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effete journal

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Started 9 months ago by effete
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effete
Member

I do not realy know how to write a journal, but since I just can not stop bingeing I thought maybe with journal it would be esier.almost every day I eat about 5000kcl and I can not do it anymore;(( so from tomorow I will try eating 1900kcl. Hope I could do it.

Posted 9 months ago #
amanda918
Member

effete, to better stick to your goals, I would suggest going out and doing things. Book your schedule for the next week so you have plenty of time to eat, but not enough to sit around and contemplate a binge. Also, give yourself a reward like going and buying yourself a pair of shoes, or getting a massage if you go the week without binging. But don't stop there. Keep setting goals and you will be successful.

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

thank you amanda. I realy think it is a good idea to book my chedule I am doing it riht now and I really hope that it might help;|

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

I am sick person. I am a freak. I can't believe that I binged again. Today had to be a first good day. why did I do that again..I just hate myself... I feel like I am in jail I am sooo stuck. I just can't believe that I am so pathetic.

Posted 9 months ago #
stay at home mom
Member

Hi dear: you are not a freak but I know you feel like one. Did your binge happen afterschool or night?
It is very common for teenagers to lose control at these times, as you are left alone with your own negative thoughts and pressures to do homework, worries about whether people like you and if you can ever find a good boyfriend,...etc. All I can say is that everything changes with time...our looks, our friends, our attitudes, our capabilities.

Please do not expect to go from major bingeing to eating normalish healthy eating instantly. You might still have smaller binges or less frequent ones. If you need some help in designing an eating plan, please say so. You will get different recommendations, even contradicting ones, but you can try them out to see what will help you best in minimizing the binges.
Helen

Posted 9 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hi effete! Dont give up hope you are not pathetic, we have all had this problem. Maybe it would help to talk about your binge a little bit. What lead you to it. What are some of the stresses in your life. A really good book i read for eating disorders is called life without ed. It may helpt o do a little reading on eating disorders. After you binge are you allowing yourself to have your next meal or restricting? Is it a full out binge or just overeating? Are you allowing yourself to have some junk food with your eating plan. It may help you to plan out your meal every three hours and tr to fill that 3 hours with something. If you really feel a binge coming on it may help to journal.
Keep on Keeping on!
Liz

Posted 9 months ago #
Anna
Member

I think you love to hate yourself and assure yourself that you're a loser - creating by this more stress and another reason why you can,even why you are forced to binge!

Effete, you have to calm dawn, dear... Try to close your eyes and think about the best holiday, best book, best joke, best happening of the day you had. Try to smile and forget stress for a few minutes at least. Have a light dinner if your stomach feels empty and go for a walk. Think of how great you are doing in achiving this very easy next step. All long journeys start with the first step....

Don't blame yourself and stop hating yourself. It won't lead anywhere. I know you're young and impatient, but you can do it.

Posted 9 months ago #
redgirl1
Member

hey its red girl im 16 and today was supposed to be my good day also wew have alot in common. i feel terrible but we both know we wjust have to get control of our selves and stop making excuses for our lack of control we need discipline i know its tough but its the truth discipline is our answer make the decision stick to it think of your dream body all the confidence you will have etc

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

I just realy do not believe that I can change anything> I am binge eating for a year and for the same time I am trying to stop doing that. the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I am not alone and that all you are going through the same I hope that tomorow will be new and better day

Posted 9 months ago #
stay at home mom
Member

Hi dear: this is the biggest mental trap we put on ourselves when we are suffering, and delays us from doing even some small thing to help us. If you feel you cannot change your thought "I cannot change anything", then please see a doctor if possible...you might have depression or anxiety, and will need some help to treat this while tackling the eating disorder. We are here for you when you are ready to make even a small step.
Helen

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

o no. I can not see a doctor. I live in a very weird family. And I will just try to change everything with all your help. I tried to tell my friend about my binge eating once and it did not turn out well so I think I will just leave it to myself.

Posted 9 months ago #
stay at home mom
Member

Effete: although you are hoping to get to about 1900 cal/day from 5000/day, try to be satisfied even if you manage 3000 cal/day for the next while. This means you do not get mad at yourself and give-up just because you've passed 1900 and you haven't had supper yet.

Also think about what to do in case you reach for your usual binging food, whether it's potato salad, meat, brownies, icecream or whatever...try to allow yourself 2 or 3 helpings/servings and then STOP. Wait 15 minutes and check if you are now full. If you are full, then do your best to not eat any food for at least another 3 hours. If you need something to suck on, then low calorie stuff like tea, water, diet soda, mints...etc, can help you for the next 3 hours. Tell your brain you can eat again in a little while.

Posted 9 months ago #
kate
Member

Hey effete.Don't give up.
Its tough when youre first starting out, and sometimes it feels impossible.But you can do it.
I confronted my eating problem last year, all on my own.. with NO help from anyone.. and I decided to work through my problems despite the fact that I thought I was completly alone.And I tell you what it was so hard but Im so glad I did it.
Now I can control my binges and I understand them and why they happen.. I didnt come across this site until a major event in my life caused me to relapse.
So I know how your feeling about the whole 'I can't tell them they don't understand' suituation.Only one of my parents knows.
If you dont feel comfortable telling your parents about your eating issues thats fine.. but I would suggest you DO talk to someone.
If you haven't got a friend, call kids helpline.I did, even though I thought they wouldn't take me seriously.. but they are fantastic.. and they really helped me find ways to approach my problem.
If you call they put you onto a counsellor straight away, just to talk about whatever you like.. and its anonymous and they will listen and give you advice.simple.Also if you call the next time, you can ask to see the same counsellour!Its great and theres no awkward face-to-face confrontation.. so maybe you might find that a little bit easier.
Also, with your eating habits.. you may find that by avioding telling ppl and being secretive your making yourself very isolated and you are giving yourself another reason to binge.
Its difficult, I know.. when you dont feel like everybody else around you.
But you need to realise that there are plenty of people with eating disorder and you'd be surpised how many ppl actually feel the same way as you about there lives.
And you wont change overnight.It will take many failures before you can safely say your strong enough to get through them.
I think even though you binged on your 'good day' you at least made an effort to have a good day.I know you probably feel guilty that it didnt work out but its the perfect oppurtunity to figure out where you went wrong (and dont just say I binged!) why did you binge? Is that a bad time of the day for you? Are you in a habit of bingenig at certain times? What can you do tommorow that is different and stops you from being able to binge at that time?
Maybe you should write down everything you eat during the day(even if you binge) and how you feel.The idea is to figure out what your doing wrong and do something about it.
Even if you have to write down what you eat before you eat it.And question every meal.. its worth it.Because its leading you to a happier future.
Maybe if your going to school you could set up breakfast, pack your lunch and organise to go out in the afternoon before tea to stop snacking and take something that you planned to eat.Also dont set impossible goals.. like when planning meals for instance you choose 'fruit for breakfast, and salad sandwhich and fruit for lunch, snacks are salad and fruit..etc.' its boring and it makes it unpleasent to get better!
Try something you know you can maintain. Like two pieces of vegemite toast and a piece of fruit for breakfast. and a tuna salad sandwhich with crisps.
I bet you dont really know what portions are right for you either.I know I didnt.
Read some health journals and make an effort to learn all you can a bout healthy eating and your eating problem and dont be afraid to look anywhere you think might help (diet magazines generally have alot of healthy and yummy recipes!!).
You can do this effete.
Just keep posting and keep trying.
You are on your way to success.

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

Ok, starting a new day. I just had breakfast and I realy wanted cookie. I decided to eat oatmeal instead of cookie. So I ate oat meal and I drank some juice how ever later I ate 3 cookies SO now I ate 700kcl. Well I hope I wount binge. I know I ate a lot for breakfast but I feel realy well It was tasty. lol

Posted 9 months ago #
stay at home mom
Member

HI effete: 700 kcal in the morning is perfect whether you eat a big breakfast or split it into small breakie and morning tea. Then try the same for lunch, afternoon tea, and supper. If you can keep it around 700 kcal each time, then you are doing great for the first day!
Helen

Posted 9 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Effete! thats great! Even eating a semi big meal is better than bingeing. If you did that for every meal that would be perfect. As i said before when i first started out i let myself eat whatever i wanted no matter how big the meal until i felt satisfied, which was usally until i was past full. Gradually everyday it got better. So keep up the good work!! :)))

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

I feel amaizing. I ate 2100 kcl and I was working out. Since I did not binged I had very much energy so I decided to dance. I put on my favourite music and I was dancing for about an hour. I used to dance in past and for about a year I did not do that but now I feel amaizing. At first I ate 1600 kcl but then I baked a cake so I taste it but not a lot (and that is unbelievable) so I had just amaizing day. I hope I don't mess up tomorow...

Posted 9 months ago #
Hope777
Member

YAY EFFETE! congrats! I think if you just keep doing what you are on the right track!

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

Today I had a very good day. I did not binge ( wich makes a good day for me). Also after not seeing my boyfriend for a long time I finaly saw him and spend an amaizing time. The only down side is that I was not working out today so it kinda upsets me how ever I ate 2200 kcl and although it is not a small amount I feel great:)~

Posted 9 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Thats amazing that didnt binge again today! Dont beat yourself up over not working out, small steps are great or you could go for a nice slow walk. keep up the good work!

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

Hi everybody. So I am back( lol) So I had a horible weekend. I was binge eating on saturday and sunday, also I broke up with my boyfriend on his birthday and I did not talk to him sinc then. Mondey was not very good but not very bad also. I ate a lot kcal but I did not binge ( I ate 1600 kcal but then I got drunk with my frinds and after when I calculate all kcal from alkochol I noticed that I resumed 2900kcal total). And today I had a really good day my summer holiday started, I ate 2200 kcal and I was dancing a lot so now I am feeling really well.

Posted 9 months ago #
amanda918
Member

effete, boyfriendsssss!! can be so stressful right?? However I hope you do see that one of the reasons you could have binged could have been the boyfriend... Anyway it's so fantastic that you avoided binging after drinking with friends which can often be very difficult. It's also good that you're on the right path again now and not beating urself up from the weekend. Keep up the good work, and try to find other ways to cope with boyfriend stress, because that will always be there.

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

June 18 and my weight is 75kg (165lbs) and I had never in my life weight so much. I feel like a cow. I would be realy happy if I lost 20kg(44lbs) and I hope that with help of this forum (since no one else knows about my binge eating)someday I will reach that. How ever yesterday me and my ex 'oficialy' broke up and then....
...I ate the bigest abount of food in my life:( Amanda, I think you are right about boyfriends.
So now it is 7:45am in Lithuania and I am hoping to forget yesterday and to have a nice day today. Good luck for me lol

Posted 9 months ago #
Hope777
Member

hi effete, i know your weight is depressing to you but remember little steps. Just keep eating enough calories and tracking when you get cravings to binge. I promise things will get better over time. That is what i have been doing and i have never felt better in my life. I have still had some slip ups but the differnece is i forgive myself and keep doing what i know is righ the next moment, weather that is eating my next meal or distracting myself or writting my my journal. It always really helps me to come here. WHen i am really having abinge day i look at all the tips from "tips that work" and follow them. Best of luck girl.

Posted 9 months ago #
effete
Member

I am feeling so down right now. I binged today and I don't even know why. everything was realy fine and when I came back home in the evening I just start eating although I was not even hungry. I just found out that after a week I am going to bulgaria and I just don't know what to do because in this year I gained 10 kg and I realy don't want to show my body;(((

Posted 9 months ago #
redgirl1
Member

hey babe keep posting i really like hearing from you i have not been doing great but i ahve to get out of this keep smiling ;lol;

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

June 26 9pm
why can't I stop? I remember about a year ago I used to binge how ever on other days I was able to eat realy smal amounts of food. But now I just don't know how to manage myself. I am stil bingeing (today I ate about 10 000kcal) but on my 'normal days' I can only manage my self to eat 2200kcal and not less. I am so desperate and I don't know what is going on with my weight. Today in the morning (after eating 2200kcal for 2 days) I weighted 70kg/154lbs and know after bingeing I weight 75kg/165lbs I realy what to lose weight this summer and now I don't know if I coul do it;(

Posted 8 months ago #
Ash
Member

I am in the same boat sister. I am not really fat (based on charts for height and age) but I use to be much smaller when I was always dieting and restricting. Now that I have moved away and more things have happened in my life, I have gained some weight over the year. I guess for me I feel pressure because my friends and family may notice when I visit even if they don't say anything. I also see beautiful girls on tv and I think why can't I just look like that. It is so hard when things don't fit that once did even a few months ago. It is especially hard with it being summer and not being able to wear bulky things to cover up. I am feeling you and I don;t know what I am going to do but keep trying I guess. I cannot and will not give up. KNowing I have you and others here going through the same thing comforts me and I want you to know we are all in this for the same purpose. Try small steps. My motto: small steps lead to big progress. I am currently working on just not bingeing. I have been binge free for the past week but I am still overeating. This will be my next goal. Take some time to think about what you feel comfortable doing and give it a try. I'll be here if you need me.

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

thank you, Ash it is so good to know that you know how I feel. I think I would feel better if my boyfriend had not left me because of a very hot girl, how ever it should not effect me:) also I am going on vacation after a few days and I realy realy don't what to go. I would rather just sit at home alone like I do every day when I am lying to my friends that my parents are not letting me go anywhere just because I am embarased.
Well lets just hope that tomorow will be a new better day

Posted 8 months ago #
stay at home mom
Member

Hi dear: for the next while, thinking that your ex left you for a hot girl, might be a major trigger for binges. The reality is that guys leave one hot girl and go to another hot one quite often (for example, look at celebs). If your relationship with the ex was not meant to last, it would have broken up for any number of other reasons like too much arguments, not being compatible...etc...and perhaps nothing to do with anyone's looks. Do your best to take care,
Helen

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

11:49 am
I just binged;( I am at my grandma's house and it is good food everywhere. My granda is maiking food all day long and she just made pancakes. I ate 3500 kcl from them and I realy whant more food. I don't know what to do. I am going to be here a few more days and I already know that I am going to binge on those days. I just whant to cry;(

Posted 8 months ago #
Ash
Member

Ok well, let's see: why are you bingeing on them in the first place. Are you upset about something or unhappy about being there? Do you enjoy the taste of the pancakes and you can't say no? Then, are there things or people you could visit for a good chunk of time so you are out of the house and away from the food? (Go for a walk, see a movie, visit a favorite store). Let us know how things are going.

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

I dont know. I just realy can not resit that food. She is just making and making it (sounds funny lol) with no stop. and she lives in a very small town. I have no friends here and there is nothing to do. I thought I would just go for a walk and than it started to rain so now I have to sit at home and look at the food:( I gues I will never be thin

Posted 8 months ago #
Ash
Member

First of all this will not be easy, but you can do it. Are you bingeing when people are around or in another room? What if you ate every couple hours instead of bingeing all at once. Sometimes tricking your mind and stomach can work: if you eat more often your stomach thinks it's not starving or on overload plus your mind will think wow I am eating again after four hours. Now I know they are the dreaded delicious foods you are talking about, but try to stop bingeing and work on eating less more often. I do this and I sometimes overeat because the food is good, but it is better than bingeing. Don't beat yourself up over this or feel guilty. You have no need to. Just keep going girl.

Posted 8 months ago #
redgirl1
Member

i am determined to do this ihad a healthy dinner today but i ate a cookie after dinner as i could not resist this nearly triggered a binge but i controlled myself and only ate a waffle then stopped i am going to listen to music and jog now....still feel fat and bloated but know i will feel good in a few days if i keep this up.....just stop and dont think about the binging just focus completely on exercise etc and only eat the meals you are given by your mum effette it is working for me......you had a boyfriend who sounds like he goes for pretty girls..but he was with you so you are pretty.....just focus on his face when he sees the new healthy you ...it would be great! this is your motivation! ;p

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

thank you girls for writing me back:) I am trying to take your tips and use them but I just don't know why I am absolutely out of control. Well maybe tomorow will be a better day because today was horible.

Posted 8 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hi Effete! I always tend to want to binge when i am around family and i dont know why this is! I try to stick to eating every three hours and eat something you really want, in the end doing this will be better than a binge. If you are really bored and cant find anything to do read a really good book/ watch your fav tv shows online, just try to distract yourself. Best luck keep us updated

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

June 29
I ate 2600kcal today. It was not good but it is beter than bingeing on 11 000 kcal. Anyways I hope tomorow I will eat less.Also I was not working out, which is kinda sad, but well...

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

I was bingeing for 5 days in a row. I binged today as well. Tomorow I am going on wacation and the only thing I can think of it is how fat I am.I feel like a pig and I realy don't want to go anywhere:(( I realy want summer to end faster

Posted 8 months ago #
redgirl1
Member

listen i binge three days in arow now you wont get over this unless you cahnge your attitude dont feel like ok tomorrow i start again no instead think tomorrow i continue doing what i was doing 6 days ago when i was not binging i have just had a delay in my journey for example on a long journey everyone stops for a break a rest etc but they dont say oh no i have stopped now i have to go back and start my journey again no you ahve come this far just keep going think of where you are going and maybe you are still at the point you were 6 days ago and have not moved

Posted 8 months ago #
effete
Member

So... I was on vacation and than just after that I was at summer camp. I had the most amaizing time and there was a few days whan I was eating alot how ever there wasn't a day that had binged. All time I was working out a lot and it was two great weeks. How ever today I was home alone and I binged. I feel exremely bad because I thougt I got over it, but no. I am realy sad, but since now one realy cares I gues I am just going to be sad till tomorow and than start a new day. So that is all my news and goodbye:)

Posted 7 months ago #
Hope777
Member

Hey Effete, I just back from vacation as well and just the change of pace kind of bummed me out and made me want to eat a little more. I am more used to being down about things since i journal about it now and realize that these down times will pass.Have you tried journaling how you feel and brain storming things you can do? Sometimes i feel ijust need to cry, so thats what i do ( i listen to sad music and cry and it makes me feel better). Overall you did well not binging for two weeks and seem to be making progress! Just continue normal eating and i am sure that you binges will become less and less.

Posted 7 months ago #
effete
Member

hi everyone. So I am still binge ating, I am still feeling ugly, fat, blowded (I think I just made up that word). I am going to see a therapist next week, but I don't know if I should. In my country people don't think that this is an eating disorder, and I am afraid that she will just tell me to eat less and just say that I am making up problems. I fell stuck;( (I don't know if you will understand what I just wrote but please try to)

Posted 7 months ago #
Zai
Member

Hello Effeete!!

I have type 1 diabetes and right now weight 158 pounds. That was last week when i was trying to eat and excersice correctly, so right now i should weight more : ( but i dont want to get in that scale. These week has been horrible to me because i have been studing all day long, sitting all day long and my blood sugars are totally crazy. It seems imposible to bring them down...
but anyway i have noticed that the higher they are the more tired i feel, anxious and craving everything. I want to loose 30 pounds and sometimes it feels imposible. All that weight i gained it since i was diagnosed.

I understand what you say that people dont understand you. ONe time i talked to one of my friends about it and he said :" aren't you disgusted with yourself for doing that? Besides you are a diabetic, you can't do that. Just stop eating and thats it."

Well i hope i was like them.....but well they dont understand, is like being a smoker, alcoholic or a drug user.

Now im trying to be less anxious and control my blood sugars and calm down...
I did went to a therapist one time and the only thing that i took out of it was that she told me " Everyday when you have a craving just think -Just for today, im not going to give in, just for today-

But you know, works like wonders in the morning then in the afternoon;........... i go back to my bad habits..!!
Hope this helps, and remember you are not alone.

Posted 7 months ago #
effete
Member

thank you zai! It helps me to feel better when I know that I am not alone. I did not go to therapist because I was afraid:( my blood shugar is always high I binge almost every day( I did it today) and I have to go to school after 11 days. I feel fat and ugly but I still can't stop eating:( I realy realy try but it isso hard..:(

Posted 6 months ago #
icecreamjunkie
Member

hey Zai and Effete,
i think the reason so many of us have these reoccurring binges is because we all so badly want to lose the extra weight we have gained, and we want to stop binging.
but in our efforts to lose weight, we are getting down on ourselves and our bodies and these feelings send us into binge mode which makes it even harder to get out of the binging cycle.
so what i have been trying to do is deal with the binging first. try not to concern yourself about your weight. im trying to let myself have the things i like. i have a few things i really like to eat...and why it may be excessive, i eat one each of the things i like, while i should probably pick one to have each day rather than having one of each, i know that if i let myself have one of each everyday it has significantly reduced my cravings, so if i can control the binges then later on i can work on cutting out more of the snacks. but for now im going to concentrate on making healthy food choices most of the time and not get so hard on myself for having a few of the snacks i enjoy to eat.

Posted 6 months ago #
effete
Member

hey everybody:) So I haven't binged for 5 days and I was going to gym and I have lost some veight and everything was looking great how ever todfay I binged:( I don't know why I just did it. I ate 5000 kcal and I feel fat and blowded again:(

Posted 5 months ago #
effete
Member

6000

Posted 5 months ago #
effete
Member

Hello. long time no see:DDD So 5 moths have passed and the only change in my life is that i gained more weight. I am still bingein very often, I still have no boyfriend and I still hate my life. Since summer is only 3 months away I know that I need to lose some weight so maybe this forum will hlp me. Anyways... Tomorow is a new day:)

Posted 2 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey girl..welcome back...keep posting. ~lauren

Posted 2 weeks ago #

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