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Help – Anorexia to Non Stop Cravings and Eating!!!!!
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March 7, 2011 at 2:51 pm #3230
:-)Hello All, I’m new to this web site but having read some of the posts I felt compelled to write and see if anyone can offer me some guidance…. so here goes a very long and hopefully not too boring story. I first became aware of calories, nutrition and food avoidance when I was 8 along with being a very good athlete and all round sports girl / woman, this was nearly 30 years ago. I had my first bout of serious anorexia when I was 14 and went to about 4.5 stone, since then I have been on a roller coaster ride between being a scarily low weight and being a healthier weight along with having bouts of serious over exercising and exercising within moderation. Over the last 5 years or so the anorexia has become very bad again (back down to 4.5 stone and I’m 5foot 6) and I have been in and out of hospital on numerous occasions and spent some time in a specialist rehab unit as well as being sectioned under the mental health act due to non compliance with an eating plan and over exercising. I have been home now for 4 months, though still not fit enough to return to work, and whilst I have maintained some of the weight I was forced to put on during my stay as an in patient it is getting increasingly hard. When I go for weigh in I water load as well as filling my underwear with weights to ensure I don’t have to go back into hospital. However, over the last 2 weeks my anorexic world has been turned upside down, I have started binge eating!!!!!!!!!!! In all the years I have had an ED I have NEVER EVER done this and as I’m sure you will all understand this is completely stressing me for 2 reasons 1) because obviously I don’t want to gain any weight or put food in my mouth, I like to stay within a range of 500 – 650 calories per day (spread over 3 meals to keep my sugar levels stable) and 2) I don’t understand how my body is suddenly controlling my mind not my mind controlling my body. I know I’ve put weight on, I’m completely stressed, have huge urges to over exercising and to do something I’ve never done before which is to make myself sick , normally during an anorexic bout I take loads of laxatives but am resisting this urge. I am eating things I haven’t ever tasted particularly things that are high in sugar, high in carbs (!!) and high in sat fat – WHY can’t I stop??? I am normally doing this at night, though as I am home alone all day (hubby works all day) I am frightened it will start during the day too… I am trying to fill my life, my days with as much as possible until I can return to my old job!! Any advice I would be so so grateful for….
For all you young people out there who are suffering from an ED for the first time – get help and stop it now, please do not be me and suffering for nearly 3 decades it isn’t any way to live life. As a result of this bout I am now infertile, have osteoparosis, have raynauds diease, have damaged my kidneys and liver therefore reducing my life expectancy, have irregular heart beats due to my heart rate being so low, have very low blood pressure, have a stomach ulcer to name but a few things, and all this because at such a young age I wanted to be the best at everything, particularly sports, to be the thinnest and the most skeletal looking girl in my class and as I’m getting older to try and be thin so I look younger and still look as good in jeans as an 18 year old – which just ain’t gonna happen….. think about yourself, your families and about your future being thin and controlling food will just bring misery – believe me I know………..
Any binge help??????
Many Many thanks SxxMarch 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm #77801
Hi S !
Your letter really shocked me and got me thinking. I have been anorexic, bulimic and a binge eater for 6 years. I have also done several different drugs during my teenage years. I am afraid that I might be also infertile (I haven’t tried to get pregnant, but have had some dangerous moments). I am younger, but still feel that I have damaged my body so much. In the end, being a skeleton has never made me happy.
I know how scared you must be, my anorexia went over to bulimia. Just whatever you do, don’t make yourself sick! Even not once, because it will continue as a vicious cycle. Try get in contact with your body and emotions. Do some yoga or meditation or just breathe deeply and relax. Keeping yourself super busy never helps, because you need to deal with the reason WHY? Why do you binge (do you have some problems you want to escape from etc)… Also the reason might be that your body just demands food, because you’ve been restricting for so long. Listen to your body and allow yourself a small treat every day. Just one treat a day will not make you gain weight.
I am here for you ! And this forum is great for support!
GylliMarch 7, 2011 at 5:30 pm #77802
I was anorexic for a few years and then all of a sudden I switched to Binge Eating and at that time I did gain a lot of weight but I can barely remember any of that time. I must have been trying to numb or run away from something and it worked. I ended up gaining weight and not even realizing it.
I guess if you are having issues you should go back to counseling or seek help with the facilities you have been seen at before. It is very hard to overcome the urge to binge eat which is so frustrating to me because you think it would be easier to not eat/not do something but it is completely the opposite.
I do think that part of it is your body reacting to you letting yourself finally eat again and wanting to put on the pounds it has so despiritely needs.
It is so hard and I completely understand what you are going thru.
Best of luck to you. It is a hard journey that lasts a lifetime.
SallyMarch 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm #77803
OK, so first of all – you arent alone. It is very, very common to binge during an anorexic period. The fact is, you are binging because you are physically and psychologically deprived of food. Its soooooo hard I know, for your mind to reject food so strongly but to not be able to stop eating. But eventually, your body will start doing its own thing – its trying to keep you alive by eating. I know the water loading situation very well, as I used to do it myself. I have had a total of four long term admissions as an inpatient in an ED unit for anorexia, three of those were under section, and I was totally determined not to get better. my illness has taken me very close to death, I was labelled ‘unresponsive to treatment’ etc etc in other words I was so very determined to remain very under weight and I was petrified of food. However, that did not stop the binge eating from starting – binge eating isnt a sign of ‘weakness’, or a sign you arent being ‘strong enough to say no to food’. It is actually sign that you have been saying no to food for far too long!! Its your body, going into survival mode. In my mind, the way to prevent it is too accept recovery from anorexia…which is a pointless thing to say to someone who is still caught up in their anorexia – thats a decision only you can make. But the whole time you starve yourself and insist on losing weight/maintaining a low weight, you will always be on the edge of a binge. Sorry to be so blunt but I just want to say it how it is!!
Also…this will probably not mean much either but…I was very, very poorly with anorexia, so stuck in my ways and couldnt see any point to life without it. It was all I had, and I attemoted suicide many a time due to not coping with being forced to gain weight. But, I am now in recovery, and it is truely the best decision I ever made. I just wish I hadnt wasted so many years going in and out of treatment having a hellishly horrible time and wanting to die – I wish I could have known then what I know now.
Lost xxxMarch 8, 2011 at 7:25 am #77804
Thank you all so much for your replies and for sharing your experiences with me.I know only I can do this but in so many ways that makes it harder to stay on track. I have a fantastic support network, my hubby is super amazing, my family, my brill circle of friends along with my care team but having so much support is making my feel more guilty for feeling the way I feel…
I got through yesterday without a binge and ate three small but proper meals, so I figure if I can do it for one day I can do it again today….. Am quite stressed this morning I’ve been trying on clothes I was wearing only 2 weeks ago and they are very very snug and tight, so am now torn between a binge (well I’m getting fatter anyway) or straving myself for a few days so my clothes fit me again. Am so tired of the whole thing and really believe the sooner I can get back to work the better, it will keep me occupied.
Stay in touch – thanks so much for the fab support!!..
xxMay 22, 2011 at 3:02 pm #77805
Thanks. I’m 21 and feel like I’m on some kind of slippery slope. It’s so much in control I guess, but I am so embarrassed, that I’m fat. I too have done the anorexia thing and have recently started binging, and vomiting feeling so proud because I am in control, but ashamed all the same. Suppose it’s just not an everyday thing and it’s not something you can readily bring up when out for a drink with friends. Right now, I don’t want to love myself, I just want to be thin. As cliche as it may be though it is so good to know I share these feelings with other people, shame for eaing shame for not eating…never get i right. So thank YOU for writing this. I sat here with tears rolling down my cheeks. Also maybe those jeans you’re finding hard to get into are just too old. Maybe you need a lovely new pair that will be preparing you for your parfect body-normal.
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