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Binge Eating Forum » Eating Accountability Journal

51. 

    Julia
    Member

    Thanks Lauren!!

    L: bowl of veggie soup, salad topped w/ leftover rice mix and sunflower seeds
    S:luna bar and a banana
    S: banana w/ a spoonful of pb & an apple

    My stomachs been hurting allll day because I drank a looot last night, and it was all crappy vodka. ugh. But the pb banana I just had helped, I think I've been pretty hungry today but I wanna kinda take it easy on my tummy and not eat a huge meal so I've just been snacking. Like I woke up this morning reallyyy hungry, probably cus after dinner last night I didn't eat anything for the rest of the night, and I did a lot of walking/dancing.

    Posted 1 month ago #
52. 

    Sez
    Member

    Goodmorning!
    May I ask a question .. what on earth is vagina monologues? Lol I'm sorry, you probably wrote about it, I'm just a little bit tired from 3 hours sleep or I would go back and check it out.
    I agree alky is always making me soo hungry. I ate before I went to sleep last night and this morning my stomach was rumbling away rather persistently. I was like shut up! It must be all the walking and dancing I think.
    Have a great evening xxx SEZ

    Posted 1 month ago #
53. 

    Julia
    Member

    hahah it would sound weird if you don't know what it is...it's this book that's basically a collection of all these interviews that this woman did with other women of various ages and ethnicities, and she wanted to get more people to talk about vaginas and female sexuality cus it's a subject that society sort of looks down upon and tries to hide, so this woman got people to talk about their own personal experiences. It's a great book, it's very empowering. And the author, I think her names Eve Ensler, does performances and reads the interviews as monologues.

    Posted 1 month ago #
54. 

    Sez
    Member

    Oh wow that's soo kool! I get it now haha! I'll have to read it when it comes out. Sounds like a really good idea!

    Posted 1 month ago #
55. 

    Julia
    Member

    I feel sooo much better today...just ended up watching movies last night and I got a lot of sleep. I had indian food for dinner, I had seconds but I didn't stuff myself so that was good. And I had a luna bar and an apple as a snack later.

    This morning I had a yoga class, so I didn't eat breakfast, but I wasn't really hungry anyway cus of my late snack last night. But afterwards I had a carrot cake clif bar, apple, a handful of almonds and some green tea. Now I'm off to do lots of hw...might go to the natural food store in town which would be great, I've been wanting seaweed lately and they have amazing yummy healthy vegan food there.

    Posted 1 month ago #
56. 

    Sez
    Member

    Yum Indian!!! Sounds like you had a good evening and a good morning too!
    Good luck with your pile homework. I'm not looking forward to that (I go to uni in a weeks time)
    Have a good afternoon
    xxx Sarah

    Posted 1 month ago #
57. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey Julia...yeah LOVE Indian food too!! Sounds like you did well there! Glad you had a restful night and got to have a movie night..those are so needed sometimes!! Hope the yoga class went well! ha ok craving seaweed?! Thats awesome...as a fellow vegan, I'm ashamed to say I've never had seaweed, I'm guessing you recommend it?

    Posted 1 month ago #
58. 

    Julia
    Member

    hahahah yesss it sounds gross but its so good! have you ever had the seaweed salad they serve at sushi restaurant with the sesame seeds on it? It has a ton of iron, apparently sea vegetable are the most nutritious green veggies...but theyre also the weirdest lol.

    Posted 1 month ago #
59. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    omg I LOVE seaweed salad at sushi restaurants!!! did we talk about this before? I feel like we did ... or I had a seaweed salad love-fest with someone else on these boards, you really never can talk about it too much Indian food sounds delicious - do you eat the spicy stuff with lassi because if not you must. Have a great night!

    Posted 1 month ago #
60. 

    Julia
    Member

    S: banana & lemon luna bar
    D: leftover indian food w/ sauteed eggplant & baby spinach & mango chutney

    purplerabbit - I'll have to try it next time! And I dunno if we did but it is always a love fest when it comes to seaweed salad i hope you have a good night too!

    Posted 1 month ago #
61. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Yum girls..I have seen it at sushi restaurants but have never tried it..I will have to try it next time!! Your leftover Indian sounds awesome! I'm border line in love with eggplant Hope you have a great night! xx~L

    Posted 1 month ago #
62. 

    Colleen
    Member

    Hey Julia! I was just catching up on your forum...looks like you're doing really well, congrats! Our school is doing the vagina monologues too...I've never seen them but a couple of my friends are in it this year so I'm going to check it out. What year are you in school? Have a great monday (as good as mondays can be )

    Colleen

    Posted 1 month ago #
63. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    oh yes, seaweed salad is godly Everyone on earth must try it so I can judge their character by their reactions. hahaahaha

    Julia it sounds like you're doing great!

    Posted 1 month ago #
64. 

    Julia
    Member

    Thanks you guys! I wouldn't have been able to do it without you
    Colleen - I'm a freshman. What school do you go to?

    Here's my food for today:
    B: Hempseed oatmeal with sunflower seeds & raisins w/ a sliced banana and a few pieces of fruit salad
    L: Salad with cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, onions, carrots, mushroom, and some pieces of tofu
    D: Japanese curry carrots and potatoes, a little bit of white rice, and half an avocado...so good! I've never had japanese curry before...I've been so worldly in my foods lately lol.

    Today was good, I managed to get myself to the gym even though it is freezing outside!! I'm so done with winter, it needs to be above freezing in daylight again. But other than that, things are pretty good. I miss my bf a lot though, I haven't talked to him since our bad conversation like a week ago...basically what he told me was that he felt so guilty for putting his problems on me and that he was too shitty of a person and doesn't deserve to be with me. I tried to talk some sense into him but he was definitely in a really dark place when he called me and would not listen. But I talked to my mom about it and she said that calling him constantly isn't the right thing to do either, because he probably feels pressured and needs to just be by himself for a while to think things over. So I wrote him a letter, it was actually something I wrote about a while ago about my binge eating and our situation, and I sent it to him today. I figure a letter is good, a lot less intrusive than a phone call since he can read it when he's ready. And I should be seeing a counselor soon so hopefully that'll help too.

    Posted 1 month ago #
65. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey Julia....seriously every time I read your food it makes me hungry Sorry the weather sucks..I hate the cold too! Great job getting to the gym today. I think it was a good idea to write your boyfriend a letter that way he has time to process what you say and doesn't feel overwhelmed by it. Anyways glad you had a nice day! Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 1 month ago #
66. 

    Sez
    Member

    Hey Girl,
    Great that you had a talk to your mum, she sounds very wise. Sending a letter was also a good idea
    Mmmmm your food looks interesting! I want to say I hope the cold weather is over for you soon, but that means it's coming for me soon lol
    Hope you enjoy your day xxx Sarah

    Posted 1 month ago #
67. 

    Colleen
    Member

    Hey Julia,

    I'm a junior at Colgate...talk about freezing! Have a good day

    Posted 1 month ago #
68. 

    Julia
    Member

    Colleen - I go to Bard, so we're kinda close! I'm dreading the 1ft of snow expected tomorrow lol

    B: Ginger snap lara bar & a handful of almonds
    S: lemon luna bar
    L: vegan "chicken" sandwich
    D: salad w/ carrots, mushroom, & cauliflower, a piece of apricot-glazed tofu, some artichoke, & an apple

    Sooo much work to do tonight, maybe if I'm lucky all of my classes will get cancelled tomorrow because of the snow!!

    xxx

    Posted 1 month ago #
69. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    Hey Julia - your food looks so good! I've never tried Japanese curry either ... and it sounds like you're doing all you can with the bf situation, he's lucky to have you hope it works out for you guys and that he gets over the depression.

    I'm praying for a snow day tomorrow too! Although who am I kidding, Chicago public schools NEVER have snow days ... and I mean never. It could blizzard 6 feet and they'd still demand we tunnel to 1st period hahaa

    have a great night!

    Posted 1 month ago #
70. 

    Colleen
    Member

    Ugh same, my mom was just telling me how she is so excited for a snow day (she's an elementary school teacher)...I miss those days! No matter HOW much snow we get we always end up trudging to class in it. I have a ton of work to do too...getting started now--good luck!

    Colleen

    Posted 1 month ago #
71. 

    Julia
    Member

    I know, it's ridiculous!! Apparently they're getting like over a foot in nyc, but the storm is like moving away right before it gets to my school, so we're only getting around 8, so I'm planning on having class. boo.

    I went to the gym tonight, did a little less than I usually do, but I've gone the past 2 days so my body could use some rest. I had a banana w/ a spoonful of raw almond butter and a handful of almonds afterward. I kinda splurged at the health food store and bought almond butter, cashew butter, seaweed, and a couple amy's dinners...it's so expensive but so good

    Posted 1 month ago #
72. 

    Sez
    Member

    Hey Girl,
    All this snow talk is making me feel chilly and it's summer over here lol.
    Your health food sounds tasty, I've tried almond butter once soooo good! I think it might be even better than peanut butter, but maybe i'd have to try it again. What you think?
    xxx Sarah

    Posted 1 month ago #
73. 

    Julia
    Member

    I looove almond butter, it's probably my favorite. I go through phases with nuts though, for a while I was putting walnuts in my oatmeal like every day. And I wanna try sunflower seed butter, it sounds interesting.

    Posted 1 month ago #
74. 

    Lauren
    Member

    I LOVE almond butter too..it is so dang expensive! Amy's are $$ but so worth it! Sounds like you've had a nice day...glad you are giving your body a little rest with an easier workout! Hope you get to have a snow day! Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 1 month ago #
75. 

    Sez
    Member

    Wow there is heaps of different butters!!! I'll have to start trying all these out as well. Lol i think i'll wait till I have a few binge free months under my belt before stocking the fridge with them all quite yet.

    Posted 1 month ago #
76. 

    Julia
    Member

    GRRR I just binged!! But I got a hold of it before it got too out of hand.

    B: Oatmeal with a spoonful of pb, handful of almonds, & a sliced banana & an apple
    L: Some sauteed kale, 2 bowls of tomato soup & 2 servings of whole weat pasta w/ roasted veggies

    So I woke up this morning reallyyy hungry, so I made sure i had a big breakfast before I went to class. But I just felt completely awful today, probably from not getting enough sleep or caffeine, the snow, and maybe getting my period soon? I've also been missing my boyfriend so much, and if my hormones are gonna be acting up then I'm definitely going to get upset really easily.

    So after lunch I went back to my dorm, not super full but like I ate just enough, and then I had an apple w/ a spoonful of pb, then I put another spoonful on it, and then I ate another spoonful, and then I had a luna bar...I've been craving comfort foods today, and I know pb is a binge food for me, and I was about to put some on the lunar bar but I stopped myself and decided to post this instead.

    I know it was definitely the beginning of a binge, but I also think the combination of not eating a lot of food yesterday and then working out made me feel crappy and hungry today. And I'm not super stuffed right now which is good. But this week has just been not that great for me in general, I'm hoping its just hormones so I can get my period and it'll pass...like all I wanna do is relax and watch movies or something but I have so much work and I can't bring myself to focus on it...ugh!! Well I'm gonna make sure I don't binge later so I can go to my yoga class feeling comfortable and maybe a little bit better.

    xxx

    Posted 1 month ago #
77. 

    Julia
    Member

    quick update before I go to class---
    I'm already feeling better, as I was writing that last post I was still thinking about eating more, but I pushed those thoughts aside and started to take a power nap, but then the therapist who I was referred to from my school finally called me back! It's been kind of a pain in the ass to get counseling, my school is really disorganized, so they referred me to a therapist in the nearest town. I still haven't seen anyone for counseling, and lately I've really felt like I need to see someone, so I'm glad this is finally happening...we're going to talk over the phone tomorrow morning. Talk about perfect timing, huh?

    Posted 1 month ago #
78. 

    Sez
    Member

    hey Julia! I'm really happy for you that you managed to stop yourself and come on here! That's the best thing to do I think!!! I had the exact same thing with the PB yesterday kept having just one more spoonful. It's really funny how we always tell ourselves "This will be the last thing I eat" but we know as soon as we finish it we will want something else and the food doesn't do anything, doesn't make us feel any diff or better after we eat it. Actually makes us feel more crap. I've been trying to tell myself this if I ever start a binge lately. Great news about getting to speak to a therapist!! Hope it helps you. Have a good day anyway girl! xxx Sarah

    Posted 1 month ago #
79. 

    Julia
    Member

    Thanks Sarah!! Yeah I always do the 'just one more...' thing until it becomes like 5 more lol.

    So I went to yoga, it was pretty good, I think I'm starting to get some cramps and I felt really low energy but I did feel better coming out then i did going in.

    D: seaweed salad, a few carrot sticks, an apple, banana, and a luna bar

    I'm feeling pretty full, kinda was on the verge of another binge but I stopped myself...I also haven't eaten since 1 so I was feeling kinda hungry.

    Ugh, I've just been in a really crappy mood all day and I have so much work to do but I can't focus and then I get even more upset because I can't focus on my work!! But I just gotta get through it, I know tomorrow will be a new day and I'm gonna go to bed early and start fresh tomorrow.

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
80. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    sorry you're having a tough day I think sometimes we binge just for the energy, like it's our body's way of saying "ugh I"m so tired, maybe calories will keep me awake" - which is perfectly natural I guess, we just go overboard. Maybe get some more sleep? (I should take my own advice on that one haha) Good job stopping yourself though! And I agree, almond butter > peanut butter -- and I LOVE pb

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
81. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey Julia..sorry you had a tough day but great job stopping the binge, getting yourself to yoga, and then resisting another binge! I'm sorry you are feeling shitty..sounds like cycle time. Just hang in there and things will get better. Awesome that the counselor called you so maybe you can get in with him soon! Sleep tight and remember tomorrow is a new day. Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
82. 

    Sez
    Member

    Hey Julia, Good stuff on stopping that binge! No good about the cramps though, but def tomorrow is a new day. Hope it's a good day for you! xxx Sarah

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
83. 

    Julia
    Member

    thanks everybody, and I do feel a lot better today, so all that stuffs in the past now

    PR- you're definitely right about the energy thing, I went to bed at like 10.30 last night and woke up at 8.30 lol I haven't slept that much in sooo long but it was very much needed. And I'm not much of a napping person so if I'm tired during the day I resort to other methods of staying awake.

    And my roommate has her period right now, so I guess I'm next hahaha....this is kinda weird, but I used her deodorant because (I don't remember where I learned this lol) when yr on your period you release more hormones out of yr armpits, so if you use someone's deodorant you like absorb those excess hormones and get your period faster. I hope it works hahaha

    This morning I went to the gym, and was pretty hungry afterwards, so I had oatmeal w/ cinnamon, sunflower seeds and raisins, and some fruit salad. I feel a lot better today, but I still have to keep reminding myself not to feel guilty about it and to not restrict myself. But I have enough stuff going on today that it won't stay on my mind very long.

    xxx

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
84. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey girl glad you are feeling better today!! Haha wow I've never heard about getting your cycle from someone else's hormones on their deodorant...maybe gross...but I would probably do the same given the chance Glad you listened to your bod after the gym and fueled up! Yep just stay strong today and don't let that guilt or restricting creep in. Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
85. 

    Julia
    Member

    S: apple
    D: 2 pieces of roasted potato, 4 cubes of polenta, and salad with cherry tomatoes, carrots, brocolli & vegan mushroom gravy on top
    S: apple

    I had a late breakfast so I kinda skipped lunch, but I had dinner at around 5.30 and I was pretty hungry...I'll probably end up having a snack later so I don't go to bed hungry. Now I've gotta go write this paper so I can get to bed at a reasonable time lol

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
86. 

    Julia
    Member

    It's finally friday!! It's been a busy week, sleeping is definitely my top priority this weekend I've got vagina monologues rehearsal today, there's a dance party tomorrow night, and sunday they're holding sexual-health related events all day...including $20 plan b!!! So I won't be bored this weekend. And I scheduled an appointment with a therapist for next thursday, really happy this is actually working out.

    B: hempseed oatmeal w/ cinnamon, raisins, sunflower seeds, and a banana
    S/L: apple and a lemon zest luna bar
    S: a few pieces of dry seaweed and a handful of raw almonds

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
87. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey girl..sounds like you have a nice weekend planned!! Hope you get lots of sleep and have fun!! Food looks lovely. Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
88. 

    Sez
    Member

    Hey awesome to hear things are going well atm! Hope you have a nice weekend! xxx Sarah

    Posted 4 weeks ago #
89. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    haha ew you deodorant creep best story I've read all night while perusing peoples journals ...

    The stuff you're doing sounds like so much fun! And I hope you're getting enough sleep now Have a great weekend

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
90. 

    Julia
    Member

    Sooo this weekend didn't go too well...last night resulted in an epic binge

    Here's what I had before:
    B: oatmeal w/ sunflower seeds & a sliced banana, an apple, and a few pieces of butternut squash
    S/L: banana and a luna bar
    D: veggie & rice soup and a salad w/ chickpeas, sunflower seeds, pepper and cherry tomatoes
    S: banana and a clif z bar

    Basically me and a few of my friends got really drunk, and we went to a dance party, but it wasn't fun at all and I just wanted to leave but one of my friends who was very very drunk wanted to stay longer, but I had to stay and take care of them...eventually we did leave and I was just really upset and like needed my space and I kind of ran out of patience with my friend and freaked out at them. It was more of me just feeling really upset about the situation w/ my boyfriend though. So we got back to the dorm and I just completely binged. Part of me knew I shouldn't have been doing it but the drunkenness just like completely blocked that out and probably made me even more emotional. Ugh.

    I probably shouldn't have had so much to drink, it either makes my night really good or reallyyy bad, especially now that I have all this emotional baggage and I need to face the fact that drinking will never ever ever make it better.

    The good thing is I don't have much of a binge hangover and no alcohol hangover. And I feel more guilty about yelling at my friend than I do bingeing lol. But it's just really hard, because even though I've talked to my friends about whats going on and I know they're here for me, they really don't understand what's going on, and it's like the only person I could ever really turn to with my problems was my bf...but I'm gonna keep posting, I have a handwritten journal too that I write in sometimes, I'll probably bring that to the therapist on thursday.

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
91. 

    Julia
    Member

    Went to the gym this morning, I didn't do a full 45 min of cardio because I've worked out the past 3 days and I didn't want to overwork myself, a part of me wanted to but I fought the urge to "make up" for last night.

    I haven't gotten too hungry yet today, I had a banana after the gym, and another snack of a banana and 2 handfuls of trailmix.

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
92. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey Julia...sorry to hear about last night..between the guilt from yelling at your friend and the alcohol I can see how that would lead to a binge. I'm glad you aren't feeling ok physically and not letting yourself get too upset about the binge. Also good you are not trying to exercise to compensate for it. Just get back on track today...learn from it, maybe chill out a bit on the drinking if it makes it harder for you stay in control, and keep moving forward! Hope you have a good day! Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
93. 

    Julia
    Member

    Thanks Lauren!! Although I kinda fell off track again today and binged this evening after dinner...it was weird though, even though I ate a loooot of food I'm not like full to the point of exploding...I think I just need to make sure I'm eating enough during the week, sometimes its hard because I'm so used to restricted eating I automatically fill my plate with salad and practically nothing else.

    But I talked to my mom for an hour and a half today which was really helpful, turns out i had a lot of stuff to get off my chest. I think starting to see this therapist weekly will help too, I mean posting here is helping me a ton but I guess there's a lot of stuff I'm not even fully aware of thats affecting me and I really just need to talk it out. And I'm planning on having a more mellow weekend next weekend, I'm gonna go home and spend time with my mom and just take it easy.

    And I'm gonna get totally back on track tomorrow!! I've done it once, I can do it again

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
94. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    Good for you keeping a positive attitude I really agree, you need to talk or find some way of facing your problems/feelings toward other people without masking them in food. And now you're hyper-aware that alcohol is a trigger for you, so you can be smarter about it when you go out in the future. Good luck tomorrow! You'll get back on track and do great.

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
95. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey Julia..sorry that last night was tough too but I'm glad that you are going to start looking at your diet during the week and make sure that you aren't restricting during the week...you prob. do still do it automatically since you did it for so long, so you just have to stay aware of it and make sure you are eating things you REALLY want, not just salads! I'm glad you had a nice talk with your mom and you get to talk to a therapist weekly. Hope you've been able to get yourself back on track today! Hugs, lauren

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
96. 

    Julia
    Member

    Thanks you guys! Today was a lot better, I felt like crap for the first half of the day though...just really bloated and out of it, but it served as a good reminder of how much bingeing sucks lol.

    B: Oatmeal w/ raisins, cinnamon, a banana, and half an apple
    L: 1 triangle piece of glazed tofu, roasted sweet potato, 2 spoonfuls of hummus w/ a couple pieces of red pepper and raw broccolli
    S: banana
    D: Big salad w/ lettuce, spinach, sauteed veggies & bok choy, and an apple

    I made sure to eat breakfast this morning even though I still felt full, I'm making sure I eat a good breakfast every day so I don't end up starving later in the day.I actually did feel hungry in the afternoon, and I'm also making it a habit of getting some sort of protein and carbohydrate in my meals if I'm working out that day. Like I've been exersizing a lot lately, mostly because it helps me de-stress, but I think I wasn't eating enough substantial food to go with it, and that's partly why I binged.

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
97. 

    Lauren
    Member

    Hey Julia..great job today. That is awesome that you made sure not to restrict this morning with your breakfast even though you were still bloated from last night..that is so important in stopping those binges. Your lunch looks delicious. How much exercise are you doing each day? Just curious... yeah if you are doing lots without eating enough to fuel them, that will def lead to your body needing to binge to get those extra calories. Hope you have a nice night! Hugs, Lauren

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
98. 

    thepurplerabbit
    Member

    You're doing really well rebounding. I know what you mean, I binged a little while ago and I feel like it had a positive effect by reminding me how much it sucks the day afterwards. ... the consequences are not worth the short time you spend bingeing! Food looks very good, I'm sure you'll feel less bloated tomorrow

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
99. 

    Julia
    Member

    Lauren - For a while I was doing 30 min on the elliptical, and then 15 min on the treadmill, 5 min jogging, 5 running, and a 5 min cool-down...but I think now if I do that it should only be every other day, like a week ago I was going to the gym almost every day, and now that I think about it last week my energy levels were definitely not as high. It's really hard at school too, because most of the carbs they serve aren't vegan, but I'm keeping a stock of luna bars and such when I need energy. I'm also trying to end my workouts when I feel good and energized as opposed to shaky and on the brink of exhaustion, which is what I did when I was restricting/dieting.

    PR - So true! And the post-binge is probably even worse once you've been binge free for a while since yr body's not accustomed to such a food overload anymore.

    Posted 3 weeks ago #
100. 

     Lauren
     Member

     Ok so that sounds like a good moderate amount of exercise! But yeah if you aren't eating enough carbs, it would be hard to fuel that kind of workout. Thats tough since your school doesn't have many vegan options...what about whole wheat bread? Its great you are going to stop when you feel energized instead of working to the point of exhaustion. Sleep good girl!

     Posted 3 weeks ago #

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