Tips to stop binge eating, stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
May 8, 2012 at 11:45 pm #93900
thanks tobebingefree. it’s ok now. i had to start over today because i had an insanely bad weekend into monday with food etc. however i met with my mentor today and it turned out i was really overreacting. uh. anyway she bought me some playdough to fidget with. lol. it’s actually quite good because you can twist, punch and squish it. which is nice. i think i ate too much today because i am struggling massively with this essay because i did practically no reading because i was freaking out all those days about a non-situation. and uh, so i did ‘pick’ but it was only at like peas, raw oats (…), etc. uh. but i haven’t purged. and i didn’t buy anything specifically to pick although i kind of wanted to. i kind of went into the shop and i felt like i was just there out of habit more than anything else. anyway so i didn’t. also i feel kind of ashamed doing it because i imagine people people can tell what i’m doing with it, so sometimes that puts me off as well. anyway it’s good to have one day under the belt again so i can work on it tomorrow. anyway once i get these essays out then i’ll be able to focus on catching up on work and that will be easier. because it is quite awkward to feel so far behind on everything!! the playdough is gr8 though. she also suggested i could make bread because of kneading the dough etc.
i’m not sure about cbt because i think maybe i can sort out eating on my own right now maybe. i see your point about the brain connectionness. so yes i’m just going to have to not buy anything to pick. it doesn’t bother me to the same extent if i’m just picking at peas etc. the thing is when i want to pick i’m like ‘o it doesn’t matter if i do it this one time…’ etc but it’s a, a) a waste of money, b) waste of time, c) retarded, d) pathetic, e) lame, so uh… not that i can make much defense for playdough haha but it’s better anyway. i think i might try making bread as well. anyway i guess i just need to find better coping mechanisms and work on substituting them in. i think it’s just that picking food is always really distracting. and i guess purging as well sometimes. in the moment. (i’m not entirely convinced playdough will work when i’m srsly srsly anxious, but then again why would food-picking). so uh. yeah. and the nurse person suggested i try to find foods i actually enjoy eating. so i shall try to do that as well. anyhoo … that is all i guess. thanksss and i hope you have a good weekend.May 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm #93901
oook… well, today wasn’t such a great day. i handed in my essay and was freaking out about the timed essay i was supposed to do before my tutorial. deer in headlights. became convinced if i could pick at food i’d be more able to do it. lies. picked beyond the raisins and had to purge. need to stop doing this because it’s no good, because like after i’ve picked the raisins there is something else to find … i mean like a certain shape or shade and then it turns out i am quite indiscriminate about picking. anyway so messed up.
had a tuna sandwich for dinner. girl on my floor gave me a cupcake. i cut off the top of the cupcake and threw out the rest but then i ate it anyway. i don’t know whether that is a good or bad thing. i think i need to get into the habit of if i am going to eat bad foods, to eat them in a normal way. i think it is mainly bad foods that i want to pick apart so i think it is related to attempts to restrict. it doesn’t work. so you see, when i buy a pack of biscuits, what i know i should do is eat ONE biscuit. in a normal way. but instead i’m like no, let’s go through ALL the biscuits and just eat the middles! it’s just retarded. anyway i don’t feel confident doing this right now – i mean buying anything in a multipack. but i think that’s what i need to do because every kind of ‘bad’ food i associate with picking. it’s a waste of money, time and disgusting – because as i say… if i’m anxious, i’m doing it to waste time, it gets out of hand and then i may as well have eaten the whole thing anyway! the thing is i definitely could NOT face eating a whole packet of biscuits in the usual way, but when i’m picking it can just happen. it makes no sense.
so. all in all. don’t think today was good because of the picking and i assume even tho i purged there’d be quite a bit of calories in that. probably shouldn’t have eaten the cupcake i was given having done that but oh well, not going to get bothered. can sort out work situ now so will be back to normal hopefully. tuna… is… so nice!! ok that’s all. just need to say NO to picking for god’s sake. picking did NOT help me AT ALL with doing the timed essay. AT ALL. all it did was distract me. retarded.
edit: actually i’m 99% sure i wouldn’t binge if i didn’t pick. i really can’t imagine eating a biscuit normally right now lol… what i’m worried about is if i buy some to make myself do this, it will be a repeat of the chocolate bar incident b/c i’ll just end up picking anyway if i’m anxious about something. however i think this would be the way to stop binging… like seriously i think eating 3 biscuits in succession say would be WAY less bad than what happens when picking gets out of hand. it stops me having to properly face up to the quantity i’m eating.May 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm #93902
ok well. this morning i ate quite a bit. i bought some peanut butter the other day. and i had some with a banana and a slice of bread. but then i decided to eat some more on another slice of bread. anyway that worked its way up to like … 487 calories or something but i’m cool with that. i just ate a jacket potato with beans for lunch. and i’ll probably have a tuna sandwich for dinner. it’s pretty cool because i feel like i’ve eaten a ton but it’s not actually that bad calories-wise. i mean 1,200 – 1,500 turns out to be quite a lot of food. oook so. it is just that i want to pick at something now even though i feel full. but i am going to force myself to go back to work instead.May 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm #93903
ok well i went to go buy something. not food. but i walked a way i do not usually walk. and for some reason i began to feel rather bad. like i was really hot and my head felt very murky. anyway. i wasn’t sure what this was about because i knew i had eaten enough. and i had been fine in my room. anyway i kept going and thought it might get better when i got to the shop but it did not and i just wanted to sit down but i couldn’t find any excuse to. anyway lamely my thought then was that if i got to a supermarket and maybe got something to pick at i’d be ok. also because i ‘know’ the supermarket so i thought i’d feel better there. anyway i felt even worse by the time i got there and i felt dizzy and i just ended up sat on the floor pretending to look at apples. lol … anyway i had no idea how i was going to get back to my room so i just bought some scones and sat outside focussing on picking out the raisins and that occupied me for a while. lol … i think it’s worrying that it is my first thought to all problems to pick at something. it is such a waste of money because the scones cost me £1.55 and then i threw them away after i’d picked out all the raisins. i think i should have taken something to fidget with like a piece of the play dough. that was a mistake on my part because i think all the people were making me anxious or something. so glad to be back in my room anyway. so i’m not upset about that precisely but like i don’t think it’s very good because each time i’m in a situation like that i’m just reinforcing the habit. and it’s a shocking waste of money!May 10, 2012 at 9:26 pm #93904
ok this is now beyond shit. i have no idea why i keep thinking i can let myself do the picking thing. did it again when got home after dinner because i couldn’t concentrate. ended up binging. that was MY FAULT. i bought the same things i had binged on by poicking only last week or whatever! maybe even this week! just because they were on offer and hence convenient to buy! SO SICK OF MYSELF. then tried to purge that crap. then just fucking kept eating bread and peanut butter. i don’t even know. what bothers me is that i don’t even seem to care. like to be honest, i don’t even like peanut butter that much, it is quite unpleasant to just keep eating peanut butter and bread, it is really dry, it is tedious, i just kept eating it though! like a whole jar of peanut butter, all that was left of the loaf (maybe half?), have NO idea why i did that, probably because i had already messed up. getting so tired of all this now. i just don’t feel like i have the motivation to even stop myself. i mean i didn’t feel out of control doing that. i was just kind of like a robot doing it. i just didn’t even care. i don’t know. i just kept doing it. to be honest it was just all gross to continue eating it! the bread isn’t nice! the peanut butter is sickening when you eat too much! but i didn’t care! i haven’t even purged it. what also bothers me is that i ate an INSANE amount (like seriously … insane!) but my body is not telling me that at all, i mean i’d hope to feel stuffed right now. i’ve probably consumed thousands of calories (i mean there’s 121 in 15 g of peanut butter! JESUS CHRIST I MUST HAVE EATEN AT LEAST 250G! then i even bough some jam to finish off the loaf just cuz i couldn’t face the last two slices with just pb!) why did i do that! it was just mindless! i don’t understand what i’m doing. that whole process, i just felt nothing, i mean i just felt empty or something. i mean it would have been something if i felt like i was out of control but i felt more like i just couldn’t be bothered to interrupt.
i am getting really pissed with myself. i feel like i’m never going to get over any of this stuff with food.
fuck anyway i’m getting really annoyed with myself. i don’t know why i can’t even make it 2 days?! i think i’m going to have to start doing the calories again, like i mean focussing on it becasue this is getting so out of hand. what i’m now freaked about is tha what if i can’t even get back on the wagon by doing that! i mean it’s like i’ve taken this, hey you can eat 1,200 1,500 thing as just an excuse to indulge in EVERY bad habit. i mean i’ve given up caring about calories now. i only really cared when i had a limit. i feel like 1,500 is too high for me to care. i don’t have a clue what to do. i am getting so depressed about this lol. i just want to stop but it’s also like i can’t be bothered to even try to stop! i just keep letting myself do the picking any time there is anything wrong with me.May 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm #93905
ok ummm. when i woke up this morning i wasn’t gonna eat cause obviously i wasn’t hungry. but then i didn’t really care and i ate the rest of the peanut butter w/ jam and bread. lol. and then threw it up. great. so anyway. ignoring that. i met with my mentor later. and uhh. yeah i asked her to make it an agreement that i won’t pick at any food between now and when we next meet, which is five days uhhh … yes. so. that’s the plan. i’m hoping this will motivate me to say no since i don’t seem to care enough to do anything for myself lol. horrible few days with food … hopefully turn it round … ate some dinner (baked beans, cheese, 2 slices bread –> probably too much to be frank but o well), going to leave it there, hopefully tomorrow can start over! go back to porridge for breakfast … i liked having porridge for breakfast and it gave me something to work with for the rest of the day lol. just couldn’t be bothered to wash my bowl to be frank. ok anyway … yeah … situation is getting a bit depressing but i know it’s the picking. like if i would just say no to picking i’d have way less problems lol. anyway sooo… tuesday is when i next see my mentor and want to be able to say i did it lol… -_- not only falling off the wagon all this but like being left on the road and trampled by horses lol eirjairjea, anyway foodwise looking forward to tomorrow (starting over), otherwise not looking forward to tomorrow because so much work e0rairjeailrjaerae.May 12, 2012 at 8:26 pm #93906
ok uhhh. i didn’t buy anything to pick today. didn’t binge. ate ‘normal’ amount … i say normal but i overate. i don’t feel too bad about it because i didn’t buy anything, and so it was all just like normal stuff. uhh. like the thing that put me over is that i had these cans of crap baked beans and i thought i’d wash the sauce off and see if they tasted any better. and they were a lot nicer. but then i did that when i wasn’t even hungry. lol. because i am so unorganised with all this work, and every time i feel slightly overwhelmed, i’m like … oh god i’ll go eat something. i even bought some chewing gum and to be honest i went through 2.5 packets in a really short time. so that was retarded. anyway i spent 15 minutes running up and down stairs and now i do not feel compelled to eat anything. i wonder if i should try to do something like that instead of eating when i’m starting to get anxious cuz i did that when i made the two weeks (like i’d run on the spot when i got the urge to eat). umm. but i think i’ve hurt my foot haha cause i didn’t wear shoes and i cba with stretching and things. anyway.
umm… so… today i ate kind of like… porridge + banana, … i had some stale bread and for some reason i felt compelled to eat a lot of that rather than work … uh … baked beans, vegetables, cheese. something like that. so. i imagine it was like. 1,800 – 2,000 to be honest. but oh well. i’m glad i didn’t buy anything to pick. but it’s not so great if i’m just going to pick at absolutely anything in my room. lol. i wish i knew how to organise my work so i could just get on with it. -_-
aaanyway … so i think i will try to do something active next time i get the urge to eat just because i’m struggling with work. cuz i know i’m just anxious. and because eating does not actually do anything. i just get more anxious. and then i want to eat more. etc. whereas after i ran the steps, i feel more chill … although still no idea how i’m going to manage all this work, not because there’s so much but becasue i don’t have a clue what i’m even doing. oh well.May 12, 2012 at 10:13 pm #93907
hey quester, glad you are still keeping up with your journal and i am VERY glad to see you are eating 1800-2000 cals! well done! this is fantastic progress, especially with not picking too, you should be proud of yourself, you have come a long way in a short space of time there are still things for you to work on, but you are doing very well so keep going. i don’t think what you ate today was too much, especially if you exercised as well. sorry to hear about the foot though! at least you know to stretch next time. as for your work – you just have to knuckle down and get on with it unfortunately. i remember being at uni and getting totally stressed out about my assignments and exams and that was really the worst part – when i was stressing because i hadn’t done anything yet. as soon as you start you’ll be fine. have you got exams and things now, or just lots of work to do? you can totally do 5 days of not picking! it’s cool that you have your exercise as an option. i’m pulling for you xxxMay 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm #93908
hey, thanks tobebingefree! i have exams at the end of term. i got on really well with work in 2nd week, but i think it was because i knew exactly where to look for examples. i study literature, and why everything is going wrong right now because is because i don’t have time to (re-)read the books, but i don’t know where to find some extracts in these books i can use as examples. or something. which is really annoying. so i feel like i waste a lot of time trying to skim read, but i don’t really know how to skim read, so i just get confused, and then it’s just a ton of wasted time and i don’t process any of the info. it’s quite depressing cuz i thought after 2nd week i’d be on track with work this term, but i think i was just lucky because i was looking at death scenes in vic. literature and so i knew where to find those obv. and so that essay was really fun and now i’m dying again. haha. anyway yeah … i think it’s the time as well … this week for that module i have to write 2 essays by wednesday morning but i also have a presentation by tuesday morning so i’m just like ;arjairjaeirjeaireajiiii because it would be doable if i could find the examples but yes … in the end i can’t find them! and i just get more and more panicked! because if i could reread the texts i’d be able to find them and get an overview but oh well.
aaanywho … whining. yes. well i have to edit this post now … i’m on 1,500 now. uhh. because i wrote that i ate 9 quorn egg things but i ended up eating the whole packet for no apparent reason. anyway, even if the numbers are ok, i don’t think it is good eating at all, because e.g this morning i woke up at 11 (late night), ate breakfast, but 11 – 1 i was trying to read, then i determined to go to the library, but i couldn’t find something, and because each place i looked i couldn’t find it, i’d be like aeuirjaeirjeairjea eats something … and so by 1 i’d pretty much eaten lunch as well because every time i got a little anxious about not finding this thing i’d go and eat something. i mean it was an ok lunch (prunes, vegetables, cheese) BUT i know that is the wrong way to eat. also when i got back from the library, i did the same thing becasue i didn’t now how to set about working or reply to an e-mail i received, so instead of just doing these things i just kept going back to get another egg thing. lol. and then i ate them all. seriously just seem to use food to ward off the slightest hint of anxiety. CAN’T FIND MY KEYS, DEAR GOD, I’LL JUST GO EAT AN APPLE NOW, THAT WILL SURELY HELP
umm so i was thinking what i need to do is set eating times and try to stick to those. i was going to do that today (like every 3 hours) but it got messed up when i couldn’t find teh thing in my room / couldn’t get round to leaving my room to go to the library. tomorrow i have to wake up at 8 – 8:30, so maybe i could eat breakfast at that time, then try to make lunch 12 – 1, umm … don’t know after that but something. if i can stick with 12 – 1 that will be a miracle anyway.
ok so that’s all rly.May 13, 2012 at 5:44 pm #93909
seems like we are going through the same thing right now. I am working on my Bachelorthesis and all the literatur just freaks me out. I am so glad when I have enough books that I can use, but then you have to find a certain sentence that you can use as a cite in the thesis and it is just nervwracking. I sit there for like 5 hours and did not even write 1 page you know?
About eating times. It actually works for me, BUT I try to also listen to my hunger level. I usually have 3 meals and 2 snacks, but like yesterday I skipped the snacks since I was in the library and did not want to leave the quiet room. Today I had breakfast at 9 but was hungry again at 11, so I just ate again, but now I probably will not eat before 2 or 3. I got a lot of hints through a workshop I was attending a year ago “Am I hungry” and it took a year to actually take the step and try it. The woman also wrote a very good book about this topic of eating “Eat what you love and love what you eat”. Very interesting.May 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm #93910
ok i messed up. this morning i met up with study support person, realised how much work i have to do, felt abymsal, ended up buying a packet of cherry bakewells to pick at (the reason is: they’re on offer). i picked off the cherries and then i was like … o. anyway then i picked out the jam bit, anyway then i kept picking, i ended up picking 150g of 300g (i weighed what was left over) just like … bits where the icing / pastry touched, the jam, and the cherries. i threw that up. i estimate that as eating 3 cherry bakewells (though obviously i entirely change the composition of the item), which works out as 606 wasted calories. lol. but anyway, i took some caffeine, much more motivated, chewed same piece of gum until 2pm, ate ‘lunch’, will now eat
5 pm: tuna
6 – 7pm: vegetables + cheese
and doing that, it still works out as a normal range that i ate today. like 1,339. (obviously the bakewell count isn’t accurate … may be more for all i know). umm. so i just keep chewing this old piece of gum between those times. so it’s annoying that i gave in. to be honest i think it’s because overate yesterday. and it’s quite annoying because since that time i binged, my stomach has been really bloated, so i’m just like whatever, who cares, and don’t feel like i can start again. but if i keep eating so much, or eating and purging, then my stomach will never debloat anyway, so i just have to make it a few days and then i’ll be motivated again.
ummm. aside from that. every time i want to eat something outside of the designated times, i decided i’m going to run to the basement and then run back up the five flights of stairs. i did that earlier and it helped a lot. i think this is better than just moving to my fridge. since i don’t think eating or anything actually relieves anxiety. while doing something active might. soo. that’s it. absolutely not going to mess up today … i feel quite ok with the gum … probably not a great habit but it works right now, until i can get more into structured eating i guess
smiley, i totally know what you mean about your thesis. i’m just working on term essays but i waste an insane amount of time reading irrelevant articles etc. it’s seriously depressing! i don’t think i can tell when i’m hungry right now, but i’m hoping if i can stick to structured eating then i’ll get those signals etc back. ok so … it’s quite annoying that i keep giving up just because i ‘don’t care’ or whatever, but i know if i can make it a few days without slipping up i’ll be more motivated because i’ll know i can actually do it. so yesterday in the end sucked as well because i kept picking at the bread and eventually i just had to throw that away, like massively overate on that. and then when i weighed what was left i was horrified, and decided to eat some more prunes as well just to make it worse lol, and then i realised i had misweighed and felt like a retard. but yes! i am more motivated today! the chewing gum really helps actually lol … i’m not sure why i went through so many packs because i find the same piece of gum works so long as i can keep chewing it.May 15, 2012 at 9:03 pm #93911
ok uhhh … felt so sick last night, migraine, so nauseous, stomach so bloated this morning, ate breakfast (porridge + banana) eventually, felt … so … sick … but anyway, i think i might have been anxious about the presentation, because after that i was ok. unfortunately i ended up buying biscuits, and i made myself eat 1 biscuit normally. but after that i picked out all the middles. lame. i dunno. it’s a bit annoying because i feel like i am letting myself do these things, like it doesn’t really bother me or something. anyway couldn’t purge because just throwing up acid. oh well whatever, was a small packet. guess i just shouldn’t buy these things. or like, i might try to buy ‘bad’ foods in single portions, e.g. i could buy a roll instead of a loaf of bread. expensive but uhh yeah probably less expensive than the alternative maybe?? i think if i could properly schedule my time i wouldn’t want to do these things. give myself too much nonproductive time.
um. yeah. had some tuna. umm. two cans of those value baked beans … lol … i rinsed off all the sauce cause there was an insane amount and it’s gross (66% of the tin is sauce?! wtf?!) obviously impossible to count calories of that b/c although the beans weighed 160g i’m assuming i can’t calculate them as plain haricot beans, so probably tons i don’t know. uh aside from that some tuna, cheese + vegetables. don’t know how many calories cuz of picking the middle of the biscuits for no apparent reason, and cuz of the baked beans. i guesstimated on both (900 uhh. so yeah. think i’m going to up all night (essay). which is unfortunate because i feel srsly ill for some reason. uhm. yeahhh. due 9 am though. sigh. i think picking is just habit. i didn’t have to pick the middles of those biscuits but i did it anyway. it is frustrating that i just can’t be bothered to resist. ioawljrhaiaeilrjea. oh well anyway.May 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm #93912
ok! wrote essay … went to sleep 7 am … woke up 11 am … ate porridge … tutorial 12 pm … 1pm bought one of those small 22g cadbury bars (what i used to do before picking i think) … met with mentor 1:30 pm … now that work for the moment is out of the way, feel much better about food … 3 pm ate jacket potato w/ 10g cheese and 105g baked beans. um. i have to go food shopping once i clean my room, so i’ll probably buy a roll and have tuna in that for dinner. i arranged some times i am supposed to eat at w/ my mentor so that is a lot better because now i don’t have any excuse really. super tired right now lol. but yeah just cleaning my room and trying to find my card.
ok so … goal is stick to times, and not pick anything even if i ‘just feel like it’. anxiety no excuse since next deadline is monday.May 17, 2012 at 5:20 pm #93913
ok. 2nd day no picking. i ate porridge and a banana for breakfast. oh and for some reason i ate some mozzarella cheese, idk why. i guess that was because i was intending on leaving my room but i was having trouble getting organised. then err. i had a potato, 100g beans, 10g cheese for lunch (again). then as snacks i had 100g peas, and then a muesli bar thing. uhh for dinner, i ate a roll, tuna, 40g sweetcorn, and some cheese (cheddar + mozzarella). so it was good. i was gonna have grapes as a snack later but after eating dinner i failed to move on to a new activity and ended up eating them. i’m not too bothered uh, i have broccoli defrosting or defrosted in the fridge (no freezer) so i might eat some broccoli later as the intended snack. uhh. so it’s all good right now. 2nd day no picking i guess this is? yeaaah i feel pretty good about it right now, hopefully keep it up, not freak out about work etc.May 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm #93914
ok right now uhh. 4th day or something. so this morning i ate porridge and a banana. and um. for lunch i had pasta (!! haven’t had pasta for AGES), broccoli, baked beans and cheese. yes. it was good. the only thing is, i had 100g baked beans, but i went back 3 successive times after i had finished to have 25g more, which is bizarre. i think that was because i was delaying leaving the room. anyway whatever i’m not too bothered i guess. uhh. so for dinner i’ll probably have tuna, vegetables. umm. i might buy a roll for the tuna or something. i dunno.
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