hugs, L

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Alannah, how funny about your drinking... ha ha ha... go on girl.. it was christmas and new year !! party time..I did read your post. You are doing really well
Thanks Lauren - I am feeling strong

Hey, A mini victory for me today.. I walked in to the office this morning and what do I see.... a box of chocolates !! Now then, normally, this would have terrified me and sent me into a quiver, because i would normally not know what to do about them.... throw them away, or eat the whole box.. I was first in, I could easily have done anything with them.
..... OMG !! It didn't even faze me ! AND... I didn't even want one.... i didn't have one, not because I denied myself, i just didn't want one !! I don't think that has EVER happended to me ! I am chuffed to bits.. Further more, I didn't give them another thought. It is amazing ! Last time there were treats in the office I Binged on them... I don't think it went un noticed either. Time before that I took a choc bar off someones desk, because I COULD NOT leave it there !! How SAD is that !!! I am a thief !! ha ha .. time before that I literally ate nearly a whole birthday cake straight from the fridge !! I feel like I have come so far in less than 2 weeks on this forum, with all your help !!!!!!
...And, while I'm at it.. for lunch today I had left overs from when i was too full to finish off from last nights dinner... That also never usually happens...
Today was quite slow at work.. first day back and all that. I didn't really get into the swing of it. I spent a lot of time on the forum reading everyone's posts ..ha ha .. went into a mall and bought some stuff for the kitchen.. i have noticed i am spending money a fair bit...maybe this is becuase I am not binging.. ?? Who cares.. as long as I am not eating my emotions..

Ok, today then..
Breakfast - millet porridge with soy, hazelnuts, ground flax, red currents, cinnamon and a dash of coconut milk
snack - banana
Lunch - left over tuna steak, left over chick pea mash, with a beetroot and avacado salad
snack - apple
A MEAN SPIN CLASS
Dinner - Turkey curry with a rye bread roll and a glass of almond chocolate drink.

I feel satisfied ... Hoorah !
I bought soem rye flour today...going to surf the net for a waffle recipe
Bye bye

Posted 8 months ago #
alannah09
Member

CONGRATSSS!!!! on the chocolates thing. That is so great not only that you were able to leave them there, but that you didn't spend the whole day thinking about the fact that you didn't eat one. That is a huge step. I know when I don't have something like that I always spend a ton of time thinking about the fact that I didn't...deciding whether I could just have one etc. etc. etc. so it is honestly SO GREAT that you could handle it that way. It shows that you are really starting to be in control of everything. Also...Do you make your own food?? Everything you eat sounds so lovely but gourmet..maybe it is just because I can't cook at all so if I eat anything interesting it is always from a restaurant but still, im impressed with your cooking.
Also..spin class sounds fun! We have free exercise classes at school and I go to spin class every once in a while but it is always so hard and I am sore for like 2 days so I don't do it often...maybe if i did it more often I wouldnt be so sore

Still...congrats on a fabulous day!

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

OH Louise I am soo proud of you girl!! That is amazing!!! Really what a break through. The key is that you weren't denying yourself, you just truly didn't want any!! Great job girl. You really are making such progress. Man have I can't even tell you how many times I've stolen food from others so I know what you mean. Keep it up love! Hugs, L

Posted 8 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey Louise,

That's massive and very well done!! That's huge about the chocs and about dinner. You and your body are really beginning to work together now!!

Keep it up!!

Posted 8 months ago #
polly
Member

amazing sweetie, u seem really to have go the hang of it. you are really on your way to a completely normal and great relationship with food. sorry if i ave asked this before but where is it you live in the middle east? do u live alone? oh and how old areyou? sorry for all the questions, its like mastermind haha! ayway carry onn the brilliant way your going and like lauren am so amaed and proud! wooooo! xxx

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Thank you for your loveloy kind & supportive words everyone... I truely spurs me on..

alannah, i do cook everything from scratch.. i absolutely love cooking and experimenting with spices and different foods. I find it relaxing.. I only do something quick during the week as only get in at 7.30 from the gym.. at weekends I have what I call a 'cookathon' and do fab dinners for that evening and i prep up for the week I usually stick some music on, pour a glass of wine, and cook away .

Ha ha the chocolates are still there in the office... plenty for everyone without me eating them all.. I haven't even batted and eyelid at them !! yipee!!
Polly, I am 32 and live in Qatar with my hubby.. its his fabulous career that we are here for.. It is a very strict muslim country, so many restrictions.. it hard to live here... but I have great friends here and I enjoy my job.. it is VERY different !!

Another great day Got into the swing of things today at work, getting on with stuff rather than putting it off.. Spent a bit of time on here.. I can't help myself. Met a friend at lunch time for a coffee and a chat.. we barely came up for air.
Met hubby at 'Shake Shack' after work to buy mountain bikes for our UAE challenge. It was hilarious, we were riding up and down the shop trying them out for size... thank god I wore trousers to work today.. I usually wear skirts, and i didn't give it a thought getting ready for work this morning
we're all ready to join the others for a 25k bike ride this friday (weekends here are fri & sat as Fri is holy day)
So, not long in, straight on with dinner, starving, and have made a turkey tagine for tomorrow to use up this bloody turkey I roasted .. hee hee.. We'll be in late tomorrow as doing a 25k walk after work..more training ! So, the tagine will be ready to just warm up.
ok, today
B - Gluten free mueslie base (freedom foods) with rice milk, with added raspberries, blackberries, pumpkin seeds, ground flax, goji berries and cinnamon
S - 2 fresh pineapple rings
L - Turkey (more ha!) Salad with spinach, feta cheese, chickpeas, pomegranete molases, cherry tomatoes, yellow pepper, onion, walnut oil, balsamic vinegar, (left some as was full......victory everytime)
S - orange
D - Baked sherri fish with panfried leeks and asparagus, sauteed sweet potatoe with brocilli and carrots

No work out today, went bike shopping, but another HUGE training walk tomorrow..

Hey hey, life's good !! I am loving this freedom

Gavin and Stacey on BBC1 catch up now.. gotta watch it

night night xx

Posted 8 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hello Louise!
Just got caught up on your journal Its great that knowing that you dont have to restrict foods make you not want them as much. I too have gotten this feeling lately. Knowing I can the food makes it less appealing! haha so thats the secret we were all looking for i guess! I
Glade to hear that you were able to deal with the home sickness without eating. Thats a hard thing to do but the more experiance we have dealing with these emotions the better!
Food looks YUMMY!! Have a great day!!
~Liz

Posted 8 months ago #
Lauren
Member

So glad Louise you are feeling free from that trapped BED feeling! Awesome! I do the same thing with cooking...I cook a bunch of veggies or tofu etc on Sunday for the week! Glad you had a nice day at work and a good coffee break with your friend. Thats funny about the bike shopping....what would have happened in a Muslim country if you were test riding a bike in a skirt?..some not so happy looks? Your food looks delicious. Hope you have a great sleep tonight. xoxoox L

Posted 8 months ago #
Louise
Member

Ok, that is 2 people today that have said they think I have lost weight !!! I don't know if I have, cause I 'ain't weighed myself, nor do i plan to... I am not 'trying' to lose weight, I am simply trying to overcome BED. Of course I am thrilled to hear comments like that, cause if I am losing binge weight, then that is fab !
2 weeks today binge free !!!!!
Right, gotta back to work... just couldn't resist logging that... and I am currently eating strawberrys and redcurrents with alpro soya cream.. yum yum

Will blog later xx

Posted 8 months ago #

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