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I've had enough
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February 10, 2012 at 4:55 am #4546
Like everyone on this site (as I presume) I have had enough of this disorder. In truth, I never wanted to join something like this, but I feel it is necessary for me to seek help in every way possible in order to truly overcome this awful mental roadblock. I guess, since I sometimes feel so much shame in regards to binges, I have had a hard time admitting to myself that there is a problem.
Here is my story: When I was in about 10th grade I started obsessing over weight loss. In reality I was a thin person, but I wanted to be thinner, so I started dieting. For that entire year I was ridiculously motivated and lost too much weight due to over-restriction and exercise. I am 5’3″ (roughly) and I probably weighed about 95 pounds or slightly less. I guess this was a mild form of anorexia. That summer I started binging, but it was not as dramatic as now. However, still completely obsessed, I started restricting even further to overcompensate. Throughout all of 11th grade I would repeat a constant cycle of 5-6 days of complete calorie restriction (about 800 with exercise) and terrible binges on weekends.
This past summer, I felt hopeful. I went away for six weeks to a summer program and made a whole bunch of great friends and exerperienced life a little more on my own. Food, for the first time in a very long time, started to be tossed to the back burner of my mind. I thought that maybe my senior year would finally be the year that I gave up my eating disorder and moved on to better and more important matters.
Man, was I wrong. This year the binging became increasingly problematic, and for the first time in my life, I gained a substantial amount of weight. I am still not obese, thank god, and still try to exercise, but I now weigh about 122 pounds and feel constantly self-conscious. But even worse than my body image is my complete addiction to binging (primarily at night) It truly scares me that I am so out of control and so miserable constantly due to self induced torture.
So I’m coming out of the binge disorder closet. I got a book on breaking free from compulsive overeating, I started seeing a therapist, and I’m starting to write on this website. I am so young and deserve to not let this plague me for the rest of my existence. I want to go to college cured and pursue acting and writing and enjoy my life. Any advice or simple kind words would be helpful. I’ll keep whoever wants to read updated on my progress!!February 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm #89970
Hey there sumbumbee,
Have some hope, I am more or less free from binging now (I started journalling around a year ago!). You seem to be taking all the right steps to being free from BED – I read Overcoming Overeating – and that was the book that changed my life. I overeat every now and then but am at a healthy normal weight, and don’t feel scared or uncomfortable around food anymore.
You can do it! Plus – did the summer program show you that maybe when you’re in a happy state of mind – bingeing wasn’t appealing? I think the reason we binge is to escape pain and suffering in life, and focusing on making our lives happier – enables you to overcome BED in the long run.
I’ll be keeping updated on your progress, good luck!
L xxFebruary 10, 2012 at 8:01 pm #89971
Thank you so much for all your support. I am happy that there are people out there who overcame this terrible disorder, it is truly inspiring. I would agree with you, people binge because they want to fill a void. Currently there is a riddiculously large void due to how sick I am of high school and my desperation to graduate. I know there will be other times in the future where my work or my personal life can make me forget food. However, while I’m still at home, I would like to be able to say that I conquered my disorder.February 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm #89972
ok, I think I’m going to switch to a different forum (under the same name) because I accidentally started three.
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