I just need some support « Binge Eating Forum

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I just need some support

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Started 7 months ago by W
Latest reply from thepurplerabbit

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W
Member

Hey guys. I'm new to the site as of 5 minutes ago, haha. I just binged again and I am feeling so low right now.

I can't really talk to anybody in my life about my problem because it's so embarrassing and I feel like if I talked to them, they would judge me or scrutinize my body as I told my story. I really want to get a therapist, but it's not paid for by insurance so I don't have the money right now. I'm hoping this website can help me.

I'm not overweight but I will be very soon if I don't stop. I've been on diets for years, am actually studying to be a nutritionist, but sometimes I just hate myself so much that I can't stop eating. I'll be shoving things into my mouth as I'm thinking, "STOP. You're not hungry. You're binging. STOP EATING." And I literally just can't.

I'm 19 years old and living at home while I go to school. My whole family eats terribly but it doesn't affect their weight. I'm tempted by their foods when they aren't home (I'm a vegetarian and eat super healthy in front of other people).

My binges are almost daily now and my exercise has dropped significantly. I usually binge in the afternoon when no one's home then don't eat for the rest of the night or exercise at night so I can have something small for dinner.

Finding this website will hopefully be a really big help to me, and I thank you all in advance for your support

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

Welcome!! So we're like twins sort of, at least. I haven't told anyone about BED just because I'm a pretty private person and I'm not ready to open up like that (well I told my mom at one point when I was really desperate but I regret that because I don't think she got it and she thought it was just regular emotional eating). I'm also vegetarian and used to be a huge health nut on one side but then I would go and binge on junk so it was sort of a jekyll/hyde food situation ... my parents have always been into very healthy food though so I think part of my bingeing was trying to get at "forbidden" foods I knew were bad for me and were never allowed ... and I'm also not overweight, just am uncomfortable with it, and used to have big afternoon/night binges. I'm 17, which I guess is 2 years off but that's not much, we can still be twins

Anyway, first of all it's great you came to this site because everyone here is so supportive and sweet and knows exactly what you're going through. Just post a lot and read other people's journals, we all help each other out. You CAN stop bingeing, you really can, even when it feels impossible. I binged almost daily/every few days for 3 1/2 years and I tried to stop SO many times and I was just miserable. I would just eat until I felt sick and sometimes I would just cry afterwards because it was so stupid and depressing and pointless. Now I haven't binged since the beginning of the year (dec. 30 to be exact) which is longer than I've ever gone and it feels really good. Of course I'm still worried it will come back but I'm thinking positive. You can do the same thing! Don't give up on yourself. Try and figure out what is making you binge and then you can deal with it, we'll help you Good luck and keep posting!

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Haha yay for twins!

The thing with my parents is tough, too. My mom died from cervical cancer just under two years ago, and I'm not close with my dad at all. He definitely wouldn't understand and since I know we don't have the $ for a therapist, there's no point in telling him. It sucks.

I agree with the forbidden foods thing-It's so stupid and annoying because I feel 100x better when I stick to healthy foods, but once I go off track it takes a long time for me to "be good" again.

I haven't gone out with my friends in 2 months because I told myself I would only be allowed to when I finally lost weight. I'm embarrassed for people to see me right now because I'm at my highest weight of my life. Sad thing is, I only lost 2.5 pounds over that whole amount of time and I'm pretty sure I gained it all back this week with my binges.

I know this might be a little extreme, but has anyone contemplated suicide over this? Lately I have been considering it more and more, which scares the hell out of me. I don't think I'd ever do it, but I don't feel like there's a point of me living. I'm NOT living right now by letting food and weight dictate my life, and if I'm going to be fat forever, there's no point, you know? Just asking if anyone else has felt this way.

Thank you SO much for replying- it feels great to have someone to actually talk to about this

Posted 7 months ago #
El
Member

Hi xxdeed,
Welcome to this site - I have found it such a helpful place to be, even in the darkest of times.
I can really relate to what you said about eating healthily in front of people - I have beena vegetarian for many years (although was advised recently to reintroduce fish). For some reason I feel like I will be judged for eating unhealthy food in front of people and have binged in secret for many years.....followed by dreadful periods of punishment and guilt...and the feeling that I was never ever going to be 'normal' and that it would never end.
With the help I have found on this site I have found things so much easier and I just write down all my worries and troubles....and there is always someone here to help.
I have personally found writing down what I eat each day - even if it is a binge - really helpful as it gave me some accountability for the food I ate, and made me start thinging about what triggered off a binge.

I know exactly what you mean about socialising - I cut myself off totally from my friends - felt so humiliated and I would panic at the thought of going out.....putting on clothes or having my photo taken but I hope that with time these feelings will go - I already feel much better.
Anyway - sorry for the very long reply - good luck and keep posting

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

After rereading what I wrote, I realize how pessimistic I sound. Sorry I'll try not to.

Another question I have--does anyone feel like there's no point of spending money on yourself or even taking good care of yourself when you binge? I love make up and manicures and everything, but when I feel fat I feel like I don't deserve it. At the same time, I'm sure if I took the time to look my best (besides the weight) I would feel more motivated to eat better so I can look my absolute best. Does that make sense? I kind of just word-vomited, but I hope you get what I mean

I'm so overwhelmed knowing that I'm going to have a supportive community and that it will help me get out of this rut!!

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey XX...wanted to say welcome to the site. We all really understand what you are going thru. I am vegan and during my bingeing cycles I would go from extremely healthy to eating horribly so I get that. I think something a lot of us has learned here is that we have to change out black and white, all or nothing thinking with food. You can be healthy some days, and not so healthy other days. You have to re-introduce forbidden foods back into you diet, and once you are able to eat them guilt free, you will be able to eat them in moderate amounts and not need to binge on them. I'm sorry to hear about your mom and that your insurance won't cover therapy. Well you will find tons of support here so keep posting! btw. yes I was very suicidal during my 4 years with bed and planned suicide probably 2 dozen times (never acted on it) so I know where you are coming from...but now I've been binge free for 4 1/2 months and LOVE life..so I promise life is worth it. oh yeah and I also never tried to look good or spend money on myself when I was bingeing but when I started this recovery, I made a point to start wearing make-up, cut clothes, doing my hair, and getting out to see friends and that made a HUGE difference in how I felt about life. Hang in there. ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey just wanted to say welcome! You are allready making progress just by coming here and posting ! My advice for you is to totally let go of any restricting thoughts and any guilt right now. And not to have weight loss in mind, but to want to have a healthy relationship with food. I think thats what is helping me alot right now.

I also noticed your last post and that is EXACTLY how I feel right now. I am slowly getting better at putting on cute clothes or doing my hair and makeup. But in my head on binge days ( which were quickly becoming a daily occurence) it wasnt even worth it to get ready or try to look good because I felt so disgusting. And then since I felt fat I didnt want to see anyone or wear anything. So it makes it all worst because you get isolated and then you binge even more. Its a vicious cycle so its key as well to try to do more activities you like.

You are very right in noticing that if you would take your time to look good and do things for yourself you would be motivated to eat more intuitively. When you treat yourself with love and respect it affects all areas of your life.

You said it yourself, there is way more to life than food and weight cause when you obssess about those things you dont truly live.... You are young and you deserve to be happy and you can get there ! To put things into perspective I always try to remember that I am grateful for my health and for the people that love me and for having a roof over my head...

Keep posting !

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Umm...can I just say how much better I feel knowing that my feelings are normal?! Seriously, thank you guys. I already feel like much less of a psycho

I'm definitely going to come back and post everyday. I'm going to try to stress less about exercising because when I do stress about it, it takes the enjoyment out of it. So even though I binged today, I'm going to try to just do yoga or whatever I feel like tonight.

I have a question for you guys--I've been tracking all of my meals on sparkpeople.com, which is a great website that keeps your cals/fat/carb/protein in check. I've already hit my calorie limit today--if I don't eat anything else, is it still possible to lose weight? It feels unnatural to eat 1700 calories by the afternoon and then restrict all night, but if I'm not going over my calorie limit for the day will it still work? I know my metabolism is getting messed up by doing this, but I am working on it.

Thank you all SOOO much for responding to me and helping me!!

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..I would stop keeping such rigid track of what you are eating. It is dangerous because doing that sets you up for bingeing if you eat even an apple over your calorie limit. I would not restrict tonight if you've already reached your calorie limit. Just eat a good dinner tonight and don't stress about it. Trying to not eat dinner is going to make you feel deprived and lead to trouble...

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

Hey xxdeed!!Welcome to the forum!!!
You look like you are already feeling better about things and you've only just started posting!! Thats one of the great things about this site, and I know for me it really helped knowing that there were other people out there going through the same thing as me at the same time, I hope it does for you too.
In regards to your diet and trying to lose weight, STOP right now pleaseee!! Seriously it was the best thing I have ever done. And if you read peoples journals (for example like Laurens the girl above this post) you will get a really good idea of great ways to go at tackling this binging thing head on.And your body will naturally go to the weight the its most comfortable with. (plus you mention above your not overweight- so theres def no health reasons why you need to lose wight now).
I completely understand how hard it can be to give up trying to lose weight (I'm the same as everyone else here- been on constant diets, running 50miles a week for years), but now that I've stopped I've gone 5 days binge free so far (the longest in over a year).
Goodluck!! Lets beat this together!
Love Sarah xxx

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Congrats on being binge free for 5 days, that is awesome!!

It's really hard to give up the losing weight attitude, but I guess it must be done...I'm hoping to get to the gym tomorrow morning though, just because I haven't exercised in like 4 days and I'm going crazy

Posted 7 months ago #
DC
Member

Hey xxdeed:

I just read what you've been writing and it breaks my heart that you are in so much pain.

I want to give you something to think about. I don't want to sound like I've got this all figured out. I don't! I'm myself only just beginning to heal. But there is this kind of acknowledged wisdom, that Eating Disorders are not about food. They try to tell you something that is wrong in your life or in your soul or in your heart. They try to point you into a direction. For me, that direction has been resolving unidentified, terrifying feelings and finding my self-worth.

I don't know if this helps, but I think you could start asking your heart and soul what is wrong. What it is that you want to forget or not look at because it's too hard or too painful.

There is something else that makes a difference for me immediately: When I can't feel good about myself, I try to make everybody I meet, feel good about themselves. It makes me feel like I'm turning something negative into something positive that is bigger than myself and that always makes my heart sing.

I'm sending you a hug with a lot of strength!

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

Hey again, yeah I understand that its really hard to give up that attitude, I just want to mention that I also am not trying to sound like I have it all figured out. Different things probably work for different people, because not everyone has exactly the same situations.
Also I by no means meant that you shouldn't keep fit and go to the gym, that's something I def could not live without! I meant perhaps you could try cutting down if you are doing extreme amounts of exercise.
You could try to think about why you are trying to lose weight, do you think you will be happier, prettier, more confident or have more friends?
Because its not true that weight loss brings any of these things. Try working on being happy as you are, developing your confidence and socializing.... your biggest goal right now should be to overcome binging! Just taking it one day at a time.

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

DC- Wow. Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me. I like your idea of taking this and turning it into something good, by making someone else feel better about themselves. I will definitely try to do that today

Sez-You're right, I think I just want to lose weight because I feel like all my problems will be solved when I'm skinnier. I'll get a boyfriend, I'll have better style, I'll be confident. It's really hard to tell myself that weight won't solve everything, and to be honest I don't believe it yet. But it's definitely something I'm workin' on

Last night I told myself I didn't have to exercise, but then I got up and did a quick 18 minute dvd just because I wanted to-it felt great! I also didn't restrict all night, I had a piece of toast with one egg/1 egg white scrambled.

This morning I've had 1/2 cup of oats, 4 strawberries, 1 tbsp almond butter and mixed an egg white into it. It's so filling and you can't even taste it! Plus it helps me get more protein, which I've been lacking lately.

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey XX! I know you feel like losing weight will solve all your problems but I promise it WONT. After I had gained 40 pounds the first time around I was convinced of that too...so I started dieting like a mad woman, got really focused, and didn't binge for 10 months. I lost all the weight...got back down to a size 0, 113 pounds. Guess what?! I still had no confidence, no boyfriend, no friends. Want to know why? Because the way I got there was not sustainable and impossible to do with a life. I was so obsessed with my diet that I was too scared to go out to restaurants, eat with friends and not know the calories, do anything that would mess up my plan. So I wasn't able to have a life because I hadn't learned the right, sustainable way to lose weight and keep it there, and enjoy life at the same time! Then once I got depressed again because I saw that weight didn't solve everything and equal happiness, I started bingeing again and gained 35 pounds back. So its really important to stop thinking once I lose the weight I will start living. Start TODAY. Go out with friends today, do the things you love today, fake your confidence today..because doing all that stuff makes it much easier to kick the bingeing and then the weight will eventually come off from not bingeing. And it won't be the weight loss that will have solved all your problems, but the new coping skills, friends, life style that you have created for yourself.

Great job on not restricting last night..and your breakfast looks great for this morning! Hope you have a great day! Keep moving forward friend. ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thanks so much, Lauren!

Today has been okay. After breakfast, I went to my brother's basketball game and came home for lunch. I had a microwaveable peanut noodle thing by Simply Asia- I purposely didn't check the calories til afterwards...it was 510 calories, so I kind of freaked. It didn't even keep me full for 2 hours though. I just got back from grocery shopping with my family-I had a granola bar in there (cookie dough Balance Bar)-200 calories. It kind of worries me that I've had so many cals already because we're going to our country club for dinner and there's no nutrition facts. I'm just going to try to get a light salad and maybe some seafood...depends on my choices I guess.

I feel like today is a good day, though. I'm going to go do a mini workout because I'm stressed about school and need an outlet haha. Hope everyone's having a fab day!<3

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

Doing a workout is a great way to de-stess, much better than binging lol.
It doesn't seem like a huge amount of food to me, I think that what you had seems pretty normal.
Hope you have a good evening at the country club!
xxx Sarah

Posted 7 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hello there!
Welcome, this website had worked wonders for me and i hope it will for you too :). I would def not track your calories as i found when i did then when i went over i would binge. Now i am eating intuitively. I would also keep in mind that bingeing dosnt stop overnight but if you stop restricting they will become less and less. Hope you keep posting!!

~Liz

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..I agree with the girls above. Your calories don't seem like much and its better to not keep track as that usually leads to trying to restrict later in the day and then to possible bingeing. Just try and order what you want at dinner, eat slowly, and stop when you feel satisfied. Have a nice night! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thanks, girls!! I kept what all of you said in mind tonight and am actually feeling really happy and proud of myself.

First of all, I "faked the confidence" and ended up feeling pretty. I found a cute outfit, did my hair and make up and it felt so good to finally put a little effort into myself. I ate a small salad, a crab/shrimp/fruit thing for dinner, and even ordered a chocolate cake for dessert and only had about 4 or 5 bites. That is HUGE for me...not only to eat something "bad" in front of people, but not to eat the entire thing. I can't even believe myself right now, haha. Bad news is, the dinner really wasn't that much food so I'm kind of hungry now, but I probably won't eat. I haven't had an urge to binge all day and it's the best feeling.

I know I've only been posting for about two days which isn't long at all, but just having an outlet is making this ordeal seem so much more manageable. Thank you girls

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

I totally agree with you, I have only been posting for a week and I already feel like I have made huge improvements.

It's good to hear that you managed to eat a "bad" food in front of people and at the same time were able to realize when you felt full and stop.

In regards to you feeling hungry I think it's a better idea to have something to eat, because other wise you will risk the chance that you could have a binge. I find its better to have a small snack (e.g. an apple and a couple of crackers) to keep me feeling satisfied, that way I know I won't be in danger of binging out of hunger.

Other than that you seem to be going really well, well done on the last couple of days!! =D

Posted 7 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hey girl!
You are already making progress with that cake and i am so happy for you! After a while you will find a happy medium with being satisfied but not too much and not to the point where you will be hungry 15 mins later. Just keep with it. I am so happy you got yourself dolled up as that ALWAYS makes me feel better
Hugs,
Liz

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thank you guys!! <3

Today has been pretty good so far. I had my usual oatmeal breakfast with 1/2 cup oats, 1 tbsp almond butter & cinnamon, with a pear and green tea on the side. At noon I had a pb Clif builder's bar before the gym. I did some treadmill work that goes along with the plan for my first 5K--yes, I'm in "training!" Haha, I see that a lot of people around here have run half marathons and I think that's AWESOME. It's definitely one of my long term goals. As for now I'm on week 3 of my 5K plan though

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Oh XX..just catching up on your journal...I'm so happy you faked your confidence and got gussied up with makeup, hair, cute outfit..nothing makes us feel better!! Haha I got all gussied up to go to Starbucks..but at least I feel like a babe here now Its important to feel good and confident! WELL DONE with the cake!! That is amazing progress! Thats great to start training for a 5K! Best of luck in your running Hugs, Lauren

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

hey xxdeed you're doing so well! I'm so sorry about your mom, that must be really hard on top of everything. It's nice to have people you can talk to on here though, I feel the same way. I'm glad you're going out and having fun - just remember not to be too strict with yourself. If you don't feel like exercising one day, or want to eat something unhealthy instead of what you planned, just let yourself do it and stay in control. That attitude has helped me a lot, and I thought it would never work because I always felt like I'd ruined my day if I didn't stick to my plan.

On an unrelated topic, your oatmeal sounds very good I LOVE almond butter! And I also want to train for a half marathon but it's so cold where I am I'll have to wait a while to start - you should go for it though!

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

Glad to know your having a good day!
Awesome that your getting into running. 5km's is a great aim!
xxx Sarah

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thank you guys! I love reading your quotes. Not being so strict on myself has been such an improvement. Assuming I don't binge tonight, this will be two days in a row without a binge And I don't feel any urge to binge anyway!

I had a snack of a few bell peppers with hummus and a pecan pie Larabar around 2. At 4:15 I got kinda hungry and had some organic tortilla chips with a 100-calorie guacamole pack. Dinner was 1/4 salmon fillet, 1/2 a baked potato and broccoli.

I'm kind of hungry right now, though, and I only just finished dinner a half hour ago! I don't know what I want to eat, but I'll update this if I have something.

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

I just reread what I wrote-I meant that I love reading your advice, not quotes, lol sorry

Posted 7 months ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey ! I just caught up on your journal and just wanted to say wow such a huge improvement allready ! The way you made an effort to dress up and look good, and how you ate chocolate cake but left some...Also, you sound so much more optimistic than in your first post. I think they might be good and bad days, but every day you are learning more and more about yourself and how to deal with different situations ! Keep it up xox

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl! Sounds like you are doing great!...congrats on 2 days! Mmm I love Lara Bars! My favorite are Coconut Cream Pie, Peanut Butter Cookie and Banana Bread Give yourself another 30 minutes after dinner and if you are still hungry than thats your body telling you you need to eat more since you dinner was pretty small, so maybe go for a snack! Listen to that bod of yours! ~L

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

Great work on listening to your bod!! Well done on 2 days too!!
Salmon is my fav fish.. making me get some cravingsss!!
Haha at least we can't binge on Salmon... or can we? I think i'd def get sick if I did that lol weird thought
xxx Have a great night

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thanks guys! I'm really proud of myself from last night-I started craving ice cream but I got a junior sundae from Sonic-only 160 calories and it totally hit the spot. I also had some decaf coffee to fill me up and then went to bed. It worked perfectly!

This morning was my usual oats-1/2 cup with 1 cup water, cinnamon, 1 tbsp almond butter, 1/2 banana and a handful of blueberries. Veryyy filling

I'm super happy and proud of myself for not binging these past few days, but it almost feels too good to be true and I'm worried I'll binge soon. I'm obviously going to try my hardest not to...I really hope it doesn't happen.

Today is my first day of my babysitting job-11 to 6, yikes. At least I'll be occupied and not thinking about food, haha

Posted 7 months ago #
excrisis
Member

Congrats on the binge avoidance! You are doing great and still eating what you want! Hurray!

Try not to psych yourself out, I do that too and it usually sets me up for a binge. You can do it!

S

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

xxdeed you sound so much more positive than when you started and it's only been a few days! I love it

Have fun babysitting - I agree, you'll probably be too busy to think about food! I love kids so it's always fun for me - theo only problem was I used to binge on the parent's food when the kids were asleep and then I felt really guilty! It sounds like you don't have a night job though so you won't have to deal with that It's also helpful watching the way kids eat - they know exactly when they're full and they just stop, no matter if they're on their 3rd helping or they still have half of their first left on their plates. weeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiird hahaa. we need to connect to our inner 5 year olds.

Have a great day!

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey XX...GREAT job on listening to that craving and getting yourself that treat last night...that is what let it not get out of control into a binge! See even if you do have a minor setback, what you are learning here, these new strategies to stop binges, is something that you are learning for a lifetime...so remember that you will always be back moving forward, fighting this BED. Great job girl!

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

You guys are the sweetest! Honestly, knowing that I have a little community to "report back to" (in a way) is really, really helpful.

Bad news though- I semi-binged at lunch. It wasn't bad, I just lost control of myself. I had chips & guac, half a sandwich and half a banana...then I was full. But I went back for a mini butterfinger, an oreo cookie and a few wheat thins. I'm guessing the cause was that I didn't want to be left hungry at babysitting...which is dumb, because I can always pack food or eat some of theirs if I'm hungry. This is something I'm working on...

Has anyone else ever done this? Binged (even slightly) because you were worried you wouldn't get food later? It's so dumb, because I knew deep down that it's not like I was going somewhere to starve...ah, I dunno.

Anyway, dinner was good. I had a big salad and a small portion of pasta with my family. An hour later I was still hungry so I had a larabar (my fav)

Off to watch the bachelor!! Talk to ya'll later

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Oh, at babysitting I had a kashi granola bar, a few grapes and a cookie. Blahhhhhhhh

Posted 7 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hey XXdeed!
Thats perfect that when you were craving something sweet you had a little bit of ice cream. Its all about allowing yourself to have what you want in moderation. ALso, i dont think you binged at lunch as much as you may have just overeaten a bit (if that) which will happen from time to time. Try to take that situation and learn from it and try to understand why you wanted that extra food.
Have a nice night!
Hugs,
Liz

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thanks Liz!!

During TV time, my blood sugar went low so I had another kashi bar and a banana to bring it up. Then I was hungry a little bit afterwards so I had a pear. I think I'm getting my "monthly visitor" soon because my appetite is crazzzzzy! (Although when my blood sugar was low, I did need to eat for obvious reasons.)

I'm off to bed before another very long day tomorrow-Wednesday or Friday I'll be getting some off time and I promise to catch up on everyone else's threads and give feedback like ya'll have done for me! I don't want you guys to think I'm selfish or anything
But I have been reading everyone's posts in this forum and I can relate to everyone so much-it's really helping. I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Posted 7 months ago #
thepurplerabbit
Member

I'm glad it helps you to read other people's posts! I feel the exact same way and don't worry too much about overeating, just get back on track for tomorrow. And of course, blood sugar is always a perfectly legit reason to eat

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..no worries about feeling selfish about not reading others journals. You just soak in the love and support coming your way You have no obligation to post on others journals! I agree with Liz..it sounds like just an over-eat. And its good you were eating and listening to your body when you felt like your bs was low. You know I used to over eat because I was fearful of getting hungry later..then I just realized that I could literally eat again in an hour if I was hungry again then and that helped curb that irrational belief that I would never get to eat again. Anyways..your doing great! Hugs, LAuren

Posted 7 months ago #
Sez
Member

Hey I sooo know what you mean about binging because you were worried you wouldn't get food later! I've def done that a few times myself!!
When your blood sugars low your aloud to eat, your bodies asking for it!!
xox lots love sarah

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Ughhh I just binged

I had my usual morning oats, then before class I grabbed a handful of blueberries, 2 slices of American cheese and a coffee because I was still hungry. After class, I wasn't exactly hungry (coffee keeps me full) but I just felt like eating.

I had a mini 3 musketeers bar, 1 shortbread girl scout cookie and a ton of wheat thins with hummus at like 10:45. I wanted to have lunch but felt it was too early, which is why I ended up snacking. To stop myself, I just made lunch early anyway-a LeanCuisine veggie pizza. After I ate that, I was full, but I still went back for a mini kit kat bar.

I'm feeling so full and gross right now. I don't know why I just did that, it puts me in the worst mood. I'm babysitting 12-6 and I'm going to try to exercise while I'm there to offset all those cals, but I'm just feeling gross now ugh.

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Wow...I just went back downstairs and had a few doritos and a 100 cal pack of popcorn. It's not even noon and I've had 1300 calories already. I just want to sit in my room and cry and never, ever, ever see food again.

Posted 7 months ago #
excrisis
Member

I am sorry you are having a rough time. Do you think the calorie counting is causing you anxiety and making you feel worse or guilty? I know when I focus on calories it makes me want to binge for sure. If I feel like I already blew it, I rationalize with myself, 'might as well binge. why not?' which is not helpful.

Also, try and focus on the progress you are making not the negatives. Just keep pushing through the day and try and eat as normally as possible, not skipping meals etc

Hugs,
Stephanie

Posted 7 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey XX..to be honest it doesn't sound like a binge...1300 calories is probably more of an over-eat, maybe mini-binge. But do you think you have kept going because you felt guilt about that mid-morning snack? Really that snack sounded fine but I can see how feeling guilty from eating when not hungry could have set you off into binge mode. I agree with Steph that maybe counting calories is just making it worse. Ok so you've just had lunch, now when you go to baby sitting don't try and restrict just try to wait until you feel hungry again and then eat. But DONT RESTRICT! That will just make it worse. Hang in there, L

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Thanks, guys

Looking back on my post, it wasn't exactly my biggest binge-you guys are right. I need to stop being hard on myself or I'm not going to get any better!

I realize now that I'm under a lotttt of stress, which is probably causing the binging. Long story short--a girl is subletting my old apartment and is refusing to pay/sign the lease papers, and the police can't do anything about it because it isn't technically illegal since she's not on the lease yet. I've been dealing with this for a month now. Also, last night my dad announced that we're taking a beach vacation in May and I immediately panicked about bathing suits. Honestly, I'm scared for summer--summer clothes, I should say.

At babysitting I ran around alot (literally-we raced, haha) so I feel good about getting in some cardio. I'd say at least 15-20 minutes worth, which is fine by me I'm going to do yoga tonight too, I think.

Snack- Dannon light & fit yogurt and a balance bar (caramel nut)

Dinner- huge salad with red wine dressing, 1/2 c. cottage cheese and 1 tbsp. raw almond butter

Posted 7 months ago #
W
Member

Oh, I forgot to mention--I know stress is the cause of my binges, but I really need to get OVER it. What am I gonna do, live the rest of my life stress-free? Obviously not, so I need to learn to deal with it. I'm sure it'll be easier when I'm living on my own and controlling the groceries, but that's at least 3 years away. I'm considering a therapist more and more..

Posted 7 months ago #
Mondo
Member

Hi xxdeed,
I can really empathise with the stress factor. No matter what your situation, occupation or income, stress is an inevitable part of life. The trick is to try to condition your responses to stressful stimuli. In my experience, in really helps to do your own analysis in times when you are not feeling stressed (don't 'stress' about finding a therapist straight away! Give your own mind a little credit too: )) My favorite time to muse is after a relaxing bath or in downtime from work/school. Take a step back and map out what your stress triggers are. It sounds like pop-psychology, but I think at the heart of why many people binge is the fact that food can be so easily used as a filler (literally!) So we eat and eat to avoid dealing with what is really bothering us. Yes, bingeing is the easy way out. Food doesn't talk back after all! But although it may be a welcome distraction from your real problems, it just acts as a sedative. Your problems will still be there when the effects of the binge wear off. It might sound difficult to do, but if you try to start making a list of what causes you to binge this might be a great start to your personal therapy (and something to bring to your first therapy session should you start seeing a professional). Hope this helps.xx

Posted 7 months ago #
Julia
Member

Hey xxdeed,

Welcome to the site!! First off you should be proud of yrself for starting a journal here, it's a really important step to take...so even if you hit a few bumps on the way and binge here and there, don't beat yourself up about it because yr still on the right track. And one thing to consider if you're getting those binge urges is to think about how much more you'll stress after the binge, on top of whatever is already stressing you out, and how really it's not gonna make the situation better. I'm going through a lot of stressful stuff right now too, but talking to people about it or posting entries really helps! So keep up the good work! You can get through this!

--Julia

Posted 7 months ago #

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