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Lorena's Journal

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Started 10 months ago by Lorena
Latest reply from Lauren

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Lorena
Member

Hello everyone,

I have decided to start my own journal as I am begiining a fresh. I went 12 days binge free but on Saturday I binged and although I did not feel guilty at the time I do now and it's Monday! Silly really as I ate well yesterday and got in an extra run just to make up for the binge but it just goes to show if I binge I really really regret it and not just for a few hours but for days.

I want to never binge again so I'm here to begin this.

Ok so Sunday the 25th October just passed and I ate -

B - Small apple and a weight watcher yogurt
S - Pear
L - Tuna, lettuce, 4 x rice cakes, jelly and a small apple
S - 2 x weetabix bars
Later S - Pear and a yogurt

I also ran for 30 mins

I am glad about this day as the old me would have carried on my binge for a few days but I didn't want to do that was knew it was crucial to get back on track which I have done so I'm happy about that.

So 1 day being binge free down, hopefully a life time to go!

Posted 10 months ago #
daisy24
Member

hey lorena, the binges will be more spread apart, this is part of recovery...so dont be too hard on yourself!!! this is not a fresh, this is day 15!! you have done sooo well the last 2 weeks and you will continue to do so.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Aw Daisy,

Thank you, you made me smile then :-).

How are you doing? I hope you're alright and doing well x

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Today has been quite hard at times and I nearly did give in to eating more but I stuck my ground and didn't give in. There was some delicious looking food at lunch and after i had had mine which still left me hungry, I wanted more. But I didn't have any and just got on with my afternoon. The craving for that food did come back but I knew that I wasn't hungry so didn't go and eat. Today I ate -

B - Pear
L - Tuna, lettuce, cucumber and Jelly
S - Small apple and ryvita minis
D - 1 small piece of chicken, veg, 5 pieces of penne pasta, 2 x white beans and 3 x rice cakes and 2 x grapes
S - Weight watcher yogurt and a pear

I also ran for 30 mins and biked in the gym

Although I didn't binge, I am counting calories. Also I'm not eating everything that I would like to because I'm scared that a binge will follow. I would love to eat a piece of cake at lunch but would be so worried of the amount of calories I would have taken in and at the moment I find it so difficult to eat a small piece and leave the rest. Hopefully once i'm comfortable i'll be able to do this. What I am finding I can do is leave food if i haven't tasted or touched it for example today i bought in an extra apple but i had my ryvitas and apple so didn't need the extra one and i Left it. But the minute I taste something that's it i have to have the whole lot.

A thought just popped into my mind. Maybe if I do want something like cake, I should cut the slice in half and throw half away before eating it. Then I can't eat it all. Maybe this is a way to train myself into having things i like but not all of it. Hummmmmm maybe I'll give it a go sometime but not right now as I need to get completely back on track before trying anything like this.

Another thing. I keep thinking I've eaten too much even though all of the food amounts to under 1000 cals. I know it's not much but I wish I hadn't eaten the beans or grapes because when it's written all down it looks so much. I am actually getting the feeling of guilt that I get when I've binged or overeaten but I haven't have I?

Am i being paranoid or have i eaten too much for dinner?

Posted 10 months ago #
TooMuchTooMuch
Member

You are being paranoid!!! If anything it doesn't sound like you are eating enough. It is always better to eat a little more than not enough which can lead to a binge - not that that sounded like "a little more"! Look after yourself!

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey,

Thank you for your comment. Yeah I woke up thinking i ate ok yesterday. I just think sometimes after you've eaten your mind and thoughts go crazy and take over and you begin to think differently to normal, if that makes sense.

This usually happens to me - the minds a crazy thing!

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hey Lorena,

just read through your posts! I am counting calories too and I feel like I definitely can't eat anything that I would really want to eat or it would set me off on a binge from worrying about all the calories. Cutting the cake in half sounds like a good idea though, I think having control is something that helps me carry on sticking to my diet, so by cutting up the cake you are taking control of it and it will probably make it easier for you to eat as normal afterwards.

You definitely didn't eat too much yesterday, I know exactly how you feel though because I just eat small things throughout the day which often only adds up to 1000 or 1200 calories but when it's written down it looks like alot. BUT it's not!! Doesn't matter how much you eat if it's within your calorie limit.

xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Lorena...just wanted to say that you are doing great! Your menu looks like a balanced, healthy diet so don't worry about eating too much because you are definitely not over eating! I think trying to eat half of the cake and go ahead and throw the other half away sounds like a great idea. I have friends who pack up half their meal at restaurants right when the food gets to the table to make sure they don't finish the whole plate since its so hard to leave food on a plate!

Keep up the great work! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Thanks Lauren,

Yeah when i'm ready i'll def try it!!

So i tried that intuitive eating today although I didn't eat exactly what i wanted as i kept everything healthy but i only ate when i was hungry and stopped when i wasn't.

I ate -
B - Jelly
L - Yogurt and a small apple
S - Pear
D - Quorn meat, 1 rice cake, aubergines and a jelly

I did take a pack of snack a jacks and a plum to work but didn't nee them so didn't bother with them but i went shopping after work and saw picknmix which are EVERYWHERE!! Anyway I didn't give in to the urge to buy them as I listened to myself and thought i'm not hungry and they will be here when i am so i'll have them another time.

Anyway my food intake for today isn't a lot and although I'm not majorly hungry I might have a snack of grapes later on if i get a bit more peckish.

I didn't gym today as my knees are beginning to hurt which I think is from all the exercise I do. This is really rubbish as I felt so bad about not going but i can't risk it. Hopefully tomorrow my knees will be ok and i can go then.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

So I am feeling slightly peckish now. I know if i don't eat now, i'll be hungry in the middle of the night and although i won't eat (have never been able to eat in the night thankfully) won't sleep well and will dream about food lol.

So off to have a few grapes.

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena!

Don't worry about the gym, having a few days off while your knee gets better is absolutely fine! It's better to let it rest and not do any permanent damage than to try and exercise and make it worse.

You have eaten really well today so if you feel peckish than grab something to eat, I love grapes, so yummy. Have you ever tried putting grapes in the freezer? they become a really nice treat to have frozen. I got that from an interview I read with VIctoria Beckham a while back, tried it and it was really nice! I suppose it might be too cold in england for frozen grapes but you could try it anyway lol.

Welldone on resisting the pick n mix, you're doing so well!

xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Lorena..good job listening to your body today...way to go grab some grapes to squash that hunger! Yeah and girlaloudfan is right..frozen grapes are delicious! Hope you have a great night!

Posted 10 months ago #
bakerella
Member

good job on your food intake lorena! you look like you're on your way to a great binge free life! your meals so great and you aren't over eating at all! if your meals sound like a lot, it just makes up for the fact that you aren't binging anymore! keep up the good work!

Posted 10 months ago #
chaz18
Member

hey there lorena! how r u doing? i was just wondering r u trying to loose weight or are you just trying to stop binging? i think if your trying to loose weight then your diet is great and your doing fab! however if your just cutting out the binging i think you should maybe try and eat a little bit more eat day. like that half a slice of cake. Throwing half of it out and then eating it sounds like a good plan for now and then maybe in the near future you will be able to eat half and put half in the fridge which i guess is all of our ulitimate goals.

One thing you said that made me worry was the fact you think you are overeating and feeling guilty when you clearly arent at all! i know this feeling because i go through stages like this too! its kind of like i try to cure one eating disorder with another one lol, if that makes sence. I think you might need to add a few more treats into your diet and eat them guilt free! this mite help you change your attitude towards food and stop this silly guilt.
i find the more i restrict the more i want to restrict more. if i hate a normal day id feel happy but if i hate just salad one day then a normal day the day after id feel sooo guilty! i hate these silly mind sets i get myself into!

Btw are you getting any professional treatment?

But overall your doing great!! so keep at it
xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Thank Bakerella and Lauren.

Chaz - Yeah I am trying to lose weight but mostly I want to beat the binging so at the mo i'm trying to incorporate the healthy food into what I eat as well as stop binging. Also I am scared that the moment i have something I crave like sweets, cakes etc it will lead to a binge so I'm trying to find healthy alternatives such as alpen light bars or snack a jacks. I do realise that my caloirie intake is quite low but yeah its that thing where you feel bad for eating a little bit more than you have done the day before. Sometimes it feels like you're competing against yourself and what you can do.

I am trying to eat when i am hungry at the mo but just keeping it healthy. Hopefully once this is in place I can begn adding other foods in instead of always eating low fat/cal stuff.

I am incredibly worried about weight gain though as I lost weight and then i began eating normally - like just 1000-1200 cals a day so not even that normal - and put some back on.

I have been to a counsellor just once though and am going back again to get help.

The thing is I think for most of us on here, the binging started because of the obsession to lose weight. To be honest, if i didn't put weight on easily and had a fast metabolism I probably wouldn't care what or how much I ate as I would just be skinny.

How about you Chaz? Are you trying to lose weight too or just stop the binging?

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena,

I am doing the same as you and trying to only eat healthy/low cal alternatives because if I eat chocolate or stuff that I really really like, I know it will set me off on a binge. I want to lose weight before christmas so I have to do it this way.

I definitely started bingeing because I was obsessing over my weight. I used to eat chocolate and stuff before but never thought about it in the way that I do now. I used to be able to just say no to dessert because I knew that I was full, or even leave half of my dessert at the table. Now I can't imagine doing that unconsciously.

I know you are worried about weight gain but I think you should really eat 1200 calories minimum per day to keep your metabolism going. Otherwise the same thing will happen as last time where you slowed yourself down and then gained a bit when you ate more. Try to not weight yourself for a couple of weeks while you get used to eating a bit more and see what happens. I know it's really hard because as you saw yesterday I weighed myself and it got me down.

Keep going and stay strong!

xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Ok so I'm am really really angry right now!!

I had my lunch of pack of snack a jacks, yogurt and a pear which was after having a breakfast of a small apple and I was still hungry. Well i went to the hotplate and had a some quorn pieces. So after not eating from the hotplate for 2 weeks or so a girl who i work with came up to me and said 'you're always eating from the hotplate'! I couldn't believe it!! I haven't done so and have been bringing in my own food for ages.

Well as you can guess i wasn't too happy and felt ashamed so i said something to her. I said that i don't eat from it as much anymore and bring in my own stuff. She said 'you were there a minute ago as well' and i said 'i have to walk passed it to get to the staff room and i didn't go near it'.

Ok so that was one thing. I could have probably handled that but on my way back to the office I had a chunck of chicken, not a big bit like a breast or anything, just a bit you get in stirfry and what happens? another coworker comes over and comments on me eating all the time!!

I couldn't believe it. Why why why do people need to comment? I'm so angry, so so angry!! and the first thought i had after they said that was to binge but i didn't.

But why do people say things? I feel so ashamed now. I'm so hurt i could cry.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

I feel so guilty about overeating now. I don't know what to do with myself!!

Posted 10 months ago #
jent
Member

Lorena...relax. Breathe People say stupid stuff all the time and what doesn't mean anything to them means everything to people in our shoes and it feels like you have been hit by a rock. I know. It does not sound like you overate at all. If you are hungry you have to eat. You did not binge. You just did what your body told you. From your posts it sounds like you are going really lite on the calories so your body may be fighting you a little too. It will be ok....and you can tell the food commenter that you would never make a point to point out what she is eating...or just let it go...it may be jealousy as well.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey Jent,

Thank you for being there. Your post made me feel so much better so thankyou a lot.

I've calmed down now but I wound myself up so much I didn't know what to do with myself. Anyway, I am now feeling guilty about eating too much at lunch and have worked out my calories intake so far and its approx 753 and thats not even with dinner yet so I feel like I've def eaten too much.

The good thing is that as I ate quite a bit for lunch, I have not needed my afternoon snack so have left that,so i'm definately listening to my body and eating when only hungry, horrah!! I should be feeling good about this but feel down as I feel i shouldn't have eaten what I did at lunch.

Anyway I am going to go to the gym and exercise so atleast I will burn some of what i've eaten off.

I don't know why I feel bad! I ate because i was still hungry. Maybe because the food seemed fattening and wasn't in my eating plan for the day. Oh well. Whats done is done. Moving on...

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Wow so today I have been through so many emotions and I must say I did get the urge to binge but I didn't and just got over it. Thankfully I did otherwise I think I would have gone nuts!!

So yep, I ate more than I wanted today but it was an overeat rather than a binge. Still gutted about the overeat.

I ate -
B - Small Apple
L - Yogurt, Snack a Jacks, pear. I overate and had quorn pieces in veg and about 4 pieces of chicken pieces which were in a stirfry
D - 1 small piece of white fish, veg and lettuce and a jelly

I also went to the gym and due to my overeat I burned an extra 150 calories so my calorie intake was ok and not too much - the total for the day after exercise about 550. I'm happy with this just gutted I overate but good things - i didn't binge, i didn't need my snacks as felt full and I only ate when I was hungry so 3 really good things

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Congrats on resisting the urge to binge Lorena, that's great. You really helped me conquer my urge too, so thankyou!!

I hate people that make comments about what I'm eating or anything to do with that kind of thing. My boyfriend's dad ALWAYS says "oh wow you were hungry" if I eat everything on my plate, even though I only finish before they all do because I put half the amount on my plate!! luckily I have my boyfriend there and last time his dad said that my boyfriend said "she finishes everything on her plate because she doesn't put too much on there like you!!". Lol it might sound mean but his dad is really overweight and really annoying with making comments. Don't worry about the people at your work, they're probably jealous of you if they are actually bothering to make comments, you look like a beautiful girl from your picture. Just ignore them and keep your head up high

I don't think you ate much at all today. 550 calories really isn't enough..I won't lecture you because I know it's annoying when people do that but I really do think you should eat more. It's brilliant that you didn't binge and overcame the urge after a tough day.

Keep going and keep your head up

xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Thanks girlsaloudfan,

Yeah I know 550 cals isn't much but this was after exercise. I actually ate about 1090 cals worth of food today.

Yeah it's odd why people comment and it does make me laugh that your boyfs dad is big and he comments on your food lol. Maybe he does it to make himself feel better and take the attention away from what he's eating. I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with other peoples plates.

Oh a story I have is my exes dad, who also was large, used to make comments about what I ate and at family functions would be like 'Lorena will be the first one up to the buffet' and 'you going up again?' and laugh. Idiot!!

I sometimes ask people why people make comments and they say it's because it's nice to see a girl enjoy her food rather than worry. If that's the case, then I want them to congratulate me on going up again and maybe give me a standing ovation rather than make me feel guilty about it.

Oh and thank you for your comment about my pic

Posted 10 months ago #
chaz18
Member

hey hun, i dont want to lecture u in the slightest! all i want to say is that i am abit conserned. u are feeling guilty about eating LESS than normal amounts! i just hope this dosnt amount to anything more! xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Morning Chaz,

How are you and how you doing?

I know the amount of cals I consume is not enough :(. I do know that and no I was actully gutted coz i ate something that wasn't planned and I just want to have complete control over what I eat as when I don't I feel like I'm not progressing, if that makes sense.

I guess it's the whole perfection thing. An overeat is not a binge at all and that's great but it's just the whole, I don't even want to overeat either. Hope that makes sense.

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena,

I totally understand where you are coming from. I can only avoid binges if I feel in complete control, and eating more than I planned to even if it still doesn't add up to many calories for the day can lead to a binge for me. I have to completely avoid things that I have binged on before like chocolate, brownies, ice cream or I will just binge. Hopefully some day I will over come this and be able to just have a little bit of these things and feel OK about it, but for now I just don't feel ready. I do eat sugar free chocolate jell-o and 100 calorie mini ice creams but I don't really count those as being binge foods, because they are low cal. I feel like I am still in control because they are "diet foods".

I think if what you are doing is working to avoid binges then it's great but also maybe we need to be careful that our overcoming of binge eating turns into something else, like a fear of eating...I suppose we will just have to monitor our progress carefully.

Have a great day, talk to you later
xx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey Girlsaloudfan,

Oh yeah i'm def with you on not going the complete opposite way. I just want to be normal with food and no way be annorexic or something but yeah like you, I'm too scared to eat everything I want yet. I'm not ready either.

So today I've eaten the following -
B - Small Apple
L - 2 weetabix with weight watcher yogurt poured over, an alpen light bar and an apple
S - 2x small plums and jelly
D - Weight Watcher soup - actually really nice!! and fruit/yogurt snack combo
S - A pear

I was planning on eating a bit more for my later snack but just didn't feel the need to eat more as was satisfied with the pear so stopped after that.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Great job Lorena...your food looks good for today! Glad you are listening to your body..thats great progress! Keep it up! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 10 months ago #
hanclarta
Member

Hey, Im new here and just checking the posts and you doing well, there is nothing better than binge-free days.
Just wondering, have you considered adding fat to your meals? it looks scary fat free and you know your body needs 2 macronutrients to stay alive: Fat and Protein (no carbs but that's a comfort food, so it's ok). Try adding more fat (animal fat and/or monounsaturated fat - olive oil, avocados- not other vegetable oils) and you'll notice the diference (in satiety and general health.

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena,

how are you doing today? Your food for yesterday looks great, I love weetabix so I definitely want to try it with yogurt poured over, sounds yummy!

It's really good that you are getting more in tune with your body now and you just felt satisfied with eating the pear after dinner. I feel like I am kind of getting into the mindset where I listen to what I REALLY want and think about it carefully before just eating for the sake of it.

Thanks for your help yesterday, you really helped to get me out of my stressing and thoughts of bingeing!

xx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey Girlsaloudfan,

I'm good today thanks!! How about you?

Yeah it does feel good to actually eat and eat what your body tells you to rather than your brain. And no probs about yesterday. I'm glad I could help. You really help me out too so thank you also.

And yeah the weetabix with yogurt is great. 1, the weetabix fills you and 2, its sweet so you get your sweet fix.

Well I just had to post to say that I just ate my toffee apple and oh my WORD it was good!! It was amazing lol. Afterwards I did think ooooh there's toffees over there that I could eat but I am pleased to say I resisted them becasue I thought I only want them coz of the sugar rush and that's it. I really do think, having the odd treat once in a while is good for you though.

So far my diary looks like this -
B - Small apple
L - Tuna, lettuce, cucumber, pear and jelly
S -TOFFEE APPLE!! yum yum yum

D - Not had yet but am thinking soup, 3 rice cakes and a weetabix bar
S - Maybe a jelly or some fruit. I'll let you know.

I am also going to the gym now and to the sauna to see if that helps my knees, fingers crossed it does!!

Posted 10 months ago #
jent
Member

YEAH toffee apples. Good going Lorena. Just stopping by your page to see how your are. Have a great day. xx Jen

Posted 10 months ago #
miss_lou
Member

Hey Lorena,
Im glad to see you are doing well!
Its not about the eating, but i have had my fair share of sports injuries...So just thought i would make some suggestions that might help. Knees can be sore for lots of reasons, but they can really often be sore because of core instability, so you could try doing special core exercises every day (just google them, they should be small, simple movements, not mounds of crunches or really difficult ab exercises). Also to try and help to decrease the inflammation and pain, ice them a few times a day for 20 minutes at a time, and especially ice them after you exercise.
Im not sure if that info helps, but i know how stressful it can be when you cant exercise.
Good luck with it!
Emma

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena!

I'm glad you enjoyed your toffee apple it's great to have the odd treat like you said.

I hope the gym went OK and your knees are getting better now.

You are doing so well with this, keep it up

Speak to you soon

xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey all,

Emma thanks for the tips. I did go on the treadmill and tried running but sharp pains kept shooting up my legs so power walked most if it and ran for short periods of time, I also biked and went in the sauna and today my knees feel ok!! so fingers crossed!

Well last night I had for dinner soup and 4 rice cakes and that was it for the evening. No snacks afterwards so I was very impressed with myself.

Today on the other habd has not been so good. So i woke up thinking, hum what to eat. Everyday i know what i want but today i had nooooooooooooo idea so I had -

B - Weetabix bar and pear
L - 4 rice cakes and 1 slice of low fat cheese
D - 4 x homemade meetballs, green beans and 6 pieces of pasta - ate in a bowl by the way and about 2 slices of bread

And then it happened...

I had another 3 slices of bread which i dipped into tomato sauce, a piece of cheesecake and 2 bits of weetabix minis

About hald an hour later I had 2 more slices of bread (again dipped in tomatoe sauce, 1/2 a meatball, 1/2 a crumpet and a bowl of weetabix minis and soya milk.

So far that's been it and I haven't eaten since.

I guess this is a binge right?

The thing is I don't feel too bad about it for a few reasons, 1, the piece of cheesecake i had was no way as big a piece i used to have. There was half left and i ate about a 5th when i used to only stop when it had all gone. Actually my mum ate the rest of it then and there, 2, I looked in cupboards and thought 'no i don't fancy that' so didn't eat whatever was in there. Before I would have just eaten and eaten regardless of whether i wanted it, 3, I actually knew when to stop and 4, I ate until i was satisfied rather than carrying on.

The only thing i regret eating is the bread. Not even the cheesecake!! The thing is my dad owns a bakery so we always have bread with dinner and I am of italian origin. Now if you know italians you know that there lives do revolve heavily around eating and they love bread. Its always on the table and all of us think nothing of eating loads of it and we all do.

My dads bread is actually quite healthy. It doesn't have chemicals or any rubbish in it so in a way its not too bad but the bread is the only thing i feel bad about. If i hadn't of eaten this i would have been happy.

So would you consider this a binge or an overeat?

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

I'm guessing a binge!

But I guess it's definately progress and I'm losing weight!! wooh.

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena,

I think you actually just overate today, because I think binges are far more psychological. You said that you didn't just go into the cupboards and eat whatever was there like you may have done in the past, and you ate a much smaller piece of cheesecake than you would have in the past. This is all BRILLIANT progress and I'm so so glad that you don't feel guilty about it, because you shouldn't. I think perhaps the over eat was caused by you not eating enough earlier in the day, so your body just really wanted more food.

Don't feel bad about eating the bread, I know it's easy to end up beating yourself up about stuff like that but at the end of the day you have definitely made ALOT of progress and you can keep it up Also you said yourself that the bread is home made and without chemicals so that's definitely better than alot of processed crap!

All people over eat occasionally and it's absolutely nothing to feel bad about. You definitely didn't binge, because you didn't have that mentality, and I think that is basically what bingeing is all about. The psychological aspect of mindlessly eating separates a binge from an overeat in my opinion, and you stopped when you felt satisfied today.

Definitely progress, count this as another binge free day

xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
miss_lou
Member

I agree girlsaloudfan, i think this was just a little overeat! Think about people without BED who go to a restaurant who eat an entree, big main and a dessert then go home and think nothing and then wake up the next day and eat normally. It doesnt sound like you were really distressed Lorena, which is how most people feel during and after a binge, so i think you did really well to be able to reign this one in! Good work!

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Lorena..I agree with all of you. It does sound like just an overeat and everybody in the world does that occasionally. Nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like you hadn't had enough to eat earlier in the day so your body was probably just craving more calories. The fact that you didn't lose complete control, you stopped on the cheesecake, and you were able to say enough are all signs of progress! So don't feel guilty because you have nothing to feel bad about! Hope you have a great night! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hi guys,

Thanks for your comments. I just read them and they made me feel much better BUT last night after I posted I went to a halloween party and guess what there was there? yep food, which i didn't know would be and guess what I did? yep ate.

There were like entrees and loads of sweets and nibbles and I did actually say no to all the hot entrees and I think i had one onion bhaji, 2 sausage rolls and one bite out of a spring roll but didn't like it so threw it away. I did eat quite a few mini packs of harribo - they contained like about 8 tiny sweets per pack or something and I did eat quite a lot of the nibbles that were out - crisps and nachos.

You see the thing is I didn't eat this all in 15 mins or even an hour. It was from about 9 - 2. Again I wasn't like out of my mind whilst eating any of this. I was completely aware of what I was doing even though I did know that I would regret eating so much, which I do.

I did catch myself walking into the kitchen to eat something and even though there was food, again i didn't just eat for the sake of it. If there was nothing that I really wanted then I just left it.

I think over this day I must have taken in around 3000 cals for sure!!

I def think this day counts as a binge

Oh man, I'm completely letting myself down and feel like everything I do in the week has now been for nothing.

Oh and listen to this. I had a small bowl, like a tiny bowl that fits in your hand, filled with mini pretsels in that i was eating and this guy that I had just met and had been speaking to for 15 mins called me a pig beacuse I ate the mini pretsels!!!

So that's 3 comments in 1 week. I think instead of counting days I gobinge free I'm gonna count days I don't get insulted lol.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Oh my word so I'm at day 1 again :(.

Rubbish.

Just a quick question do you think yesterdays binge will make me put on weight?

God I hope not!!

Posted 10 months ago #
jent
Member

Me too. No it wont. I worried too. That is part of our problem I think. I am right here with you. And one pound of binge goes away in a day of so. I am telling myself that its less about the pound than it is about the behaviors that need to change. We can do this Lorena...many hugs! Jen

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Lorena..I wouldn't stress about yesterday. I don't think one bad day is going to make you gain weight. You have been making progress here so I would just try and figure out what triggered you to keep eating at the party and then move on. Today is a new day so you can start fresh!! You can do this!

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena!

Don't worry at all about yesterday, it takes 3500 to gain ONE pound so you won't have put any weight on. Just get right back on track with eating the foods that make you feel good! I don't think you need to go back to day one. There were many signals yesterday that show a real change in your behavior and attitude towards food. You threw something away that you didn't like, you nibbled on random party food over a long period of time. This just sounds like how "normal" people behave at parties. I think you just over ate yesterday, plain and simple. Don't be discouraged and don't get down about it, you won't put on any weight.

I still think you made progress yesterday. I ate more than I would usually during the week but hey, everyone does this from time to time and it's the weekend!!

Keep your head up high xxx

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey Jent, Lauren and girlsaloudfan,

Thanks for the support. You guys make all the difference, thankyou.

The that triggered it all was the bread. If I hadnt have eaten this I would have be ok I think but oh well. Whats done is done.

I am gonna start from day 1 again as I feel as if i have to. Hopefully I'll be able to get through next saturday without binging for once. I just would love to say 'yey a month binge free!' It would feel fantasic. So I guess I know what i need to do right?

Ok, so Today I have been to the gym and I worked hard, burning about 820 cals. I've been busy so haven't eaten yet but will do in about an hour. Hopefully this is day 1 of my binge free month.

Fingers crossed for me

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Right so day 1 nearly over and done with. I have eaten -

D - Chicken breast, veg, 2 rice cakes
S - Yogurt and a jelly

I may have a piece of fruit later but only if I get hungry.

Also I exercised today so I am feeling ok. Day 1 down, wooh!

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Glad you are feeling better today and moving on from yesterday! You can do this!

Posted 10 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Thanks Lauren,

Just feels like I have so far to go.

Posted 10 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Thanks Lorena for your post on my journal..I just want all of us to get through this and come out w/o food controlling our lives.

I know it feels like you have so far to go, but try not to think about the future. Even when I think about fighting this BED 10 years from now I get discouraged. All we can do is get through each day. Try and focus on that. You can do this..people do beat this BED. It takes work, persistance, support (which you have a ton of here :-)) and an absolute determination to not give up! You can do this, and no matter how difficult it gets, we will be here with you each step of the way..remember that. Hugs, L

Posted 10 months ago #
girlsaloudfan
Member

Hi Lorena!

You did an amazing workout today, you should be proud!! I'm so glad you picked yourself right back up after feeling bad about your eating the other night. I know you can do this, and we are all here to support you. Your food looks good too, seems like you are definitely back on track. As Lauren said take it day by day and you can beat this thing! I am almost at a month and it seems to have flown by, even though at times it has been hard. If i can do this, you can I just know it!

Just think of the pretty knickers you can buy soon to treat yourself for all your progress

Keep going strong

xxxx

Posted 10 months ago #

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