Tips to stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
Home › Binge Eating Forum › Binge Eating Support – General Comments, Questions, and Posts › Katie's Journal
March 19, 2011 at 3:50 am #3273
Hey, I am new (: My name is Katie and I’ve been battling this disorder for about a year or two. I am a yo-yo dieter and I’m 16. I have gotten the hang of ridding from binges (I’m not sure if that inner urge will permanently be terminated), and so far merely struggle from basic overeating.
My main mistake is counting calories…and I don’t know whether or not to lose weight until I have all my emotional eating in check. Everytime i count, something within me tells me to eat to maintenance level, which is what I end up doing when I originally aimed for a -500 deficit. If I don’t count or journal what I eat, I end up overeating for a period of an hour or less. Unlike binges, I’m not totally out of control and I don’t end up with a stomach so expanded that I can’t even walk (a year ago I was in this stage…I’m happy to say that it rarely happens anymore !)…I exercise in martial arts, but because of my weight (200 lbs, 5’5″), I feel as if my leg and hip bones will break from all the jumping and kicking impact it goes through from my weight and the intensity of the class. Its painful to jump even a little or walk briskly; I feel something has cracked in both of my tibula (I do not exaggerate). In the past at my martial arts place, my weight loss has made my teachers very proud of me and I’d hear constant praise from them about how great I was and how I’ll succeed in life. Now that I regained a good 80 lbs. they look at me as if I failed. I feel that’s what destroyed my self esteem.
I would have resorted to drinking to deal with this, but I only think of the consequences, and did not do so. I’ve been cutting myself, beating myself up mentally, getting angry that everyone talks about me behind my back about my sudden weight gain after a huge loss (I’m still a person…don’t they know that?), disappointed that I let down my martial artist teachers and my parents (who bragged about me just as much as the teachers in the past, and began criticizing me for developing this disorder…they claim that it’s not a mental disorder and if I lost weight before, I can “do it all over again”). All of it is stupid. I want my life back and I want people to know that I’M STILL A HUMAN BEING. I had avoidant personality disorder, which is still in me but almost gone. I still have moderate to severe depression from all of this (I don’t know if not showering for a week once a couple of months or so and skipping school as much as I can without being kicked out, as well as eating as if I was in auto pilot while hating myself counts as moderate or severe depression… ) and refuse to take anti-depressants, since I do not know for sure what medicine does to the body. I have panic disorder, general anxiety and from my past history of bulimia and binge eating disorder, now have compulsive overeating disorder.
I’m here because I want someone who understands what I’m going through. I may be a youngster, but a youngster determined to stop this before I die early of age.March 20, 2011 at 6:24 am #78238
todayyy was a day where I was in a location where no food was found the whole day. there was only sodas, which i don’t drink. luckily i had snacks, but not very many.
i had breakfast at home…high fiber/protein cereal, yogurt, carrot juice, apple. i ate till i was full enough. first time i left food on my plate without a need to eat it all.
over where i was, i had a 100 cal. snack pack, a bite of a granola bar and a half of another apple. no lunch, since i had no money/food/whatever.
at 9 at night, i had a group meeting at starbucks and ordered a 16 oz. cappucchino.
when i went home, i had 3 cups of strawberries, a serving of dried mango, soymilk, and 3 mini chocolates.
walked the whole day to try to ignore the pangs i had while i was at the placeMarch 21, 2011 at 1:49 am #78239
I didn’t track what I ate today. I do remember eating 10 or so mini chocolates after dinner. Washed it all down with water and used techniques to avoid eating more than I needed. No exercise. May end up sleeping 3 or so hours, since I’m making up all the homework I missed from last week (skipped 4/5 days)…I’m really tired. This will be my meal plan, since I know I won’t be able to make the best choices tomorrow :
breakfast : 2 eggs w/ pam, apple, protein powder mixed in water 6:45 AM
snack : carrot sticks, 1 cup
lunch : apple, sunflower seed butter 2 tablespoons, 1 oz. beef jerkey
snack : grapefruit, jicama
dinner : tofu 4 oz, broccoli .5 cup, cabbage .33 cup, brown rice 1 cup
snack/dessert : orange, carrot juice 1 cup, rice milk (:
I won’t be counting calories, since I don’t want to trigger another overeating/”I’ll eat some more to maintain/gain a couple hundred” episode. Plenty of cinnamon/green/chamomile tea will be drunken throughout…Exercise is martial arts, 45 minutes, walking at school .5-1 mile. I’ll also need a schedule, since tomorrow will be stressful (teachers/directors/etc. will be b__ching at me about the importance of not skipping like usual, making up many tests during lunch and after school, etc.)…
6:45 wake up
6:50-7:05 eat quickly
7:05-7:35 prepare for school
7:55-9:30 class 1
9:30-9:45 eat half of carrot snack
9:50-11:00 class 2
11:05-11:20 eat rest of carrots
11:25-12:55 class 3
12:55-1:35 lunch time…no lunch if I have to make up a test/class
1:40-3:00 class 4
3:00-4:00 make up tests
4:20 arrive home
4:25 eat designated snack
after 4:35, free time until 5:00
5:30-6:15 martial arts
7:05-11 homework (making up classes 5, 6, 7 today)…it may be more difficult since concentration will be more difficult. have caffiene at this time
sleeping would be nice. i haven’t slept well for a little more than a week…March 21, 2011 at 4:28 am #78240
Hey Katie. I’m 15, so I am kinda where you’re at. We’re a bit different, though…I used to count calories, but that was back when I was in sort of an “anorexic” period- now, I never do, and its like I never care. I’m always eating, always…binging.
I hate seeing how much weight I’ve gained, even if it isn’t enough yet for people to say something. But I can see it. I can feel my clothes getting tighter and tighter. Running helps…but not enough.
However, after being on here for a few months, I have learned a LOT. And I’m positive you will too. Everyone on here has two goals: to overcome their binging problem, and to help others overcome theirs. They all have so much advice to give, and it will really open your eyes and let you turn your life around.
I know its hard right now to think of the good things, especially when people turn you away for your weight. Its not fair to you, especially since you have this disorder. This disorder isn’t your fault, it isn’t my fault…but we can work at it to get better. I find that the more I stay positive and think good thoughts, about the future and how things will be when I get them right, I turn away from food and I am perfectly happy without binging or restricting.
So right now, try to remember one thing for tomorrow: positivity. If its beautiful out, enjoy the walk to school and think about your environment rather than school to come. Or if its raining, think about how beautiful it is anyway. Cause rain is beautiful.
I hope you feel better tomorrow. You CAN get through this. Trust me. You will.
-Live:)March 22, 2011 at 5:23 am #78241
thanks for taking the time to post that meaningful message. It definitely shed light to me and I’m very happy that I’m not the only young person here.
ugh today I counted calories and completely ignored the meal plan. instead i had:
a couple of sips of coffee with milk and sugar
chicken noodle soup with frozen broccoli added
sunflower seed butter
high protein/fiber cereal
almond milk with protein powder
4 granola bars
it totaled to 2000 kcals before the seaweed.
I felt like overeating on whatever since I slipped on the granola. Instead of eating the whole box, I ate half a packet of nori seaweed (50 cals.)
Exercise was martial arts and a mile walk. tomorrow’s meal plan (this time ill follow it as much as i can):
Breakfast : 2 eggs with pam, apple, protein powder mixed into water
snack : snap peas 1 cup
lunch : bread 2 oz, sunflower seed butter 2 tbs., carrot sticks 1 cup
snack : carrot juice, almond milk
dinner : brown rice 1 cup, tofu 4 oz, broccoli .5 cup, cabbage .33 cup, 1 carrot, 1/2 grapefruit
snack : sorbet .5 cup, cucumber .5, orange 1, jicama 1 cup
with plenty of water and tea. exercise will be either a brisk walk in the park for an hour and a half or elliptical machine in the gym for an hour if it rains.
If I feel like overeating, music always helps. and photos of happy memories.March 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm #78242
Maybe you shouldn’t plan out your meals in advance? I mean how are you gonna know what your body is truly craving if you’ve planned it out the day before? That’s just my two cents though
You’re doing great, don’t fret about the overeat – it’s not a binge and that’s all that matters.
xx oliviaMarch 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm #78243
Hi Katie! Welcome to the forum by one of the Aunties here! I am Lili, I am 29 and I’ve been posting on the forum since 6 months now. This is a great place to share and to get suggestions on how to improve the fight against BED. So congratulations for having decided to join the forum!
From your words I get that there are a lot of pressures on you. Parents, people at the gym – they all seem to have expectations about you. Did you try to confront them openly? Did you try to realise what is the limit between their expectations and your personal expectations?
Ok, that’s my hint for you. I hope you get the support you are in need for, both on the forum and outside in real life. Keep posting!
(lili81 Journal)March 23, 2011 at 2:03 am #78244
To Lili and Olivia,
Those are very helpful suggestions…I never thought about telling my elders about what I felt, nor about not doing meal plans altogether. Thanks for the support !! <3
Did not do a meal plan today. However I overate on granola bars again. What I’ll be doing for my next day is integrating a bar or 2 in a meal or snack, so that I’m not as compelled to overeat on them.
Fighting for a normal relationship with food will be one of my goals. By means, at least for dinner I’ll try to eat when I’m hungry, and stop when I’m satisfied. And to do that I’m going to start eating on the table.March 23, 2011 at 5:30 am #78245
again i overate tonight. If I want to eat, I’ll analyze why exactly, and do an activity to replace it that satisfies my needs (exercise, talking with friends, music, etc.)
…I’ll be putting the bars in a place where I don’t see it in front of me when I go to the kitchen.March 24, 2011 at 5:02 am #78246
OK I realized today that I graze on a lot of junk food at random times of the day, when I’m not hungry. Because I’m not counting calories anymore, I’m losing a bit of control. I almost binged today. I was very full, but not sick to the stomach full. This means that mindfulness will be CRUCIAL if I want to solve this…I’ll admit not eating at the table. When I was counting calories I could have gotten away with not being mindful. Now I have to be careful.
Hopefully tomorrow improves.March 24, 2011 at 5:04 am #78247
Don’t fret about losing control, just concentrate on not bingeing. In my mind, everyday without a binge is an accomplishment.
Here’s to a better tomorrow
xx livMarch 25, 2011 at 5:04 am #78248
My depression may be my cause of eating so much. I analyzed my thoughts while I overate today, and noticed that I don’t find worth in anything anymore, from any sort of social relationship to grades to living life. I was prescribed antidepressants but never got them from the hospital. My mother stated that she’ll bring them home tomorrow.
I have enough “tough skin” to handle everyone at school talking about my “recent weight gain” and how “i keep getting bigger and bigger,” to deal with my own disappointment with myself and my “decisions” to binge eat…All of this has been dealt with through depression, and food.
With the anti depressants, overeating will be less of a problem. EVERY time I grazed on something today there was a depressive thought over it such as “ill never get better no one likes me i should live single and alone for the rest of my life why am i a typical fat american, etc.”
Hoping for the best tomorrow.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Forum Posts
- bright_eyes1 on Recovery, or so I thought?
- Angel on Recovery, or so I thought?
- bright_eyes1 on Recovery, or so I thought?
- bright_eyes1 on Recovery, or so I thought?
- Angel on Venting
- bright_eyes1 on Starting over
- MrLonely on Introducing myself
- lil4038 on Introducing myself
- MrLonely on Back after a long hiatus
- JWRS on Back after a long hiatus