How To Stop Binge Eating

Tips to stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food

journalo

This topic contains 161 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Lauzy 2 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #93990

    quester
    Participant

    ok well. today has been a bit of a crap day. i’ve pretty much eaten normally. uhh i think. well i really just wanted to pick uhh because today has been quite crap. i kind of did pick (i cut a tomato and slivers of cheddar to put them together uhh) but i didn’t buy anything, i kind of just did that to avoid buying something particularly.

    - my main tutor bumped into me cause i was outside his building for work. the other tutor guy hasn’t responded to my e-mail so i asked him if it would be too late. he sat down and said it probably isn’t too late etc etc but i need to talk to the tutor i e-mailed. also whether i had studied any languages before came up and this made me feel bad. because i self-studied but i didn’t take any at a-level. anyway. so then i felt retarded. anyway. ummm. but also i mentioned how apparently the tutor i e-mailed isn’t very good at responding to e-mails, and my main tutor was like ehhh? and wondered what kind of e-mail i’d sent him, cause if i’d sent him one of my ‘weird’ ones then he may have thought i was a crazy person etc. -_- so i said i sent a standard e-mail, but in fact i think the e-mail i sent was awkward because i was worried he’d say it’s definitely too late. so i didn’t want to seem like i’d be really upset about him saying that. so ugh i just formulated the question really awkwardly. anyway so i said i sent a standard e-mail but i think the one i sent was stupid especially because i have not met the person in real life.

    anyway so i felt quite bad after this convo even though my tutor was really nice about it. i then felt bad because it was my job today to stop tourists going into the private areas and someone left the gate open and so many tourists came in and ebcause of where i was seated i didn’t notice. so then i had to tell them all to get out, but there was this one massive group and i tried to speak to a woman there and she just ignored me. so then i felt quite retarded because i didn’t know what to do if she was just ignoring me. so then i just talked to some kids at the back and told THEM they weren’t supposed to be in there, which was lame of me. anyway they left obviously but it was awkward and retarded of me. i felt retarded because then my boss person came round to check i was ok and i think that must be because *his* boss gets really annoyed when he can see tourists from his window and because of the open gate there were quite a number of them. so i told him what happened but then i made myself sound retarded (e.g. by saying the person ignored me) but anyway he said not to worry about it.

    anyway bla bla so then i had to switch with someone and i then read into this that it’s because i messed up so badly with the tourists. i don’t know. anyway. then i had to go to the shop. and no one came in to buy anything at all (the shop is really crap so sometimes doesn’t sell anything all day but it would have been good if someone had bought something. -_-) anyway then it was 6 pm and i thought i’d go get dinner really quickly cause i can eat really quickly. and i’ve never done that before but before i met another worker in hall at 6 so then i thought it was ok to eat in hall at 6. but then it turns out that my boss guy needed to use the credit card machine in there randomly so then he came to hall and asked for the keys to get in, and he said he preferred for people to take food back to the shop or to eat after 6:30. so then i felt like a complete twat again, cause i had no idea and i was just doing it ebcause i assumed it was what other people did. it pisses me off because i had no reason to do that otherwise, like it would have been easy to wait 40 minutes or whatever. but anyway no one was coming in the shop so i was just like, i’ll go eat in hall quickly. god. i’m such a twat. anyway. i asked whether i should run back to the shop and he was like, no it’s fine this once, don’t worry about it and patted me on the shoulder, and then i wonder if he really meant that i should worry about it, because i mean that’s messing up twice in one day. and to be honest, what i find doubly humiliating about the latter event, is that i had basically just … left the shop to go eat, i mean eating of all things. so anyway. so i feel quite crap. and i want to go pick. lol. as if that would help at all!!! god!!!

    anyway so. i feel crap because.

    1. tomorrow i work again so then he might be annoyed at me.

    2. my main tutor suggested i should e-mail the other tutor again tomorrow, and copy him into the e-mail so he’d know another tutor was involved. but i don’t want to e-mail him again if he basically just ignored my e-mail cause it was so stupid, i mean i don’t want to e-mail him again. -_- so i don’t want to e-mail him and i don’t want to change if the tutor involved in it basically hates me. so whatever. i don’t care any more. so i don’t want to change any more because of that, like i know it’s my fault for writing such retarded e-mails just cuz i don’t want to get rejected (like i tried to make it sound like i didn’t really mind whether i could change or not, so then i just seem contradictory and retarded). god anyway i just feel retarded about that cause i just didn’t want to have a negative e-mail exchange with the tutor. so then i also ended the e-mail with a query that i already knew the answer to and anyone would know the answer to if they looked it up. i dunno i just didn’t want him to send me an angry e-mail!! so anyway that was all awkward.

    3. so anyway i feel i sghould bake something for my co-workers and for the porters etc to make up for being a retard, but then i wonder if i go get ingredients, whether i’m just going to pick at them. so whether i’d actually bake at all. god so i can’t do anything and now i’m paranoid they all hate me for being such a fucking moron. anyway so i feel quite bad right now but i think instead of picking i’ll watch the end of a movie i watched yesterday.

    it pisses me off because i really just want to pick right now and i really don’t care that much. lol. i just want to pick. and this pisses me off because if i pick now for all i know i’ll just be picking forever. god and this is so annoying ebcause i just want to pick basically lol and i really feel i’m depriving myself or something even though i know picking won’t make me feel any better, also it will in fact make me feel gross since i am so unhungry right now after dinner. so this fucks me off a bit. because i know if i choose to pick now in essence i’ll be choosing to pick tomorrow and in a month or whatever. so it will really fuck me off if i get up and get something to pick right now even though i know this. anyway i know i don’t have to. i’d basically be choosing to do it. so that’s annoying. anyway whatever. bit of a crap day. not sure what to do about meds situation either. oh well. anyway whatever. anyway i don’t have to pick because.

    1. i don’t want to be picking forever, or next university term

    2. it’s pathetic to have this needy relationship with food, for exmaple ti is very lame to sit on the floor picking at food just because you feel bad. that is so pathetic it’s unreal. that would be so embarrassing if anyone knew this. also i was kind of embarrassed at hall becasue basically he caught me having left the shop to go eat and i think that is also pathetic and disgusting. so picking is even more so. you know. so.

    3. it’s a waste of money and again it’s rather pathetic to

    4. well it’s all just very pathetic.

    #93991

    quester
    Participant

    ok well i’m basically spamming my own journal out but i didn’t pick or and it’s 9.35 and basically i’m not going to pick so that’s fine. like i wish i had baked for the ppl i work with because they might all hate me. but also i think i probably would have picked at the ingredients rather than baking. anyway so this is annoying. it’s also annoying. umm. well it’s annoying with that tutor guy cause like, uhhh i just know it’s my fault for writing such a stupid e-mail!! like i was really worried he’d send me a reply being all, of course it’s too late you fucking tool, but in more formal language obviously, anyway so i just wrote it in such a retarded, trying-to-cover-all-bases-so-it-doesn’t-seem-like-he-can-hurt-my-feelings way. geaiorjaiorjearijae. anyway that’s awokward!! so it’s my fault if he doesn’t reply, cuz i was talking to my friend and he thought it was a bad idea to e-mail this tutor since he doesn’t reply to e-mail very often apparently. so my e-mail must have just been like WTF. my main tutor just seemed to think i must have sent one of my ‘strange’ e-mails. -_- which i know i sometimes did (like not using punctuation because i thought it would seem like really pompous if i used capital letters like i had any idea what i was saying or something) uhm but anyway it’s not that it’s just that i think i wrote it really awkwardly as i say.

    anyway uhh. also i am quite confused about what i’m doing re: medication, because i dunno i’ve done a lot of good things while on it!! which i might not have done otherwise. anyway i’m not sure what i’m doing uhh. apparently what i’m on has a very long half-life or something (like i mean it stays in your system a long time) so uhh i’m not sure… like i don’t really think not taking them has changed anything right now uhh… but anyway i don’t really know why i’m doing it!! i think i’m kind of wanting to get off them because they mega slow your metabolism so a looot of people gain weight on them and i gained quite a bit on them too i think and so now i’d like to not be on them i think. but uhh i dunno, i don’t really have any other reason to go off them except that i’m being willful maybe uhh… oh well anyway if i don’t get any withdrawal symptoms then i guess it will be fine?

    #93992

    quester
    Participant

    ok well just checking in uhhh. eaten ok today. uhh. really wanted to pick but didn’t yay victory. so umm… yes but at work, my boss told me to get lunch whenever i liked but also that he’d have someone swap with me at 1 pm, so i didn’t want to leave in case he came and then saw i wasn’t there!! so it was aaages before i ate because no one came haha for quite a while. anyway my coworkers invited me to do something later … but uhh i’m a bit nervous about this because what they’ve invited me to do, i’ve never done before (punting) and it’s a thing people around here are sort of expected to have done. and i’m nervous about being in a boat with these people!! and that it might come up that i’ve never done it before (like that will make it seem like i’m a total loser).

    umm appaz the guy i e-mailed is in the usa which is why he hasn’t replied. my main tutor e-mailed me about it uhhh. anyway not sure what to do about it!! i think if i could talk to someone about the course i’d be reassured but with it being just me, i’m just freaking out and i don’t want to do it any more if it’s going to be so confusing and i’m worried about the reading list i might receive if i do it!! so i don’t know what to do about that!! i’d like to change but i should have changed BEFORE because now there are only 2 months left!! i don’t think i can do it in that time. : like a lot of time i’m working, is dead time (i’m on my laptop right now in the shop) but i can’t get anything done (like reading) because i’m always paranoid that i’ll miss a chance to sell something or a tourist in the wrong area etc etc so i find it difficult to read!! i was expecting to have a free day all tomorrow but now i have to sub for somebody else.

    well anyway i had 4 weetabix for breakfast (uhh… i dunno, not with milk, just plain) and a nectarine before work and then i had a salad for lunch. i don’t know how to choose salad items so she just dumped some random stuff in it. i realised one thing i’ve been doing, is when i’m eating in hall i don’t feel compelled to eat everything i’m on my plate!! i didn’t really notice i was doing that but i think that’s good. like if i don’t like the food or i’m full.

    #93993

    quester
    Participant

    ok i didn’t wanna go to the boat thing. but one of my co-workers texted me asking whether i was still coming cause i guess they’d been waiting so uhhh i ran after them and went after all. it wasn’t so bad. it did come up that i hadn’t been before but it was ok.

    1. i ate dinner in hall uhh… i had vegetarian lasagne, chips and sweetcorn

    2. we had a picnic uhh i didn’t know what to do because i’ve never eaten in that kind of social situation and i wasn’t hungry but uhh. but eali thought i should try to eat a bit just to ‘do it’, like i always thought it was really embarrassing to pick food in front of other people. so i had some bread offered to me, and then i deliberately took a crisp from the packet, and also took a slice of mozzarrella cheese or whatever. anyway so that’s basically what i had (a bit of bread and 2 slices of moz) i think. oh and i also had some wine. so anyway that was ok.

    3. so in that situation, i think theoretically i shouldn’t have eaten (wasn’t hungry) but i kind of wanted to try choose and eat food in front of other people and know it wasn’t a big deal. and it wasn’t a big deal cause obviously no one cared. lol.

    4. my boss is so harsh on matters of weight. : like makierng fun of girls who have gotten fat or one of my coworkers for being overweight. : i think in this last situation it is bad because then when i see her i think she is really pretty. like she has a really pretty face and i don’t think she’s fat anyway. this is awkward because i think that is a really baad thing. but i also foudn this with another guy, and like what is odd is that they are both in relationships and saying this kind of horrible stuff in front of their girlfriends as tho it is no big deal. like the other guy was saying how he had a cousin who used to be the most Beautiful girl in the world, SO beautiful, bla bla bla, but then she got fat. etc. i think this is awful to be honest. : and it makes me uncomfortable. because they were both the only males in the conversations and the other girls are just kind of shocked but laughing. ehhh.

    5. but anyway 2nd day eating well sooo back on track, eat properly tomorrow, wish i wasn’t working but oh well

    #93994

    snarfblat
    Participant

    That’s awful. I don’t think I could date a guy if he said stuff like that in front of me…

    I just realized that I totally relate to your picking habit. Since I can remember I’ve had this HORRIBLE habit of picking my nails. It’s a serious problem. It’s gotten so bad they’ve been bitten past the quick. I think. If that’s possible.

    Anyway, I do it whenever I’m anxious or upset or bored. And I can’t stop doing it. It hurts a lot, actually, but I still do it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve even tried that stuff that makes them taste bad, but my problem is picking at, not chewing, so that didn’t do anything.

    But I think that’s sort of like your thing with picking at food. But it’s less harmful, I guess. I mean, it makes my hands look REALLY ugly… but I’m gonna try to stop doing it.

    It sounds like you’re doing better. And I wouldn’t be too worried about your boss. He sounds like a nice guy – well, I mean, other than the whole commenting-on-weight thing. But it really does sound like you’ve made progress:) Even though you still pick sometimes, that’s ok. You’re doing a lot of other things that are good!:) Like eating in the hall and doing stuff with other people. So keep doing that, and I think you’ll eventually find a way to stop picking at food :D

    #93995

    quester
    Participant

    I decided to start using punctuation in my journal because it struck me as very inconsistent today that I use capital letters in other journals and not in my own.

    Yes, I totally know what you mean snarfblat. I guess it is just different manifestations of the same thing!! I used to have this thing for chewing at all my clothes, like the collars of any t-shirt I was wearing or the sleeves of my school jumpers, so they’d have holes ALL over! I don’t know what you could do about picking at your nails. I think a lot of the time it is just trying to find a new habit to replace it, one that is better for you or at least not so bad. I found when someone was visiting me and I got really, really upset about something, I couldn’t food-pick so I just started doing all sorts of weird things!! It was really bad. But, why is food-picking a no-go when other people are around, when I am anxious and on my own I should still try other things before food. I found that time, I tried to draw at one point but I was too angry / upset so I was just sort of scribbling and crying, but I think that would be one idea!! If, next time I really want to food-pick, I make myself draw instead. I think running would be better though, if I did that before it got to a really bad stage. I think knitting is another one that might be good but I never got round to trying it. Maybe you could find something fidgetty like that to sub for nail-picking?

    This morning, I went over to another public park thing and I ran and that was fun! There were a lot of runners there! It was unexpectedly short though. I mean I just ended up back where I began and then I was like … O. So that sucked and then I was confused so I started walking, then I didn’t think starting up would be a good idea again because of the way my shins felt. Bah. Anyway I am going to go again tomorrow!!

    You are right though, it did not occur to me but my food-picking is way better now. The bad thing before was that I would buy like a packet of biscuits, and pick my way through the entire thing, like if there were custard creams I’d eat all the middles, then all the corners, then all the ragged edges that stopped them being diamonds, then half-diamonds etc etc. So then that would be really bad but I haven’t done that in a while. I think it is also different now because I am aware of it when I’m picking and that I don’t have to do it and that I’m just screwing myself over!

    Today I ate k. I had a buttered slice of bread for breakfast, then a banana when I got back from running. Then I had a salad for lunch, then I had mushroom ravioli (sp), roast potatoes (these were literally dripping in fat but o well), and cauliflower for dinner. So now I am going to go to bed so I can wake up quite early! And I finally have a day off work! I went to see a play tonight. The person I was going to go with dropped out and so tonight I was really worried about going in case I met my tutor or something. But I went anyway and it was totally worth it – it was awesome.

    I did have quite a bad day today otherwise! I started getting really anxious in the shop, and then one of my coworkers remarked on it when she came by, which was bad! I am wondering if now I am going to regret not taking the meds because I heard withdrawal might start up after a few days! I felt really crap when she said that (she just asked whether I was OK because I seemed quite flustered etc) so then when she left I got quite upset about this but then I got over it after a bit. However, I hope I am not going to go back to being really anxious now (I was on like a sedative-type AD) and umm umm… that would be bad but I think things like running should help me out and that would be better!! ok 3 days pick-free so I am going to do day 4 tomorrow and it will be awesome.

    #93996

    snarfblat
    Participant

    That’s a really good idea – the whole finding-something-else-to-do-with-my-hands-other-than-picking thing. I dunno, maybe I could get something like those stress balls? Haha, it would look pretty funny if I pulled that out and started playing with it during a test! But I’ll try it.

    I think it’s definitely a different manifestation of the same thing. I don’t know about you, but I get really anxious about stupid things that don’t really have any relevance. Like, a messy kitchen freaks me out. A lot. It can ruin my day with out me even realizing what’s making me upset. Lot’s of little things like that.

    Running at the park sounds awesome! At first when I started exercising, I didn’t really like being around people at all, but now I’ve gotten used to it and even prefer it. For me, there’s just something energizing about all the activity during busy hours in the gym.

    It sounds as though you’re having more fun and relaxing a bit. That’s really good:) I’m glad you went to bed early and stuff and got to go see that play. Plays are just…I love them so much:) What play was it?

    I don’t think you should worry so much about withdrawal from your meds. A lot of times, if you expect something to happen, it will, just because you were so ready for that to be the case. For instance, I’m a complete coffee addict (or at least, believe myself to be). I’ve drunk it every day since I was about 8. If I don’t have a cup in the morning, I get the worst head aches all day. One time, I unknowingly drank decaf, thinking it was fully caffeinated, and was fine. No head aches. I didn’t find out til the next day! So I think that maybe if you expect something to happen, you increase the likelihood of it happening, if that makes sense? I’m not a psychiatrist, though.

    And just a quick observation – I’ve never seen someone mention a bunch of things that went well for them that day but then say that other than that it was a bad day! It’s normally the other way around – like, “blank happened, and it sucked, but other than that, it was an ok day”. I’m just pointing that out, cause I dunno, I figure if some good things happen it’s still an alright day, not a bad one:) I mean, going on a fun morning run, eating really well, successfully not picking, and then going to an awesome play despite being a little worried about running into someone you don’t want to run into, and then NOT even running into them after all sounds like a pretty good day to me! :) Even if you did have a stressful moment here and there. I dunno, sometimes another perspective helps!

    And, yeah, day 4 of no picking IS going to be awesome! You should be really proud of yourself :)

    #93997

    snarfblat
    Participant

    That’s a really good idea – the whole finding-something-else-to-do-with-my-hands-other-than-picking thing. I dunno, maybe I could get something like those stress balls? Haha, it would look pretty funny if I pulled that out and started playing with it during a test! But I’ll try it.

    I think it’s definitely a different manifestation of the same thing. I don’t know about you, but I get really anxious about stupid things that don’t really have any relevance. Like, a messy kitchen freaks me out. A lot. It can ruin my day with out me even realizing what’s making me upset. Lot’s of little things like that.

    Running at the park sounds awesome! At first when I started exercising, I didn’t really like being around people at all, but now I’ve gotten used to it and even prefer it. For me, there’s just something energizing about all the activity during busy hours in the gym.

    It sounds as though you’re having more fun and relaxing a bit. That’s really good:) I’m glad you went to bed early and stuff and got to go see that play. Plays are just…I love them so much:) What play was it?

    I don’t think you should worry so much about withdrawal from your meds. A lot of times, if you expect something to happen, it will, just because you were so ready for that to be the case. For instance, I’m a complete coffee addict (or at least, believe myself to be). I’ve drunk it every day since I was about 8. If I don’t have a cup in the morning, I get the worst head aches all day. One time, I unknowingly drank decaf, thinking it was fully caffeinated, and was fine. No head aches. I didn’t find out til the next day! So I think that maybe if you expect something to happen, you increase the likelihood of it happening, if that makes sense? I’m not a psychiatrist, though.

    And just a quick observation – I’ve never seen someone mention a bunch of things that went well for them that day but then say that other than that it was a bad day! It’s normally the other way around – like, “blank happened, and it sucked, but other than that, it was an ok day”. I’m just pointing that out, cause I dunno, I figure if some good things happen it’s still an alright day, not a bad one:) I mean, going on a fun morning run, eating really well, successfully not picking, and then going to an awesome play despite being a little worried about running into someone you don’t want to run into, and then NOT even running into them after all sounds like a pretty good day to me! :) Even if you did have a stressful moment here and there. I dunno, sometimes another perspective helps!

    And, yeah, day 4 of no picking IS going to be awesome! You should be really proud of yourself :)

    #93998

    quester
    Participant

    Yes that makes no sense!! It wasn’t actually a bad day, it was in fact a good day apart from 1. getting anxious in the shop and, 2. that person commenting that I seemed anxious!! and then when she came back, like I couldn’t even count the change properly and I started getting really confused and she was just like … wtf :. But, apart from that, it was good! I just felt bad about that because I don’t know, because she brought it up and because she offered to have me not deal with the customer in that situation if that was the cause etc. so she was trying to be nice. But uhh yeah. That said, I think it is easy to start losing it in the shop because you have to listen to the same segment of music over and over and over and over, and because hardly anyone comes in let alone talks to you!!

    By the way I think a stressball would be a really good idea! I like pulling things apart (like that one time I tore up a whole thing of toilet roll that was in my room for some reason!! It was such a mess!!) so I think playdough was actually good for me, and my mentor said I could take that into exams because it is small and portable (I didn’t though). I think I should probably get some more of that. That might work for you?? You can definitely pick at playdough, and obv you can just tear off small parts of it and it is kind of like a stressball anyway except you can pull it apart. Or the stressball might be worth trying as well!!

    You are right about withdrawal too. I don’t think it should be that bad. It is only bad things like, I was put on them as well because I had insomnia, so then this night I didn’t sleep very well then that makes me a bit paranoid that it was a bad idea!! I think though, that this may be because, 1. I got back quite late from the play and I had been quite nervous about going,, 2. I probably have gotten used to sleeping with meds so then it would be normal to have problems with sleeping at first, 3. I think it is probably point 1 mainly!! Therefore I think it is fine. Anyway, if not I shall just have to go see somebody about it, in fact I don’t think there is strictly a problem with coming off them, only that I am attempting to do it cold turkey which might not be the greatest plan of all time. But I think it will be fine except I hope I don’t go back to being as anxious as I was before I was put on them because that would suck very much. However I’ll see.

    I went for a run this morning, around the whole park!! What is lol is that I bumped into one of the housekeeping staff here on the street afterwards, and she was like ‘… are you ok o_o’ and I was like, ya I’m fine. I realised when I got back my face was megaaaaaaaa red! It was quite lol because if I had noticed what I looked like, I probably would have been quite embarrassed and stopped running, but ya I didn’t notice lol. I just really wanted to get around the whole park. Anyway I think it’s cause it’s sooooo hot here and sunny here right now, but anyway I tried cool down with a bag of frozen peas (because I think some of it is sunburn, which is annoying) and they just defrosted lol … lol … not even joking. So that was awkward.

    1. Anyway I ate a slice of buttered bread for breakfast

    2. When I got back from running, I ate the half of a crust of bread that I’d left over from yesterday w/ some peanut butter and a banana. Well, half a banana. In this situ I don’t really feel like eating the rest of said banana but then I get paranoid that if I don’t eat it, I’ll get hungry before I’m supposed to later, and then I’ll be like eiajreirjeairjae. So I don’t know whether to eat it because I don’t really feel like it.

    3. I don’t know what I will eat for the rest of the day!! So this is kind of worrying. I could maybe find somewhere to eat out like I intended because that makes me anxious. But I am going to go to the library now and do some reading. Although that tutor said he’d talk to me when he’s abck from the USA so that is also annoying because now I don’t know what to read (I e-mailed to say I no longer wanted to change to my main tutor, but he was like … you should still talk to him sry.)

    #93999

    quester
    Participant

    oooooooooooook

    1. I did buy something to eat yesterday lunchtime, but I kind of wimped out because those stores where you have to go to the counter and then say what you want majorly freak me out. so I just went to one of those places, where you pick up what you want and then just pay for it. That wasn’t so bad (I haven’t done that before either, but it was less anxiety-inducing so it was the wimpy option. It was also easier because they list the calories by the items, so I just chose the cheapest and least-calorie thing (it was the same thing)* Edit: obviously I’m not counting calories right now, it is just that when you see 500 and 600 written down it seems like an awful lot for one meal!). It was still like, 2.50 pounds though, but anyway one day next week, I will try to go to one of those stores where you have to say what you want. Cuz I am quite worried, because e.g. another student here, said she wanted to go get coffee next month, buuut I’ve never even ordered a coffee and I wouldn’t know how to do it! I hate the idea of going to the counter and saying what you want. Or I don’t know, having to say what you want. I think it’s because I don’t think I’ll know what I want anyway – which is very probable.

    2. It tasted good though. It was like a wrap with falafel and stuff in it.

    3. I ate a slice of toast, egg and umm cheese for dinner.

    4. I didn’t go for a run this morning because I thought it might still be ridic hot and I slept quite crappily (maybe just because it was really hot still). I just went for a walk instead, which was really nice. It was so quiet. It is a lot cooler today so I’ll go for a run tomorrow probably. I think the place I have been running, is 2.5 miles, so I need to find different and longer routes! I’d like to get to 5 miles eventually.

    4. I think it will get easier doing it in public. One thing that was also retarded about yesterday, was that before I left the building I thought I’d go back to my room to get a drink because I was really thirsty. But, then I saw someone coming out, and I’m not joking I ran away like a lunatic, through the corridor, and down the stairs, and then down the street, and then I was just like … what the crap!! I have no idea why I did that!! Anyway so whatever, that was quite ridiculous (I just didn’t want to meet who I thought it was, even though ti was impossible to tell who it was from that distance and through the doors) –> but, I think running outside is getting easier. Like in the parks etc. I don’t have any problem now because other people running too.

    5. Today I had the same breakfast (banana, bread and a little peanut butter) but I ate it before going for the walk. I just had a vegetable samosa for lunch because I’m working. I think hall is closed tonight so I’ll just have to find sve omething to eat in my room.

    6. That’s all, yeaaaah so it must be like day 4 or 5 now. It is super cool. I find food isn’t really on my mind really unless I am writing it here or if I am hungry.

    Ok so my goal is to run 5 miles. Ok it looks really sunny outside now but I hope it isn’t as hot as it looks. It is meant to cool down this weekend for sure, but anyway if I just go for runs early then it will be fine anyway. o summer, o sunshine, it is a bit annoying because from being given the shifts outside at hottest sunshine hours, i’ve now got super tanned (for me), which is better than burn but it’s still really annoying.

    edit: ok cool I found a running route online that is 3.5 miles and goes by the river and it looks awesome! also there are some bits where you have to run up residential streets so that will be a test! and it means i can go earlier because it’s just that the different parks all open at 7:30 – 8 which is quite late

    #94000

    quester
    Participant

    1. ok ya yesterday was ok. someone invited me to do stuff but i couldn’t be bothered really. i just had toast, egg and cheese again for dinner to finish eggs off.

    2. i slept quite crappily again, which is annoying. It is just that I keep waking up over and over and over and that is getting a bit annoying! Anyway so this morning I was like meeeh, can’t be bothered to go out,

    3. This was kind of because I have been eating bread for breakfast, but I went to do that this morning and found it had gone mouldy! :( It tasted mouldy. So I couldn’t eat it. Then I didn’t know what to eat for breakfast, so I was going to go buy some bread (I live by a store), but they didn’t have the bread I buy for some reason, then I didn’t want to buy any of the other bread. So I didn’t know what to eat for breakfast and then because of that I didn’t want to go out either.

    4. I eventually ate, the last Weetabix in a pack, and a nectarine, and a bit of peanut butter, for breakfast. So that was OK, but by that time it was almost 9 (so indecisive) and then I thought it might be too late to go out.

    5. So it is now 11:30, and it annoys me because now I really wish I had gone for a run, or that I would go now, but I am too nervous to go now because, a. in one direction I’d have to pass my college, b. in the other direction I’m worried about encountering my tutor, c. it is a Saturday so I am worried that lots of people would be about if I did go to the place past my college. Also, that it might be too late in the day and I don’t know what the temperature is like outside. It looks quite cool but I don’t know.

    6. So this is annoying!! Now I feel like I’m wasting the day a bit. Another thing I notice is that, whenever I cannot find something, I want to go pick at food! I mean, like I can’t find a piece of clothing, and every time I go look for it, I start looking, can’t find it, and then I’m like … *go takes a grape* or something like that. It is very annoying. It is annoying because I am always losing things and I know I always do this (give up looking and pick). It is so annoying! iojreirae. Anyway it’s fine, I have no desire to pick in a proper way, but I do pick a grape or a pickle or a piece of peanut butter for no apparent reason, just because I can’t find something. (as though this will help me in the slightest). I HATE LOSING THINGS GAH.

    7. I haven’t eaten lunch yet obviously but I have no idea what I can eat. I need to go buy more bread and other food.

    8. I now know, that even if I feel real crap in the morning, I should go for a run anyway because I will regret it later if I don’t!! I think if I had made myself go for a run, then I wouldn’t have felt so tired / headachey anyway. How foolish. I could theoretically go now, I know, but as I say I am worried about all the people about and bumping into people etc.

    Edit: Ok I think it is a really bad idea to stay in my room! It doesn’t matter if I can’t find that thing cuz I can just wear what I’m wearing now, I can just go now, if I won’t go for a run I can still go for a walk – go to the library if I want and buy food.

    #94001

    quester
    Participant

    i’m glad i went out! i put it off for a while but then i went to go buy some bread. then i thought i’d go to the library, but i didn’t want to be indoors, so i went wandering around to find a place to read outside. then cause this sort of failed, i decided to use my uni card privileges to visit some another college! and the one i hit on was sooo beautiful, and they had massive gardens so i sat and read in there for a while. i visited another college after but it seemed really small lol … i think i was actually missing an exit to move into a different part of the college but i didn’t want to ask. anyway then i came back, and i ate a nectarine. i ate a sandwich when i was out.

    anyway so that was cool. i dunno what to eat for dinner though. : maybe some cheese and bread or something (… tbh i don’t have anything apart from cheese! WOE. WISH I COULD GET IN THE FREEZER TO EAT SOME OF THE VEGETABLES I BOUGHT.)

    or i could make a tuna sandwich i suppose, but the mayo i have in my fridge is quite old i think sooo not sure about that hm.

    anyway there is a music thing on tonight which i thought i might check out.

    #94002

    quester
    Participant

    1. Last night, I overate a bit, after I had 1 slice of bread, and 1 slice of bread with cheese, I had another slice of bread with PB. I also did that the night before (had a slice of bread with PB for no reason). I think that was eating too much because I kind of just wanted PB rather than being hungry. Weird that I did that only on the two days that I didn’t exercise. Anyway, I’m cool with that though.

    2. I slept really awesomely … in fact I slept past my alarm, which is bad but I guess OK because I was really tired. I went for a run around that park. It was fun. I need to try out that longer run though, because I feel after I have done that (2.5 miles or so) that I could run further! But also I don’t want to run around the same place again immediately after. I am way more motivated when I am also seeing new things.

    3. There is a guy there every morning that I run past. He’s all, WELL DONE MISS! etc. I wonder why he is there. It’s weird. But anyway, that also doesn’t bother me so that’s cool! I just asked how he was (while running past) and then we had a brief exchange and then I was gone again. He does that every time I see him though (congratulates me etc)! I think he talks to all the runners. Another time I had to run across a platform, and there was just a family or something in front of me. So I was thinking that’s a bit awkward, but I just carried on running and they moved out of the way and it was easy. I wish tho, that I had acknowledged the person who had moved out of the way because I think that was rude.

    4. Ok so, I would really like to try that 3.5 mile run, but I need to get up earlier to do that. (It was already getting really hot when I just did that run). Also, I don’t like to be near 9 am because of the risk of meeting people going to work on my way back etc, so I need to wake up at 7 or earlier to try that. Then it will be cooler and I won’t meet anybody I know.

    5. I ate a slice of bread w/ PB and half a banana this morning. There is a volunteer thing I am supposed to go to at 10:30 am and for that I would need to pack lunch – so just a cheese sandwich, woo. I don’t know whether to go or not though. I think a lot of role play is involved, which I think I might be bad at and I’m worried about getting really anxious and seeming like a moron for even applying. However, at the same time, it is something I really want to do, so I don’t know, the next one I could go to is all the way on September 30 and then I could only start training in January if I was accepted. :.

    6. Don’t know. :( Don’t want to get rejected lol because I really want to do it. I’m not worried about everyone else being better than me, or more suited to do it, but that they will more used to expressing their thoughts and feelings in a group context. I am worried about being asked something and coming out with a really retarded reply. iaejraeirjaeirjae. So I don’t know!! I might go.

    #94003

    quester
    Participant

    I didn’t go to the volunteer thing. I will go to the September one because then I hope I will feel more confident about it. I was a bit worried about the clothes situation as well, b/c it didn’t specify that it was informal and I still haven’t really sorted out any even near-formal clothes. Clothes shopping is so stressful!! I just don’t understand any of it! (I tried today).

    1. I had a jacket potato w/ beans for lunch. It was ok.

    2. I just made myself an omelette w/ mozzarella, tomato and basil. It was epic. I also had some broccoli.

    3. I was able to make the latter, b/c I went to the super tmarket and picked up some stuff so I don’t always have to eat bread! Like couscous.

    4. Just got in an awkward situation with a guy that is not worth writing out because it is so ridic. I don’t understand why he is talking to me of all people. Anyway I just had to say that no, he couldn’t come in, so I feel slightly awkward but whatever.

    5. Anyway, I am quite chuffed about that omelette. It was so nice. I am going to try to make more new things!! Didn’t do much else today though. So I am going to read and then try to clean my room now.

    #94004

    quester
    Participant

    I tried to do that 3.5 mile run this morning. BUT it was very confusing. I was outside for about an hour but quite often I was walking to try to work out where on earth I was going!! It went through a nature reserve, and there were so many paths, and then I short-circuited when I got out by going in the wrong direction. – So I ended up going through it again, and then found the right way, but since I only worked that out by following someone else I thought they might think I was stalking them or something so I ran the way you are supposed to run back, ended up in another nature reserve, was like WTF, then just ran back.

    … Yeah. I am going to try a different 3 mile run tomorrow in which I know the location a little better (I had never been in that direction before, but it was cool to see the nature reserve).

    1. I ate half a slice of bread w/ PB before going.

    2. I ate the other half with PB when I got back and I was going to eat a banana, but it was really bruised, so I only ate the ends.

    3. Then for some reason I ate the rest of the mozzarella I had in the fridge (not that much). I have no idea why, but I always do that with mozzarella even though it does not really taste of anything on its own?!?! (Or that is maybe because it is a ‘lighter’ version, I don’t know).

    4. Anyway, I am heading to work in 10 minutes, but I am so hungry! I don’t know why. I am not sure whether to eat or not b/c I’ll probably have lunch in about an hour. I don ‘t know why I’m so hungry. o_o; feel really tiiired but I think I’m just hungry.

    5. I am not sure what I’m supposed to because I don’t have any fruit or anything small. Ok well it just occurred to me there are some apples in the fridge so I can check if they are still good.

    This is my 8th day!! I really love running now. I think it’s cool becasue it gives me a reason to see new places as well. Edit: OK, apples were old, but I ate half a yogurt. I’d like to be kind of hungry for lunch so I didn’t want to eat too much.

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