Binge Eating Forum

Support to stop binge eating, stop emotional eating, and stop overeating.

Binge Eating Forum » Binge Eating Support - General Comments, Questions, and Posts

1. 

   Lauren
   Member

   I've decided to start a journal because I feel that coming on here and talking about the issues I face each day are helping me overcome this ED.

   Today is my 9th day binge free and I feel really good! I am really trying to do this whole intuitive eating thing and trying not to think about weight loss by avoiding counting calories or stepping on a scale. Now I do admit I tried on a couple pairs of pants last night to see if they were looser and I have occasionally caught myself at the end of the day trying to figure out around how many calories a day I've had but I say progress is progress. The fact that I am eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full IS progress! The fact that I have NO forbidden foods right now is progress. And the fact that I am making social plans instead of isolating myself all the time is progress. So even though each day is a challenge I feel like I am heading in the right direction for the first time in a long time.

   Yesterday I met a friend at a cafe/bakery and it was the first plans with a friend I have made in months. I had a really nice time hanging out with her and really it didn't cause near the amount of anxiety that I thought it would. I had about 1/3 of a vegan chocolate peanut butter bar and felt satisfied and not tempted to binge at all so thats great! I don't know why most of the time I would prefer to be alone watching movies, TV or reading then hanging out with people but hopefully during this process I can relearn how to enjoy being with other people. Who would have thought that this antisocial girl was once on homecoming court in high school lol. I guess thats actually a good thing because if I think back to the completely different social girl I was 8 years ago that means that I can be completely different than how I am now 5 years from now. That means I don't have to be a binge eater forever! Its just going to take a little work...

   I was suppose to work today but they put me on-call so I think I am going to go get a Soy Latte from Starbucks and enjoy the rest of this Sunday.

   I look forward to eating what I want, when I'm hungry, and having a healthy relationship with food! I wish everyone luck in their journey and hope we all keep progressing to a life uncontrolled by BED!

   Posted 5 months ago #
2. 

   Lauren
   Member

   Ok so I just got through day 10 binge free. We only had 3 patients on our floor and I am proud of myself for not binging because usually when the floor is REALLY slow I eat out of boredom but today I listened to my body and ate when I was hungry and thats it. I have also been running only 45 minutes a day which I think has helped keep my hunger from getting way out of control and feeling ravenous. I officially committed to going to see my grandparents this weekend...I love them to death but being around them ALWAYS has made me binge over the last 4 years out of stress, feeling criticized and then the abundance of junk food and eating out opportunities that presents there...but I am taking this challenge on and determined not to binge there because I love them and I need to learn to be around people I love without letting it trigger a binge. So thats my challenge for this weekend... I am loving what I am eating, not wanting to binge, and feel lighter so I think so far this has been the healthiest relationship I've had with food in 20 years! Now I just pray I can keep this going...

   Posted 5 months ago #
3. 

   alice-4
   Member

   Hey Lauren

   good work on 10 days binge free. It's great that you made it through a time where you might have a binge, like when your floor is slow. I think that's a great accomplishment.

   I can relate to visits to grandparents and how hard it is to turn down all of the food they offer you. My grandparents are the same way. So good luck with your visit this weekend. Keep on the good role!

   -Alice

   Posted 5 months ago #
4. 

   Lauren
   Member

   Well Day 11 done! Had a frustrating night at work with a hostile dad..it makes me mad when parents don't appreciate how much work we are putting into taking care of their sicks kids and blame us for stuff that is really the doctors decisions...ugghh. But oh well the nights over! Had a good food day. I feel no stress around food currently with no binging urges so the last 11 days have been amazing. I feel like a cow has been lifted off my back. Praying for this to continue! One more day of work then off to see the grandparents...

   Posted 5 months ago #
5. 

   jessie09
   Member

   hey lauren! you're doing such a great job! keep it up

   Posted 5 months ago #
6. 

   jacquirsw1
   Member

   Well done you are doing really well and have made loads of progress. Just remember though that if you do have a binge now it isn't the end of the world and does not stop all of the positives you have done.

   When are you off to the grandparents I hope that it all goes well for you

   Posted 5 months ago #
7. 

   Lauren
   Member

   Thanks guys..I appreciate the suppport! Yeah that is the main thing is not beating myself up when I do slip up...I need to not let the perfectionist side have to much power. But there have definitely been a few times at work where I have eaten my meal a little faster than I would have wanted and didn't quite do the whole intuitive eating thing and I haven't let myself beat myself up over that so thats progress for me. But definitely going to my grandparents is going to be a HUGE challenge..but I feel up for it. I might have to make 10 posts a day from their house but I'll do what I have to do to resist it =) I think I am heading there either tomorrow or Friday for a day or two. I'll keep you guys posted! Just ran for 40 minutes and am going to relax until I leave for work in an hour. Today will be a good Day 12!

   Posted 5 months ago #
8. 

   Bingemonsterbegone
   Member

   Hey Lauren,
   You are doing F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S! Rock on girl, rock on..... Best of luck to you at your grandparents house, you can do it!

   Posted 5 months ago #
9. 

   Lottie
   Member

   grandparents...
   they're an odd species!
   they're the first to tell me I've gained weight, that I shouldn't gain too much weight and then the first to offer me something to eat right after that
   they're the first to tell me I've lost weight, that I shouldn't lose too much weight and then the first to offer me something to eat right after that
   lol
   That's a major challange for you this week
   so I wish you all the best!!
   you can do it!!!!

   Posted 5 months ago #
10. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks so much bingemosterbegone! Thats means alot! And Lottie aren't you right!!! When I loose weight my grandma always says I need to eat more and when I gain weight she tries giving me diet tips and sends me articles from the newspaper on weight loss lol. But you've gotta love them anyway! I'll keep yall updated from there..I'm planning on heading there tomorrow.

    Tonight I had a great night at the hospital. One of my good friends and coworkers brought a piece of a vegan chocolate death cake that I LOVE and have previously binged on many times in the past for me tonight that she made for her moms birthday and I split the piece into 5 pieces to share with my other coworkers and felt satisfied with the few bites I had so thats great! Continuing to feel good and am going to work really hard to not let myself get triggered this weekend at my grandparents and to give myself permission to eat what I want when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full (since we'll probably eat out a few times) and not allow myself to guilt myself into any binges. Day 12 down! Wish me luck tomorrow...I'll be writing plenty I'm sure =)

    Posted 5 months ago #
11. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Way to share the chocolate cake with co-workers, your doing so great Lauren. Enjoy your grandparents, I wish mine were still living but unfortunately they all passed many years ago, I miss them.

    Posted 5 months ago #
12. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks..I know that is why I am challenging myself to learn to be with my family without letting it trigger binges! My grandparents are the best. So I am here at their house now. I just got here this evening but so far so good! I feel good and am going to enjoy my time here with them! Keep you guys updated about how its going and if I get any urges to binge. One thing I know is that I won't be sneaking in the middle of the night to the kitchen to steal food. Hope everyone is doing well!

    Posted 5 months ago #
13. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Have a great time with the grandparents.
    it is great that you are just going to try to enjoy the time with them.

    Posted 5 months ago #
14. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks Jacq!
    I decided to write what I had to eat yesterday:

    B: Oatmeal with peaches, blueberries, banana, almonds, flax and nutritional yeast
    L: Amy's frozen Indian meal
    S: Sugar free cinnamon dulce soy latte and orange
    D: 5 pieces of avocado/cucumber brown rice sushi, 3 pieces Indian flavored seitan from Whole Foods hot bar and 1/2 a vegan nut cookie
    S: Grapes

    So I had a great first night here at my grandparents. I did not want to binge which is a miracle. The last time I was here I snuck into their kitchen to binge at 3 am and accidently left their giant freezer cracked open which defrosted during the night and flooded the floor and defrosted the 500 things in their freezer...lol. Oops. So watching TV with my grandpparents and reading until 2 am and then sleeping was a very sucessful night! Today I am going to a vegetarian restaurant for lunch with my grandma and hopefully Doc Cheys tonight for dinner so I'm excited and am not feeling anxious or guilty about going out to eat for 2 meals because I am going to really eat just enough to be satisfied and nothing more. I will trust my body and enjoy my time with my grandparents!

    Posted 5 months ago #
15. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    You are doing soooooooooooo well this is brill. you have been able to enjoy time with your grandparents and enjoy the meals without guilt, and do you know why???? Because there is no reason to feel guilty in the first place.

    Posted 5 months ago #
16. 

    Lauren
    Member

    EXACTLY!!! Thanks Jacq!! I know that recovery is different for everyone, but I feel like the thing that is REALLY helping now is realizing that there is nothing to feel guilty about when I am eating only when I'm hungry and eating what my body wants. I will not get fat from 1/2 of a cookie...only if I binge on 8 cookies (which is what I did the last time I had Whole Foods cookies) and that only happens when i have the rule that i can't have a cookie...so... it just feels like i found the puzzle piece that i have been missing for years. Restricting foods and types of foods leads to binging which leads to weight gain which leads to crazy diet plans and workout regimes and the cycle goes on and on.

    Posted 5 months ago #
17. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Alright I have now had 2 weeks binge free! I had a great day today at my grandparents. We went to lunch today at this awesome healthfood grocery called GreenLife and I got the 3 sampler plate w/ tofu stir fry, orzo-cranberry salad, and dal (lentils) and had maybe 1/2 of it and 1/2 of a vegan raspberry bar and tonight they offered to take me to PF Changs which is usually a big binge place for me but since I wasn't super hungry and i had a pretty heavy lunch I asked if we could go to Jasons Deli for a 1/2 portabello sandwich and salad because I was feeling for something lighter. I'm proud that I listened to what my body wanted and didn't feel guilty about eating out twice today. So far so good. Even though I am happy about two weeks without binges, I am much happier that I can finally spend time with my family without obsessing about food the whole time, binging at restaurants and in the middle of the night here and being pissed at myself and then taking it out on them and then avoiding coming back here as long as possible. I already can't wait to come back here for thanksgiving. Hopeful is what I feel..and its been years since I have felt that.

    Posted 5 months ago #
18. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Lauren,
    You are doing Fantabulous! You should be proud, I am proud of you too. Hmmmm hopeful huh? I'd say that is remarkable progress young lady! Bravo you, Bravo Lauren!

    Posted 5 months ago #
19. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks bmb I appreciate you comment!

    So today has been pretty good. Still no binges..today was a little more difficult in that it was harder to listen to my body and I did feel a little guilt creeping in since we ate out lunch and dinner but I think I made a good choice at lunch eating lettuce wraps at PF Changs and I didn't eat much but I felt guilty right now eating vegetable brown rice sushi rolls (amazingly delicous w/ asparagus, shitaki mushrooms, kale, red bell peppers, avocado and seitan, with spicy veganaise sauce and almonds on top) since I had a raspberry vegan muffin and a latte a few hours ago and I wasn't really that hungry but I wanted to eat that delicious sushi. Oh well I guess you can't ALWAYS listen to your body completely but at least I'm not going to let it trigger a binge and I am done eating for the night.

    I ran around my grandmothers street for 40 minutes this morning which is good because I hate running outside so I'm glad I did it this morning even though i didn't have access to a gym.

    I am heading back home tomorrow. Its been a really nice 3 days here. Though I feel it has been successful in terms of spending time with my family and actually enjoying it and not binging here for the first time in 4 years, I am looking forward to getting home and not eating out so much...even though I feel like I made pretty healthy decisions I still feel like I haven't been eating as much fruits, vegetables etc as I like to but I need to be ok with eating like this for small periods of time..especially if I want to backpack in the spring or summer. Not eating super healthy or overeating a little is not going to make me obese, binging will. I need to just keep remembering that. So this is definitely progress even if i am feeling a bit guilty. Realistically i know I have nothing to feel guilty about.
    I hope everyones doing good!

    Posted 5 months ago #
20. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Wow, sounds like you had a great time with your grandparents and nothing to worry about eating out, you didn't binge so I say it was a win win weekend for you! Have a safe trip back home tomorrow and no worries you can work those fruits and veggies into your days now that your back on your home turf! Way to go, you've made tremendous progress, you outta be PROUD!

    Posted 5 months ago #
21. 

    Lottie
    Member

    Good Job Lauren!
    I still have to face my biggest challenges, but that's for next year when I'm back home:
    1. studying at my grandparents'
    2. babysitting
    3. sundays at my parents' house...
    Keep it up you're doing so great!
    It's strange actually, being a perfectionist, I tend to get a bit jealous when someone does something better than me.
    But on this forum, when someone has not been bingeing for a lot longer than me, like you, it just makes me so happy to know that it is possible...
    What a great feeling
    *** lottie ***

    Posted 5 months ago #
22. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks BMB and Lottie!! Your comments made me smile! Lottie you can do all those things..really this was the biggest challenge besides traveling that I could have given myself two weeks into this recovery and if I can do it, you certainly can next year..especially after you have been working hard on your own to overcome this! Thanks so much for what you said Lottie..that makes me happy to know that someone is looking at my recovery process and feeling hopeful for themselves!

    Well I am back home..and I really feel good! Ready to get back into the swing of things here and eat a little healthier..but the guilt is pretty much gone and I am just happy that I enjoyed my time there and was able to continue my 100% healthy relationship with food! No obsessions, rules, restrictions...
    Now its time to enjoy this beautiful Sunday! Latte time!

    Posted 5 months ago #
23. 

    Lauren
    Member

    I'm on Day 17 binge free! This is what I ate yesterday:

    B) 1 banana-nut-oatmeal pancake and tofu scramble, orange
    S) 1/2 a vegan chocolate chip cookie
    L) 3 pieces of Fakin bacon and 2/3 of a biscuit
    S) Soy latte
    D) 1 piece of Thai peanut tofu and brown rice vegetable sushi
    S) Plum
    I guess I was really craving breakfast food yesterday!

    I talked to one of my closest friends from the Peace Corps and while it was nice catching up with her, it left me feeling kinda sad because she applied for a job with Doctors Without Borders. That has always been my "dream" job but I've realized that it probably isn't a realistic goal because while backpacking I feel like I would be able to continue intuitive eating and eating whenever I'm hungry etc but she was saying how most people lose a ton of weight and get really unhealthy there because working 18 hour days in War Zones and refugee camps they rarely have much time to eat and when they do it is mostly rice. So I guess it would really be the job from hell for something with an ED. =( Maybe 10 years from now after I have completed all my 5 year goals:
    -Keep intuitive eating and having a healthy relationship with food
    -Make friends and become social again
    -Be able to hang out with my family again
    -Backpack around the world!
    -Have a relationship with a guy (its been 4 yrs since my last long-term relationship since I have isolated myself so much these last 4 ED years =( ....)

    I am back to work at the hospital 3-11 tonight. I am still proud of myself about this weekend with my grandparents but its hard to really feel good and proud of myself..Why is it so hard to feel good about yourself?

    Posted 4 months ago #
24. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Hey Lauren,
    Wowsers 17 days, way to kick @ss! Good job on your menu, I can't say that my palate would like it though, I'm not a fan of tofu or sushi, but as long as you like em, you continue eating em!!!

    Interesting on the doctors without borders, I never heard of it. Your still young I am gathering, so do not rule it out if that is your dream job, besides I am sure you will be beating this distorted eating before you know it.

    5 year goals, wow I hope you get all of them soon!

    You should feel proud of yourself, sometimes its hard because we are our worse critics and think we are not worthy of feeling good, maybe your remembering all of the bad dark days and that probably outweighs your recent good days of the past 3 weeks perhaps? I'm sure its distorted feelings you still have inside your head is all.. Nothing to worry your pretty lil head over, you're doing great. You are inspiring me and many others by leading the way and showing us it is possible to beat this!

    Posted 4 months ago #
25. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Haha BMB...veganism is definitely not for everyone! But I love it for some reason!! Doctors without Borders is a NGO that does mass vaccinations campaigns 3rd world countries and provides medical care in refugee camps, natural disasters, war zones etc.. I am only 25 so maybe one day. But I'd much rather get those 5 yr goals down! I know I think I am my worst critic and that it feels wrong to praise myself or something..which i know is crazy! Thanks for saying I'm inspiring you..that makes me happy as I hope we are all inspiring each other!

    Today was a nice quiet night at the hospital. Its been another good food day..

    B) Oatmeal with nectarine, blueberries, banana, almonda, flax and nutritional yeast
    S) Soy latte
    L) Pita w/ hummus and roasted eggplant & onions
    S) Luna bar
    D) Tofu and spinach burrito, 2 small squares of dark chocolate
    S) Pomegranate

    Hows everyone doing? I hope well.

    Posted 4 months ago #
26. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Ah your a veggie girl then, so that EXPLAINS it! Well your today menu sounds way more appetizing though, yummers!

    Never used the nutritional yeast, what is that like? I love ground flax I eat it like 3 times a day either on my oatmeal, yogurt or fruit, did I mention I love it!!

    What kind of luna bars do you like? I normally buy the lemon zest. However I recently bought me 2 new boxes of chocolate peppermint stick & also a box of the variety pack of the luna mini's 1/2 the size of the regular (these have 1/2 the calories 70-80 depending on flavor, this pack has carmel nut brownie, smores & nuts over chocolate flavor, I have yet to try them yet though, being I think they may be a trigger food, so I will try to add them back in hopefully soon enough. I miss me my sweets & all these flavors sounds yummy, so I am eager to try them!

    Wow 25 huh? ahemmm.... I'm 25 + 17. Giggle giggle!

    Posted 4 months ago #
27. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Yeah I'm one of those crazy vegans lol

    Nutritional yeast is actually really good for you..its a good protein source: 2 tbsp=8 g protein, 60 calories, and has alot of vitamins, esp B12. This sounds wierd but its kinda famous where I live to put it on popcorn. I dont do that..I usually put it in my oatmeal to beef up the protein content along with the almonds. Some people also use it to bread tofu or eggplant to bake or fry cuz it makes a good crust.

    I love luna bars! My favorite flavors are probably caramel nut brownie, nutz over chocolate, dulce de leche & cinnamon raisen. They've got a decent protein content and I think they are delicious...you should def. try and work them back in and try and retrain yourself to not let them trigger binges. (Trust me I've been there..I once ate 18 Cliff-Z bars in Honduras in one night..gross right?) lol so if i can do it, i know you can! I also like Lara Bars-they're a little healthier since they have no added sugars its just straight up fruit/date bars (coconut cream bar, banana bread, and chocolate coconut)

    Another good day today. Ran for 45 minutes and had a nice night at work. I am off tomorrow which I'm pumped about. I guess I have to study for this PALS course(pediatric advanced life support) I have to take in 2 weeks..its really hard so Im a little stressed about that, but it will be fine. I'm hoping to take a Zumba dance class tomorrow night which i LOVE so I'm definitely looking forward to that. Tempted to go running in the am and do the dance class but that would be exceeding my 45-60 minutes exercise a day max so I'll try and fight that temptation because i def. don't want to get back into overexercising. I'm just nervous because I'm a morning exerciser and the class is at 530 pm so im nervous ill be to tired and lazy by that time of day to want to go workout but oh well..if i am, i am..and ill just take tomorrow off if that happens. Not the end of the world =)

    Hope everyone is doing well!

    Posted 4 months ago #
28. 

    Joyce
    Member

    Hi Lauren, sounds like you are doing GREAT! Keep up the good work!

    Posted 4 months ago #
29. 

    jessie09
    Member

    hey lauren do keep it up!!
    i know what you mean by overexercising. i'm prone to that too. for me, i still go for exercise in the morn and at night. i just can't help it especially when i'm stressed or tired and need to get moving right away.

    for me, i let myself go for up to one hour of exercise each time. i hope all goes well for you!

    Posted 4 months ago #
30. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Thanks for the yeast info, I appreciate it. I don't think it's that popular across the pond here though, but I will look for it next trip to the health food store. What does it taste like, yeasty albeit? Kinda like dough? I have seen the Lara bars but haven't bought them being they were about $2 each, OUCH! Most new ones I try taste like crap, yanno all mediciney fakey like. Wow 18 cliff bars huh? I think you could get into the guinness book of world records for that one perhaps! giggle, giggle. Hey, we all have had our lil quirks.
    Is that why you switched brands now? I will incorporate one next time I have a chocolate craving. Sugar is a trigger for me during my cycle, almost like it is my crack. Once I start, seems I can't get enough, waiting for my next fix! Yanno???

    Enjoy your day off & happy studies. & don't fall into the over exercising. Your doing great Lauren, continue to rock it!

    Posted 4 months ago #
31. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks Joyce! And Jessie I know what you mean. Its whatever works for each person in that phase in their lives. I was in a phase where I did 2 x a day workouts but I definitely feel like mine was a form of overexercising and wasn't jive with the kind of life of moderation I want to achieve now. Its still a struggle to sometimes not feel guilty only running 45 minutes a day but I am determined to live a balanced life now with food and exercise. The other day I was like ohh should i train for marathon..but i think i was only trying to trick myself into giving myself permission to run 3 hours a day lol.

    Nutritional yeast is def. a different taste..i don't know how to really describe it. Yeah Lara bars are a bit of a rip off lol. I know right..18, crazy huh? (although they were the cliff Z bars which are around 100 calories and pretty small, but still outrageous!) No I still eat Cliff bars now and they haven't triggered any binges. I maybe eat 2 a week..basically whenever I want them. I'm not allowing myself to have any food restrictions right now and it seems to be helping. What if you let yourself have 2 small pieces of like dark chocolate everyday? I have found that usually satisfys my sweet tooth and doesn't leave me craving at all. I know though that cycle time throws us all for a loop!

    Ok well I've been up for 4 hours and have done nothing but louge around watching Bones and The Daily Show. I guess I need to study now...arrgghh =) and I didn't go workout this morning so planning on just goin to Zumba at 530. Love me some salsa dancing!

    Posted 4 months ago #
32. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Hmmmm sounds like nutritional yeast must be like vegemite, I found that to be Nasty, with a capital "N". My girlfriend from Australia had sent me some for Christmas one year, OMG, it tasted like salty metal to me, BLEH... I think I will stick to what I know! I couldn't believe that people can actually stomach the stuff. giggle giggle It amazes how different everybody's taste buds can be!

    Regarding the chocolate, I used to incorporate a few squares of dark chocolate into my days, or melt some & drizzle over fruit etc. I was normally fine with this, UNTIL my cycle hits, THEN all hell breaks loose & I want all the chocolate I can get my hands on!!!! Right now I want to concentrate on NOT feeding the chocolate frenzy & am content with going without for a bit, to satisfy my sweet tooth I'm eating yogurt or fruit or dried fruits like craisins, prunes, raisins or baked apples when I want something sweet. Pineapple etc. There are many just as good sweet alternatives to chocolate. When I get a bit farther along in my recovery I will moderately add the chocolate back in, but for right now, I think this is the better route for me...

    Salsa dancing, that sounds so sexy, oh lei! Go have fun & enjoy!

    Posted 4 months ago #
33. 

    Joyce
    Member

    Lauren, you have really made a lot of progress. Your attitude has changed just in the short time I have been posting on this site. You have so much more confidence now! You know that you can win this battle over your ED now. Congrats on having so many binge-free days. It gives me hope to see others doing so well, maybe soon I can help someone too.

    Posted 4 months ago #
34. 

    Lauren
    Member

    BMB..haha I PROMISE its not nasty like vegemite!!! Its just yeasty i guess but definitely doesn't taste like salty metal lol! Its just a different taste like ground flax is.. But all taste buds definitely are different! I agree natural sugars are just as tasty as chocolate..so whatever works best for you!

    Thanks Joyce! I know I really feel like finally (even though I may slip up from time to time) I have the real key to living a normal life and putting binges far behind me! You can do this too..we all can! I am so glad I found this site because having the support of everyone on here and being able to support others has made a world of difference in fighting this beast =)

    Ahh I had a nice day off work today! I guess I'll post what I ate
    S) Orange
    B) Peanut butter and banana sandwich on ezekial bread
    S) Soy latte
    L) Corn, bean, salsa, & avocado wrap and plum
    S) 2 pieces of dark chocolate
    D) Kashi Mayan harvest meal and 3 fakin bacon strips.

    I may have an apple or luna bar later if I get hungry again.

    So I went to Zumba class tonight (salsa, meregue, belly dancing, culumbia) and usually i am looking in the mirror thinking how fat i am but tonight i stood at front of class and had so much fun..and i actually felt sexy. What a change lol

    Looking forward to bumming more in front of the TV...

    Hows everyone else doing?

    ps why does exercising not feel like you've exercised if it was fun..i think im too used to running as my sole source of cardio lol Its like i felt guilty for not running even though i sweated my ass off lol!

    Posted 4 months ago #
35. 

    Lauren
    Member

    :-)I had a pretty stressful night at work and for some reason I just really didn't feel like being there..so i guess i kind of had a shitty attitude. Plus we had 8 adult overflow patients (out of 10 patients) on a pediatric floor so that was super annoying...

    I did ok food wise and have now gone 20 days without binging so thats good! I took today off working out and for some reason I felt hungrier than normal..but i tried to eat when i was hungry at work even though i was pretty busy. Its hard sometimes.

    So along with my goal to do more social stuff I made plans with a girlfriend to go to dinner and a movie on saturday or sunday (since i have to work tomorrow night)..I told her she could pick where we go..I'm hoping shes picks the Thai Spoon because I love thai! Suprisingly I'm not feeling anxious at all about going out or eating out so thats a step in the right direction!

    I am going to take another Zumba dance class at 1030 tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow at work will be better. Hope everyones having a good night (or day)!

    Posted 4 months ago #
36. 

    Lauren
    Member

    So I woke up this morning and my cycle had arrived..so I guess that accounts for why I was in a pissy mood last night and why I felt hungrier than usual yesterday lol Although I am really suprised its here because usually I get REALLY depressed and emotional for like a full week before my period. I guess this is a pleasant change.

    I'm wondering how the whole intuitive eating thing works with your period because I'm constantly trying to stay aware of my bod and pay attention for hunger signals and with my cycle I am feeling that constant heaviness that kinda feels like hunger...hmm. Well I guess I just gotta roll with it and if i can't tell when I'm hungry or full just eat small amounts frequently until its finished.

    Just took a zumba class and just lounging around til I have to go into work.

    B) Salsa & avocado wrap and an apple

    ok cramps go away!

    Posted 4 months ago #
37. 

    Joyce
    Member

    Lauren, it has been a while since I had to deal with a monthly cycle but I still remember how miserable I felt. I'm glad it seems to be easier for you this time. You seem to have a better understanding of what your body is telling you now. I know you will make it through this with no trouble. Sounds like you are having a lot of fun in your zumba class too, way to go!

    Posted 4 months ago #
38. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks for your response Joyce!

    Today I have honestly felt pretty crappy but I know its just because of my period. I just feel kinda depressed but not as bad as I usually do I guess..

    I had a really good talk with my unit director about my eating disorder..I opened up to her tonight and had a great conversation with her. Shes really supportive and it really made me feel better. I had some issues with some of my co-workers a few months ago and I had a REALLY bad month in August because I was totally burned out, and really depressed from all the binging and I was very obvious at work about how much I hated work/life during that month and was taking it out on coworkers so I think telling her that really the BED is what all my emotional distress was about during those weeks not really the job helped kinda clear things up between us... and she told me that I am a great nurse and that patients really love me and my coworkers like working with me so that felt really good..

    What I ate today: wasn't very hungry all day but planned to eat consistently throughout the day because my cramps were making it hard to tell whether i was hungry or not

    B) Salsa & Avocado Wrap, apple
    S) Soy Yogurt w/ a little granola on top
    L) Oatmeal w/ peaches, banana, blueberries, flax, almonds, nutritional yeast & cinnamon
    S) Sugar free cinnamon dulce soy latte
    D)Amys Organic Indian Curry dinner (peas, tofu, rice) and roasted tomatoes & yellow pepper, 2 pieces dark chocolate

    Even though i felt pissy earlier, just being on here has made me feel better. And on a happy note, I have now gone 3 weeks binge free!

    Posted 4 months ago #
39. 

    Joyce
    Member

    Wow, that's great, 3 weeks binge free, super! Glad you had a talk with your unit director today, that should make you feel a lot better. Especially the part about your patients loving you, that's a huge compliment. Hang in there and you will be feeling better in a few days.

    Posted 4 months ago #
40. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks Joyce!

    I went for a 45 minutes run this morning and am feeling a little better.

    I'm excited about seeing my friend tonight for dinner and a movie. She's decided on The Grit, which is a delicious vegetarian restaurant. They have vegan cakes..one called the Vegan Chocolate Death that is famous around town (which I have binged on many of times).

    I'm taking her for her bday dinner so I've decided if she wants a piece of cake, that is ok with me. I am going to have a few bites and be satisfied with that! Nothing to feel guilty about and I will enjoy it =) Also I'm not feeling anxious about eating out at all and will get whatever I want and eat a moderate amount and bring the rest home. My cramps are gone so I think I will be able to do a better job of being able to feel the hunger and satiety signals.

    Auggh its been rainy and cold here the last few days..I miss the sun!

    Hows everyone doing?

    Posted 4 months ago #
41. 

    girlsaloudfan
    Member

    Hi Lauren!

    Sounds like you have a great attitude about going out tonight, that's fantastic! There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about if you have a few bites of cake for your friend's birthday. I think doing stuff like that is really important in our recovery process. Just learning to eat normally and to enjoy it!

    Also congrats on 3 weeks binge free, that's absolutely amazing! I am on my sixth day with no binges at all and despite the setback at dinner last night with my boyfriend, I feel like I can keep going.

    Im in Florida and it's a little cooler here today which is really nice because it's just too hot most of the time!! we should swap weather!!
    xx

    Posted 4 months ago #
42. 

    jacquirsw1
    Member

    Your evening out sounds brilliant. and that cake sounds lovely just the sort of thing to treat someone with for their birthday.

    Jacqui

    Posted 4 months ago #
43. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Thanks for your comments Jacq and Girlsafan! And girlafan, great job on 6 days, especially w/ your bf's comment. I'm SO jealous you are in Florida right now. I live in Georgia and we went from 100 degree hot and humid to 40 degree freezing within 2 days, with no fall =( I wish I was laying out on the beach in Miami right now

    So I just got back from my night out with my friend..it was really nice!! We did a little shopping and then went to dinner. Its funny because I got what I wanted, the Golden Bowl, and I wasn't very hungry, so I ate maybe half of it and took the rest home. They didn't have the cake that we wanted so since we had an hour to kill before the movie we went to a bakery we love and split a piece of a peanut butter chocolate bar. I had a few bites and thats it. It was delicious!

    You know what I am realizing..when I used to eat anything (food or desserts) I think I would always think subconciously before I took the first bite "I want and need to eat all of this"...even thinking it wasn't going to be enough to satisfy me. But lately I have been saying to myself when the meal gets there, I definitely don't need to eat this whole big plate and most of the time I realize that that makes it easier to stop when I am noticing that I am getting full. Also eating desserts I tell myself before hand I am going to be satisfied with just a few bites and telling myself that seems to be making it true. I know it sounds wierd but it seems to be working.

    Alright time to snuggle up under warm blankets...brrrrrrr!
    Good nite!

    Posted 4 months ago #
44. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Grr still not in the best of moods...ready for my stupid cycle to end! oh well...got through Day 23 well..

    B) Oatmeal w/ blueberries, peaches, banana, almonds, flax, nut. yeast, goji berries
    S) Organic coconut date bar and latte
    L) 1 date, Brown rice vegetable sushi, 1/2 cookie
    D) The other half of my Golden Bowl from dinner last night- tofu, veggie, and brown rice stirfry, a few grapes, 1 square of dark chocolate

    Today was my day off from exercising. Had a lazy sunday watching movies and reading in my pjs. Isn't that the best way to spend a chilly Sunday?

    Posted 4 months ago #
45. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Hey Lauren,
    Your doing so great, I'm jealous!

    Menu looks good and sounds good too. Yeah monthly mode brings us all down & way to chillax and be a lounge lizard in your pj's catching up on reading sounds heavenly.

    Continue on your doing fabulous, wish I could say I was too, but unfortunately NOT!

    Posted 4 months ago #
46. 

    Lauren
    Member

    So I just got put on call from 3-7 but I do have to work from 7-11 so thats great! I just ran so I guess I'll spend the rest of the afternoon chilling and studying for my PALS course on Thurs and Friday. I spent a lot of time last night researching backpacking in Europe and Asia and then looking at group travel with Contiki and GAP travels..can't decided which way to go. Backpacking is usually so much cheaper, but with a group you don't have to deal with any of the stresses of traveling, logistics, etc. so getting excited about starting to fulfill my traveling dreams in the spring but not sure what is the better path for me take. Maybe I should try both and figure out what jives best with me.

    Hey BMB...don't be jealous, you have been doing great. I have read about your weekend on your journal and I'm sorry it was a tough weekend but you have made such progress so don't let yourself get discouraged with one bad weekend. I doubt any of us could have resisted B, L, D's that looked like those...donuts, pizza, pasta= binger's heaven Day by day and today is definitely a new day!! I'm here cheering you on! We can do this. BIG HUGS

    Posted 4 months ago #
47. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Hmmmm backpacking Europe and Asia, sounds exciting! You must be independent to travel solo? Or are you contemplating doing a group thing? Would you just find places to stay day by day then or plan reservations in advance? Hmmm fascinating. I would thing that would be a fun adventure for sure. Way to follow your dream.

    Thanks for being my independent cheerleader. The luna bar peppermint stick was delish, so good infact I ate two being it tasted like a girl scout cookie thin mint. ~Megan

    Posted 4 months ago #
48. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Yeah that is my dream..if I can recover and make it happen! I am not sure alone or with a group. Probably Europe and South America alone and Asia with a group. I would probably just backpack with just a loose plan..no reservations. I figure thats pretty easy and safe in Europe and S. America (since I speak Spanish) but I wouldn't feel comfortable backpacking alone in Asia so I guess I'll go with a group for that. I hope to do all this traveling over like a 5-10 year period..I'm not just going to go for 2 year straight. Little trips here and there that I hope to start next Spring. oh and glad you enjoyed the luna bar!! Have you tried Caramel nut brownie yet?

    So I just got home from the hospital. You would think 4 hours would be a breeze but of course not. I spent the four hours running around like a chicken with its head cut off doing blood transfusions, IV starts, and admissions...sometimes I love my job and sometimes I definitely don't. I guess thats normal.

    So I was trying to not weigh myself again for another month so I don't get obsessive about it but of course there was a scale outside my pts room tonight and after I had eaten a bowl of oatmeal and drunk a liter of water I jumped on the scale impulsively and it was higher than I wanted but DUHH its cuz i always weigh in the morning on an empty stomach and its a different digital scale... now I'm tempted to weigh myself at the gym in the am to make sure my wt isn't what it was at the hospital tonight but i know i should just know my clothes are looser and not worry about it...hmmm...... must stay strong!

    Todays food
    B) Half of a small Amy's no cheese roasted veggie pizza (DELICIOUS...shataki mushrooms, red roasted bell peppers and artichokes on whole wheat crust) with a plum
    S) Soy latte
    L) Helens Organic Indian Curry meal(tofu, peas, onions, and rice) with a few grapes and a small salad with a few peanuts and sun dried tomatoes
    D) Oatmeal with peaches, bananas, blueberries, almonds, goji berries, flax, and nut yeast, 2 small pieces of dark chocolate
    D) 1 Date
    Exercise: Ran for 45 minutes

    Today is day 24 binge free..so far feeling good..if my dang cycle would finish already!

    Posted 4 months ago #
49. 

    bakerella
    Member

    wow lauren you are doing great! 24 binge free days... that's AWESOME! and your meals sound great too! i LOVE curry... i love soaking curry with bread or rice... i honestly could just have that as a meal, curry sauce with rice or bread haha!

    isn't weird how scales are so different? my weight at the doctor's office was 2 lbs LESS than the one i have at home... so most likely the doctor's scale is more correct? so confusing... haha. it makes me feel better than i weighed less at the doctor's office because it seems their digital scale is more advanced than the one i have...

    Posted 4 months ago #
50. 

    Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Nope I didn't try the mini luna carmel brownie, perhaps next time a choccy craving arises, I may give it a whirl and eat it S-L-O-W-L-E-Y with a hot cup of tea to get that warm oohey gooey fresh from the oven taste!

    Of course the evening weight on that scale is not your true weight silly girl, you have to factor in all the food you ate that day, liquids you drank, clothing, shoes etc. 6 lbs- 8 lbs or more evening weight is NORMAL. Heck, don't fall into that mentality & let a stupid piece of metal judge you, you are beyond that!

    When I read DATE, I thought you had a date, date again like in kissy kissy man date!

    Wowsa, you are just kicking your binge eating to the curb! You rock Lauren.

    Posted 4 months ago #

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