How To Stop Binge Eating

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Journal to Stop Weekly Binge!

Home Binge Eating Forum Eating Accountability Journal Journal to Stop Weekly Binge!

This topic contains 205 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  kimwhit12 2 years, 4 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 151 through 165 (of 206 total)
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  • #92515

    charlie
    Participant

    What progress!! To think that the only thing that is bothering you now is that you are eating too quickly. WOW you go girl!! :lol:

    #92516

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    ughh yes its ALMOST the only thing bothering me, I’m still struggling a bit with accepting the fact that I’m gaining a few pounds… i know I said I want to but when Its actually happening I feel (irrationally) out of control and that Im going to continue to gain and gain more weight… I haven’t used the scale in a while and really do not plan on doing so and rather going by how I feel… but rn I feel like I’m at a good weight and feel i have gain a few pounds, so now just need to focus on maintaining. Yesterday I should’ve been really happy because I ate intuitively ALL DAY including breakfast because I was on my senior trip and didn’t bring any of my own food and had to rely on the food they gave us and what I then bought for dinner… I truly ate my breakfast slow and most of my lunch but at lunch and dinner both I definitely ate past fullness, not too too much but a little bit more than I should’ve and it made me feel a tiny bit gross just because of the type of food at lunch. I kind of chose healthier things at dinner and disregarded what I actually wanted to get from the fast food restaurant — it was all really good what I got & healthy- salad w/ southwest toppings and a side of strawberries and a few reeses, and grapes, but I ate a little too much and these past two days (including today) I have been just been really down and obsessed about weight & so concerned about never thinking ill be able to get ab muscles (defined ab muscles) though today i didn’t restrict and ate what I wanted… I just think this idea of gaining back a few pounds is nerve wrecking to me because it scares me — with the whole freshman 15 thing– and I feel fat for no rational reason because I know I’m still thin but my stomach is still a bit more flabby than I want it to be and I just get way too down on myself when I see how insanely in shape other people are around me in school and wherever else and when they have defined abs I look at myself as a failure because I still have a small layer of flab around my stomach— it is WAY more muscular than it used to be when I binged but its still so annoying because like 80% of the time I eat healthy and I exercise quite a bit during the week too— like am I not doing enough? because I know a whole lot of ppl who don’t have to work this hard to get abs and its just annoyingggggg— I guess I just need to accept that I don’t have defined abs and let it go and accept myself for the way I am but its hard to do that :( this shit makes me depressed and not to make it any better is the fact that today was my last day of high school! :( so unrealistic to me/hard to believe! its so scary but I just need to calm my nerves and focus on all of the positive things… I plan on buying a few books soon and a new iPod to help myself stay busy when I don’t work , hopefully this will help me get away from my obsessive food/weight thoughts…. its easier said than done though… I just hate thinking about it constantly and hope the music and reading will be soothing

    #92517

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    but yes yesterday was day 63 despite overeating a bit… today I ate what I wanted but not as much intuitively because I had no distractions.. lame excuse but whatever….

    #92518

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    Breakfast today- 6:45am- 1.5 cups honey nut cheerios, 1T peanut butter, 1/2 apple, 1/2 cup milk.

    Hungry at 11am- Lunch- 4 pizza sticks w/ 2T marinara sauce, apple slices, side salad with italian dressing, 1/3cup 1% milk, nutty cone (ice cream)… a pit past fullness but comfortable… :)

    snack afterschool, wasn’t hungry but needed to show myself I could enjoy what I wanted– 1/2 cup jell-o mousse, 1/2 cup strawberry greek yogurt, serving of mini chocolate rice cakes :)

    Dinner– 7:15-7:45pm- after kickboxing. I am so proud of myself at this meal & the way I ate it… I took my time preparing it and thoroughly enjoyed every bite slowly, savoring the flavors & feel like Im getting back to the mindful eating I had gotten a hold of a while ago… I find it helpful to count my bites in my mind trying to reach 20 before I swallow :) So I made a grilled turkey & cheese melt on whole wheat with homemade honey mustard & also had 1/2 of a bottle of a Naked Blueberry smoothie, and then enjoyed another 1/2 cup of Jell-o mousse. Amidst eating I was baking some brown butter oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies :D I havent baked in weeks and it felt so good to! & it made me relax & I took bites between baking (of my sandwich) and ate slow like I said. THen around 8:15-8:30pm when the cookies were finished I had already sampled about 1 cookie worth of dough, and then enjoyed 3 small cookies… felt fullness when I did this but confortable. So proud, I had really gotten a good workout an kickboxing and feel I did good eating — maybe not all the healthiest but I dont think I should always focus on being 100% healthy when eating, otherwise I don’t enjoy my food completely. I LOVE eating when I come back from kickboxing, compared to before class, because I truly feel like I am refueling my body and replenishing lost calories rather than eating and then trying to burn off what I ate… It makes my body feel better when I eat after & I’ve realized I really enjoy eating late around 7-8pm :)

    Day 64= success, btw today was my last day of high school!!! Bittersweet because I will miss my friends but know I will keep in contact with those who matter most & Im looking forward to bigger & better things in college :D

    #92519

    aliceautumn
    Participant

    Kim, your mind sounds like mine a lot of the time. I think you will really like college, it is a great place to grow as an individual. As for being afraid of the “freshman fifteen,” I would try not to worry about it so much. I don’t know how old you are, but I am assuming since you graduated, 17-19? I am 23 and I put on weight after high school. It actually made me look better because I filled out a bit in the right areas, if you know what I mean. Women continue with puberty until 20 sometimes. At least I did. I looked better with the weight because I looked less childish. Although, some are done at 16. But if your body isn’t done growing, it won’t stop. On another note…

    There are still plenty of things I want to change but I am trying not to obsess too much about them. I want to lose weight, not back to when I graduated all those years ago, but I’d love to lose 5-10 lbs. permanently. I know what you mean when you say you feel like you have to work harder than others to look a certain way. I see skinny people all the time and I wonder, are they eating less than me? Do they never eat a potato chip? What is their food philosophy that makes them so thin?! I don’t have an answer. Part of me wants to say that they do do something special, and I am capable of looking like that if I chose to have the same amount of discipline. Another part wants to just blame genetics. Maybe I want to think that so I have an excuse to be lazy and eat what I want. Honestly, is it a combination of the two. I am just not sure what ratio.

    I like reading what you have to write. You can read my journal, if you like. It sounds like we have a lot of the same things going on. Here is a link: http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/alice-down-the-rabbit-hole/page/3#post-131375

    Good luck, hope to hear from you.

    -Alice

    #92520

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    Yes, of course I will read your journal!!– glad to hear from someone with similar thoughts–&thanks for writing :) I do really hope that college will help me to grow and chill about food/weight & hopefully I will be able to follow my somewhat regular eating patterns to avoid weight gain and not fret about it too much.

    Anyways….. yesterday went really well…. ate a good and satisfying breakfast and lunch, although breakfast was four oatmeal brown butter chic chip cookies (yummy) and lunch consisted of a browni,e turkey bagel sandwich, and a bunch of strawberries freshly picked! In the morning aI went on a 1.5 mile walk/jog with my friends… and then at 12:30-1:45pm I went to the gym and did cardio and weights before work from 2-5pm. Then went to one of my really close friends house for her grad party and without restrictions ate a bunch of food that filled me up for dinner :) Day 65= success.

    Day 66, today I woke up at 8:30am and ate a breakfast consisting of an everything bagel with 2T peanut butter crunchy&smooth and a banana.

    then after last night I was full from dinner & didn’t want to overdo the sweets by eating a piece of cake, so I saved it & really craved it this morning as it was sitting in the fridge so I ate it at 10am, YUM :)

    Then at 12pm I went to a local trail and jogged approximately 4miles— the longest I think I’ve ever run consecutively!!! And felt so good afterward because it was so hotttttt out and I felt a sense of achievement & really still wasn’t too tired! :)

    Then at 1:30pm I was home and put together a lunch for myself to refuel. I ate a pb & jelly sandwich on wheat, a medium sized apple, a mozzarella cheese stick, and a cup of strawberry greek yogurt… that is AFTER I enjoyed a remaining brown butter cookie :)) haha now I am comfortably full although that was a big lunch & I am looking forward to taking a shower soon and then reading some of the new (best selling) trilogy I bought this morning– Fifty Shades of GRey- anybody read this yet? Im excited bc I hear it’s reallllllllly good!… hope to finish the night strong!

    #92521

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    ughh got bored and just ate my dinner early, without listen to my body for hunger… and ate what I wanted but it was very shitty food…. 4 burger king chicken nuggets + 1 chicken strip, a hanful of fries, 1/2 cup of a Naked smoothie, and 4 small brown butter chocolate chip cookies. I think i’ve already eaten too much and have stopped but I’m just a little upset with how much fat i’ve consumed today :( not a binge though so that’s good! and i think my calorie counting is effecting me eating so much….. Ive been doing it in my head still and wish I could stop, because then maybe I would be able to fully let my hunger cues take over :( I’ve been averaging about 900 calories per meal today & although yes I did run today I feel parranoid that my summer is off to an unhealthy start. oh well I need to not freak out… Im now going to read & then skype with my new roommate for college. maybe later I will go for a walk or play tennis. Not sure yet. but anyways… I GUESS today = a successful day 66

    #92522

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    Also ended up eating another 1/2 cup of greek yogurt for no reason whatsoever…. feel like this overeating ALWAYS happens on a sunday and I don’t know how to avoid it? I know it technically wasn’t a binge but it makes me feel like it was because its as if im resorting to my once a week binges gradually :(( opinions?

    #92523

    aliceautumn
    Participant

    Kim I totally know how you feel when you say that you “GUESS today was successful.” I think that the days when I eat foods that are not 100% supportive of weight loss are hard for me to accept. I know when I binge, I know when I don’t. Overeating and eating junk still happens.

    It isn’t a failure at all! Maybe eating a little extra yogurt stopped a binge from happening later? Although you wouldn’t know, but I bet it is a possibility. I wonder if I just gave in a little bit every once in awhile if I wouldn’t have a binge every couple of weeks. I bet that that is healthier. Eat mostly healthy with a few treats now and again and just forget about the binge! I sometime miss binging but I don’t miss it right after one.

    Sometimes we have to take small things as a success. Okay, you may have felt like you ate too much, but you didn’t eat a tub of ice cream either.

    You are doing so well in the larger picture!

    -Alice

    #92524

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    True, I didn’t go overboard! :) Yesterday was an extremely successful day 67 & I managed to get outside for the whole day as I had a day out with my cousin! We went and played tennis for an hour, a bit of basketball, and then went to our lake where we swam and went for a canoe ride :) It was so fun and we were outside for the entire day from 10am-3:30pm!!! I ate a small satisfying breakfast beforehand and packed a healthy lunch and snack to go, both of which I ate when hungry… despite eating breakfast early without hunger because I knew I should. Then after I got home from the outdoor activities I was hungry for a snack and allowed myself to eat a Klondike bar, SO PERFECT to eat on such a hot day!!! YUM! Then I hung out and read a bit before I went to kickboxing at 6pm, I was already a bit tiredfrom being outside all day, but surprisingly I worked really hard during my workout and my instructor even complimented my progress & hard work!! :D Also, I invited him to my grad party & he asked if he could bring someone with him so i am HOPING it will be his hott son!!!!!!!! Ahhhh his son is so cute!!! Anyways yesterday was surprisingly more focused on my daily activities than on food which is AMAZING accomplishment, & after kickboxing I showered first- YAY, then drank two huge glasses of water (which I always try to drink before a meal) and prepped my dinner of a turkey and cheese quesadilla, white rice, broccoli, and a small side salad (accompanied by 2 fig newtons, and small low fat yogurt w/ a quaker chewy bar for dessert)… It took me awhile to prep dinner and even when I sat down I enjoyed it slowly even taking a few long breaks to check some stuff on the internet. I stressed the importance of putting my fork down after bites and chewly slowly to savor the food and not get distracted by the tv or computer—- YAY!!! Also im trying not to think too hard about calories (which i didnt yesterday) and also not so much on my stomach because I feel when I obsess about getting abs thats when I screw up my eating.. out of stress. SO yes- almost perfect day!!! yesterday!!… Today has started really well… I woke up at 9am and wasnt hungry right away so was actually able to calmly sit and watch tv for an hour until I felt my body getting hungry… then I ate a serving of special k honey granola with a banana a half cup of milk and a scoop of strawberry greek yogurt… YUM!!! now I have been reading and on the computer for the past two hours after breakfast. Today is definitely going to be a rest day for me with NO exercise because I am absolutely tired from yesterdays excess (but fun!!!) activities! The rest if the day will be spent just hanging out around the house and i plan on eating when hungry :)

    #92525

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    Just ate my lunch intuitively!!! at around 130pm and made 2 eggs scrambled with an ounce of sharp white cheddar cheese, 2 slices of whole wheat toast with a bit of butter, and a light smear of low fat cream cheese, and then strawberry jam on one of the pieces, and a few strips of seasoned turkey breast. I was craving eggs and cheese, and tbh the combo was perfect & TOTALLY hit the spot!!! I actually waited until the entire meal was put together and then made coffee with a bit of creamer and splenda plus a tablespoon of chocolate milk powder (delicious mocha combo!!!!) before I started to eat my meal. I sat down and ate slow and it was really good. Today Ive given it thought and have been truly realizing that you don’t need a LOT of food to be satisfied but mores just enough of what you TRULY want to be satisfied and happy with what you ate— this is sometimes hard for me to focus (especially on busy days) because I get so caught up in the idea of eating a wide array of healthy things during that day that sometimes, usually at lunch I eat all healthy but often too much and things that I don’t necessarily desire to eat (though are still delicious)… even a few days ago I caught myself adding a side of yogurt to my lunch and when I thought about it I didn’t really want it so I put it back. I think its all about mindfulness for me, & today at lunch I also realized that getting “up close” with my food and actually looking closely at it and its deliciousness before it enters my mouth REALLY helps me to enjoy the flavor that much more– no wonder why food network and other tv show hosts like Giada De Laurentiis are so thin because they truly savor every bite and admire the beauty and deliciousness! I think I’m catching on :D Wanted to grab a Klondike bar after lunch from the freezer to enjoy but Im content with my meal right now so will probably wait til later for a snack or to enjoy it after dinner :)

    #92526

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    so ended last night well… wasnt quite hunger around when my mom came home from work but we went to dinner then around 5:45-6pm– I filled my plate but not too heavily at a chinese buffet and chose a few healthier and not so healthy options but it was good and I was content with my fullness when done eating and drinking a glass of diet coke. A few hours later at home I enjoyed a brownie :) Successful DAY 68

    Today also was a success- DAY 69- but my morning breakfast kinda threw off my day… which is my own fault… but I went strawberry picking with my bro and dad and then ate breakfast in the cafe there. I got a short stack of two (huge) pancakes and ate about half with a tiny bit of butter and a couple tablespoons of pure new york maple syrup… and ate one of two small sausage patties that came with it and then two cups of coffee with creamer and splenda. The pancakes were decent but a bit dense and chewy in some parts, ew, and I definitely ate more than I usually would for breakfast because I felt fullness and usually when I eat breakfast I eat a smaller amount of food that doesnt make me feel full but is satisfying… anyways 4 hours later I felt a slight amount of hunger and irrationally decided to go back to the pancakes and last piece of sausage and finished all of the rest plus about 1 more pancake worth of my brothers food, as well as a few strawberries and a half of banana and a quaker dips chewy bar. I felt a bit past full but not too uncomfortable but knew I shouldve eaten something else because Im not used to eating so many carbs and the pancakes had little protein so clearly didnt fill me up in the right way. but whatever i got over the fact that I somewhat overate but did put my calories in online to check how much I ate but shouldnt have and shouldve just relied on hunger… anyways about two hours later I ate a small brownie although that was just more carbs I didnt need, but I did enjoy it. Then had kickboxing at 6-745 and worked pretty hard but there were a lot more ppl so it wasnt as great of a workout like on monday but what ev. Then came home waited about 30min to eat (after shower) and ate a small turkey sandwich with cheese and spinach on rye bread, a small side of more spinach with balsamic dressing, a few strawberries, I munched on a few of my dads deep fried french fries :/ and then also had a small cup of strawberry greek yogurt with a tablespoon of special k granola and a tablespoon of whipped cream (SO yummy)… after enjoying that and a few glasses of water I felt pleasantly full though a BIT guilty I ate the greasy french fries… but now i dont really care cause they tasted good. JUST WISH IT WAS always easier for me to eat smaller amounts on days that I dont have much to do… when Im busy its easy… & also I wish it was easier for me to get abs but im trying not to get down about that because my stomach is so much more muscular than it used to be when i binged although there still is an apparent layer of fat… IM curious to know what what body composition is? :) it intrigues me to know— i know at my college next year the rec center has a body body composition counseling thing which I know ill check out & also a lot of group exercise classes I choose to join & nutritional classes Ill look into to eat a bit more healthier :)

    #92527

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    Yesterday was a successful day 70 :) but I ate too much surely, because of grad parties and what not. Today I woke up late at 10am then ate when hungry at 11am- greek yogurt with a bit of granola and half banana…. then at 12pm decided on eating a delicious piece of chocolate cake at home, then had another piece- kinda regretted the second piece but it was delicious si I didn’t care too much… then at a grad party ate 2 small cookies at 1:30pm….. then at 4pm ate half a subway turkey sub…..now just woke up from an hour nap and my stomach feels like lard, probably because of the cake & i felt tempted to eat another piece BUT took one small nibble and stopped myself. I think once I fully wake up I will go to the park and exercise- maybe walk but im extremely tired and kinda sad for no reason :( no binge though so good so far :)

    #92528

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    So, I made myself get out of the house after sleepily craving more cake… Once I got out and went to a state park to hike the springs with my cousin I felt so much better… Being out doors was very refreshing :) when I got back home around 9:35pm I was a bit hungry so after chugging a few glasses of water I ate two mini honey wheat pretzel twists with a bit of pb and a low fat strawberry yogurt with 8 small frozen strawberries. Now that I was able to hold off my irrational craving to eat a third piece of cake I feel less guilty about my day ..though I did use a calorie counter…. and realize that I just was afraid that I would eat a lot more and now know that I need to trust myself and my body_ exactly why I need to rely one hunger more… Which I will do tomorrow :) I plan on making a yummy egg breakfast when im hungry in the morning and then hopefully getting outside to the park to maybe run or something and maybe buy my favorite salad from panera for lunch :D anyways day 70=a success

    #92529

    kimwhit12
    Participant

    Today was a very successful day, though I didn’t eat intuitively- but im beginning to accept the days that I cant follow it for what they are and do my best regardless. Ate breakfast at 9am then a kind of unhealthy lunch at 11:30pm, then an unneccessary snack at 2:00pm consisting of donuts, but then went to a trail and jogged 5 miles so I felt really good after that and it allowed me to eat comfortably at dinner— Red LObster w/ the family for Father’s Day :) I ate what I wanted from the menu without freaking out about calorie content and decided on wood-grilled lobster tail, shrimp & scallops, which came over a bed of rice pilaf w/ a butter sauce & side of broccoli, also ate one biscuit & a garden salad with raspberry vinaigrette. So delicious and drank a bunch of water too, felt comfortably full and the entree was reasonably sized so I was able to eat it all (minus 3 of the 4 scallops because I didnt prefer them) and feel pleasantly full :) Now im home relaxing, gonna read and then hang out with my dad for a bit! I’m so excited I was able to go out and be active after eating too much as a snack and now feel a lot better about my day- Im very proud also that I was able to run 5 miles- its the longest distance ive ran consistently!! :D

    Not tempted to eat any cake right now either! Going to enjoy my night & maybe do a bunch of crunches later!

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