finally back on track for the past 3 days! it took me a while to snap out of my binge-eating/overeating but now i'm starting to feel better. Although i've been kind of depressed still (i think it's the music im listening to, but its making me cry, but it feels good). onn friday, my stomach got really bloated and gassy, and i felt kind of nauseuous/not good, so i was able to not binge, and get back on track. THANK GOD FOR UPSET STOMACHS.I went to the fitness center saturday and sunday, and today im going to a Move it/Zumba class. I've been keeping up with homework, doing all the reading and everything i'm supposed to, but i feel like i'm lacking in time to think about myself and other people and how to live as a person. I've been really nervous/paranoid around people lately, which i think has to do with my bingeing induced depression/low self esteem, but also the social anxiety i've been continuously experiencing. I feel very disconnected from firstly myself, secondly other people, and thirdly the world around me. I haven't been able to fall asleep as easily lately too, saturday was because i had 4 cups of tea to help my stomach (a bit excessive?) and i was really nervous, so i only slept for 3 hours. But last night, I layed in bed for a good hour or so, just thinking about really weird things. I felt really weird last night, it's hard to explain. Almost as if i was coming out of my body. I looked at my hand and got kind of frightened for no reason..weird. I felt like I could lay there and listen to music all night, but eventually i fell asleep. I thought about everything-the past, memories, people i miss from home, my roommates, the thousands of other people in this college and what they are doing at this moment, etc. I enjoyed it, and i wish i thought like that more often. I also cried(not really, just teared up a bit)-once again, it might have been the music.
But anyway, so far i've been eating what i want, and thats what i plan on doing. That and going to the fitness center. Then I should start feeling much better. I don't even really care about my weight anymore. I want to be a person.
I HATE SCHOOLWORK. i have sooooooo much. I actually don't mind reading this semester, for bio its interesting stuff like evolution, and in writing we read about the brain and consciousness and elephants and stuff. And i hate writing essays. I have such trouble forming cohesive thoughts together and writing them in an essay. Its just so difficult to me, but i try to get it done, and it is what it is...