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Jacqui's Journal for 2010

(503 posts)
  • Started 8 months ago by jacquirsw1
  • Latest reply from jacquirsw1

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12…11

  1. jacquirsw1
    Member

    This is going to be a good year!!!

    No matter what happens I know that I can get through it. I know that if I binge I can stop and that it doesn't spoil the good or change me into bad.

    I am in work in a bit till tomorrow but I feel settled and happy.

    Posted 8 months ago #

  2. Lorena
    Member

    Good luck Jacqui!!

    and this is going to be a good year. Think positive and think about a positive relationship with food.

    You are right. Binging does not make us bad people. We are still the people we were before.

    Keep smiling

    Posted 8 months ago #

  3. Lauren
    Member

    Cheers to that!! Happy 2010!

    Posted 8 months ago #

  4. Louise
    Member

    Damn right this is going to be a good year !!! Good luck.,.. we all stick together, then things are rosy in my opinion
    Wooohooooooo!!!!

    Posted 8 months ago #

  5. break the cycle
    Member

    Yes, a new, fresh start with a new fresh mindset and body. Nothing tastes better than inner peace and having renewed confidence. Good luck to everyone : )

    Posted 8 months ago #

  6. break the cycle
    Member

    Yes, a new, fresh start with a new fresh mindset and body. Nothing tastes better than inner peace and having renewed confidence. Good luck to everyone : )

    Posted 8 months ago #

  7. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Oh the powers that be know how to test us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am now working until monday afternoon because of staff sickness, if I can get through the next 2 days I can get through anything. Keep your fingers crossed for me

    Posted 8 months ago #

  8. Lauren
    Member

    Arrrggggg that has got to be the worst..I'm sorry you are having to work to cover for others I've got my fingers crossed and will sending you lots of strength-filled thoughts. Hugs, L

    Posted 8 months ago #

  9. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Thanks hon. It is working.

    I have managed to get a couple of hours covered so I can come home for a little bit and then go back in again.

    Food wise I am doing well and have not binged or urged so that is cool.

    Posted 8 months ago #

  10. Lauren
    Member

    Wahooo to getting a little break for yourself and for staying strong and not bingeing. Your stronger than you know! I hope you get time off Monday for having to work all weekend? Have a nice Sunday. Hugs, L

    Posted 8 months ago #

  11. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Well I have enjoyed my afternoon off work, although I am back in tomorrow morning for a long day with a sleep in.
    I have the flutterings of a binge in my tummy but I am hoping to get through it. I know I am just a little tired and anxious with the demands of work, and I know that eating won't give me any lasting positives so am trying to keep remembering that.

    I am happy that I have got this far and do feel that it is a real change from some similar periods in the past that I have been through.

    Posted 8 months ago #

  12. Hope777
    Member

    Hey Jacqui!
    What a great way to start off the new year with so much positivity! Its great that you can feel change. It just goes to show that although it is a long process we can learn to live with this ED and learn how to live normally again. Best of luck with these couple stressful days, I KNOW you can get through it. Think of how good it will feel not to binge during this stressfull time and know that however must stress you feel it will pass
    Hugs!
    Liz

    Posted 8 months ago #

  13. amanda918
    Member

    Hey Jacqui! Be strong and just keep remembering how good it feels everyday knowing that you didn't binge the day before. Also keep reminding yourself of all the incredible progress you've made in the time that you've been on this forum. I know I've been here I long time, but you've been here the longest and I can remember reading your old posts and all of the struggles you've been through. You've really turned it around and a bad day now and then won't change that! Hope your 2010 is even more successful than your 2009 was!!!

    Posted 8 months ago #

  14. Lauren
    Member

    Stay strong friend..you can do it. Kick that binge monster out of your tummy...and get some rest! Ahh that awful caregiver stress and crazy demanding schedule..I feel you love. Hugs L

    Posted 8 months ago #

  15. Louise
    Member

    Hi Jacqui... did you get through without binging ? Hope you are still feeling positive !!! xxx

    Posted 8 months ago #

  16. loveapple
    Member

    Hi Jacqui

    I've only just joined this forum. I have spent years bingeing and then searching the internet for diet plans and motivation to lose weight - I can't believe it has taken me so long to find a forum that doesn't do any of that, but motivates me to focus on what needs to be changed (my bingeing) and not waht doesn't (my weight).

    Thanks for being so inspirational at the start of the year. Each time I despair I'm going to read your post!

    Lx

    Posted 8 months ago #

  17. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Hi everyone!

    Well the update is..........................................

    Drum roll please. I got through it all with out binging. I now have 4 days off before I am back in work again which is positive in one sense. But the reason I have them is because I am going to have to be nursing my hubby who is having surgery tomorrow on his knee, so not really going to be off relaxing.

    I can honestly say though that coming on here and seeing the support that everyone gives each other despite us all having our own battles to fight gives me so much strength and positivity to keep on going no matter how hard it gets.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  18. cookiemonster
    Member

    Hey that is amazing that you didnt binge! Good luck with your husbands knee surgery. Keep up the positivity I know I will thanks to this wonderful website and the supporting and caring people that post here of course !

    Posted 7 months ago #

  19. Lauren
    Member

    Awesome job girl!!! Wow! I'm impressed. I'll keep sending your hubby lots of quick recovery thoughts. ~L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  20. Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Way to getter done Jacq, your doing great! Happy taking care of hubby days ahead, I am sure you will nurse him back to health. Don't forget to wear your cute little nurse outfit! ha ha h Is he having it done orthoscopic? If so he will be up and adam before you know it. My hubby had his done and was walking around the same day infact, amazing the advancements nowadays orthoscopic compared to the hack and wack surgeries of yesteryear.. ~ Megan

    Posted 7 months ago #

  21. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Hi

    Yeah it is being done by arthoscopy, but they are not sure what they are going to find in there, and may have to have stuff done to ligaments, and bone. I had a very similar op a few years ago and it is true the recovery time was so much quicker but I was still in quite a lot of pain for a bit. I just hope that it sorts the problem out as he has always been active but for the last few months he has basically not been able to do anything when he hasn't been at work because of how painfull his knee has been.

    I have just had the phone call to say he is either 1st or 2nd on the list for today so atleast he is not going to be waiting around for ages. My tummy is in knots with that wonderful paradox of wanting to go and pig out, but I am here instead writing away.

    Thanks for all the support

    Posted 7 months ago #

  22. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Good news. Hubby has had his op. they had to do quite extensive repairs to cartilidge and also something to his patella so he is in quite a bit of pain, and is off for a minimum of 4 weeks rather than the 2 they originally thought it would be.

    Jacqui

    Posted 7 months ago #

  23. Lauren
    Member

    Well I'm sorry it ended up more extensive then they thought but awesome that he's done and it was a success! Now comes Nurse Jacqui

    Posted 7 months ago #

  24. Bingemonsterbegone
    Member

    Glad its over and done with, I am sure with a hot nurse he will be feeling better in no time. Way to not binge Jacq, proud of you for coming here to talk it over instead, progressing along nicely.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  25. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Hey

    Well another day down without a binge. I did over eat slightly, choosing to have 2 saus and egg muffins for breakfast rather than the 1 I know would have been sufficient. and I also had a few chocolates in the evening but managed to limit what I had and enjoyed the few I allowed.

    I am tired today but I think that is just the emotions of everything.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  26. Lauren
    Member

    Sounds like you have done just fine and will all those emotions flowing, a little comfort eating is normal. You haven't binged, so thats whats important! Try and find time today to take a nice relaxing bath. Remember caregivers must take time for themselves too Hugs, L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  27. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Tired, anxious and bored.
    Going to try to go and get an early night or I can see a big binge coming my way. Catch you all tomorrow

    Posted 7 months ago #

  28. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Well I managed to stop the binge happening last night which I am really happy about.
    It means that I have not had a binge since the new year, which considering what emotions and stuff I have gone through I am suprised and really proud about.

    I am chilling today and realyl making the most of this time away from work.

    Jacqui

    Posted 7 months ago #

  29. Lauren
    Member

    Yes Jacq! That is great!! You should be very proud of yourself. Have a nice chill day

    Posted 7 months ago #

  30. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Another day on track without a binge. I did allow myself to have some chocolate last night but I was able to limit it to 6 chocolates and leave it at that.

    I am happy with hos I have been doing this year.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  31. cookiemonster
    Member

    I am happy for you! Doesnt it feel great when you conquer that binge food , like instead of being scared of it you eat the chocolates and move on. Every time that happens I feel I take away a little of the power that food has over me and claim it back

    Posted 7 months ago #

  32. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Yeah it does feel really good to be controlling the binge urges and getting through things without resorting to food.
    I always wonder when I am in a stable period why given how much better I feel when not binging why I give in to it the times I do. All I have come up with is that for me it is a form of punishment, when things are not going well or I have not coped with something I punish myself by binging because I know it is going to make me feel awful.

    So what I am going to try and concentrate on is that I don't need to do it, I don't need to punish myself if something doesn't go as well as I feel it should and I don't have to be perfect.

    Jacqui

    Posted 7 months ago #

  33. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Good morning

    Well I am back at work today after my long weekend of nursing hubby. He is gradually getting there, still on crutches but the pain is reducing.

    I am not looking forward to going into work as I am there from 10am today till 11am tomorrow, I just hope that the young man I am looking after is settled and has no crisis as I am tired today. I am also on shift with a new member of staff so not sure how he will respond to her.

    Food wise I still haven't had a binge this year which feels great

    Posted 7 months ago #

  34. loveapple
    Member

    What a great way of putting it! I haven't had a binge this year either. That feels like a great thing to say. Thanks for helping me to come out of my bad mood a little! x

    Posted 7 months ago #

  35. Lauren
    Member

    Hey Jacq..glad your hubs is on the mend. I'm sure he's appreciated having you as his nurse. Wow that sounds like a brutal shift...good luck..I hope its a peaceful day. And congrats on a binge-free new year! ~L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  36. jacquirsw1
    Member

    I managed to have a good shift which is cool. didn't get much sleep though so am very tired today which I know can be a trigger for me.

    Hubby seems to be in a lot more pain again today and is very swollen which is not good but hey ho.

    Jacqui

    Posted 7 months ago #

  37. Lauren
    Member

    Glad you had a good shift...catch you some Zzzz today Jacq! Aw can he take an antiinflammatory like Motrin? Hope he feels better. ~L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  38. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Well didn't manage to catch any zzzzzzzzzzzzzz's but I didn't binge either which is amazing, I think it is the first time that I have not binged when really tired in years so it continues to be a good year for me. I really do like being able to say that I have not binged this year.

    food today has been good as well despite having to deal with a buffet and having the anxiety of having to do a presentation tomorrow at a national conference< and wer had a big team meeting today which did my head in with the politics.

    Jacqui

    Posted 7 months ago #

  39. Hope777
    Member

    Its great that you didnt binge even though you didnt get sleep. Thats def tough to do. I am so proud of you!

    Posted 7 months ago #

  40. cookiemonster
    Member

    Its great that you didnt binge when you were in a situation where usually it ends up happening. Like that you are breaking the pattern of associating sleep deprivation=binge.
    And you did that while going to a buffet on top of it and while being stressed. I am very impressed

    Posted 7 months ago #

  41. Lauren
    Member

    wow girl...no bingeing sleep deprived, stressed, and in the face of a buffet!! I am quite impressed!! What a new year this has been for you..you deserve it! ~L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  42. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Well the positivity with food continues despite the world seeming to be trying everything it can to knock me off track. I have had a very difficult time at work over the last few days and am feeling very raw and at the point where I am not sure whether I am taking things the wrong way or whether they are actually as personal as I think they are. I am doubting my own abilities and everything which I have never really done at work before. But I am talking it through with hubby and will speak to my manager when I see her next (even though that will be about a weeks time)

    But as I said I still haven't binged so I am proud of that.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  43. break the cycle
    Member

    Way to go on not turning to food when thins get rough. That takes a lot if strength bc we all know food is our best friend for a few moments on the tounge, then our worst enemy within minutes. Stay strong thru this rough spot. It will pass and you'll feel sooo much worse ontop of everything else with a food hangover. You're stupendous! Keep it up

    Posted 7 months ago #

  44. cookiemonster
    Member

    Hey I know its hard when you have hard days at work because then you take that with you when you go back home and worry about it. But you are doing great not using food to cope and I think you are being proactive by planning to speak to your manager and talk it through with your husband. That sounds like a good plan !

    Enjoy the rest of the weekend and try not to think about work too much.

    Stay strong!

    Posted 7 months ago #

  45. Hope777
    Member

    Hi Jacqui!
    Well the world continues to try to throw you off track but you are keeping strong! I promise these tough times will pass and then it will be super easy for you! Stay Strong!!!!!!!
    -L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  46. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Thanks everyone I am not quite sure where I would be without the support on here.

    I spoke to hubby and I have emailled my manager to say that I need to talk to her, and have had a response already which is good.

    I managed to stay on track yesterday and am feeling really good about the fact that I am getting through this without binging.

    and EVEN BETTER without dieting just with being in control of the binges I have managed to lose 6lb since the new year which is brill and shows that for those of us who are over weight it isn't the diets that work it is normal eating that will get us where we want to be.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  47. Lauren
    Member

    WAhooo Jacqui!! On having control over those binges...especially with all the stress going on! And six pounds in marvelous! You are right, its not about dieting, but just having a normal eating pattern! Hope u have a lovely day! ~L

    Posted 7 months ago #

  48. cookiemonster
    Member

    Congrats on the 6 pounds without dieting that is awesome !! You are getting stronger everyday !

    Posted 7 months ago #

  49. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Hello

    It was an interesting shift at work. I ended up seeing my manager for a brief meeting as I had concerned her with the email I had sent, so I have had the oportunity to discuss some of my feelings which means I think I will find it easier to switch off while I am on leave this week.
    We are booking our flights and stuff at the weekend for our holiday at easter, and I am a little anxious as we are having to put them on the credit card which I don't like doing but as a family we really really need to get away and we have got free accomodation so it is not bad. I just hate stressing about money, we are no where near maxed out or anything like that but we do have to be careful if that makes sense.

    so lots of things going round my head at the moment.

    BUT I am pleased to continue to report that I still have not had a binge this year........... and YES I still LOVE being able to say that.

    Posted 7 months ago #

  50. jacquirsw1
    Member

    Just had a really emotional telephone call.
    My best friend moved away just before Christmas so haven't seen her in a month and although we have spoken it hasn't been as good if that makes sense. Then today we have finally had a proper chat and she has been honest about things, her partner (whose family live near where they moved to) has been diagnosed with a particularly nasty aggressive cancer which is not operable and they believe that if he has chemo it will not actually cure him but may (and even this is not guaranteed) give him an extra few weeks, they are saying it is going to be months at best and weeks at worst.
    I just want to be able to hug her and support her as she has none of her own support networks now any she has are his family so concerned more with him. But I know how important it is for the care to have someone as well.
    I have offered that she comes up with their daughter for a couple of days as her partner is going over to Holland for some random treatment that can't be got here (yes they are that desperate with that little hope) so fingers crossed she will take me up on the offer, I have even offered to go and get them even though it is about 150 miles away just so that she can have a rest for a couple of days.
    Please can everyone send thoughts so that I do get her to come.

    Posted 7 months ago #

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