I have a long and unhealthy relationship with food. I have restricted, binged, purged, and most recently binged without purging.
I feel helpless, frustrated, and disgusting after I binge. I get home from work around 4:00 and go straight to the kitchen. I am embaressed to admit that I sometimes binge on my roommate’s food – a couple of time I’ve had to make a trip to the grocery store before she got home to replace the food I’ve eaten of hers. I get nervous that she notices and feel uncomfortable around her as a result of this.
I have always been a member of the “clean plate club” but always played sports so it never caught up with me. Now that exercise must be self-motivated, I see it as a chore and as a method only of burning calories. I allow my eating habits to dictate how I feel about myself, how I respond and relate to others, and how/if I choose to socialize. If I have binged, I don’t want to do anything or see anybody. This creates a vicious cycle of loneliness that feels like self-sabotage.
I don’t know how to get out of this rutt. I don’t know how to stop thinking about food. I want a healthy self-image, a healthy diet, and a healthy relationship with food. I want to nourish my body rather than ravage it.
My parents are and have always been thin, active, healthy eaters. I often feel like a failure – when I am with them, I am wondering if they think I need to lose weight. I have been single for several years now and I often wonder if I would have a boyfriend if I were 10 pounds lighter. I hate this….
Hey, welcome to the forum. I can relate to your post because I also used to steal my roommates food in college to binge…and I was very much caught in the cycle of isolating myself after a binge, then bingeing out of loneliness/boredom. The thing that a lot of us on here have discovered is the best way to keep the binges away and stop thinking about food 24/7 is to stop dieting and trying to have a “perfect” diet. Allowing yourself to have anything you want in moderation and taking away all the rules, diets, calorie counting, and forbidden foods REALLY helps take away the need to binge. You will get out of this and you have come to the right place to get lots of support and advice. Keep posting and you’ll find yourself on a road to recovery! Hugs, Lauren
I am a new member to this forum as well. I think you are in the right place – I know it is for me, and thats after only 3 days. I suffer from BED and I want to learn to live with it and be healthy. I also want to lose weight, but the more I obsess about it, the more I eat, so I’ve stopped my diet.
As far as losing 10 lbs to find a boyfriend, you can pitch that idea out the window. You need to be happy with yourself in order for someone else to be happy with you. Confidence will get you what you want, not diets. A man is attracted to a women who knows what she wants and loves herself first. I was the girl who always looked for love in the wrong places because I felt that if someone else loved me, then I could love me too. I was so wrong! lol