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Hi everyone.

(28 posts)

Started 6 months ago by PaulW
Latest reply from Lorena

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PaulW
Member

Hi, my name is Paul and I'm a 45 yo single parent.

Firstly I feel a little out of place here, because most of the posters seem to be female, it must be because us men find it hard to admit we have a problem! Or something like that lol.

So here's my story, I have been binge eating for a few years now, not really sure how long exactly, or how it all started, but I know it wont go away and it seems to have some sort of control over me.

I only binge at night, and never during the daytime, something seems to trigger it off and I go into a feeding frenzy, it usually lasts about 2 – 3 hours, and the amount of food I consume in that time is unreal. This happens about 2 – 4 times per week, I suppose it depends on my stress levels that week.

I seem to crave savoury stuff, like crisps, cheese and pastries, I don't often crave sugary stuff like a lot of people do, but I do go mad on it every now and again. I had an "attack" last night in fact! I ate 10 packs of crisps, a 1-lb block of cheese, 6 sausage rolls and a pack of scotch eggs. There was probably a lot more stuff, but I seem to go into a trance and just keep eating really fast until I snap out of it.

I am not really over weight, and I am very fit for my age, I exercise most days and play lots of sports. I eat really healthy most of the time, and I keep a track of my nutrition, well except the bingeing part. I like to pretend that didn't happen lol.

I have never discussed this problem with anyone before, even when I was married I kept it a secret, I would go shopping and replace the foods I ate before she found out.

Like many of you on this forum, this is making my life a misery and I haven't got a clue how to stop it.

Paul.

Posted 6 months ago #
iMirm
Member

Hi Paul. Welcome!

Don't feel out of place friend. The one thing that binds us all together is our eating so you are definitely in the circle. Not that that's a great thing, but still, you have support. There is one other guy here I know of-he goes buy "desert dude".

I'm sorry you've been struggling with this. I know exactly how crap it is believe me. And I get the whole night thing as well. I think that's when alot of us struggle. It must be really tough being a single Dad. How old is your little one?

I don't know if you are pretty strict with your diet when you're not bingeing-do you tell yourself you can't or shouldn't have certain foods? I think alot of us find that that's a trigger for us and we rebel against ourselves when we're tired or stressed and eat what we stopped ourselves from having. Reintroducing these foods back into every day life can help the urge to eat it all at once.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here and I'm sure you'll find lots of support and advice. Recovery is on the way friend. We are all here for you.

~Mirm

Posted 6 months ago #
courtney_m
Member

Welcome!
I know what you mean on trying to keep everything a secret the girl I live with probably knows I have some weird eating thing because I always eat healthy in front in her and exercise...but she doesnt know how much I binge when Im alone. I know eactly what you mean by beiong in a trace, sometimes the wrapper around me is the only reminder of what and how much I ate. Are you eating enough during the day? If your very active maybe you need to eat more for breakfast and lunch. I was very restrictive with calories and exercise and I got hungry at night, and hated how hungry I was and tried to just snack but snakcing became into shoveling food down my throat. Im trying out this new thing and eating a variety of foods ( iate the same thing for bfast and lunch and snacks every day ) and eating a little more because my metabolism is all messed up from being unhealthy noneating underweight girl to a binger. Ive been at this battle for 5 years, sometimes I can go a while maintaining my weight ( im still about 15 pounds over) and not binge recently it hasnt been good though so Im trying to eat different during the day which will hopefully help me at night. Sorry I just went on and on. Has anything worked for you in the past and days you dont binge that you realized?

-courtney

Posted 6 months ago #
excrisis
Member

Hey Paul,

Glad you have the courage to post! I completely understand the secret eating, and the subsequent shame. Please keep posting, everyone here has provided me with so much support.

xoxo,Stephanie

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Paul..welcome! Don't worry we have one other guy here..so you aren't alone!! Well it sounds like you exercise a lot and are trying to eat healthy when you aren't bingeing? Are you a bit of a perfectionist with your eating when you aren't bingeing? A lot of us have figured out that trying to eat super healthy and not allowing for treats/"unhealhty" foods is what usually leads to bingeing..along with the guilt associated with "caving" and eating those foods. I would say also if you are bingeing at night, are you eating enough during the day? Keep posting! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Welcome

Yeah most of us are women but I promise we don't bite, and one thing we do understand is the feelings that this disorder controlling us brings.

I think that we can all struggle with lots of things about our food, but one of the things I have found which helps is trying not to dwell on things when they are not right. or perfect, so if I do have a binge or eat too much I have found it is just best to keep going with my normal routine and I don't restrict or anything any more which I have found has a huge positive effect.

Good luck

Posted 6 months ago #
tara
Member

Hey Paul. Welcome.I am exactly the same. Hardly eat much during the day and only binge at night when my kids go to sleep and I am all alone. I guess it is a way for me to unwind. I don't know what started things with you, but you have to trace it and figure out the exact reason even if it has become automatic now and habitual.
Is it related to loneliness? Being too hard on yourself and seeking perfection? Feeling life is out of control while food is the only guranteed pleasure?
After you figure this out, I really suggest you do not restrict yourself and trick yourself into believing that you will allow your body to eat what it wants. I am sure less binges will follow the minute you remove those barriers. I know that every time I went to a nutritionist I ended up bining before my next weekly visit. I never could lose weight, coz I start craving everything that is not allowed.

Posted 6 months ago #
Sez
Member

Hey Paul!!
Welcome to the site! I think you've realized by all the responses above that it doesn't matter what sex you are you are still very welcome here!
I'm curious as to what you think is causing you to binge 2-3 times p/w? You mention stress above, but do you think you have any other triggers? You also say that you are fit and exercise daily and usually track your food. This is common among woman who have body image issues (excessive exercise and restrictive diets) do you think a body image issue is another reason you binge? I'm not suggesting it is, just curious. Plus it will also be helpful for you to be able to figure out your triggers.
xxx SEZ

Posted 6 months ago #
PaulW
Member

Thanks for the replys and support,

iMirm, I have 2 daughters aged 7 and 13, their mother cleared off with another bloke about 18 months ago. It has been a very difficult adjusting to life on our own, and my bingeing has got a lot worse since she left. I have had to be strong for the kids sake, but in reality I feel very weak.

Courtney, I do restrict my calories during the day, I weigh and measure everything, I stick to high protein, and low carbs. I have tried the will power approach, but I just cave in and it seems to be worse if I have resisted for a few days.

Lauren, I am a bit of a perfectionist, its in my nature being a Virgo. I'm a bit obsessive with nutrition labels ect, and I only allow myself 1300 calories a day.

Jacquirsw1, if I have a bad binge night, I hardly eat anything the next day, and I go a bit over the top with the exercise, to try and shed the extra calories.

Tara, I am lonely at the moment, I'm out of work, and miss being around people. I went from being a truck driver for 17 years, to being a stay at home dad.

Sez, I really don't know what triggers it off for me, it just seems to happen, I can be perfectly fine one minuet, and the next thing I know I'm raiding the cupboards. I think I do have body image issues, I weigh myself all the time and I'm always looking at what I consider a fat body in the mirror.

Paul

Posted 6 months ago #
tara
Member

Hey. I wonder if 1300 calories is enough for a man. Don't know how tall you are but still! I am a virgo too so I know exactly how you feel. I am so hard on myself and such a perfectionist so if i am not starving myself I am binging! I think the first step is for you to decide on your priorities. Do you want to focus on your weight or quit binging? You can not do both simultaneously. For you to stop binging you have to allow yourself to eat more and relax about food. Not easy, but trust me I just started this last week thanks to this forum. I feel like eating more than planned and instead of binging I allow myself an extra snack or too and accept that I ate more than my planned amount instead of allowing the guilt to turn this into a binge

Posted 6 months ago #
Keepushin
Member

Hey Paul!

So glad you've joined us! Like everyone else here, I totally know how you're feeling. My typical routine was always 100 percent healthy food, lots of running and working out, then a binge would occur(sometimes from a bad emotion or cause I would have a bite of something sugary and couldn't handle just a small portion and needed more). Then typically the next morning it was back to crazy restricting. I may be repeating what alot of the girls said above, but you have to re think everything...we need to be in control..not the food. Well, you may say easier said than done right? This happens by cutting out the restricting/binging cycle. If you want something you should let yourself have it in moderation. We go crazy with food during a binge because we have deprived ourselves of it. Also, I'd say to start looking inside of yourself and like I've been helped by alot of the ppl here, you need to love yourself more..and realize that "high" we get from food is only temporarily. I learned that alot of the reason I binge is from relationship issues that still bother me from the past. Hope some of this helps! Keep posting...I joined a few months ago, and started getting bad again so quit at coming on here. I just got back on this week..trust me it helps!! You have tons of support here! p.s. night is the worst..i know...so more the reason to get on here when u get the urge!!

Posted 6 months ago #
Sez
Member

Hey us Virgos can make a club! I'm a Virgo too lol. And I know what you guys mean, I too strive for perfectionism, lately though I have been letting go a bit, which has been helping.
Body image issues are one of the most common reason why woman and men develop ED's! Binge eating, Anorexia and Bulimia included. You should try to stop weighting yourself daily, as I know that when I used to do this it was a bit of a trigger for obsessive exercise and restriction of food if I gained (this of course lead to a binge).
I also read you limit yourself to 1300 cals a day. That is absolutely crazy!!! You are a grown man!! I strongly advise that you up your intake to at least 2000 cal's a day (probably more as you said you exercise a fair bit). Better yet you could try eating intuitively, this means just eating what you want, when you want. Sounds like a mantra for weight gain, but I swear to you it's not!! If you read any of the journals on here where people have been successful in overcoming binge eating for a long period of time you will notice that most (if not all) of them have been eating intuitively and although weight loss should not be your main focus right now, you will notice also that many of them have lost weight in the process of overcoming their binging.
xxx Sarah

Posted 6 months ago #
PaulW
Member

Thank you for the comments, I am so glad I found this site, for some reason I don't feel so alone now. I used to think I was some kind of nutter with a weird problem, now I realise I am not alone and a lot of people are going through the same turmoil.

But I also wish I didn't find this site! Because I now know I have to make changes, and come out of my little bubble. And that scares the life out of me.

For the first time in ages, I have sat and thought about what is going on with me and food. And its all a bit crazy, I am restricting my calories during the day, to counter act the extra calories form bingeing, this crazy cycle has to stop, but like I said before, it feels very scary to take action and start fighting back.

I sat down last night and started to write things down from the past, trying to find out why this all happened. And here is my conclusion, I used to be quite a bit over weight, I'm only 5' 6'' and use to weight over 200lbs, I now weigh 148lbs and I am desperate to keep my weight down, I never want to be that big again. And like a lot of people have said on here, dieting and food restriction have caused the problem.

This is also causing me a lot of health problems, I have suffered from a illness called Crohn's Disease for 22 years, its an inflammatory bowel condition, and the bingeing puts tremendous strain on my digestive system, and it makes me very ill some days.

So I am going to bite the bullet, and change my ways (gulp). I'm just not sure if I can force myself to stop weighing and controlling my daily calories, because I have been doing it for so long now.

Paul

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Paul! 1300 calories is definitely not enough for even a girl to be eating each day, and restricting that much and trying to be so perfect with what you eat is literally what is causing the binges. I know it scares you, but I promise the freedom from BED is worth that initial anxiety and being outside your comfort zone. You will not gain weight from eating normally throughout the day, the binges is what causes the weight gain. I am really sorry to hear what happened with your ex-wife..that must be so hard. Also that you have had to struggle with Crohns (I'm a nurse)..I'm sure that has also been challenging. I know its going to be tough but this is the time to get yourself forever out of the BED cycles and to have a normal relationship with food! And you will find tons of love and support here all along the way! Keep posting. Hugs, lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
Sez
Member

Hey Paul!
It's great that you have finally decided that you want to really live your life and not be stuck in the destructive cycle of an ED! I know for sure how hard it can be to initially stop weighing yourself daily and counting the cal's of every food that touches your mouth, but once you are able to let go of this it will be well worth it!! Trust us all on that one!
Have a great day,
xxx SEZ

Posted 6 months ago #
courtney_m
Member

Hey Paul!
Just catching up, I dont think 1300 calories is enough for you, especially because 1. your a man (lucky faster metabolism... lol ) and 2. with that exercise your doing. I restricted my calories to 1400 calories a daywith some pretty intense exercise as weel and even months I wasnt binging I lost next to nothing. It sucked a lot. Now that Im back on my binging cycle ..=(... Im trying to try something different its been about 5 or 6 years for me now and I must be doing something wrong because I always go back to binging. Last night I had a long talk with my boyfriend ( the only person besides people on here I can really talk about it with.... I cant even talk about it with the person Ive been living with or even my closest girlfriends because I feel like Im crazy when I say this stuff outloud) anyways he was saying how I need something different, even if I gain some pound in the begining (which scares the crap out of me ) to just not binge and be healthy... I dont know Im having such a hard time with eating more during the day and not feel obnxiusly guilty about it at night (like I did yesterday) but i dont know I guess my point was when I was talking to him something I didnt say was how amazing it is to binge...what amazing? yes and horrid at the same time (well about 15min later actually) its like a high when im shoveling food down my throat sometimes i dont even taste it ..i just know it feels so good...but then I know how a million times horrible I feel after. Sometimes my binges are emotional and some I think is from not eating enough during the day and then going overboard. Im scared to change, I really want to Id love to never binge again because after all I think is what did I just do to myself I dont deserve this life I shouldnt have to do this to myself, and other times I cant wait for my roomate to leave so I can eat everything.....its crazy feelings really. Deep down I know that I can only benefit from giving the binging up.
I dont know why I completely went off on a rant about my life, point Im trying to say is I think you need to stop weighing yoursefl (its been a killer for me too) and eat a little more during the day not writing down the calories just eating what you want (healthy options with maybe a little extra once in a while) and keep exercising...in a healthy way. Think of all the claories you consume on a binge, now if yu took a small portion of calories and ate them through the day not binging at the end of the week youd still wouldnt have had all the calories you probably would consume in a binge.

When I think about guys eating I think about how much my boyfriend and brother can eat sometimes and not gain an ounce, I think that you can eat more then you give your body and be okay.

-sorry for the craziness rants ...good luck you deserve better then these crazy binge, weight,calorie counting filled lives we all do...i should take my own advice lol

-Courtney

Posted 6 months ago #
Keepushin
Member

Paul,

So glad to hear you took the time to write down things from the past..sometimes we must do that to figure out the present. I want you to know that the urge to binge will get much easier to resist once you stop restricting. I think that we put sooo much pressure on ourselves while we are trying to eat "perfect" and excercise like crazy, that it actually makes us more likely to binge. It's almost like when your the underdog in an athletic competition and no one is expecting you to win or place..I know for me in those situations I always did my best..whereas when everyone is expecting me to do great I sometimes would get so nervous and do horrible because I let my head get to me. Well this is just like that, it seems that when we demand ourselves to not eat this much or that kind of food we actually end up eating WORSE! Yet when you finally let go and say you know what nothing is off limits as long as I eat when I'm actually hungry, then you will find yourself not even wanting as much!! I know it is so ironic how opposite it is then what everyone would think, but it is. So try taking that pressure off and you will see how much better it is to not worry as much throughout the day. I hope I am making sense with my words! Now that I am thinking of it, the same goes for me with working out. When I tell myself I HAVE to do it, then I tend to stall or not do it, yet when I say you can do whatever you want, I actually do it more and stay consistent. Maybe the key here is allowing ourselves some freedom!! When nothing has set rules and we don't label food as FORBIDDEN OR TABOO..it becomes much less exciting and after a while the thrill we get from it isn't as intense. Hope you are doing good..keep writing!

Posted 6 months ago #
PaulW
Member

Well this morning I didn't weight myself, for the first time in ages, and I made breakfast without weighing the oats ect.

I know its dont sound like much, but it was a big leap for me, I plan to eat more during the day, maybe not loads more but more of a slow build up.

The weekend was a disaster for me, I pigged out on friday night, almost starved myself saturday, then binged saturday night again.

I started to munch last night, but then I was stopped in my tracks by an advert on tv! it was about poor little kids starving in africa. There was me stuffing my greedy face, while people are starving in this world, it just made me feel so guilty and I'm glad it happened.

So today is a fresh start for me, I have been reading a lot on this site, and I feel inspired by the people on here. I my fail or I may have some success, but if I dont try and change my ways, then I will never know.

Paul

Posted 6 months ago #
Nat
Member

Hey Paul, (sorry in advance that this post has gotten so bloody BIG!!) so glad you joined the forum. I hope you still dont feel out of place, everyone is accepted here as Im sure you have found out now I agree with the rest of the bunch 1300 calories is definitely not enough and a big reason as to why you are bingeing in my opinion. Your diet actually sounds like mine was... and Im a 117lbs girl!!! I used to eat about 900-1200 calories a day, always high protein - low carb and it really caused me to start this binging. I can tell you that it will get better but you have to be prepared for the journey. There will be hard times when you may slip up but you must be prepared for these and to put them past you and move on to the next day. Dont strive for a perfect path to recovery... any day without a binge is a good one so make sure you reward yourself with things like spending time and relaxing with your children or going and doing something socially with friends.

The main things that have helped me are:
- Don't restrict!! I know it seems so logical to restrict the day after a binge but I have been around that bend sooo many times and all it does it re-inforce the binge and it became more often and worse for me. As hard as it is, just try to eat normally the day after and slowly things will slow down on the binge front.
- Dont count calories or read the nutrition labels. You will feel such a weight lifted off your shoulders. It is such a relief to not have food on your mind 24/7.
- eat intuitively - try carefully to listen to your hunger cues and only eat when youre truly hungry and eat whatever you truly feel like whether its healthy or not. the less restricted food you have, the less you will crave it promise
- Keep moving... dont give up after a slip up and think positive if you have any body image issues try to focus on your good points as nobody is EVER perfect, we all have flaws. I never thought I would but I actually like my big butt these days haha.

Goodluck Paul, look forward to reading more posts along the way

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Paul...that is really a big step not weighing yourself or your oatmeal this morning. Weighing was a bit of a compulsion for me too and my first month of recovery I still thought about it a lot and it was hard but I started weighing only once a week...but then I set a longer goal for waiting 1 month, and I realized that really it wasn't about the number but how I looked in my clothes and I haven't weighed myself since November so just take baby steps with the weighing but hopefully one day you'll join the F the Scale club with a lot of us..its so freeing! I also used to weigh ALL my food...including veggies etc. Now the only thing I do measure is my oatmeal to get 1/2 cup so the ratio with water is correct but really just putting a moderate amount of food on a plate works just as well. I'm sorry you had a really tough weekend but its good you see that starving yourself is just leading to more binges. Increasing your daily calories is just what you need to do! Just go about it slowly. Keep posting and you will find your life changing for the better, I promise. Hugs, Lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
Rage
Member

Hey Paul,

I really understand the weird yet great feeling about not weighing the food anymore. I still do occasionally, but I try to feel OK and to avoid the all or nothing approach.
My Dad brought us up when my Mum left. I know he suffered big time, but I loved him so much more for being my rock and still so sensitive. Do you open up a bit to the girls about the way you feel? Loneliness makes BED go worse, so I'm not really suggesting you tell them the way you relate to food but more about the way you feel, how you're happy to be with them... Also do you have the same food as they do?

Posted 6 months ago #
PaulW
Member

"eat intuitively - try carefully to listen to your hunger cues"

The thing is Nat, I am so out of tune with my body, and with all the restricting, I dont even know when I am hungry anymore!

Although you dont restrict anymore Nat, do you still follow what you consider a healthy diet, ie: lean meat, low fat options ect.

Lauren, it felt kind of good not weighing stuff today, but I still found myself tallying stuff up in my head. I have decided to weigh myself only on a saturday morning, (if I can hold out that long)

Rage, thank you for asking if I eat the same stuff has the kids, because that made me think about meal times! I never eat the same meals has they do, and that must seem a bit strange to them, so I will try and share some meals with them. Me and the girls have a very loving relationship, they know I am lonely and sort of unhappy. But I wont even consider trying to find love again, not until this nightmare with food is over.

Paul

Posted 6 months ago #
Nat
Member

Hey Paul, yeah I know what you mean.. i was out of cue too it is hard to get back into it and will take time. I think I started off just waiting to feel that little hunger pang and keeping in mind an average amount of food I should be having each day to make sure I was eating enough. I am still struggling too though, this takes time but we will get there. When I eat intuitively and dont restrict, I still keep my health in mind and if I listen to what my body truly wants (not my mind) then most of the time it wants healthy salads, stir frys etc but i always allow for a treat if im craving it badly (dark chocolate for me is easy to stop at just 2pces). I have introduced more 'healthy' carbs into my breakfast and lunch because they keep me full and let me stop thinking of food all day. Dinners are usually lean meat or fish and veggies. I like my dinners light so I can still enjoy my dark choc with coffee after tea without feeling overly full! But I make sure my meals are tasty with sauces and cheese so its always a meal that I feel like eating. Keep positive Paul

Posted 6 months ago #
Sez
Member

Good morning Paul!!
Try to focus on other things in your life besides food and your weight etc. Do you have a job that you could put more energy into? Perhaps you could organize interesting things to do with your daughters or even make and attempt to start more of a social life. I really do know how hard these steps are to take at 1st, but once you do them, you will start enjoying yourself and having more fun and food will def become less of a focus for you. And remember to love yourself as well!! Do things for you once in a while too, maybe join a running group or get a massage, go to the movies.. whatever you enjoy!
And who cares what you weight, it's just a silly number. Great work on moving to weighing yourself only weekly instead of daily!!
Love Sarah xxx

Posted 6 months ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey Paul..the Sat. weigh ins sound great! It is hard to start listening to your body, thats why you should start with more structure like 3 meals and 2-3 snacks a day and just make sure you are getting in more calories and then when you are eating those meals focus on eating slowly and paying attention to your body so you will start to understand what it feels like when you are hungry/full. Its a baby step process. Great job taking that step with the scale! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 6 months ago #
Keepushin
Member

Paul...saw that you didn't weigh yourself the other day! Sometimes breaking our routines feels so uncomfortable at first..I know that I have been feeling that way by not letting myself restrict or binge..but you know what..it WILL get easier. It's just that if you never try long enough you won't realize that. The scale can mess with your head. I know it does with me. I don't think it's a horrible thing to do once in a while, but when we know we obsess over it, it's good to take a break from it! Hope you had a good day..KP

Posted 6 months ago #
courtney_m
Member

The thing is Nat, I am so out of tune with my body, and with all the restricting, I dont even know when I am hungry anymore!

me too! im just trying to wat at normal times like 7-8am ish then around noon or one a snack then dinner and a latenight snack....

if i left it all to hunger i might eat breakfast then nothing workout maybe then be alright until night and BINGE so im trying to eat regularly which makes me feel guilty sometimes...but makes me feel normal too.
-court (sorry this was so short chem exam tomorrow! lol )

Posted 6 months ago #
Lorena
Member

Hi Paul,

How are you? I've just caught up with your journal. I am glad to see that you are starting to do things differently, like not weighing. Stick with it and you'll definately see more progress.

You really need to try not focusing on the weight side of things and focus on not binging. It's hard and I know how hard it is to let go but you feel so relieved once you have.

How about, it's scary, but sitting down and having what your children eat once or twice a week? Small changes lead to big changes and once you are used to this maybe you can do it more often.

Anyway have a great day and by the way you are so not out of place here. You are struggling with binging like we all are. You fit in perfectly

Posted 6 months ago #

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