LauraS' Journal – a survivor at work

[LauraSParticipant]

Today’s my first day on this forum. This morning my live-in boyfriend got into a car accident. It wasn’t his fault. The other car slammed into his and his back bummer was knocked off. No one was hurt. The cops were called. He needed to contact his insurance to fix his car and obtain authorization to rent a car for a few days.

I had been preparing myself to go to the gym. Had dressed to go out, but after hearing his sob story and realizing how this accident added to our mounting problems, I felt very sad, defeated, and tired. Very tired. When I feel this way, I start to want to eat. To numb myself from thinking about our problems. Then I succumbed to binge-eating. The cycle of sadness-binging-sadness begins again.

I hope by writing this down, I can begin healing.

[ClairesParticipant]

Hi Laura,

Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear about your b/f accident and the binge but at least it prompted you to do something positive and post on the forum.

We all have suffered from emotional eating and eating to numb our problems rather than addressing them. If you get chance read some of the stories on this forum, I am sure you will find them inspiring – i did.

good luck with your journey, hope you manage to start addressing your relationship problems x

love claire

[LaurenParticipant]

Aw Laura I’m sorry…that does sound like a pretty awful day. And you can’t be mad at yourself for numbing out since I’m sure that is the way you have coped with things for a long time…but here you can learn to sit through your emotions, get them out and process them on your journal, and let them pass on their own. Welcome! ~Lauren

[livvvParticipant]

Hi Laura, welcome to the forum!

You’ll find similarities in so many of the other journals here. This disorder is related so much to our emotions and what’s going on inside our heads, binge eating is only a symptom of the real problem.

I’m glad to hear your bf is okay, but I’m really sorry about the accident!

Keep posting, I’m looking forward to keeping up with your journal

xx olivia

[LauraSParticipant]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and support, Claire, Lauren, and Olivia.

Bf and I went to the car collision shop this morning to get his car fixed and also pick up a rental car. Then we headed to the mall to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Things were going well until we arrived at the mall. Parking was outside the mall. Since it was cold, I wore my coat. When we entered the mall, I took off my coat and asked my bf to hold it for me. But he refused, telling me we would shop independently and to call him on the cellphone when I needed him to pay. Before I could voice my objection, he quickly walked off in his own direction.

I was upset that he didn’t want to accompany me in the mall, and perhaps help me choose items. I was also upset that he wouldn’t hold my coat while I shopped. There was no coat check in the mall and it was a hassle for me to hold the coat the whole time while searching for gifts. I also think he knew I would be upset about this and yet persisted on running off before I could say anything.

Nevertheless, I decided to put my distress aside and shopped. I went to several stores but couldn’t find anything that was suitable as gifts. Finally I entered a clothing store and saw some pants in my size that I had wanted for some time and tried them on. They fit perfectly and then I found some other items for my friends. I texted my bf to come pay. I didn’t receive a response from him and then my cellphone lost signal. I then waited a long time for him to show up at the store. He never came. Finally I gave up and paid for the items myself. I then went to our parked car and found him resting in the driver’s seat with his eyes closed.

It was a frustrating day. We argued in the car and I could feel that I wanted to just binge-eat. Luckily I told him to drive me to the gym and he did. I spent an hour and a half at the gym. Then I went home on my own.

I realize that a large part of my emotional eating stems from my disappointments in my bf and the fact that I know he’s not the one. What makes this fact hard for me is that my parents had both passed away and I have no other family. My bf is the only one I consider my family and without him, I’d feel very much alone. I know I need to be more self-sufficient.

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