eemslo's journal

[eemsloParticipant]

It’s time for me to begin my own journal here. I’ve been posting for about a month and half mostly responding to other post and their needs.

So, alittle about myself. I am 69 years old and have had the ED’s since high school. I am very athletic so exercise is my passion and I have always considered it a joy. In my younger days I could eat and compensate by hours in the gym. Now my body won’t let me keep up that pace so I’m faced with weight issues. That same 10 pounds that I have lost over and over again for 50 years. Right now I’m picturing a ball and chain attached to this 10 pd glop of addipose. At times I was able to free myself but it invariabley found its way back. So my history has been…dieting, exercising, purging, laxatives, diuretics and the big Binge word. Fortunately, I had many successes over these years too.

So 45 days ago I committed to ridding myself of any forbidden foods and ditching the scales. My meals were planned for pure enjoyment. Very satisfying and therefore stopped the binging. The number one priority. It has been very successful but I feel myself slipping back into those old patterns. Not feeling comfortable with my weight gain, checking the size of my stomach in the mirror, all those little things are resurfacing.

47 years ago I gave a son up for adoption and I had the joy of meeting him for the first time this past summer in Belgium. In Aug. he will be coming back to the states for my grandson’s wedding and I want to go and meet the rest of the family looking and feeling beautiful. I know this is where I’m getting side stepped. So my plan is as follows:

1. incorporate more fruits and veg in my meal planning

2. read copy of Brain over binge

3. tell the animal brain where to get off!!

4. continue my pilates, eliptical trainer and swimming

5. look myself in the mirror as an observer and not a judge

6. realize I am enough just as I am.

I am not perfect and need the people on this forum.

Wishing everyone a loving and sane day.

[Beth123Participant]

inspiring story , how wonderful that you get to meet your son! how exciting for you, I want to thank you for your support and to let you know I am also here for you! we will beat this horrible thing and be happy and healthy wishing you well! X

[eemsloParticipant]

Okay..I’ve reading the “Brain over Binge” and have decided to call my animal part of the brain “PUCKER BUTT.” We are going to have some rip roaring conversations…

Went to the gym and worked on weights for upper body and core. Felt good. I decided to weight myself for a reality check and found that I have gained 5 pounds. So be it! Continue on McDuff!

[VesnaParticipant]

Hi eemslo, I was wandering if you had a journal, I’m so glad you started one. YOU were the first person I talked to on this forum and maybe you don’t know this but you’ve helped me so much with your wise advice!! you should listen to yourself and use the wonderful advice you give to the rest of us!! I know it’s not easy… we are so hard on ourselves, specially when we look in the mirror. Have you tried to focus on your nice features? maybe you have beautiful eyes, smile, hair? I try to do that and not go straight to the parts I don’t like so much about myself.

I think your plan looks great, and re-reading Brain over Binge is a great idea!

Please know there are many of us here for you, wishing you all the best!!

Take care,

Vesna

[eemsloParticipant]

Terrific day. Wonderful balanced dinner and some strawberry shortcake for later. Yumm.

Vesna and Beth, thanks for your posts. I feel the love coming back at me!

I will listen to my own advice.

I’m calling my animal brain “pucker butt” because it is literally the end of it.

[deedeeParticipant]

Hello eemslo,

How nice to read your journal and your story. No matter what you look like on the day of your grandson’s wedding I’m sure you will be appreciated for the person that you are. Looking forward to following on your journal.

Best of luck! Hugs x Deedee

[AimParticipant]

Great to read your story Eemslo. I know for a fact your family will think you look stunning regardless of your weight as long as you are loving yourself. You would have seen people with amazing figures but they don’t look beautiful because they’re not happy in themselves. 10, 15, 20 pounds (or wateva the number) overweight doesn’t stop a person being drop dead gorgeous as long as they love and accept themselves. So love yourself, while kicking pucker butt in the arse! You have helped me so much in a matter of days with your wonderful support so please extend that same love and support to your beautiful self. xx

PS: isn’t it bizarre how we can encourage each other and mean it from the bottom of our hearts yet we struggle to apply it to ourselves!

[tobebingefreeModerator]

PUCKER BUTT!! haha! love it eems! glad you have started your own journal – you give so much to others, it’s only time you got something back xxx mwa!

[eemsloParticipant]

What a great evening watching my fav “dancing with the stars.” Pucker Butt started quietly mumbling but now I have the tools to deal with it. I simple said “get out of my head and back where you belong”. That was the end of it.

Onto another beautiful day to share with a birthday gal. I drressed to be beautiful today, mind and spirit, so even when I first put on my pants and felt that familiar tightness, I told myself it was okay.

Wishing everyone a loving and sane day.

[NulthParticipant]

eemslo, thanks so much for sharing some of your history and starting a journal!

Pucker Butt – LOL !

And it’s fantastic that you and your son found one another again after all these years, brought a lump to my throat reading about it.

[tobebingefreeModerator]

how amazing would it be to live for 47 years and then find out that such a special person is your mom :’-) he will be so proud to show you off to everyone in august. have a great day, gorgeous lady xxx

[nannyglosParticipant]

Hi eemslo

Your wise words inspired me when I first joined the forum, and I love reading your posts. Now it is time for us to give something back to you. You are fabulous and love your plan. As someone else said we don’t have to be perfect, just be…

and you are showing your son that your are there for him.

Wishing you a sane and wonderful day too.

[eemsloParticipant]

Since reading some of the book “Brain over Binge, I as astonished over my thought process already. Pucker Butt decided to go with me on my birthday outing but found out IT got nothing but the cold shoulder. Lunch out, dinner out and then finished up with cake. All reasonable affairs, but PB kept butting in with thoughts of more cake, that’ll be your tomorrows share, lets have more to eat you know how good that feels!!!

So I acknowleged the pleas and just kept my sanity. NO BIG DEAL….I finally arrived home and found that I really wanted on my eliptical trainer for a half hour, not for purging, but for the shire enjoyment of movement.

Wishing everyone a loving and sane day.

[AimParticipant]

Happy Birthday to you!!! Well done on kicking PB to the curb – your body couldnt ask for a better birthday pressie. Birthdays can often be an easy time to justify a binge so be proud that you didn’t! xx

[Kit1616Participant]

Hi eemslo – I’m so glad that you’ve started a journal – you’ve got such a beautiful way with words and are always so inspiring, I know that it’s going to be a pleasure to follow it

Happy birthday! And congratulations on how well you sound like you’ve been doing. The news about your son is so exciting, and great to give you a deadline to be excited about!

I love what you say about the enjoyment of movement, it’s an amazing feeling when we realise that we like to exercise for enjoyment, rather than as a form of purging. For me, I always love my body after I’ve exercised, even if the night before I’m feeling disgusted with it. Exercise can really release us and help us to appreciate our body for what it can really do.

Looking forward to reading more posts, and keep that spirit strong, as always!

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