Tips to stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food
Guess what – it's another journal!
Home › Binge Eating Forum › Binge Eating Support – General Comments, Questions, and Posts › Guess what – it's another journal!
May 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm #91001
Okay so today had it’s ups and downs! Went out for a run this morning, and was almost back to my usual pace after hurting my leg, which felt great. Then at 10 to 9 I got a text asking me to work, as someone had called in sick. As I said, my job is very physical, so I had some breakfast and left. And I ended up staying late, because the hotel inspector is staying there tonight (dun dun dunnnn!), so ended up helping my boss on lots of different errands. Anyway, I didn’t get home until about half 2, and was starving! Usually this would be an excuse to eat loads, but instead I just had a cheese and salad wholemeal roll and some fruit. I also did my baking, and only indulged in licking the buttercream spoon clean – end of! But then my partner came round to my mum’s house for a BBQ, and we had a few drinks. I probably ate a little too much, but I think this is more ‘I musn’t eat too much fattening food after such a healthy day’ side coming out, than my binge side. Then had some cake for afters. But when my boyfriend went, I had another cupcake. I didn’t need it, didn’t really want it, but I did. And although it stopped there, and I should be pleased, it’s just that hint of binge behaviour that worries me. But I guess this little additional cupcake worrying me shows how much I’ve moved on! I think it’s just because the weather’s turned hot recently, so the ‘exercise to look toned for summer’ in me has subconsciously come out, and this may affect my eating. Anyway, onward, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings! Night all.May 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm #91002
kit that is FANTASTIC! see now, to have one cupcake, and for you of recognised that that ‘urge’ was there and for it to of just finished there… that is such an achievement! honestly i’m well jealous!
(also… isnt the weather actually BEAUTIFUL, i’m int he south east and its ridiculously gorgeous at the moment!)xxxMay 26, 2012 at 7:55 am #91003
Haha, just remember that you are capable of actions like this too – you just need to keep up that determination and say NO to the binge
And I’m in the South East too – it’s amazing! I love weather like this regarding food too as a) I don’t fancy eating as much and b)I fancy eating more fruit and salads, rather than in winter when you come home from work and just fancy a massive roast dinner or something!
Well tyesterday was fine, I went running and went to work, and have had no urges whatsoever! Although I’ve been in a bit of a funny mood as even though I should enjoy the holidays and time off Uni, in all honesty I’m a bit of a work-a-holic, so I hate thinking that currently, next week I only have 2/3 days of work – what am I going to do with myself the rest of the time! But perhaps some more work will crop up, and I guess I need to tie up some loose ends with my dissertation. But yeah, otherwise, nothing to report!May 27, 2012 at 2:49 am #91004
I’m so jealous of you both! Here we are coming in to winter and it has been absolutely freezing (well, by our standards that is) I’m not a fan of winter at all!
Kit you sound like you’re still doing brilliantly! I know what you mean though about being in a funny mood with your time off. I have found that I’ve done my best with overcoming BED when I’ve been in a comfortable routine, and when that routine is disrupted I have tended to fall off the bandwagon! Just try to enjoy your time off, come up with a list of things you’d like to get done (or do just for fun!) while you can, and try to think of the routine you’ll be in when uni goes back…it might keep you motivated!
Just on something else that you said – “although it stopped there, and I should be pleased, it’s just that hint of binge behaviour that worries me” – I understand that worry completely! Even when I feel like I am very close to eating intuitively and feeling relaxed, I am always on guard for that binging behaviour, because I know from experience it can sneak up when I least expect it. I think you did brilliantly though, just to be aware of it but not give in to it or give it any power.
Enjoy your holidays and that gorgeous weather!! SJMay 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm #91005
Aaw, your turn will come soon SJ, haha!
And yeah, that’s a good idea – I’m going to start list making tomorrow so that whenever I’m bored/in a binge mood I can select something to do
And thanks very much! Although I had a little binge last night. In a way I saw it coming…I got up at quarter to 6 that morning to help my partner with a bootsale, before going straight to work from the boot sale at half 8. I hadn’t got to sleep very early the night before, so was feeling pretty exhausted, and had only packed a salad and some fruit for lunch, as I’d been in a rush. So I had some of the complimentary biscuits which are put in the rooms (bad thing about working in a hotel, haha!). I knew that I had a meeting to go to immediately after work too, about a language teaching job over the summer. So I didn’t get home in the end until about 6, when I had a nice big roast dinner, and gin and tonic (best summer drink ever!) and some icecream with my family. Then I got a text from a friend who I hadn’t seen in ages, inviting me to the pub, so I went down there and had another drink, and the four of us there shared a big plate of nachos (despite the big dinner). The funny thing is is that they’d all had a big roast dinner too, and they were the ones who suggested getting the nachos! But anyway, I felt so full and bloated afterwards. In a way, this is a sign of long term improvement… previously I think I’d got so used to eating massive amounts that this kind of thing would rarely fill me up so much, but it did! I didn’t get home until late and still had to move my stuff from my mum’s to my dad’s house, and by this time I was shattered…and ended up bingeing. It wasn’t AS big as previous ones, but still, I felt pretty grim.
But today has gone well! I picked myself up this morning, and ran 5 miles (I normally do 4 in the mornings, but felt like challenging myself more), and have had a really good day food wise – I’ve kept myself busy and had no urges whatsoever! So I’m back feeling positive againMay 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm #91006
Okay today has been another good day, with no urges to even binge despite being home alone all morning! I think it’s because I ran this morning, and have kept myself busy with little tasks all morning. So other than that, nothing to report! Night all.May 31, 2012 at 7:25 am #91007
Great to hear Kit!! Sorry I have been a bit slack with posting, but just wanted to pop in and give a little cheer … so WOO HOO! Can’t wait to read your next post SJMay 31, 2012 at 8:14 am #91008
Haha, thanks SJ! And no problem, hope that you are getting on well!
Well yesterday was an interesting one; I went to the school I did my dissertation at in the morning just to tie up some lose ends, and got home at about 11. So I had a coffee, and realised there were those big bakery cookies in the cupboard, and some white chocolate ones – my all time favourite. At first I just broke a bit off and thought okay, this is fine. But then I thought, hang on, why can’t I have a whole one if I want one!? So I went for it, and that was it, I enjoyed it and had no urges whatsoever afterwards. I went to work in the afternoon, and while I was there was trying to deal with some trouble on ebay in which I sent two parcels to the wrong addresses (stupid – I know!). Basically, one of the women had clearly decided to keep the ‘wrong’ item upon receiving it, as she had left positive feedback adn said how pleased she was with her item! And the other woman clearly was not very happy. Anyway, going a bit off track here! So this was stressing me out, and I decided to skip my post-work swim to go straight home and sort it out. And then when I got home, I realised I had an email saying that my exam result was ready, but obviously I had to wait until the next morning to email asking for it (and am still waiting – tense!). After this, I realised I probably wouldn’t sleep much, so did some more work on my ebay, and ended up eating a rock cake (quite a big one). I felt a little guilty at the time as it was a kind of ‘I’m in a mood so I’m going to eat something sugary and tasty’ moment, but then again, it stopped right there, and I didn’t even have any more urges once I’d finished it!
Anyway, have been for a run this morning and am spending the day with my mum, which should be nice, before going out for a meal with my partner and some of our friends in the evening – either celebratory or consolation depending on my result, haha!May 31, 2012 at 4:11 pm #91009
Okay, so it’s kind of gone a little downhill today!
This morning went really well, and I was so so so pleased with my exam result, was in such a good mood! I was helping my mum with her accounts and things, and then we went into town and had a Nando’s for lunch. I was just going to have a salad because I’m going out later for a meal, but then really fancied some chips, so thought screw it, I’ll treat myself for my good result, and got chicken and chips. Then when I got home, the all or nothing attitude developed…over the course of about 2 and a half hours I had a small cookie, a bakery cookie, some yoghurt and lemon curd, a cup of cereal and a packet of crisps. Needless to say I don’t really fancy going out for a meal in just under two hours anymore! I’m kind of disappointed that on such a good day I went a bit overboard, and that I won’t enjoy my meal as much. But I just felt so full after the Nandos, that I thought I’m not really going to enjoy my evening meal out anyway, so screw it! So the past two days haven’t been particularly healthy at all, but back on track tomorrow, for sure! Also I’m staying round my partners tonight, so I’m a bit disappointed that I’ll miss my run tomorrow morning – perhaps I’ll go just before lunch instead and just shower twice…we’ll see what happens!June 1, 2012 at 2:21 am #91010
Hey Kit,CONGRATULATIONS on the exam mark! It sounds like you really earned it
Also a big congratulations on not one but two moments of completely natural,relaxed eating!You are really notching up countless wins which is fantastic.I know the all or nothing attitude snuck up on you after that but it sounds like these moments are becoming less and less frequent and severe for you.
I know what you mean though about feeling like you ruined your dinner.I gave often made dinner plans with friends and family and have been really looking forward to them until I’ve overeaten during the day and the all or nothing mentality has kicked in.You end up sitting there feeling like you dont really deserve a nice or indulgent meal after stuffing your face all day.Personally I dont even enjoy the company as much because im so stuck in my own head and feeling guilty and ashamed.This is a horrible way to be though so I’ve really been trying to just let it all go and enjoy a meal with friends,even if I’ve been struggling with overeating or binging in the day/s before.
I have a question for you about running/your partner!His does he feel about your dedication to running??I only ask because since I’ve been in Prac I’ve started running early in the mornings (I used to go later in the morning or afternoons,just because I could so it didn’t really affect my partner).But the other morning id planned to get up early for a run he asked me to stay in bed instead.I was going to say no but he seemed so sad that I couldn’t eve miss one run to have some time with him ( we hadn’t seen much of each other in the days before).It actually worried me that I wanted to go for a run,in the dark & cold,rather than stay in my warm bed with him.It made me take a step back and wonder whether I am a bit obsessed with running/exercise in general and so I stayed in bed with him,but it actually was hard for me to make that decision!!So I was just wondering if you had the same problem ir similar feelings??Sorry its a bit personal!
Anyway,keep on going brilliantly,and I should get a chance to update my own journal today or tomorrow so I can share more of my journey with you SJ x
oJune 1, 2012 at 4:13 pm #91011
Hey there SJ – thanks! And yeah I know what you mean, you just feel bloated and big all of the time, and I always feel like I’m covering up this big secret, so can’t really get into the conversation or relax as much! In the end I ate three courses (we all did) – bit disappointed as none of it was that great other than the dessert, but everybody else was really enjoying it so I didn’t want to dampen the mood by leaving a lot or saying it wasn’t that nice, so I ate it anyway! It wasn’t horrible, just a big bland… But anyway, I’m back on track today despite having a pretty horrible eBay experience! But it’s sorted now.
And that’s not a problem! I’m in a bit of a different situation, as me and my partner still stay at our parents most nights. But whenever I do stay round his, I don’t go for a run in the morning and we lay in together, and I just go a little later on in the day, or on a day that I wouldn’t usually run anyway. But then again, this is just because we don’t often spend the night together, so it’s nice to make the most of it when we do! I see what you mean – it is a tough one. So I think it depends on your situation – if you’re living together then I think by all means continue with your running, but skip it a few times, or at least once, a week to spend some time together. But then if you don’t stay together particularly frequently then perhaps enjoy that time when you get the opportunity. Sorry, I can’t remember whether you’ve actually moved in together yet or not – I know that it was being planned! But yes, my favourite time to run is straight away in the morning, so I know that I would find it hard to cut down. But remember, there’s always time for you to spend time together elsewhere and at other times, it’s just about finding the right balance, and being able to say ‘Okay, I will skip this planned run this once’ every now and again Hope that helps!June 1, 2012 at 10:24 pm #91012
Okay so I binged again tonight! I don’t even know why, but I guess it’s always harder the day after a binge. This morning I just felt as though my face was so bloated (although I think this was probably mainly a psychological thing). Normally I get back on track by running in the morning, but I didn’t because I was round my partners. Then I had that horrible eBay experience (I know it sounds pathetic, but I’m quite sensitive when people get very personal, and just worry about it constantly all day). But I was feeling okay in the afternoon/evening, and my partner came round my dad’s and we had a nice time. After dinner I had half a rock cake (which I was pleased with) and then had a biscuit with a cup of tea. And then as soon as my partner left, I just binged. No idea why! I think yesterday I indulged in food, for example at both of the meals, in a way that felt right because it was a treat for my exam result, so it was ‘allowed’ to be a bit of a pig. So I think I kind of continued that today, and have now refreshed my memory that it’s only fun to occassionally go out and have a big meal WITH friends, and not fun to pig out on your own, in the kitchen, trying to be really quiet so that noone whose asleep hears you going through the food. Lesson well and truly learnt! I think also it was partially because I know I’m not running tomorrow as I’m going to an auction viewing with my partner early, and I need to catch up on some sleep. And also, as it’s a Saturday, me and my partner usually treat ourselves to nicer things to eat, and like making a nice lunch together, and having some sweets and things. So I kind of felt like today was sandwiched into two ‘bad’ days foodwise, so may as well make it three bad ones in a row!
But I need to get out of the frame of mind that having a slightly larger lunch and some sweets and crisps throughout the day isn’t a ‘bad’ day. After binges I seem to think that any day that isn’t super healthy is a binge, and I think I need to change this. Also, I feel body image creeping back up to haunt me again. I’ve said before that I’m very small anyway, but worry about cellulite on my legs. I think because summer is upon us, I’m worrying about it more as it’s time for skirts and dresses. But I don’t know why I care – who cares if my legs aren’t perfectly smooth! When I think about it it seems so ridiculous to worry… it’s not as though it affects my health, it’s purely body-image related. So from tomorrow I’m not going to worry about it, and I’m going to learn to love my body as it is and become comfortable with my body. I usually shy away from my body by getting changed quickly away from any mirrors… but I’m going to relax a bit more about and stop being so silly.
Anyway, not quite sure where all of that came from, but there you go! Here’s to a perfectly normal, happy, balanced day tomorrow.June 1, 2012 at 11:03 pm #91013
Hi Kit. I admire your dedication to having a positive self image! I am often times get so wrapped up in my weight loss goals, I forget why I am trying to be healthy in the first place!
Any tips on accepting your body for what it is? Easier said than done, I know I know. I think I might be willing to try being positive… Plus, I’ve read people are more likely to meet their fitness goals if they have a positive self image! Hope you have a perfectly normal, happy, and balanced day tomorrow as well!
-AliceJune 2, 2012 at 11:27 am #91014
It seems we have both fallen in a bit of a heap, after our winning streak Well, I have anyway! In your case it sounds like you’re bouncing right back, which is great!
The ebay thing doesn’t sound pathetic at all. In fact, I had a very similar experience at my old work, and I felt sick over it for weeks. I’m not as bad as I used to be but I really take things to heart and I hate the thought of somebody being displeased with me or not liking me! Just remember that this lady has no idea who you are as a person, she’s just mad about a mistake you made but she’ll get over it. Besides, we’re all human, we make honest mistakes! It’s not like you hurt anyone! So try not to let it get to you xx
With the body image, I know exactly what you mean. When I really look at myself, I honestly don’t think I’m fat or ugly, and I can find quite a few features of myself that I genuinely like. But it’s those ones that I don’t like (flat butt flat butt! Cellulite on thighs!! Weird nose!! … getting paranoid now lol) that I feel most aware of and am sure that people are noticing! It’s funny though, I look at other girls and women with cellulite or extra weight and I think “Oh they should never worry about their bodies, they look absolutely gorgeous!” And I am betting that other people don’t notice your cellulite Kit, and if they do, they go “Oh yeah, cellulite. I’ve got that (because 99% of women do). Man Kit’s funny/lovely/pretty …. ” It sounds like I’m sucking up there but it’s true.
Anyway. I am sure you will bounce right back and have a fantastic day tomorrow, a start to yet another winning streak. I am hoping I join you too! SJ xoJune 2, 2012 at 10:07 pm #91015
Hi Alice – thanks! And yeah definitely. I’ve also found that when you feel you’ve achieved the ‘healthy’ thing, sights tend to move back to self-image, which is where things can all go wrong again! To try and keep a positive self-image, I try and do lots of silly little things. I like to treat myself to special body scrubs and creams and things, so that I pamper myself a little in the shower and come out feeling like I’m sparkling and my skin is glowing! Also, this one might make me sound a little bit mad, but I do things like put my make-up on before I’ve got fully dressed after my shower in the morning. Because I realised once that I kind of hid my body from me seeing it, for example getting changed really quickly, and not in front of mirrors. But when I’m just rambling around my room getting ready in just some underwear or something, I felt I’ve become more comfortable with my body, and more used to the sight of it… if that makes sense? It’s no longer something which is alien and unwanted by me. Also I love to exercise in the morning, because it really sets me up for a good day, and reminds me of how amazing my body is in the things that it can achieve physically. When I come home all sweaty from a run in the fresh morning air, my body always looks so much better to me, and this gives me a boost throughout the day. But yes, I think it’s just learning to be comfortable with, rather than shying away from or battling your body. I hope this helps!
And thanks so much SJ, that’s made me feel loads better. Sounds like you’re just like me – take everything to heart!
And it’s so true about body image – who notices these things other than ourselves hey? And who cares if they notice them! If someone is going to be affected by the fact that someone might have a little cellulite, or a flat butt, then I guess they’re not really worth caring about hey! Body image is so overrated, haha!
But that aside, I binged again this evening – third day running, can you believe it!? This is the first time I’ve binged on more than one consecutive days for I can’t remember how long – strange. But the thing is, I don’t feel that depressed about it. I think it’s because I’ve proved to myself that I CAN do this and beat the binge now, so although I know this is a slump, I know that I can get back on track again! I think as I explained, me and my partner didn’t have a particularly healthy day today, so when I got home I kind of thought ‘right then, I’ll treat myself just this once, and say goodbye to binge before I get back on track’. I think mine’s partially got worse at the moment as I’m in a bit of an uncertain space right now. As in I’m the kind of person who just loves to be busy, and loves to work a lot. But after finishing Uni the amount of overtime I can get at work is unpredictable, so I don’t know whether I’m going to have anything to do from one week to the next. And I miss Uni, as sad as it sounds, I love the challenge of academic work, and have always loved education! But I think that recognising these things is allowing me to move on from them.
So I’m setting myself a new target. I’m unsure of when results day is, but I’m going to remain binge free until my results day! It might seem a random date to remain binge free until, but it has a huge amount of significance to me.
Okay, I’d better get to bed because I’m working in the morning, and marking the first day in another long streak of binge free days. Night everyone – hope you’re all well!
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Forum Posts
- hisham109 on Get my Free Ebook on Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder at Amazon right now!
- Zaina on A place where everybody understand the suffering
- Zaina on And I'm back…
- MrLonely on Venting
- sciencfreak on Venting
- MrLonely on having control over my mind
- mand9 on having control over my mind
- mand9 on having control over my mind
- mand9 on having control over my mind
- mand9 on having control over my mind