Bye bye BED – A Journal

[Smiley1980Participant]

Thanks for your support quester, you are right. Weighing myself is just not the right thing. I felt so skinny and happy all week. So I just go with it. I have a pair of slacks that just don`t fit comfortably. I rather try that one on from time to time I guess.

You know I want to recover! I want to do it for myself and I would love to inspire other people. I want to do it the same way I quit smokeing. Yes, I collapsed a lot, but eventually I made it.

Tomorrow will be a hard day going back to not bingein, I need to prepare myself. So if I feel like bingeing tomorrow I will ask myself:

Is that a good choice?

Did you ever regret a binge? AND Did you ever regret NOT to binge?

If somebody would ask me for advice if they should binge or not binge, what would I say?

[questerParticipant]

Right on! You can do it. Update with how it goes tomorrow. I agree, don’t worry about your weight right now. If you felt skinny and happy, then who cares what the number is anyway. I hope you have a good day tomorrow Smiley, and that your thesis is going OK.

[Smiley1980Participant]

Good Morning everyone,

I feel good today. Yesterday sucked and I gained even more weight (I had to check this morning how bad it is).

But I am back to counting. I will post my food here from now on. I would like to not focus on “healthy” eating for now, rather than not bingeing. So I am sure my plans aren`t great, but the focus is not to binge eat for 21 days. After that I can focus on rather eating somewhat healthy.

[tobebingefreeModerator]

hiya smiley i saw your post in the other thread about using the “easy way” strategy for stopping to binge, and i think its awesome! cool idea if you need to count for now then go for it, whatever helps you. but for me, it was the counting and analysing/obsessing that was a big part of the problem. i like your 21 day goal – and yes the #1 goal is no more binging. worry about all that other stuff later. good luck! xxx

[Smiley1980Participant]

Hey tobebingefree,

Good to see you on here. With counting I only mean the days. NO more calories! But I kinda feel I need to check on my weight from time to time. I am reading your journal right now and it helps me a lot!!!

Thanks for sharing your amazing journey. Thinking about having a nuts breakfast soon haha.

[tobebingefreeModerator]

oh whoops, i thought you meant calorie counting! cool i also started a daily count a few months ago and it helped a lot. i would hop on the forum every morning and give myself a pep talk for the day meat & nuts breakfast rocks! xxx

[Smiley1980Participant]

I kinda feel like I am getting extreme urges to binge the more “unhealthy” foods I eat. Especially in the beginning of stopping to binge. I am not sure if it is only my brain or if I really get urges to binge. It is just kinda crazy right now how hard it is to just stop all this.

I need to eat a little more balanced. I had PBJ in the morning, then a lunabar, then 2 avocado sandwiches, 3 bags 100cal snacks (they always get me!!!). And now I feel like all I ate is crap.

Outside a couple of kids are playing. They are really having a great time. The weather is great. A few weeks ago I would have went for a run now. That was the time when I lost all the weight. I know I should not worry about my weight that much, but I am wondering if my work pants still fit on Monday. I cant believe I almost gained all the weight I lost back. I dont want to be on a diet anymore, but I feel like all the stuff I want to eat is not good for me. Like the chips, ice cream, junk food. It makes me crave it even more. So I am contemplating if this whole “eat what you want” is not a little too early for me. Ever since I started it my binges got worse than ever before. Maybe I need to have a few limits (meaning more portion control opposing to forbid foods). I can easily eat a pint of ben & jerries without even noticing it.

[questerParticipant]

yeah I kind of get what you mean. I am not sure, but I think portion control sounds like it might be worth trying out, to see if it will work for you. I think there has to be some difference between eating whatever you feel like, but also trying to … hm … I don’t know really. Right now, sometimes I want to eat crap, but when I go to the supermarket and if I think about it I realise I don’t really want to eat crap, it is just the food I would before have turned to and something else would do just as well or better. e.g. I always used to buy these cookies so I could pick out all the chocolate, but today when I stood there I realised, a) I did not really fancy the cookies, b) I could eat a yogurt instead. How do you choose what you are going to eat at a meal? I think I kind of get what you mean though. I really like melting cheese in the microwave, with a tablespoon of baked beans or something. But I think there has to be a limit, because some days I am going beyond 50g of cheese. And I think, well, I am still within the normal range, but then if I am allowing myself to even do this after breakfast, when I have just eaten breakfast, it is perhaps going too far in letting myself eat what I feel like. I dunno if that is anything like how it is for you. Maybe, you could try to go through all the food you like in your head? To see what other options there are. Maybe for one snack option, you could try to choose a healthy option (a piece of fruit or something) and see how it goes. I dunno … I wonder if it is about just trying different foods, because I sometimes confuse what I ‘feel like’ with just what I’ve always eaten. I dunno if it is anything like that for you, but anyway I hope you are OK and keep going either way Smiley. I don’t think everything you want to eat can be bad, it might just be that the ‘bad’ things are first in your mind right now.

[Smiley1980Participant]

Quester yes you totally got what I was trying to say. I feel like I eat certain foods just to feel “normal”. Like chips. I know they are highly addictive to me, but I eat them anyways. I feel if I eat fruit I justfiy dieting. But is it really so bad to focus on healthy foods? I kinda think it is worth a shot to incorporate all foods into my diet, but slowly. I feel like I expected to much from me these last few days.

So maybe something like 3 meals, 2 pieces of fruit as a snack would be good.

[Smiley1980Participant]

So my pants barely fit. I really need to get rid of this weight and the bingeing. I need to eat healthier. The more I eat all those 100 cal and chips, ice cream etc. the more I binge. I feel there is a connection. I think I function better not having these kind of foods at home and just grabbing some ice cream on the go like once a week.

I will add some challenges for myself each week that I want to focus on. This week: no chips after dinner! Dinner is always the time that gets me. Eating chips during the day is fine.

Day 1:

B: 1 Bagel, PB, 1/2 Banana

S: 1 Power Crunch Protein Bar

L: Brown Rice, Shrimp and Lemon

S: Watermelon

1 Vanilla Protein Shake (these fill me up quite a bit and are pretty tasty)

[questerParticipant]

hey Smiley! Try not to worry about the pants too much. I know what you mean about that. I HATE clothes shopping and I am so worried I’ll not be able to fit my like … two pairs of trousers ha ha. I think grabbing ice cream instead of storing it in the house sounds like a good idea for now. I have been doing that with ‘snack’ items. I really eat anything if it is in my room. I even eat raw porridge oats. It’s just plain bizarre. I am finding foods that you have to cook, like pasta or rice, are working for me, and then for dinner I e.g. buy a single roll. I’m the same as you with dinner as well, I find I do OK all day and then at night I’m just like … oh well life sucks who cares anyway, haha. But anyway, we can do it, and your plan for day one seems pretty good – is the protein shake like a meal? Make sure you don’t flip to restriction though. I think if we hit a normal range and stick to that, then weight will stabilise anyway. BTW I am doing like you said, just focussing on the meals not the day, and it worked quite well today! Thanks. Have a great day Smiley. Even if your pants only barely fit, they still fit after all!! Anyway keep updating with how it is all going.

[Smiley1980Participant]

So i added a greek yogurt as dessert. I can really recommend chobani passion fruit.

The shake is a meal replacement shake i picked up at gnc. I dont want to use then a lot. Its more for on the go to avoid going to a fast food place. Like today i go straight from work to the movies. But besides that i prefer solid food.

[Smiley1980Participant]

Just got back from the movies. I had one of these starburst bars. I felt the urge to binge after i was finished. I wanted to really just stuff my face. But i kinda felt like it is only a few more hours and i made one binge free day so i did not eat. Feels good!

[questerParticipant]

hey GO YOU! on resisting the urge. It’s pretty great reading this post just as my day is beginning (it’s 10 AM here, not sure about where you are). Ok so you’ve inspired me and I shall try to match you, and you keep it up over there! So what day are you on now? What movie did you watch? I think the yogurt as dessert sounds really good as well. Ok anyway, I hope all goes well today Smiley, and as usual keep posting.

[Smiley1980Participant]

Hey there,

It is day 2 today! Looking forward to another bingefree day.

We watched dark shadows and i loved it. Johnny depp is just great.

I will post my meal plan tonight since i am not sure what i will have.

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