hi all!
i just came downstairs from my Kitchen following my dinner. i've been going so great the last few days exercising and eating small and regular healthy meals and snacks. and then today was just as great but then i hit the skids. i decided to have a piece of carrot cake at 4:30 in the afternoon. i knew that if i had it, it would trigger my binge receptor (i suffered/still suffer mildly from anorexia) but i believed i could just have the cake and be happy then have my normal dinner and go to bed later. but no. once i had the cake i was gone. it's like all is lost and weightloss is impossibly once anything sweet has touched my lips so i just say "screw" it and go nuts. so i got thai for dinner and ate the whole container. felt full but then ate chocolate and cookie dough and oreo's. i then left the kitchen disgusted and went downstairs. then about 1 hour later went back upstairs and had 3 pieces of cinamon toast, more cookie dough..
i feel stretched to bursting and uncomfortable and sore and im just so over restricting and then binging. i don't even restrict anymore im up to 1200-1500 cals a day which for a recovering eating disorder is pretty damn good. but i still binge and i want to stop because i feel emotionally and physically awful afterwards and it ruins my progress to maintain a healthy body.
so i've come here for support and to hopefully kick this and make a change. i used to belong to a pro-ana site but i deleted my account and came here to i hope. become happy and healthy once again!!!
Binge Eating Forum » Binge Eating Support - General Comments, Questions, and Posts
Hello! new and fighting for change!
(16 posts)-
singingthelight
MemberPosted 1 year ago # -
Blondie0121
Memberi do the same exact thing...i feel like i cant have any treats when im on a diet because im so scared ill go overboard and ruin everything...so i treat any diet as an "all or nothing" game where i eat only healthy foods and absolutely NO junk food...and everyone claims thats not the way to do it and that you have to treat urself evey now and agian...but im always afraid that on little piece of junk food will ruin everything! and it usually does...im on my first day of no binging...and i defintly feel your pain...this is my last resort...im tired of being sick from over eating...i cant wait to feel better about myself and stay that way
Posted 1 year ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHi ladies;
99% of the people in this forum who have succeeded in becoming normal around food and lost weight have put away 'diets'. See L's journal or Alannah's journal for good progress notes.
If you try a 'diet' of roughly 2000-2200 cals/day (even more if you seriously workout), eaten as 4-6 meals/snack scattered thru the day, you'll start to be able to do many things:you'll stop being so hungry.
when not hungry, you'll be able to greatly reduce emotional eating.
you'll be able to have some favorite foods everyday if you want
you'll slowly lose weight and keep it off
you won't have to 'come off' a diet plan and regain weight
you'll learn to eat normalish portions as a lifestyleBut if you insist on 1200-1500 cals/day, you'll be able to:
lose weight quickly but regain it and probably more
binge every night/weekend
feel deprived and think of food constantly
end up eating an average of 2500+ cals/day (somedays 1400, somedays 3500) which is higher than most women's daily needs
never learn to eat normally
always need 2 or 3 different sizes of clothes to make sure something fits.Posted 1 year ago # -
Andrew Bolis
Forum AdministratorI agree. Depriving yourself of Calories does NOT work in the long run. Restricting calories might work short term however you'll always end up gaining weight sooner or later. The best and most natural way to lose weight permanently is to eat enough calories to maintain your current weight and to create a caloric defective ONLY through exercise and increasing your physical activity.
Posted 1 year ago # -
redgirl1
Membereveryone on a diet wants a quick fix and refuses to face up to the way there body ios at this exact moment in time everyone thinks me included oh i will binge today diet exercise crazy half starve etc tomorrow and when i get the weight down will start eating healthily this of course never works and leads to binge eating i personally cant face up to what i ahve done to myself in this short time but cannot bring myself to face the reality that it is going to take discipline and time.......logically i know this but i still insist on the quick fix maybe you understand this feeling ;D feeling pretty terrible today also just had my family tell me how i just need to stop and look in a mirror because i am putting on weight and looking terribel! sorry for this depressing post! ;(
Posted 1 year ago # -
singingthelight
Memberi know and i totall agree. but for someone with with/recovering form anorexia and who has BED its impossible to not count calories. its automatic. you know whats in every food and you know if you eat something that you've gone past the 'weight loss' caloric intake for a day and it goes to crap. its just so hard as well because i really think i've ruined my body that now it a) has no idea when its starving and b) has no idea what full is as it hasn't felt it in so long, it only recognises the uncomfortable pain from being about to pop. and since i don't vomit up my food anymore (yay!!!!) i have to deal with the binges somehow so restricting seems the right way to go which i KNOW i MUST tackle. i'm just so unhappy with myself and feel a failure now im putting on weight and feel so uncomfortable all the time as my body just cant deal with all the crap im eating and i have cramps and weird bowel movements!?!?!?
but i binged thurs and friday then SAT SUN MON i had a healthy food intake!! which im proud of! i felt it slipping today though and it did. i've had i would say upwards of 3500-4000 calories today and im so bummed about it but im trying to see the positive that i did 3 days and the binge wasnt so concentrated but spread out a little bit and not a black out 15 minutes in the kitchen thing.
so yea. one day at a time. one mountain at a time.
i'm really hoping this site can help me break all these cycles and be healthy and happy.Posted 1 year ago # -
stay at home mom
MemberHi singing: You have great self-awareness and yea to one mountain at a time.
As a recovering anorexic and bulimic, one of the emotional issues that might trigger binges is your perception that you are getting 'too big'. I don't know how small you got, and don't know whether you think something like a UK size 6 is too large. For people like me who are coming from the other end, of being overweight, getting to 6 would be a wonderful miracle. Besides putting an end to constantly checking your body in a mirror, it might also help to stop looking at women's magazines for awhile too because the models they select tend to reflect the thinner and smaller-boned spectrum of healthy bodies. This tends to create the anxiety that perpetrates emotional over-eating.Another comment I have for you is that you probably don't know your true 'weight loss' caloric intake. I thought mine was 2400/day but it turns out it's more like 2600 (I breastfeed my baby). My suggestion is that you allow yourself a range like 1900-2200 rather than a single number. Yes, it takes some practice of regular eating of normalish portions before your proper sense of physical hunger and satiety kick in again. Try to get about 1900, but also practice relaxing when you go above. Stop once you finish that unplanned nighttime snack/meal. You have to break the cycle of giving yourself permission to free-fall binge just because you 'went over'.
Also check out the post "tips that work" for other helpful suggestions.
Good luck
HelenPosted 1 year ago # -
Hope777
MemberHi singing! I am 20 and have also suffered from anorexia and bulimia. Since joining this site i have made so much progress. I eat around 2000 calories a day and have been loosing weight from not bingeing. It amazing because i am actually becoming so normal around food. When i first started this process my body was starved and thought it could only have food if i binged. I let myself have whatever i wanted with no limit for about 2 weeks. After this my body stopped wanting so much food and i began eating around 2000 calories a day and eating every three hours of what i craved. Now a days a actually crave pretty healthy stuff just because i know it makes my body feel good (ex veggie burgers, grilled cheese tortillas filled with veggies, pasta salads etc) Read my posts under L's journal if you wish :).
Posted 1 year ago # -
redgirl1
Memberhey sorry i did not mention but i am a recovered anorexic my healthy weight is 112 lbs i am currently 133lbs but when i was anorexic i went down to 84 lbs maybe less i am fully recovered to be honest i think you are still anorexic but are trying to fight it! i did not go to counselling or anything but had the support of my family thi scaused alot of stress the way i beat my anorexia was i just ate because i had no periods and was told i was gooing into early menopause and my kidneys bones heart etc were suffering i was just 14 years old i am now 16 and although i am a bit overweight i am at a much better place anorexia fu***d up me my relationships reputation everything i could not even enjoy being skinny because i was so tired cold my hair falling out etc plus all i could think about was calories etc it hurts but you have to fight yourself literally every bite is agony but you break out of it sorry for rambling but this is the best advice i can think of i know exactly what you are going through please post etc if you want my support or to ask any questions xx ;D
Posted 1 year ago # -
redgirl1
Memberps when i was anorexic i did noy know about pro ana sites otherwise i would probably still be anorexic they are SICK.....brainwashing young girls mainly....but also men women etc well done for doing this because i realise those sites must have been addictive for you and making you feel starving yourself was normal i am so glad i only heard about them when i was recovered! ;p
Posted 1 year ago # -
icecreamjunkie
Memberwow i relate to redgirl and singing soooo much its like they are talking about me when you are talking about yourselves!
and now i am on the other side of the spectrum where i binge!
and people i have confided in for help have told me to just not keep it in the house, well i started buying a lot of fruits and veggies but id binge on them too!! causing me to be gassy and more bloaty then i already am!!
i told them that it doesnt matter what i eat, yeah veggies and fruit are better than cookies and ice cream and brownies but its the urgency and the way i feel when im eating them, i know its not healthy and i constantly count calories, suclude myself from others, i feel like all anyone does together these days is eat!
i gave up sweets and fried foods for 2 years and dropped so much weight i had ppl telling me all the time they were scared they were going to find me laying on the floor so finally at christmas this year i decided to eat some cookies, and it all went crazy from there.
i havent had my period in 25 and a half months i am not healthy mentally or physically.
redgirl did you ever get your period back? i am so concerned about this but i am so sick of going to Doctors. last time i went they put me through every test in the book and i ended up with a huge bill and no answers! they told me to come back in 6 months! gee thanks!
Posted 1 year ago # -
piggypie
MemberI know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me tonight. I thought I could eat one piece of taffy and be fine. But one piece of taffy turned into countless calories. I have suffered from anorexia for two and a half years, but now I cannot stop binging. Three months ago I was in the hospital for being underweight, and since, I have spiraled downhill. I have put on SO MUCH WEIGHT. I am so mortified and ashamed.
Just know that you are not alone. And your head seems to be in the right place. Just concentrate now on being HEALTHY - not under eating. Not overeating. (:
Posted 1 year ago # -
singingthelight
Memberwow! it is so awesome to see the support and understanding here! and to see im most definetly not going through this alone. its been a hard week but a good one to. i've actually had a really bad flu all week which has meant no gym for me. id been upping my gym hours so i could eat more to start getting into eating more but not feeling too guilty about it. i got sick and didnt eat for a few days then all i could eat was ice cream and stuff and i havn't freaked out or felt too bad about the no exercise lots of junk food thing which im proud of.
i wrighed myself today though and still managed to be up almost to my original weight before anorexia... only 4 kilo's to go until im back to the beggining but im hoping with healthy habits the weight will start to drop off now im not reall bingeing anymore as badly...
so yea feel fat but feel good and happy.Posted 1 year ago # -
Hope777
MemberHey icecream junkie, just to let you know i lost my period for about a year and just got it back. Once your eating steady again it will eventually come back (mine took about a year, and when i went to the doctor the same thing happend) so dont worry too much about it.
Posted 1 year ago # -
icecreamjunkie
Memberoh good! that puts some of my worries at ease!
Posted 1 year ago # -
redgirl1
Memberhey sorry i have not been on the computer for a while, i have started to learn how to swim scary but fun and really easy exercise i will hold my hands up i have been binging recently but to be honest i dont feel bad because it was not with desperation etc more habit so i think i am improoving i feel logical and calm about it and am getting back on track again a healthy diet is the answere any way i just wanted to answer icecream junkie's question about periods...my periods stopped nearly a year before my periods and did not return after this is to my low estrogen levels doctors are useless.... i was on the pill to regulate them and have just come off them my periods have still not returned but it seems to be a bit more active i would expect it is just due to the anorexia i dont know how old etc you are i am guessing possibly you are in your twenties but dont worry alot of women go through this who have not had their period it is normal for irregular periods it is a sign of your general health just wait till you get to a reasonable weight and give yourself a few months xxx stay strong ;D
Posted 1 year ago #
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